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Bethells lose ground
September 12, 2003 --
They not only have hair that resembles the lowest value colour ball, but they also seem to be scoring points in low quantities too. Yes, the Bethells both played this afternoon and sad to say the results didn't go quite according to plan.
Rob set the tone for his own downfall with the most obvious of yellow card offences in his opening frame with Nick Fitzpatrick. As Nick's cue ball trickled slowly towards the yellow pocket, Rob unmistakably 'bumped into the table' to help the wavering ball on its way. Rob duly picked the ball out of the pocket and played a shot from the D, against the rules of the situation, so a yellow card was the least of his worries. Thankfully, Nick only offered mild protest and didn't seem anywhere near as fussed as say, Gerbil may have been, and that perhaps saved a potentially more controversial frame from taking place. Nick went on to win, and the repercussions and remonstrations from Rob were mercifully weak.
In his other two frames, Rob bemoaned his lack of luck, as the balls failed to land in his favour (some would argue deservedly, although he seemed sorrowful for his earlier actions as time and again the rub of the green failed to go his way) in heavy defeats to his brother (59-13) and Adrian Ward (93-15).
Jay may have celebrated victory over his brother and temporarily enjoyed the relative heights of 9th after that win, but that position now belongs to Fitzpatrick after a classy comeback. Trailing by a dozen points or so, Nick cleaned up from the brown to record a break of 22 - which previously would have been the season's joint best - and seal the frame without gifting Jay as much as the consolidatory point.
The reason for Nick's break failing to make it to the top of the leaderboard is that in the day's first game, he was on the receiving end of the record breaking run, as Adrian Ward posted 23 to turn around a heavy defecit (and it could have been more had the black not rattled away from the pocket) and go on to win the frame. Ward remains unbeaten this season against anyone who is good at cricket.
As this report testifies, the participants in today's action were relievingly different from days past, as the usual lunchtime session failed to take place. For that reason, today's conditions of play remain in force for Monday's three-hour extravaganza, where it is fair to assume that we may see the return of a few legends of snooker league past. Watch this space...
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An afternoon of sheer stupidity at Old Trafford
September 14, 2003 --
Seven snooker leaguers went to Old Trafford...
...we saw Mr O'Grady at Chorley station...
...two of them got free travel...
...AJ argued with an arse hole on the Metrolink...
...AJ & Phil argued with the old farts in C Stand...
...Rob & Nick slowly got drunk...
...Rob, Nick & Bec went back for more arguments with the old farts...
...Ben & Jay failed in their quest to steal a stump (lazy wimps)...
...Rob got tourettes getting on the Metrolink - "Breath in, clench your stomach, then swear. F**k, W****r, S**t..."...
...Rob & Nick pretended to fight...
...Rob 'wet himself'...
...Woody got prank calls off Rob pretending to be from fastfood.co.uk and telling him that his Lancs membership had been cancelled due to his 'lewd conduct' at today's game...
...Woody fell for it...
...Nick & Rob had a wee (and Rob bared his arse)...
..oh, and Lancs lost.
You can see all the photos in the Photo Gallery!
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Snooker League shock at unusual Lunchtime of Legends!
September 15, 2003 --
See all today's photos now in the Photo Gallery!
The planned Lunchtime of Legends never took place... because none of the legends turned up and were instead replaced by the tripe of tomorrow.
Ok, so that's a little harsh on the newcomers today - all of whom (except Nelson) showed they have something to offer, and none will be in wooden spoon positions come the end of the season - but only Andy Crompton enjoyed success on a giggly lunchtime which saw two yellow cards brandished.
The story of the day was Andy Crompton's first league win at the sixth attempt, in a 40 minute frame that nearly exhibited Woodward v Coates '02 class, although not quite.
His opponent was Steph, a league newcomer who arrived thanks to Chris Gibirdi and the 'bring a mate or you don't play' policy, and both she and Crompton went into the game with 0% records after Steph lost - albeit respectfully - to Gibs in her first frame. She looked on course to become one of the highest placed female competitors the league has ever witnessed after leading by over 20 points at one stage, and Andy's hit and hope police - the "random rifle" - failed to bring much reward. Steph looked the better potter throughout, but her downfall was a run of late fouls that were costly in points terms, particularly as they were mainly on the pink and black and allowed Andy back into the game. Two successive black ball fouls cost her the game, although she comes away with a point and an average of 0.5 which is higher than respectable players like Rob Bethell and Craig Jones.
Craig was one of the three newcomers today, losing fairly tightly to James Bethell and Ben Ward, and demonstrating an ability that will probably land him a top half finish come July 2004. His style isn't too dissimilar to that of Chris Keenan, only better.
Ending the day joint second bottom is probably an unfair reflection on Craig's performance, but the other man to open his account with two defeats is probably not far off his rightful position at this stage. Richard Nelson's the name, losing's the game, and he did in some style against Chris Gibirdi in an 83-23 hammering first off. He fared better against Ben Ward, and he actually thought he only needed black to win after a good break, although it was then calculated that he hadn't accounted for a snooker he needed and trailed by an unassailable eight points.
Adam Derry and Chris Gibirdi were yet again at the forefront of all things stupid, with Gibs landing a yellow card for his persistence in the art of being a dick, and Andy Crompton also ending up in the book for contriving a throaty cough to put Steph off as she lined up a shot in her marathon frame with the grumpy one. Adam's claim to insanity came by trying to emulate Gerbs by playing an entire frame with the Gerbil Cue. It nearly paid off, but a dire miss on a perfectly placed black saw him reap just one point instead of three, and allowed Gib to climb beyond 2.00 in the averages, and into seventh place above Anthony Errington.
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Two newbies take league tally to 26
September 18, 2003 --
The arrival of two unfamiliar faces took the league's tally to an impressive 26 for this ever-expanding season. Stu Glover and Dave Lawson are the arrivals, taking to the table on invitation from Adam Derry, who despite doing a good deed by bringing fresh blood to the league, committed yet another offence during the lunchtime session and has now lost 0.1 points off his already slim average.
Derry took on both new challengers with mixed success, as Glover sauntered to an easy 55-22 win, but Lawson was pegged back as Derry triumphed 49-34.
His first victory put Glover on top, but the law student ends the day in the traditional mid-table spot occupied by so many newcomers after Gibirdi won narrowly yet comfortably in Glover's second frame of the day. Gibirdi looked in fine form, triuphing despite the best efforts of Derry who cried 'Gib smells' just as the Astley Village man lined up an important miss. The yellow card offence was Adam's third of the season after earlier cautions on 21st August and 8th September, so he now loses a fraction of his points average.
There was something of an upset in the day's other frame, with James Bethell beating the dangerous shirt eating Eddie Forshaw even though the Mawdesleyite seemed confused to be leading by more than the value of the black as he made his token attempt at potting it.
Three images of today's lunch time action - including Eddie's chewing habits - can be seen in the Photo Gallery.
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End of an era
September 20, 2003 --
Today marks the end of an era for one snooker league legend. Original league founder and website editor, Adrian Ward, today left Leyland for new unchartered teratory - Leeds. Ward, who set up RSL in the summer of 2001, begins a new life as a university student.
His organisational skills and web site trickery will be sadly missed by all who have graced the infamous Langdale table. It is my honour and pleasure to follow in his footsteps as league controller, but I realise he will be a hard act to follow.
I call upon you to pay your own tributes to Adrian in our very own guestbook. I look forward to reading your contributions, notably from messrs Gibirdi, Bethell and Forshaw.
The league has a lot to thank Adrian for - we wish him well.
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Mayhem on Mammoth Monday
September 22, 2003 --
All hell broke lose when no fewer than 13 snooker leaguers, including the host, decended on number 92 for a giant lunchtime session. In all 11 frames took place with some competitors not even reaching the table.
It wasnt all bad though as the days play included 3 newbies, taking this seasons tally to 29 players. The new faces included Daniel Hogg, Katie Parkinson and Tom Leach. All 3 players came away with some degree of success with Hogg and Leach both recording wins and Parkinson earned a respectable black ball defeat to Chris Woodward who recorded his first win of the new season.
Sadly messrs Jones and Nelson have yet to record snooker league wins after 4 and 3 attempts respectively.
Included in the madness were two yellow cards for James Bethell. The first was awarded after the reigning champion inadvertantly knocked down a photograph with the back end of his cue. However this has since been recinded and served only as a warning to other competitors that conduct like this will not be tolerated in the future. The second card was for a blatant breach of rule 5 - eating and drinking round the table. Mr Bethell had been warned only days earlier and so the card had to be shown.
One man who can take pride from todays games is Ben Ward. His 3 frames included wins over Crompton, Hogg and Gibirdi which further extends his impressive 9 match winning streak. Ward is now just 1 frame away from becoming the first player this season to book a play off place, and in this form, who would back against him?
See the photo album in the left hand column for some shots of todays action.
As a result of todays play we will no longer allow more than 10 players into number 92 during any one session - you have been warned!
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Gibirdi beaten by Steph... controversially
December 19, 2003 --
Gibs may have only lost slight ground in the play-off chase... but he lost a far more intriguing battle as he was overcome by Steph Brown at Langdale Road this morning.
In a low scoring frame, Steph made the most of an error that saw Gibirdi foul on the blue, bringing her back into contention for an unlikely win. But when she landed the pink and black which were left in superb potting positions, the game was sealed, with Gib left protesting against the validity of the fixture.
The host had called for a league game at the start, and it was assumed that Gib was coming out of temporary retirement to pick up some expected points.
But come the end of the frame, the Astley Village player claimed he had only agreed to a friendly, something which was never verbally agreed by all parties.
If some kind of slanging match ensues, we'll keep you posted via this site!
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Ben Ward: Pool Cup Minor Premier!
December 23, 2003 --
Young Benjamin Ward has become the first ever Pool Cup Minor Premier... provided you think its a good idea!
Nick Crowther won the inaugural Pool Cup earlier this year after it was hastily arranged at approximately two minutes notice, and a similar six man tournament was held in Leyland this afternoon.
The proposal, though, is that such events would happen sporadically, leading up to an annual Pool Cup to be held on one day involving anyone wanting to compete, with the winner of each holding the title of Pool Cup 'Minor Premier', with the winner of the year's main event holding the title of Pool Cup Champion.
Under this proposal, Nick Crowther remains Pool Cup champion, with Ben below him as the reigning understudy! If RSL competitors agree to this idea, then pool will take greater significance in the calendar, with the winners of each event noted in a roll of honour to be placed on this site. You can vote as to whether you feel the addition of pool should be welcommed by expressing your views in the guestbook or by using the site poll. Multiple voting IS permitted for the sheer glory of reminiscing of the days gone by when Quote of the Year polls attracted literally thousands of votes from spammers.
Today's results:
Group A
Rob Bethell bt Will Pope (3 balls remaining)
Steve Ward bt Will Pope (Black Ball)
Steve Ward bt Rob Bethell (5)
Group A Table
1 Steve Ward
2 Rob Bethell
3 Will Pope
Group B
Adrian Ward bt Jay Bethell (BB)
Ben Ward bt Jay Bethell (1)
Ben Ward bt Adrian Ward (2)
Group B Table
1 Ben Ward
2 Adrian Ward
3 Jay Bethell
Final
Ben Ward bt Steve Ward (5 balls remaining)
Congratulations, you little bastard.
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End of Season Announced
December 30, 2003 --
The final day of the regular season for 03/04 will be Friday 2nd July 2004 - the final day of the college term for 1st Year A Level students.
However, as with all things RSL, that could change, but for now keep your eye on the countdown clock in the top right hand corner of this homepage to see how long remains in this record-breaking season.
Once the regular season has been completed, the play-offs will then commence, hopefully to be played in one day if a suitable date can be found. The finals day will also include either the Pool Cup Final 2004 or a Minor Pool Cup, depending on attendance and amount of time available.
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Damien Somebody has a good day
January 8, 2004 --
The league has found itself in a strange position whereby one of its members has changed his name!
Damien Geary, or is it Damien Clarke?, is the cause for concern, although he has made this something of a non-story by stating that he is happy to continue to be known by his former surname even if his bus pass reads otherwise.
But why the great fuss I hear you ask? Well, the man of many names only went and picked up his first point today (in a black ball finish against Adrian Ward), and bettered that by stunning the reigning champion James Bethell in a relatively comfortable victory.
In also suffering straight defeats to both players, Des (or 'Dez' as he is also confusingly known) went through a number of emotions as he saw his average rise dramatically from zero after three frames (and second bottom) to a fairly impressive 0.67 after six matches, landing him 32nd spot between Chris Woodward and Phil Ashton. It has been suggested that a frame between Geary and Woodward Jnr would be a great spectacle, given both players' ability to effortly produce some fine potting skills alongside moments of incomprehensible dross.
This all happened on a day which saw Eddie Forshaw lose to James Bethell (Black Ball finish) and Chris Gibirdi, costing him approximately zero places in the rankings given Jay's inability to beat our hero with many names.
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Guild Hall tribute to the great and good
January 8, 2004 --
Around two of the league's most prominent players were at Preston's Guild Hall this evening as "Shir" Bernard O'Connell saluted a select band of pupils who not only managed to pass their A Levels, but also managed to return their reply slip to attend "the biggest evening in the college's calendar" and then remember to actually turn up.
In an event devoid of incident, Runshaw did its best Prize Day impersonation by forcing normal people to stand up in awe of the Governors on arrival, although the absense of a National Anthem a la Mr McDermott's crap band meant the moment passed off even less memorably than it would have done in years gone by with one of Mr Bates trademark unnecessary bollockings still ringing in your ears.
We were then treated to the usual speeches, some back slapping and butt licking for our jolly Scouse knight, and then the bit we had all been waiting for... the end.
In between though, we did get to enjoy the spectacle of a couple of hundred teenagers lapping up their 10 seconds in the limelight; your introduction accompanied by details of your university and course (or your chosen career should you have been brave enough to break the Runshaw mould and aspire to earn some money straight away) - although silence greeted should you have failed to do anything worthwhile up to this point, as though you were some kind of second class citizen (which in the eyes of the MTG enforcers you are).
The awards were presented by a woman who told us a good speech lasted 10-12 minutes, yet seemed to have been on for about 20 minutes by the time she told us to use the evening as the catalyst to do something with our lives and become eco warriors (or something along those lines, maybe it was martyrs?). Still, nice enough person, and like everyone else in the foyer, seemed generally interested in the ins and outs of a degree in Broadcast Journalism.
I got the feeling that the general consensus among the randomly assembled wannabe lawyers, mathematicians and fashion designers was that at heart they were all longing to be journalists too and had taken the wrong career path, but that may have just been the urge to rush off to Tokyo Jo's making polite conversation. Either way, I've found myself a lawyer or two, and the exclusive photo above shows me mingling with them. Should you wish to meet these fine people, why not join me on a trip to Manchester to see them some time?
Here's to our graduation ceremonies (and of course, for younger readers, your own joyous moments as you climb the steps to the Guild Hall stage hearing your name read out - although if you bastards don't go to university or land a prestigious job don't expect anything more than an uncomfortable silence once you have been introduced...). You have been warned.
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Polf not good for the RSL
January 15, 2004 --
League outsider Andrew Carter has become one of the first dissidents to speak out against the new craze sweeping across the minds of vulnerable first years, polf.
The former classmate of Ashton, Sherliker and Ward Snr has criticised the game, thought to be the idea of self-proclaimed league vice-chairman (even though there isn't even a chairman) Ben Ward, which seems to involve cannoning pool balls from the table in a contest that can be played by more than two players at once.
Speaking in an exclusive interview with another opponent of polf, Adrian Ward, the Computer Games Programming undergraduate explained that he has no interest in polf, and that the name of the sport would be better served as the title for a game that involved "a cross between polo and golf".
Carter plans to patent the idea with a view to promoting the sport, but has so far ruled out naming a trophy after the man who inspired the idea, Adrian Ward.
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Polf Explained!
January 16, 2004 --
I wish to explain this new revelation that was co-developed by Benjamin Ward and Christopher Gibirdi on Wednesday 14th January 2004. This revelation is the exciting game of Polf!
Contrary to popular belief, the game does not involve “cannoning pool balls from the table” as originally claimed on this very site. The comments made last night were derived from a man who has little evidence to back up his argument having only seen basic and limited footage of this fine sport.
I can confirm that this game is played using traditional pool rules, only there is no standard “white” cue ball, OH NO! This is where Polf stands out. Using only the finest “Donnay International Titanium Pro One Distance, Fluorescent Yellow Golf balls” we play freestyle! Yes that is correct; we have replaced the cue ball with a golf ball!
However, Polf play will be limited to sporadic tournaments throughout the year as, of course, Snooker League will take priority. For now this is all the information I will dispense*, you will have to come and witness this fine spectacle for yourself and remember, you saw it here, FIRST!
Tara for now!
(*Because I cannot be arsed writing anything more and also there is little more to tell!)
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Cleave collapse delights Crompton
January 19, 2004 --
A mammouth frame between bottom ranked players Sarah Cleave and Andy Crompton was the highlight of a long day's play on Monday, with the Random Rifler eventually triumphing in an unusual frame as both players posted record high scores.
An end score of 90-81 is undoubted the highest aggregate score ever recorded in an RSL frame - and one that will take a serious lack of talent to surpass.
This was Crompton's only win on a day when Chris Gibirdi, Jay Bethell and even god-damn Richard Nelson managed to beat him, and Cleave suffered another loss when up against Hogg, who introduced a lad known as Gabs Wallace to the league - and managed to beat him too. At least we know his surname for league table purposes.
The biggest shock of the day was Adam Derry's win over Ben Ward, but the tables turned when Ward beat Nelson and Derry lost to Gibirdi and Eddie Forshaw.
Adrian Ward quietly went about his business by beating Hogg in the only other frame I haven't yet mentioned, but thankfully now you know, so you can sleep tight in your beds tonight safe in the knowledge that you know, erm, this knowledge.
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Wednesday triangular tournament is good for AJ
January 21, 2004 --
There was no planning put into this triangular set of matches, other than the fact that the three players involved were the only people in the house while games were being played at lunchtime.
Competitors Jay Bethell, Andy Crompton and Adrian Ward played each other once during the course of Wednesday dinner time, with Ward happy, Crompton upbeat, and Jay moderately content.
The first frame was Bethell's narrow victory over the lowest ranked player to have scored a point so far this season, his win coming after trailing heavily at one point but restoring normality with a late, late fightback.
Crompton's second frame was less successful, as Ward professionally dismissed the Euxtoner 73-15, but he at least had the consolation of having seen off the Ward and Bethell pairing in a disjointed doubles game that originally started off as Forshaw & Bethell v Crompton & Gibirdi but ended as a one man Crompton show following departures and substitions. Christ knows how he won.
The best performance of the day was reserved for last with Ward leaving Jay trailing in his wake, and had it not been for a rebound foul on the already potted green, a record break for Ward looked likely, and a low score of 6 Jay's likely end total, but a 60-25 win was fair consolation.
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Mawdesley United 9 Astley Park 5
April 8, 2004 --
Mawdesley United came from behind in last night's big (well, only) match on Worden Park, as a disruption of substitutes (wow, a new collective noun!) and fatigue contributed towards Astley's loss of control on the game.
Leading 2-0 during the first half and then 4-2 at half time, Astley looked well placed to continue their recent run of good form against their 'Leyland/Chorley Guardian distribution area' rivals.
But despite a fine hat-trick from Ben Ward and a deflected effort direct from a corner in the opening period, the Parkers didn't have the resovle to finish off the game after the disorganisation caused by the odd luxury (or could that be a contradiction of terms) of having as many as eight substitutes.
Ben's double strike gave Astley a two-goal lead against the run of early play, but the defecit was halved before defector Chris Gibirdi equalised with a fine header (the little shit).
Ward then completed a 'classy' hat-trick after Dani Hogg's corner proved a panicked response from the Mawdesley defence, with Gibirdi and Jay Bethell helping their mate's cross into the net (well, that would have been the case had there been one).
The half time changes certainly unsettled the visitors though, with Nat Benson enjoying the ability to roam around a disorganised back line. He narrowed the gap by squeezing an audacious shot between Stunell and the post, with the stand-in Astley keeper clearly agitated after undoing some of the great work he put in during the first half.
The Cows were then awarded a controversial penalty, described now by hat-trick hero Ben Ward. He said:
"Coatesy and Gibirdi were going for the same ball in the penalty area when one of them hand-balled it. Coatesy then fell on his arse and claimed it was a penalty."
Well, from a description like that, you can clearly see that the Cows were entirely justified in their claims for a stone-wall spot kick. What a travesty of justice then, that Tank stepped up to take the kick "when there were at least eight other players on the team who could have taken it" according to Nick Crowther, and promptly scuffed it into Stunell's arms! As the picture above shows, Tank's penalty taking technique is one to be admired. If only we could all get our head below our shoulders like that as we strike the ball, with an elbow petruding high into the air - no-one would ever miss a penalty again!
From that point onwards, it was one-way traffic. The Park never looked like the same potent force going forward as they had done in the first half, and the defence, well, only Andy Scanlon and the returning Mike Weaver came away with any credit for sticking diligently to the task when everyone else seemed more intent on having a laugh, by which time it seemed the best option anyway.
At least Astley had the last say, with Hogg switching flanks to good effect as he drilled low beyond the grasp of third-choice 'keeper Nick Crowther, understudy to Paul Marsden and Chris Hadden (yes he is that damn good!).
It was disappointing to Astley, but comparing the performance to those witnessed on the same pitches all those moons ago, the side has come along way, with or without the likes of Macca, Tom and Shep who will no doubt return to boost the team once again.
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A Threesome
August 3, 2004 --
I have no idea why this picture of a threesome - David Mackarel, Sean Kemp and a mystery girl - would make a newsworthy story. Perhaps someone who witnessed the incident could shed some light upon what these three actually got up to.
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