What takes longer, running from first to second, or from second to third?
Second to third, because you have to go through
a shortstop.
 

What do you call a good umpire?
Rare

You know you're a softball junkie if...

· You need a second job (or your parents do) just to pay for gloves, bats, equipment, uniforms, player fees, batting cages, etc...

· Your second job is umpiring at softball games.

· Your idea of spending quality time with your spouse is playing on the same co-ed team.

· You have more than one bat that cost over $200.

· You go to the softball fields on nights your team isn't even playing.

· You used to rest and relax on the weekends,
now the only rest you get is between games at a tournament.

· You think "wearing something nice" means an all-tournament shirt with no dirt stains.

· When someone says they are going out of town this weekend.
You ask if there is a tournament there.

· All your white socks have dirt stains from playing softball.

· Your idea of a weekend getaway is a two-day tournament in (insert town name).

· You have a tattoo that says softball forever.

· You plan your summer vacation each year around the state softball tournament.

· You own more softball t-shirts than pairs of underwear.

· Your girlfriend / boyfriend knows when you ask them out to dinner you really mean pizza after the game.

· You tape your bat handles with various designs and use only tape with team colors.

· You have a softball website.

The Vocabulary

One of the interesting things about the game of softball is the strange things the participants say to each other.
Here is a list of some of the common ones and what they actually mean:

Good Eye
One more than either you or the umpire have, otherwise he would have called that a strike.

Wait for your pitch
Yes, you eejit, that WAS a strike. You better hope he throws another one.

Now you've seen it
That was the one you should have hit.

Gotta be good now
If it doesn't bounce before it reaches you, you had better swing

Way to wait for your pitch
Well, it's nice to see that this ump is a blind cretin.

Take the walk if its going
Hope that the pitcher messes up, cause you won't get on base any other way

Good contact
You have managed the not inconsiderable achievement of hitting the ball into the 5% of the available space that has a fielder in it.

Good swing
Good god, the ball is the size of a grapefruit. How can you miss?

Pick your spot
Nothing to do with acne, this is a wish that the ball ends up somewhere useful

Tag up
If I can see that it is going to be caught, why can't you?

Base hit
By the law of averages, one of you must be able to hit the ball

Keep it out of the infield
The next batter is Bad, so we're keeping our fingers crossed here

Lets turn two here
Wouldn't it be great if we could do one thing right this time

Make him pitch to you
God help us if he can

The pressure's on him
No reason why this run of good luck with the umpires calls can't continue

Concentrate
Everything else has failed, lets just hope

One out at a time
What has happened to all our batters. Now lets see if we can get any of them out