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Hi everyone. Sorry about not putting any new jokes latley. My Dad was burried on Friday the 27th. I'm getting low on jokes so, if you have any you want to share send them to me at rjm5@roadrunner.com Please put the words Codger Joke in the subject line.
This is worth reading......
THIS IS RIGHT ON THE NOSE. .......READ IT SLOWLY... I DON'T KNOW WHO
THIS EMAIL IS VERY THOUGHT-PROVOKING. MAKES YOU STOP AND THINK. READ
IT SLOWLY!
AND THEN IT IS WINTER You know. . . time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years.
It seems just yesterday that I was young, just married and embarking on my new life with my mate. Yet in a way, it seems like eons ago, and I wonder where all the years went. I know that I lived them all. I have glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams. But, here it is... the winter of my life and it catches me by surprise...How did I get here so fast? Where did the years go and where did my youth go?
I remember well seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people were years away from me and that winter was so far off that I could not fathom it or imagine fully what it would be like. But, here it is...my friends are retired and getting grey...they move slower and I see an older person now. Some are in better and some worse shape than me...but, I see the great change...Not like the ones that I remember who were young and vibrant...but, like me, their age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks that we used to see and never thought we'd be.
Each day now, I find that just getting a shower is a real target for the day! And taking a nap is not a treat anymore... it's mandatory! Cause if I don't on my own free will... I just fall asleep where I sit!
And so...now I enter into this new season of my life unprepared for all the aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do things that I wish I had done but never did!
But, at least I know, that though the winter has come, and I'm not sure how long it will last...this I know, that when it's over on this earth...it's NOT over. A new adventure will begin!
Yes, I have regrets. There are things I wish I hadn't done...things I should have done, but indeed, there are many things I'm happy to have done. It's all in a lifetime.
So, if you're not in your winter yet...let me remind you, that it will be here faster than you think. So, whatever you would like to accomplish in your life please do it quickly! Don't put things off too
long!
Life goes by quickly. So, do what you can today, as you can never be sure whether this is your winter or not! You have no promise that you will see all the seasons of your life...so, live for today and say all the things that you want your loved ones to remember...and hope that they appreciate and love you for all the things that you have done for them in all the years past!
"Life" is a gift to you. The way you live your life is your gift to those who come after. Make it a fantastic one.
LIVE IT WELL! ENJOY TODAY! DO SOMETHING FUN! BE HAPPY! HAVE A GREAT DAY!
REMEMBER:....
"It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.
"LIVE HAPPY IN THIS YEAR AND EVERY YEAR!
LASTLY, CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING:
TODAY IS THE OLDEST YOU'VE EVER BEEN, YET THE YOUNGEST YOU'LL EVER BE SO - ENJOY THIS DAY WHILE IT LASTS.
~Your kids are becoming you......
~Going out is good.. Coming home is better!
~You forget names.... But it's OK because other people forgot they even knew you!!!
~You realize you're never going to be really good at anything.... especially golf.
~The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don't care to do them anymore.
~You sleep better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than in bed. It's called "pre-sleep".
~You miss the days when everything worked with just an "ON" and "OFF" switch..
~You tend to use more 4 letter words ... "what?"..."when?"... "what?" . ???
~Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it's not safe to wear it anywhere.
~You notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless"?!!!
~What used to be freckles are now liver spots.
~Everybody whispers.
~You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet.... 2 of which you will never wear.
~But Old is good in some things: Old Songs, Old movies, and best of all, OLD FRIENDS!!
Stay well, "OLD FRIEND!" Send this on to other "Old Friends!" and let
them laugh in AGREEMENT!!!
It's Not What You Gather, But What You Scatter That Tells What Kind Of Life You Have Lived.
Bill is 85 and lives in a Senior Citizens Home.
Every night after dinner he goes to a secluded garden behind the home to sit and
ponder his accomplishments and long life.
One evening, Mildred, age 82, wanders into the garden.
They begin to chat and before they know it,several hours have passed.
After a short lull in their conversation,Bill turns to Mildred and asks, "Do you know what I miss most of all?"
She asks, "What?''
"Sex." he replies.
Mildred exclaims, "Why you old toot.
You couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!"
"I know," Bill says, "but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while.
Well, "I can oblige," says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it.
Afterward, they agree to meet secretly
each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Bill 's thingie.
Then one night Bill didn't show up at their usual meeting place.
Alarmed, Mildred decided to find him and make sure he was O.K.
She walked around the Senior Citizen Home where she found him sitting by the pool with Ethel, another female
resident, who was holding Bill 's little pal!
Furious, Mildred yelled, "You two-timing son-of-a-gun!! What does Ethel have that I don't have?"
Old Bill smiled happily and replied, "Parkinson's"
Little Johnny Jokes
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.
She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
She replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."
Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs.
Again his mother replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."
The boy then asks, "Why did Daddy leave you?"
To this, the mother says, "You shouldn't ask that," and sends him to his room.
On the way, Johnny trips over his mother's purse. When he picks it up, her driver's license falls out.
Johnny runs back into the room. "I know all about you now. You are 36 years old, weigh 127 pounds and Daddy left you because you got an 'F' in sex!"
Mary raises her hand and exclaims, "Me me me!"
The teacher says, "Go ahead, what's the sentence?
Mary replies, "The sky is definitely blue."
"That's good, Mary," says the teacher, "but the sky can also be gray or white."
Sam raises his hand and states, "Grass is definitely green."
The teacher says, "That's good, Sam, but grass can be brown, too."
Little Johnny raises his hand and asks, "Do farts have lumps in them?"
The teacher says, "No Johnny, why do you ask that?"
Little Johnny replies, "Well, I definitely sh*t my pants."
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Questions and Answers
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Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them? |
A: Try a bookstore, under Fiction. |
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Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause? |
A: Keep busy.. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you're done, you'll have a place to live. |
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Q: Someone has told me that |
A: Yes. Matthew 14:92: "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt " |
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Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your over 60-year-old husband? |
A: Tell him you're pregnant. |
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Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles? |
A: Take off your glasses. |
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Q: Seriously! What can I do for these Crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face? |
A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out. |
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Q: Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking? |
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car. |
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Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage? |
A: Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem. |
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Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly? |
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon. |
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Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses? |
A: On their foreheads. |
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Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores? |
A: "Gosh, I remember these!" |
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SMILE, You've still got your sense of humor, RIGHT? |
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Jumpy the dog
How to get to Mars
Christian One Liners:
Don't let your worries get the best of you; Remember, Moses started out as a basket case.
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*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Many folks want to serve God,
But only as advisers.
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It is easier to preach ten sermons
Than it is to live one.
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The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, But bedbugs and mosquitoes come pretty close
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When you get to your wit's end, You'll find God lives there.
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People are funny; they want the front of the bus, Middle of the road, And back of the church.
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Opportunity may knock once, But temptation bangs on the front door forever.
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Quit griping about your church;
If it was perfect, you couldn't belong.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
If a church wants a better pastor, It only needs to pray for the one it has.
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We're called to be witnesses, not lawyers or Judges.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
God Himself doesn't propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?
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Some minds are like concrete
Thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
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Peace starts with a smile.
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I don't know why some people change churches; What difference does it make which one you stay home from?
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Be ye fishers of men. You catch 'em - He'll clean 'em.
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Stop, Drop, and Roll won't work in Hell.
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Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
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Don't put a question mark where God put a period.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.
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Forbidden fruits create many jams.
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God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
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God grades on the cross, not the curve.
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God loves everyone, But probably prefers 'fruits of the spirit' over 'religious nuts!'
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God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage..
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He who angers you, controls you!
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If God is your Co-pilot, swap seats!
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Prayer: Don't give God instructions, just report for duty!
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The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.
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The Will of God never takes you to where the Grace of God will not protect you.
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We don't change the message, The message changes us.
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You can tell how big a person is By what it takes to discourage him/her.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
The best mathematical equation I have ever seen: 1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
If this blessed you in a profound way today,
Copy and Share it with a few friends to bless them!
I bet someone else will LOVE it too.
There is no
greater
treasure than a good friend!
A man had just boarded and settled into his seat next to the window
on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his
Black Labrador in the middle seat next to the man.
The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the
dog was allowed on the plane.
The second man explained that he was from the Police Drugs
Enforcement Agency and that the dog was a 'sniffing dog'.
His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is.
I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.'
The plane took off, and once it has levelled out, the Policeman said,
'Watch this.'
He told Sniffer to 'Search'.
Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very
purposefully next to a woman for several seconds.
Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the policeman's
arm.
The Policeman said, 'Good boy', and he turned to the man and said,
'That woman is in possession of marijuana, I'm making a note of her
seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.
'Gee, that's pretty good,' replied the first man.
Once again, the Policeman sent Sniffer to search the aisles.
The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds,
returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent's arm.
The Policeman said, 'Two paws mean that man is carrying cocaine, so
again, I'm making a note of his seat number for the police.'
'I like it!' said his seat mate.
The Policeman then told Sniffer to 'Search' again.
Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down
for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the
middle seat and proceeded to crap all over the place.
The first man was really disgusted by this behavior and couldn't
figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that.
So he asked the Policeman, 'What's going on?'
The Policeman nervously replied, 'He's just found a bomb.'
50 years
An elderly couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"
Martha replied, "Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason.
Henry was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, "I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons?'"
Martha said, "The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage.
Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?"
Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?"
Martha asked, "And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn't have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge."
"I recall that," said Henry. "And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time."
"Alright," Martha said. "So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you only needed 73 more votes?"
Lost in the Mall
A couple were Christmas shopping. The shopping center was packed, and as the wife walked through one of the malls she was surprised when she looked around to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do and so she became so worried that she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.
In a quiet voice he said, "Do you remember the jewelers we went into about five years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn't afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"
The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I do remember that shop."
He replied, "Well, I'm in the pub next door."
Don't assume too much!
Wife texts husband on a cold winters morning: "Windows frozen."
Husband texts back: "Pour some lukewarm water over it."
Wife texts back: "Computer completely screwed up now!"
CLICK ON THE PICTURE OF MIKE TO SEE TH ALBUM AND THE PICTURE STORY ABOUT HIM ON THE FIELD OF DREAMS - AFTER CLICKING ON THE FIRST PICTURE OF THE ALBUM IT WILL MAKE THE PICTURE BIGGER THEN JUST HIT THE ARROW ON THE PICTURE TO VIEW THE REST IN THE BIGGER SIZE
IF YOU ARE A CODGER AND WOULD LIKE TO BE A PLAYER OF THE WEEK YOU CAN SUBMIT ANY PICTURES OR ARTICLES THAT I CAN UPLOAD TO: RANDY MARTIN AT rjm5@roadrunner.com
OR TO 4880 HANNON ROAD, ERIE PA, 16510
Look what happens when you win a couple of Grey Cups and you get moved up to the big leagues! Bill Steger at NY Fantasy Camp this week....
Some people think this is a hoax, and Bill has this setup in his basement.
man.. the yanks are really desperate!
Tom Higgins was asking what position he played, and suggested Bitcher.
2010 GREY CUP CHAMPIONS
Click here to view pics
It may take up to a minute to load the Web Page
Sorry, the following pictures have been deemed,
Offensive, Spiteful, Malicious, Mean, Hurtful, and Unkind,
to all those, who are not warriors,
by the Codger's Website OSMMHU committee.
The OSMMHU committee, are not Warriors...
Therefore, the committee, has censored the following pictures...
ENJOY
For those of you that don't believe in censorship...
The "Cup" has been traveling, but still found time to stop and enjoy a Thanksgiving feast.
"The Bird" has asked to join the Warriors next year.
Shown in picture below, holding the Grey Cup Trophy, Bart Neckers(L) and Dean Taylor(R)
Shown in picture below, standing in front of the Grey Cup Trophy, Bart Neckers(L)
and laying off to the side "The Bird"(R)
Shown in picture below, admiring the Grey Cup Trophy, "The Bird"
Click on [More Pictures] to the left of your screen
Between [Photo Albums] and [Ode to the Codgers]
There are 7 videos
Each video is about 15 minutes long...
WE HAD A PROBLEM - ALL THE VIDEOS ARE NOW COMPLETE AND SORTED
If you can make it thru one of Bruce's meetings, this will be a snap.
Unlike the meetings, you can fast forward the videos
If you like you can request a DVD to play on your TV, of the Banquet
Congratulations, to this year's recipient of the 2010 Founder's Award.
Gary "Nomar" Shapira
All ready for bed, after a fantastic time, at the banquet, with his fellow Codgers.
Ready to dream about what award he can win(buy) next year.
Here's some better pictures...
Sorry, he's so quick, the picture is blurry...
Dear Codgers,
I am deeply grateful and overwhelmingly touched by receipt of the Founders Award and, more importantly, the standing ovation and the true friendship that all of you demonstrated at the banquet and throughout the years we have played together on our "Field of Dreams," 11th & 12th & Hess. As so many of us have articulated, we are blessed that we are still able to play softball at this time of our lives. At this Holiday Season, I wish for all of you, good health and everything wonderful in the years to come. More specifically, I am grateful for and wish for all of you the following marvelous traits of the members of our League:
1. Bruce Bauman - His unbelievable kindness toward all Codgers at times of illness or other happy occasions; his memory i.e., remembering the name of every Codger’s wife or significant other; his sense of humor; his demonstrated love for his wife, Patty, and his wonderful children and grandchildren.
2. Dick Van Tassel - His "behind the scenes" work, sense of humor and his compassion for all of us.
3. Dick Walsh - His business acumen and his transformation as an outstanding player in the League.
4. Randy Martin - His organizational skills and computer savvy and all-around work for the League.
5. Scott Haney - His computer wizardry for preparing the Codger website and his sense of humor.
6. Jim Gorzynski - For his thoughts and work in preparing the wording on the Founder’s plaque.
7. Dean Taylor - His managerial skill for guiding our team to its first "Grey Cup" success.
8. Buck and Bobbi Bucholz - Their hospitality in hosting parties and for Bobbi’s culinary skills.
9. Mary Hartman and Trish Walsh - Their work as "Codgerettes."
10. Jack Hartman , Dick Charcalla and Chuck Pauley- For their softball longevity and inspirational play.
11. Mike Murnock - Articulate and meaningful opening prayers.
12. To the Warrior’s infielders, Baker, Sprickman, Neckers and Sydow....who have all helped "Nomar" look reasonably good.
13. To the Warrior’s outfielders, Hakel, Doyle, Work, Baker, et al. .....for fielding the balls that go through "Nomar’s" legs.
14. To Ron Donahue - who continually reminds "Nomar" to keep his eye on the ball.
15. To Dave & Sheila Work - for preparing the plaques that honor all of the Codger’s accomplishments.
16. To Kallor, Wineman, Kieffer and "Nomar" - For continuing the legend of the "House of David."
17. To Zeke, George, Bruce and all the others who have played in this League since its inception.
18. To those darn 50 year olds, who each year come into the League stronger, faster and bigger than all of us....just wait until you reach our age.
And finally, to all of my teammates and the other players in the League who I have not specifically mentioned, I thank you for your camaraderie (please note I spelled it correctly), your kindness, your softball skills....I thank you for allowing me to perpetuate the "legend of Nomar....the first and last of the Jewish shortstops."
Gary Shapira
Well stated Gary!
You truly captured the “tone” of our league and many of the reasons for its success.
The “Founders Award” presented to you on Saturday was certainly well deserved. I am proud to call you a “friend”!
I can still remember playing with you, and Doug Moorhead, and Zeke Nowicki, and others in the “over 35” league back in the 80’s, the 1980’s that is.
Congratulations,
Bill Steger
You may or may not know Jack fractured his sternum in June. Well when a cat scan was done in late June, the one that actually determined the fractured sternum, a growth was fond in his lung. Jack had a biopsy taken last Thursday. (That's why he did not come to the Oil City game.) The results of the biopsy have not been given to the Hartmans yet.
It would be nice for some of us to send a few cards to Jack and offer a few prayers for a good diagnosis for him. Jack's address is:
4633 Duncan Rd. Erie, PA 16505
CANCELLED CANCELLED
The softball game has been cancelled.
It may be rescheduled for early September.
Pre-Season, evening, pickup games
Tuesdays and Thursdays,
@ 5:30pm,
at 2nd & Cherry(Pontiac Field).
(1/2 hour warm up, then we pick teams)
New members always welcome. Just show up to the field, ready to play.
New members please sign up under the registration tab, above.
Oil City cannot play on Friday.
They can play on Thursday.
Please respond to Dick Walsh, ASAP
if you are able play Thursday.
Thanks for you co-operation.
Our game against Oil City will take place on: ???????????????????
Thursday, ???????????????? (see purple above)
August 11th, ?????????????????????? (see purple above)
at 11th and Hess.
Play will begin at 9:30.
Please come earlier so you will be ready to start at 9:30.
Just a reminder...
all Codgers who play on the 12th,
should be willing to travel to Oil City,
when a game is scheduled for there.
Codger Bat Tribute
I ran across this picture as I was trying to find pictures of Codgers for our “meet the Codgers page” on our web site. So, I called Bruce to ask him if we could put this photo up on the web site for all to see in honor of her passing 18 months ago. Bruce shared with me recently that he just donated and commissioned a statue in her honor at the cemetery where she is buried. For those who knew her, she was a terrific Lady! She was the original “Codgertte”. For our new Codgers you would have really liked her also! In case our new guy’s didn’t know, Patty had a long hard fight with cancer over the last years of her life. Bruce was by her side everyday until the end. Bruce is a true friend! So as you work with Bruce, remember that he is still trying to get his life together without his best friend. To Bruce, you guy’s are part of his close family now. Keep in mind that he not only kept his family together through all of Patty’s ordeal, he also kept his Codger family going during these times without skipping a beat. I know there is a lot of moaning and groaning with all of his meetings, however, without them we would not have the Erie Codger League. I’m sure our senior Codgers remember this special Lady well as she so graciously hosted many parties at their house as she was being treated for this terrible disease. They all got to know her well. She will always be missed. We love you mam!
SCOTTIE'S HOME RUN STREAK - STILL ALIVE
Caption Contest bart,bruce,jack
We have been informed that the door mats are out of stock. They will be replaced with paper, dinner place mats. Sorry for the inconvenience.
Click on the picture above and enter your caption. It will take a while to show below...
Scott Haney: Sorry guys, its my agent. They're calling me up.
Scott Haney: Bruce, I don't care if you call my mother. If Jack doesn't have to go to the meeting, I'm not going.
Unknown person: Jack grumbling, "Damn young kids and their cell phones."
Shapira entered: I told you NEVER to call me when I'm playing ball!
Tom Higgins: Go ahead, call Mary! I''m not playing until he takes those silly looking black things off his knees!!
Tom Higgins: "SCOTTIE, I need your help. The OLD guy doesn''t want to use a glove, and the guy dressed funny, won''t take his off. What should I do?
Ron Donahue: The bankers next offer is - deal or no deal
Ron Donahue: I'm waiting for an answer from the replay booth
Unknown: Ya honey, order me the knickers, leggins, and cleats to round out my outfit
RR: ,"I''m going to wear the short, black skirt, matching blouse, pumps and fishnet stockings. They''re Dean''s favorite."
Rick Rickgauer: ,"Dick, Bruce here, Bart's trying to tell me Jack has the nicest ass in the league. What's your take?"
Rick Rickgauer: ,"Hello GQ magazine, have I got a cover boy for you"
Rick Rickgauer: ,Bart: "If that's Satin Health Spa have them sqeeze me in too... so to speak." Jack: "MORONS."
Rick Rickgauer: "Bart and Jack said "NO" to using their face on the welcome mat. Use someone else.
Rick Rickgauer: "Here's the problem. Jack said Bart dresses like a little girl and Bart wants to know what the white powder is in the little baggie."
Bill Federowicz: "THAT'S IT
Dave Weinman: I'm sorry- you said take him out for a spell? I just told him he's going to hell!
Dave Weinman: "I asked for a RELIEF specialist not a TEETH specialist
Tom Higgins: "Joe B. That door mat you sent me looks used, or should I say ABUSED!!
Tom Higgins: "Bruce, that isn''t really his face on the welcome mat. Is it???
Andy Foyle: "Hello, Papa John''s? Can you deliver those pizzas a little later, Jack Hartman''s going in to pitch.
Paul Hakel: "Jack: Where am I and why do I have this cocaine in my hand. Bruce calling cops. Yeah he''s 85 years old and trying to sell cocaine to dentists. I don''t understand it either.
Paul Hakel: "Jack: How did this cocaine get in my hand and where am I?
Keith Metz: Jack says: "THAT"S IT" I''m outta here. No one told me it was shorts day today. I forgot to shave my legs, but it is good seein ya again!!
