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June 9, 2006 --
My glove broke last night and I need the pocket relaced, does anyone know who does this. If you do please let me know.
MLB:
Two days after the Diamondbacks released pitcher Jason Grimsley in the wake of a federal raid on his home, Major League Baseball is bracing itself for the fallout from its latest drug scandal. Following the raid, Grimsley admitted to investigators that he had been using performance-enhancing substances for years. He also identified several players who he said had used or supplied the drugs. Here is what happened as I understand it. After they caught him, Jason was willing to talk so he could just quietly retire and his name would be kept out of the scandal. Investigators wanted him to wear a wire in order to try and catch B. Bonds. Jason said no, then investigators basically try to blackmail him by saying if he didn’t agree by a certain day they were going to send in agents to raid his house and publicly out him. Jason called a lawyer and stopped talking. This is how badly they want Bonds. The investigators were willing to give up a cooperative witness, in order to try and get Bonds.
A side note to this is that the personal trainer/nutritionist that Jason used was the same used by Albert Pulos.
As of Thursday Derek Jeter is leading vote getter for the American league and all the position players, except 1 outfield positionis are either a Red Sox or a Yankee for the All-star game. Just gets me wondering just who is counting the voting: STINEBRENNER, KASHMAN, AND SEALEAGUE – CPAs
Let's not forget ESPN in the voting. Of the 50 games shown on the ESPN networks this year 28 games (56%) feature either the Yankees or the Red Sox, and 20% are match ups between the Yankees and Sox. So who else does the Casual fan get to see? Conversly the World Champion Chicago White Sox only get 7 ESPN Apperences (5 against the Indians, 1 each against the Rangers and Devil Rays).
Gary Sheffield is going to have surgery on his wrist that should keep him out until September. Maybe a blessing in disguise. As hard as he plays everyday he will be a big boost in September, taking for granted that the Yanks aren’t 10 games back by then…….Go Jays!!!!!!
Cubs pitching revolving door is at work again. Mark Prior just threw for his first rehabilitative start in the minors and at the same time Kerry Woods went to the doctor for examinations on his sore arm and back.
NFL:
The Ravins officially acquired Steve Mcnair from the Titans yesterday when McNair passed his physical. McNair, who has passed for 3,000 or more yards in four of the last five seasons, is slated to be the starting quarterback in Baltimore, supplanting Kyle Boller. The Ravins can’t keep a QB healthy and who do they go get? Injury Prone S. McNair. I guess it is a step up from Kyle. I just want Joey Porter to welcome Mr. McNair back properly to the AFC Central.
#1 pick Mario Williams had his toe nails removed from his big toes. Said he did it because of the many infection problems he has had during his college days. Mario, you just signed a huge contract, with $25 million gauranteed. Your not in college anymore, you can now afford soap, private showers, and fungal crème. I remember back a few years ago when Ronnie Lott had part of his pinky finger removed instead of having a season ending operation. Don’t know if this toenail things falls into that category, but maybe it is the thought that counts.
NBA:
GAME OVER……SHAQ RULES AND kobe DROOLS. Three teams, three championship appearances, three different point guards. ‘nuff said!!
This is a series that the NBA is just salivating over. Fiery Pat Reilly V. Super Rich Mark Cuban. The war of words should be exciting alone. Throw in a couple of quotes by The Diesel, and Avery Johnson. A monster dunk by Dwade followed by a deep three from Dirk. I smell ratings……
I still think this series will go 7 games, especially if David Stern and the Refs have anything to say about it.
*****REMEMBER THIS….JOSH HOWARD IS THE KEY TO THIS SERIES, as he goes so does the series.*****
Great Falls is getting a new Pro Basketball team..The Explorers. Great! Hopefully it does better then the last team the “Cowboys” did in GF.
SOCCER:
How could I have a WOT without soccer. Strap yourself in folks!!! The World Cup starts today!!!!!!
The World Cup gets underway in Munich with a match between the host country and Costa Rica (ESPN2, 9:55 a.m.), followed by another between Poland and Ecuador (ESPN2, 12:55 p.m.). Other World Cup games of note over the weekend include England vs. Paraguay (tomorrow, ABC, 7 a.m.), Argentina vs. Ivory Coast (tomorrow, ESPN2, 12:55 p.m.), Serbia-Montenegro vs. Netherlands (Sunday, ESPN2, 6:55 a.m.) and Mexico vs. Iran (Sunday, ABC, 9:30 a.m.). Set your clocks; don’t want to miss that match up between Poland and Ecuador. Which sets up that grudge match between world powers Serbia – Montenegro and the Netherlands. Where the Hell is beach volley ball when you need it. Think I will Tivo Classic Bowling, the 1972 Showboat classic from Atlantic City, Featuring Earl Anthony V. Dick Weber.
Can anyone name the top five players in soccer?? The tag line on ESPN radio is “The World Cup, a world changing event”….WTF??? I wonder if the Stanley Cup on OLN gets better ratings then the World Cup in the USA.
NHL:
Not sure what to think here. The NHL made a good comeback had an exciting year and how are they rewarded. Edmonton V. Carolina. Edmonton, who nobody in America cares about…I mean its Canada. Versus the other hot bed of Hockey in America...Carolina. Now as if that isn’t bad enough, the first two games are shown on OLN…Its like channel 561 or something. I have an idea…replace the regular players with Yankee and Rex Sox players and ESPN will give them their own reality show.
An online poll conducted annually by Harris Interactive determined that Tiger Woods is the most popular male, knocking Jordan out of the top spot for the first time since the survey was introduced in 1993.
A second stripper at a Duke University lacrosse team party told police early in the investigation that she had been with a woman most of the night who accused team members of raping her and that the charges were a "crock," according to a court filing this Thursday. This is great…Dueling strippers!!!! If I was on the jury I would request a pole be installed in the court room and an inflatable pool filled with cream corn then I would just get up and say “if the girls don’t strip I must acquit.”
I will stay this, this scandal is the best recruiting tool for Lacrosse. Hell, I didn’t even know that Lacrosse was a college sport, now I wish I would have played it.
My LIfe:
My 40th year preschool class reunion is coming up this year. I am really dreading going, I have put on like over 200 pounds since then.
I showed up at late for work yesterday. My boss yelled at me and said “You should have been here at 8:00”. I asked “Why, what happened at 8:00?”
My third wife was having our first child. Things were going great when suddenly she started yelling “shouldn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t, won’t”. I yelled for the doctor, after a few minutes I asked “Hey Doc, what’s wrong with my future ex-wife”. He said nothing…she’s just have contractions.
DEAR 007:
Dear 007
After years of heaving drinking and peeping in windows all night, I am finding it harder and harder to get to work in the morning. What would you suggest I do?
Dead Dawg Tired.
Dead Dawg
I would first suggest that you stop peeping in windows, but since a man's got to have his hobbies, I would say drink a cup of coffee ½ hour before you eat in the morning. Studies have show that a cup ½ hour before you eat can increase your metabolism up as much as 50%. A side benefit is that drinking 20 ounces of coffee a day can decrease your risk of Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s disease.
Dear 007:
I toss off before each game to help me relax, and I usually crack my knuckles to really loosen up. Is this behavior going to cause me to increase my chance of getting arthritis?
Tree Hugger.
Listen woodman
While it makes a tuff sound and doesn’t go over well at church, you are not doing any harm to your joints, bones or muscles, unless you feel real pain when you do. The noise is caused by the high-pressure suction of gas being expelled when your joints move apart. What you really should be asking it sounds like is for a good eye doctor…in case you start going blind.
Again you can send you questions to our guest book on the Storm site in care of 007.
Just watched “About Schmidt with Jack Nicholson”….This has to be the boringest movie ever made.
al-Zarqawi DEAD / GREAT!!!
Heat/Mav finals / good
All this rain / bad
Pollen – allergies / just plain evil
I am out like a Yankee outfielder.
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June 10, 2006 --
SPECIAL GFSA ADDTION OF WOT.
GFSA:
For the umpires’ tournament there were only 7 teams that played in the “C”. It always seems to be the same teams that play; I am disappointed more league teams don’t play. I am not sure why other teams don’t. I don’t know if it is the time commitment, the money, or what but these teams need to wake up. I am not saying that they need to play every week but these teams who enjoy league need to understand that our league depends on tourneys to keep this league strong. Teams from other cities will not come to GF for a tourney that only has 7 teams. Sponsors will not waste their time or money putting on small tourneys. In order to build a strong league support is needed. If you get 12 players, the cost of entering is less then going to a movie and having some popcorn. I shall step off my soap box now.
The umpire’s tourney was a lot of fun. After a slow start the Storm decided to show and play. A shout out goes to the Gamecocks, who came from Helena to play. There is a tourney coming up in Helena in two weeks and as many teams should go play as possible. Gamecocks have come to GF multiple times this year, we should return the favor. I will say the Gamble of the tourney was pulled off by the Blasters. After watching two players from the Gamecocks go a combined 14 for 14 with 12 HRs in the previous game they decided to walk them. I believe even once with the bases loaded. I am not sure if I would have had the guts to do that but the Blasters did and it worked. They beat the Gamecocks and went to the championship game to meet the Storm and win by 1 run. There was some grumbling, but cooler heads prevailed. I think the ‘Cocks will be ready for that if they meet again, and it will be interesting to see if they respond.
The GFSA will be having a meeting coming up on the 11th. I will be in tourney in Billings for the weekend and will not be able to attend, but I encourage others to attend. I myself have many ideas, and if anyone who reads this and then goes to the meetings please feel free to bring up any of these points. I have many ideas some inside and some outside the box. Here are a few I would like to see.
Complex:
• Take the area between 5 and 6 put out some concrete tables, trees and metal BBQ pits. Make it comfortable for people to have a place to sit and relax besides sitting against the concession stand on the ground.
• Take the existing concession stand and take off the roof and make it a platform top with a ceiling for people to stand and watch the games.
• Get a sound system so music can be played at the fields
• Put a score board on the backstop of each field that the umpire flips so spectators can know the inning and score.
Teams:
• There should be discounts for first time teams, not teams that change sponsors or change a few players, but fresh new teams.
• Have a package deal for out of town teams. They participate in 4 GF tourneys they get the 5th for free. That way it would help to fill the early tournaments, and guarantee our later tourneys would be full.
• A Corporate league. What I have found when I go ask for sponsors is that they only sponsor if the employees can play. So why not make a corporate league that is just for Businesses. D.A. Davidson, Banks, or the School District. Where it is just a fun rec. league.
• I would like to see night games being played. I know there is cost involved, but maybe there is a way we can raise money to off set those costs.
• Each team should have to submit a written description of the team to be put on the GFSA web site.
GFSA:
• A monthly/quarterly newsletter that goes out to all team managers and sponsors
• An “End of the Year” banquet with awards for division winners, most improved team, a sportsmanship awards, best team sponsor award, ect…...
• Sponsorship packets, Give something back to the sponsors.
• Rolling board meeting. Meet at T.J.’s one month, The Brick the next, then the 8-Ball or what ever sponsor has room.
• Form a partnership with local restaurants and hotels. Tell then we will include them on our flyers and encourage teams to stay at their hotel or eat at their resturant during the tournament, if they will give good discounts to teams that come to GF. Or pick someone like the Super 8 hotels and set up deals with other cites. Make Super 8 the official sponsor of MT. softball. There is a Super 8 in every city, get really good deals for a statewide rate. It will cost us nothing, except to put them on the web site or on the flyer.
• Discounts for New Sponsors. Lower league fees for teams that bring in new sponsors. Set up program that gives a 20% bonus. For example if a new sponsor gives $200 for a team it counts $220 towards league fees. Now I know there are a lot of wrinkles to work out with this but it is worth looking at.
• Add process to the Boards meetings. Bring some professionalism to the procedure. The board should sit at a table together. They should introduce themselves at the start of the meeting. Have set processes on how proposals and handled. I also think monthly meeting during the season is essential. I have tried to attend every board meeting I could, and I went to the one earlier this year, but with going to Billings this weekend I will miss the only meeting that is during the season. As you see I have a lot of ideas (some good, some not as good) and I am sure many other people in the league have ideas also. They need a forum to be heard.
• Work with newspaper to get league and tournament results put in. Try to get it a heading, maybe even get league standings in the paper or a weekly column devoted to GF softball. Something to generate public support, and let the general public know what’s going on out at the complex.
• Like dart or pool leagues the GFSA needs to have clip boards at sponsor bars to post schedules, tournys and notices.
• Get Board notes on the website in a timely manner.
• Look to partnership up with Big Brothers and Sisters or the Special Olympic to come up wit joint ventures. Turn the CAN/AM into the Big Brothers and Sisters Invitational or something. Like that. If we have water, set up a car wash during a tournament for Special Olympics. Talk with the police department. Set up a booth to have kids idenification packets made for parents during a tourny.
• Make up and sell sponsorship discount cards.
Umpires:
• One thing that this league needs is new umpires. NOW DON’T GET UPSET….I am NOT saying anything negative about our current umpires. But I think we need more in number, and we need newer ones to replace more experience umpires as they leave. We could do this in two ways. First, advertise for and actively look for umps. 2ndly we should reimburse new umpires for there cost of becoming an ump. After they complete their first year as an ASA umpire the League then should reimburse the umpire for costs incurred for that year buying the uniform, equipment, training and such. Now there will have to be limits on costs but hopefully this could attract some new umps.
• I was told that all you need to do to become an ASA ump for GF is to take an open book test. You pass, you ump. I would like to see more mandatory rules to qualify to ump in GF. I as a player before the season starts go to practice to get back in to the swing of things. To get ready for the year and I think umps should also. I would like to see the GFSA put on a mandatory clinic that all umps must attend in order to ump in GF. Reinforce what is expected of them, they would go over all new rule changes, and go over positions for calls. I mean just knowing the rules by reading is not enough? I can read how to drive a car or fly a plane, but until I put it into real practice I still can’t do either. This weekend alone should prove the point. We had a question on a walking lead before stealing; it was allowed then later after conformation it was found to be illegal. I will say the Umps were all over it, they went to the right person got a ruling and it will now be called correctly. My hats off to the umps for the way they handled it. But this is something that can be handled before the season starts.
• I think we might pay a bounty any umpire who recruits a new ump for the league.
Tourneys:
• I would like to see more information on the web site on tournaments. When a tournament is upcoming there should be a list of all teams that are in and post that list on the GFSA web site so people can see who is in. For example, say in a womans tourney, they are one or two more teams short in order to have enough to run the tournament, it may stimulate teams that are in to recruit that extra team so they all can play.
• I would also like to see a meeting right before the tournament that is attended by a representative of every team, the tournament director, and the umpires to go over the rules for the tournament. So there is no confusion of runners, HR’s, time limits, when counts go to 2-1 or 3-2. I have seen each of these changed during the tournaments this year.
• Change the format and give each team 1 ½ hours per game and go to 2 – 1 count after 1 hr 15 min. This year the tournaments have been small enough to accommodate this. If it is a bigger tournament, start earlier and play later. I just think that tournaments games should be allowed to play themselves out. We pay to play games, and we should be able to play those games. Once this year an ump went to a 3 -2 count in the middle of an inning because she said that is what she was told to do. When time limits become more important then playing the game itself things need to be looked at.
These are just some of my ideas. Some may work, some may not. I, in no way want to give the impression that the GFSA is being poorly run now. I want to personally thank everyone who has put in time and effort to make this league viable. I hope I did not offend anyone, and if I did I apologize because that was not my intention. I love softball, I look forward to playing every year, I just want to see this league grow and become the model that every city in Montana learns from. I want to see a partnership between the players, the league, the umpires, the community, the sponsors and fans that come out to watch us. That’s it for now a regular “Word of Tim” will be out Friday.
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May 26, 2006 --
Here is a first; I am going to lead with soccer.
Somebody needs to explain soccer to me. I am not sure how this sport is so popular. Maybe it is because all you need to play is 4 rocks and a wad of taped up newspaper. With the upcoming FIFA world championships I just don’t understand the hype.
Two men in Paris held up a ticket stand located at city hall at gun point and they demanded 4 tickets to the upcoming Champions league final. Now they didn’t get the tickets and they fled the hall, but let’s pretend they got the tickets. I am no James Bond and I don’t work for Scotland Yard, but if there was just some way to know where they will be at a given time and the police could just wait for them and then arrest them.
I just don’t understand Soccer.
I don’t see the excitement of going to a game and hoping your team doesn’t get blown out 2 – 0. If three goals are scored in a game it is an offense explosion.
I just don’t understand Soccer.
I mean when the Raiders play the Steelers the fans go crazy, When Dallas goes into Philly the fans go crazy, but No one dies, there are not mass riots. The same can’t be said when Arsenal plays Madrid. If you are idenified as a “Hooligan”, your travel is restricted. Could you imagine if you were a Redskins fan and because of that you are not allowed to travel to Texas or New York...?
I just don’t understand Soccer.
In one league a player was traded for meat. A Romanian soccer team traded a player to competitor Regal Horia for 33 pounds of meat. Could you imagine the Yankees trading Kevin Brown to the Devil Rays for a side of beef? This did turn out to be a good deal for the Romanian team, because the guy they traded promptly retired. Again I have never been a professional athlete, but if I was traded for meat, that maybe a sign that my best days are behind me. The quote one of the team’s officials says it all, and is one of the best quotes I have ever heard.
“We are upset because we lost twice — firstly because we lost a good player and secondly because we lost our team’s food for a whole week”
I just don’t understand soccer.
Soccer is hockey only slower,
Soccer is rugby but without the hitting,
Soccer is Lacrosse without the scoring
Soccer is like being in the library without the books.
I just don’t understand soccer.
MLB
This is for Jason R. “This year the YES (Yankees Entertainment and Sports) network will bring in an estimated $200 million from cable operators and advertising, most of it derived from Yankee telecasts.” Keep in mind that the YES network primary owner is Big George. The Yankees get between 2 – 3 dollars for every one who subscribes to the network. The next four most valuable clubs--the New York Mets, Red Sox, Dodgers and Atlanta Braves--took in an average of $46 million in local media revenue last season, compared with a per-team average of $22 million league-wide. So the Yankees have a 10 – 1 dollar advantage to most teams before the first ticket is sold, before the first hotdog is sold. So the huge salaries the Yankees pay is covered by the time the season starts. Ticket sales, vender sales, jersey sales are all just gravy for the Yankees.
Hey over a month in to the season and the Mariners are only out by 2 games. WOOOHOOOO!!!
Jim Leyland manager of the year????
The Royals should just forfeit the rest of there games and join a soccer league. I am not sure how a group of professional athletes can be this bad. They should not be allowed to wear a MLB logo anywhere on there uniforms.
The Cubs are hopeless also, and they have no one to blame but themselves. This organization needs to be blown up and reconstructed. Now with all the injury problems and the pitching staff in disarray the catcher picks this time to throw a cheap shot and get suspended 10 games. If I was on a team as bad as the Cubs I might be looking for a man made vacation also. If the Cubs need a catcher the Washington Nationals might have one available (LeCroy anyone)?
If we go back to my Idea of Big market V. Small market for league divisions. Arizona, Detroit, Philly would be the Small market Division leaders and the two wild cards would be Cincinnati and Toronto, while big market leaders would be Dodgers, White Sox, Mets with the Cards and Red sox as wild cards. Under my divisions only 2 teams would be more then 10 games out while under the current divisions 6 teams are over 10 games out. I know there are many flaws to this comparison but all but two teams are within a week of being in first place. Right now the Pirates are 17 games out and have no hope. They will be selling off anyone good at the end of July. Under my system they are only 9.5 games out and have a chance. Moving on….
NFL
Former National Football League running back and Super Bowl record-holder Timmy Smith was sentenced in federal court on Friday to two and a half years in prison for conspiring to distribute cocaine. The former Washington Redskins tailback was arrested last fall along with his younger brother, Christopher, after the pair sold about $20,000 worth of cocaine to undercover agents with the U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration. Not being a drug dealer I am no expert, but I think one of my major marketing strategies would be NOT to sell to DEA agents.
Reggie bush will wear number 25 for the upcoming season. Reebok is very unhappy with this delay because jersey sales for Reggie are lagging behind other top draft picks. But you Reggie fans you may want to wait, the NFL in considering allowing players to wear any number they want. God forbid these rookies have to comply with the traditional rules of the NFL. Kickers get 1’s, QB’s the teens, RB the 30’s, LB the 50’s, WR the 80’s, linemen 70’s & 90’s, I mean it was simple…could you imagine Jack Lambert #22 or Barry Sanders #62. Just not right. I would allow T.O. to become #0, that way it would reflect his personality.
NFL asked Jeb Bush to be commissioner. I would like to see him become commissioner, if nothing else it would bring new life to probowl voting.
David Boston signs with the Bucs for his forth comeback attempt. My question is if you fail, don’t you have to succeed in order to come back a second, third or fourth time. If you fail once and never do anything again, did you ever comeback?
“Big Baddy” Dan Wilkinson was asking whose “My Daddy” when he was released from the lions this week.
NBA:
The conference finals are here. The NBA is praying that since Lebron is gone that the Mavs play the Heat. Mark Cuban V. Pat Reilly. The refs had better have their game faces on as these two have been fined the most this year for criticizing the refs.
There is talk of the Timberwolves trading Garnet for Odom. That is an interesting trade. The two biggest Superstars (Kevin and Kobe) on the same team, and neither of them make anyone around them any better.
My predictions have been awful as of late but I see the Heat and Mavs in 6 games. Then the Heat in 7 games. So I have just guaranteed that the Pistons will sweep the Suns.
A little Humor:
A Bear walks into a Bar and said “I’d like a beer ……………………………………..and some peanuts.”
The Bartender replied “No problem, but why the big paws?”
Two dogs walked by a parking meter. The one dog turned to the other and said “How do you like, that pay toilets.”
I am going to start a new “Dear OO7” section.
Dear 007:
Uhmm, ahhh a friend, yeah “A friend” of mine was wondering this last weekend is Erectile dysfunction inevitable as men age?
Diesel drooper
Well ‘drooper’, that is False. Maintaining the health of you sex organs not only improves your longevity, but also helps support a rich and fulfilling life. The most important thing is to follow guidelines for decreasing arterial aging. Eat healthy, exercise, control cholesterol and use it or lose it. A clear and well-flowing vascular system promotes blood flow to every part of your body.
Dear 007:
I keep having trouble getting the guys at the bar drunk enough to not remember the next day what I do with them the night before. Can men drink more then women?
Dust Devil Trout Dame
Yes Triple D they can, but not for the reason you may think. It doesn’t have anything to do with machismo. Men have enzyme that metabolizes more of the alcohol they drink before it even hits the blood stream. Women don’t have as much of that enzyme in their gut walls. Woman’s bodies also contain less water resulting in higher blood alcohol levels. This against proves that GOD is a man.
Feel free to write in and if your question is chosen it will be answered in a future WOT.
Kobe out of playoff – good
Lebron out of playoffs – bad
The reality show network – evil
I am out like a Yankee outfielder
MEOOOUT
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May 12, 2006 --
MLB:
Well there are tears in the Big Apple today. Yankee’s just lost there left fielder H. Matsui until at least September. POOOR, POOOR Yankees.
B. Bonds still at 713, I guess he should watch a repeat of “Walker Texas Ranger” and maybe seeing Chuck can inspirer him. I find it very ironic that Babe Ruth’s surviving family wants nothing to do with anything that has to do with the Homerun chase. When Mark Maguire was chasing 61 the Maris Family was very visible, and Big Mac had cans of “legal” supplements in his locker. I mean there is as much evidence against Mac as there is against Barry. Baseball just has no clue on what to do.
The Saint Paul Saints have finally got it right. They are an independent Minor league team and they have named their team mascot (who is a pig) Bud Squealing. Put a tie on him and he would be as good MLB’s own Bud.
Bud “The Magician” leads the way again. While he talks tough on steroids the proof will be in the pudding. If the MLBPA doesn’t come to an agreement the owners on a new CBA by Aug. 1st then the league will revert back to its old drug program. So take bets on what will happen. I just hope the players take it upon themselves and allow the testing to continue even if no agreement is reached. I sure would love to watch Baseball and not have everything revolve around steroids.
Here is why Liberals will be the death of the Great United States. In California a man who was denied a red nylon tote bag during a Mother's Day promotion at an Angel’s baseball game has filed a sex and age discrimination lawsuit against the team. I wonder if this guy is married, or if he has kids. I also wonder if on this Mother’s day if he buys his dad a gift also. Conservatives may not be perfect but you never would see them sue over a tote bag. I am sure he will be on Oprah over the next week and he may even cry over the emotion scaring he has had to go through. I wish I had grown up in California when I was a kid. I would have sued beer companies/Stores for age discrimination. The beer companies knowing and repeatedly put alcohol in the beer so I could not drink it, and stores in collusion with vendors conspire to withhold the product based solely on age. I may need to go on Oprah, I didn’t realize until right now what a victim I was.
Top Tampa Bay prospect Delmon Young was suspended 50 games without pay by the International League on Tuesday for throwing a bat at an ump. He got off easy if you ask me. He should have been banned for life and prosecuted for assault with a deadly weapon. The powers that be have spent time on money on this steroids issue and saying the main reason was because of the message it is sending to kids. Violence is escalating in this country and is reflected in sports. When you didn’t like a call you used to kick dirt on the plate; then it went to face to face; then finger pointing; on to spitting; then to Chest bumping; now bat throwing. What next? A shive to the third rib. Officials should be treated like a live power line. You can yell at them, argue with them, laugh with them but you never touch them.
We are at the quarter pole of the season, what the hell do the Reds think they are doing, and who the hell do the Rockies and Diamondbacks think they are?
NLF:
The Dolphins aren’t my team, (In case you don’t know my team is the WORLD CHAMPION PITTSBURGH STEELERS), but sure are making the off-season interesting. They go get D. Culpepper, now they get J. Harrington, and to round off the QB position they ask M. Vick to camp. They are going to let R. Williams go to the CFL for next year.
Jimmy Smith retired and let me be the first one to say…HE is a Hall of Famer. He is a real rags to riches story, the NFL could really benefit from telling his story.
O.J. Simpson has a new show on TV called Juiced. It is a candid camera show with O.J. as the star. On the show he pretends to sell his old White Bronco. O.J.’s spokesman said "Basically O.J. Simpson has decided to do this because he wants to do it, and he wanted to have fun with it," Mahr said. Have fun with it?? Wow, I will give to Simpson he must have some brass ones.
Oakland Raiders wide receiver Randy Moss has dropped his agent who is facing drug charges in Florida. My question is why did Moss fired him; because he was facing drug charges, or because he refused to share.
NBA:
I could just rip on Kobe all day. I think game 7 against the Suns shows just what he is all about. Once ‘his’ team got down he quit on them. He couldn’t get the ball out of his hand quick enough in the second half. You can list all the great players and none of them ever ran from there team like Kobe did. He should never be considered on of the best players in the league after his game 7 show.
Who is the best point guard in the league? Right now, probably Jason Kidd, up a comer Gilbert Arenas, sleeper Leandro Barbosa.
Rick Adelman will not return for a ninth season as coach of the Kings. All this guy did was take a perennial losing team and have 8 consecutive winning seasons, 5 50 win seasons, 2 divisional titles, he made the playoffs this year despite losing talent over the last two years and getting head case Ron Artest mid-season. Michael Jordan new Sacramento Kings Coach? Not as far fetched and you might think. Wait and see.
Mark Cuban up to his old tricks, running on the court yelling at officials. What he should do is make himself the twelfth man on his team. No twelfth man ever plays any way.
Rookie of the year is Chris Paul. Who? Talk about your under the radar selection. This guy getting it must really have pissed off D. Wade and C. Anthony either one would have won if it was their first year. Instead of losing to L. James, even though both had a better year then James in their rookie season.
Legend Larry is fed up with his team. He said the team's players will shape up or play elsewhere next season. About time someone speaks up. I wish more owners and managers would get fed up.
NASCAR:
Jr. wins again, no chick fights in the pits…moving on.
Softball:
Well the Storm is off to a shaky start, which is in contrast to earlier years. We usually start off strong and tail off in July. A lot of new faces and switching going on. We should be fine, or at least that is what my shrink says. Sting +35 looks strong, and Diesel is back with a vengeance again this year, I haven’t seen much of anybody else.
To bad about this tourney getting canceled this weekend. I think GFSA needs to market itself better. It is going to take more then just posting a schedule to get things going. We need to create a reason for teams to play in GF. This weekend alone there are tourneys in Billings and Missoula that I know of. The Storm was going to play in Missoula this week until some players were not able to attend. One thing I think we should do in GF is suspend any 3-2 or 2-1 count for tournament games. Last week there were very few teams and no crunch for time and we still went to the abbreviated count. Once in the middle of the inning and it hurt The Gamecocks (A Helena team). If we are going to put GF back on the map we need to get innovative and think outside the box. Here is a crazy Idea; Lets have a game where time doesn’t matter. I have been playing in GF for years and Missoula before that. I can count on one hand the number of times that time became a problem for a tournament. There are only so many things we can control as a league. The weather will do what it wants; The Umps until we get new blood (which should also be a league goal) will always be the same. We can control format, and we should bend over backwards to accommodate fun competitive games.
The Next Board Meeting is June 11th, everyone should attend.
A Little Humor:
What does a fish say when it runs into a wall?
DAMN!
Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Coz they got big fingers!!!!!!!!!
Q. What do a gynecologist and a pizza boy have in common?
A. They can smell it but they can’t eat it!
Kobe out of the playoff / good
Mariners in last place / bad
Nice M-F and bad weather on the weekends / EVIL
I am out like the Sting player on Saturday that the umpire called safe at first and led to 6 more runs being scored in the inning.
Note to umpires: If I show you the ball and look in your eyes then they were out, so call it that way. If I don’t then they were safe, and you do whatever you feel is right.
MEOW…out
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April 27, 2006 --
Ok where to start
NFL:
To those who I haven’t told…..THE STEELERS KICKED ASS!!!!!!!!!!
Brett is back and Ricky is gone. I find it ironic that that these two players make news the same week. Early in Brett Favre’s career he had a problem with prescription drugs and beer. He came out on his own and was lauded as a hero for coming forth and taking on his problem. Now people very seldom say anything about him and drugs except as a positive thing. Ricky Williams has had the pressure of expectations on him since the N.O. Saints traded away their whole draft for him. He has been successful but has had drug problems since he started and has never gotten past it. I am not sure if I should feel sorry for Ricky or not. With the draft less then a week away I guess it shows no matter how much talent you have it is pointless unless you have the mental strength to handle that talent.
Did you hear that sigh of relief…It was from John Madden and ESPN, if Brett would have retired, John Madden wouldn’t have anything to talk about. Without Brett all he could say is BAM, BOOM, Turduckin, and Bunting.
With the draft coming close, I asked myself what I would do if I was Texas. First trade away the first pick in the draft. Get some other draft picks. They have good and great position players, but what they need is linemen, and more linemen.
Dallas is the sexy pick this year, but being that I hate Dallas and T.O. I am taking up the Voodoo religion this year. So if anyone knows where I can find a live chicken, newt eyes, crocodile tears, and a virgin please let me know. In fact twin virgins would be best; I am not particularly fond of Cincinnati either.
Deion Sanders takes ownership of AFL's Wranglers, there is something new in Texas, an owner with a huge Ego.
MLB:
GO, Barry GO. Let’s see this week they gave one of his former trainer immunity if he would come and testify before the grand jury. They want Barry bad, I mean this is like calling the drug dealers in Columbia and saying hey if you testify we won’t prosecute you for selling drugs, let’s gets the users.
K.C. out by 8 games, Pittsburgh out by 11 games, Milwaukee out by 3.5 games, Minnesota out by 5.5 games, Tampa Bay out by 4 games, Florida out by 7 games. Three weeks into the season and Bud and his great league has already eliminated 6 small market teams, but who cares as long as New York, and Boston are in the race. Maybe if we are real lucky Yankees can meet the Red sox for the millionth time and St. Louis can play the Mets. WHOOO HOOOO, smells like teen sprit.
Keith Hernandez….You the man buddy….Way to take one for the team, I don’t seem so bad now. Your story comes up at the bar and I am there with a girl of the female persuasion and I just say, “Yo, baby, if a fine piece such as yourself ever wanted to visit me in the dugout. I say Cooool man Cooool.”, I mean “I’ll be the bat boy and you can be the female prison guard”, or “We could give the 7th inning stretch a whole new meaning” and “Baby if we were in Colorado I could make you a member of the mile high club”. I would just say something classy like that.
Pirates' Eldred out at least 4 months with thumb injury, he should get back just in time to be traded for prospects.
NHL
Best time of the year in sports, with the exception of the Superbowl, and the NCAA Men’s BB tourney, the NHL Playoff Hockey is the best. The Colorado Aves, a 7th seed is going to win it all. They are 3-0 up on Dallas and are not going to be stopped. A great rebound for the sport, maybe something other sports should look at. Lower salaries, lower ticket prices, raise the scoring and actually let the fans know they appreciate them. All it cost them was a complete season to come to that realization.
NBA:
Wake me when it is finals time. The intensity level is just a notch hirer then a Jr. High J.V. Volleyball game. The radio people were say today that after Kobe found out that Steve Nash was going to be the MVP it motivated him to show that he should be the MVP and the Lakers won. This is exactly the problem with Kobe. He barley makes the playoffs, and what motivates him? He doesn’t get a personal award, if he was as concerned about winning as a team like a certain point guard then he would not only win championships but MVPs that go along with it. Lets see in the middle of the playoff what does he announce……………next year he is going to change his number 24!!!!!!!!! Nothing like taking the focus off the team and back onto him. He is going to be #24 next year….rumor has it he choose it because it is 1 more then #23. I think it should be ZERO, the same number of final appearances without Shaq.
A.I. and Chris Webber also wins the Kobe Bryant “I am an egotistical prick” award. The last game of the season they decide not to show up for the game. Guess that 82 game grind was just too much for them, and why should they have to show up for work, I mean it was a Friday…what thugs works on a Friday anyways. NOTE to A.I. and Cweb….it was Fan appreciation day, you know the same people who buy your jersey, the same people who pay $100s of dollars to come see you, who allow you to make millions. I hope the fans show their appreciation by running you both out of town.
The one nice thing about watching female athletics, it is still about the game. Not the Bling, not the Tats, not showing just how great you are, it is still about the game, still about team, still about effort. I still have never heard any woman refer to themselves in the third person.
ESPN classis had a NBA marathon last weekend. I watched about 10 games that was the best. Back when you had Magic, Kareem, Michael, Charles, Kevin Johnson, Stockton, Malone, and huge Mark Eaton. I would rather watch the replay of the 1985 Championship, then the live version of today. But hey, I am an overweight, middle-aged, white guy from Montana, what do I know about the NBA.
Ok, your team is down 0-2 to the #1 seed in the playoffs, what do you do. Do you:
A) give a speech to rally your team
B) come in early to practice shooting and watch film
C) call a team only meeting and get everyone on the same page
D) At halftime yell and cuss out the coach and then refuse to play in the second half so you can get suspended for the rest of the series.
If you are Magic you pick A
If you are Larry Bird you pick B
If you are Michael you pick C
If you are K. Martin of the Nuggets you pick D.
Now can you pick of the player above who doesn’t have a championship?
One last question, with everyone coming out early is there anyone left in college to hold a season next year? Last one out, shut off the lights.
Softball:
First tourney this weekend in Helena. The practice is over and time to release the “Dogs of War”, or in my case get out the Icy Hot, Cold Packs, Braces, Wraps, and Tape. Looking for big things from the Storm this year. A shout out to all the left handed batters in the league and especially the ones in the MCS. Our Shortstop thinks you all suck and cannot hit the ball the opposite way. He told me you lefties couldn’t hit it to the third base side to save you ass, and only pussies hit it to first base. I personally don’t agree with him, but it is what he said.
I do look forward to a fun year, and with all the teams that have reconfigured I hope there is some great competition. With so many changes I don’t know who to hate this year. First I was Diesel, then they moved up, then it was the Rebels they moved up, and then it was Mount Me they quit. I would love to hate the Dawgs but I like most of them…..So I guess I will have to hate the Blasters, so there you go I hate the Blasters this year…R.J. you are off the hook this year, I know that you will be able to sleep better now, at least when the head aches go away.
Misc.
NASCAR:
Those of you who watch (I started last week, when chicks fight – I watch) NASCAR will be in for a treat. Dale Jr. will be running a black Bud car in honor of his father. It looks tight.
GOLF:
Who cares Tiger is not playing this week.
A LITTLE HUMOR IN MY LIFE:
My First wife was real touchy and moody.
One night she asked me what was on the T.V.
I said “DUST”
She was so pissed I was almost afraid to asked her to get me another beer…Almost.
Hey I was thirsty.
JUST A LITTLE HUMOR:
Q. How does a guy know if he has a high sperm count?
A. If the girl has to chew, before she swallows.
What is the difference between acne and a catholic priest?
Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12.
SOFTBALL this weekend – Finally
NHL playoffs - Great
NFL Draft finally getting her – Good
A puppy shitting on my shoe – Bad
New puppy slippers – Comfortable
Bunko - Evil
I am out like….ahh who cares I am just out.
Oh and I forgot….Meow you bitches (4 U Pam)
And liberals suck. (4 all my loyal liberal readers)
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April 14, 2006 --
NFL:
The draft is approaching, looks like Reggie Bush is a lock but the second pick in the draft is up for grabs. As much as I like the fact that Matt L. stayed in school he may drop to the 4th or 5th pick in the draft as it stands right now. Historically every draft pick makes about 10% less then the pick right before them. One class in Ballroom dancing may cost Matt tens of millions of dollars. On the bright side, at least he is not going to be on the 49ers.
Who would have guessed at the start of the year that Cleveland would have spent more in free agency then the Redskins? Mr. Snyder you will never be the George Steinbrenner of football if you allow yourself to get outspent by Cleveland.
Remember this name “Lendale White”. He was the other half of the running game for USC. He has not worked out or run any 40’s. People thought he was hiding something. So his stock has really fallen from a high 1st round pick to a low first round pick. He was examined and they have found a small tear in his hamstring. This will probably drop him into the 2nd or 3rd round. This guy will be a steal and under the right system, someone like San Diego this kid will be a star. So remember the name.
MLB:
I am so sick of this Barry Bonds Witch hunt. For the record, I am in no way shape or form a B. Bonds fan, but this get Barry craze is out of hand. Baseball and all the players, vendors, owners, and anyone else connected to baseball should get down on their knees and kiss the feet of mark McGuire, Sammy Sosa, Barry Bonds, and Victor Conte should be put in the Hall of Fame. The powers that be almost killed baseball. If not for the McGuire and Sosa’s home run chase baseball would be relegated to ESPN 8 “The Ochoa” on Wednesday nights. To see just how screwed up this is Jose Conseco is the good guy in this whole mess. This is a guy that is known for wife beating, bouncing a ball off his head for a homerun, a fake tan, and the surreal life. If I was Bud Selig I would give complete and total amnesty to every player, make an agreement with the players associations that no investigations will be done prior to this year and then tell congress to kiss off and go work on something that matters like find out why I am paying over $2.00 a gallon for gas. I guess though as long as the World is looking at Bonds they aren’t looking at just how bad a commissioner Bud really is.
Jim Thome is making the Phillies look like idiots. The mariners were in First place for 4 days. More then the last two years combined. Yankees suck, Red sox Suck…..Note to ESPN there are more teams then the Yankees and Red Sox.
I still can’t get over this Barry Bonds thing. I heard one announcer say the Steroids have ruined the integrity of baseball. Let’s see what baseball has done over the past few decades. They have kept the DH, Lowered the mounds, Build band box stadiums, juiced the baseball, put roofs over stadiums, allowed new expansion teams to dilute the talent, ESPN cuts away to every time when McGuire/Sosa/Bonds were/are up, came up with the marketing slogan “Chicks dig the long ball”, have a homerun contest at the All-star game. MLB has done everything in its power to send a message that if you want to be a star hit home runs, so players get the message and they do what they can to hit the homerun. Now because there is a light being shined on baseball, the cowards who run baseball are throwing these players to the wolves, the same players that they held up as role models and standards barers just a few years before. I hope and pray that somewhere at MIT, or Stanford, or Harvard some mego-brain is figuring out a way to beat the test and some new designer drug will be taken like aspirin by every major league player. You want integrity back in the game, then reduce the teams, raise the mound, allow pitchers to hit batters again after a home run, don’t juice the baseball, come up with a way that K.C. and Pittsburgh can compete with the Yankees.
What do they think the fans want. Do they think the fans want to return to the days when games were over if you were ahead 3-1, where you’re best hitter hits 30 hrs, where the Batting average is high at .258. Bud take a queue from Paul T. and the NFL and retire. Get Darrin “Dutch” Dalton to be the Commissioner.
NBA:
“Starbarry”? This man is quickly replacing Kobe and the dumbest man in the NBA. “Starbarry”? Can you be a star if you have never won a playoff series? “Starbarry”? Are you allowed to give yourself a nick name? I have some better ones for him:
How about “Onionbarry” because he brings tears to all the Knick fans.
How about “Anchorman” because he stops the team from going anywhere.
How about “the Surgeon” because he is systematically ripping the heart out the Knicks.
Kobe I haven’t read the papers lately, how are the Heat doing? It is just too bad that Odom isn’t 7’2” and about 340 pounds; you may have had something then. Enjoy your meeting with the Spurs; I guess you will have to put off your vacation for a few days.
LeBron for MVP. Duncan and Nash can’t win it every year.
The Sonics may be on the move. I say don’t move them, fold them. Less teams more talent on the remaining teams.
The NBA and Adidas have agreed to agree for the next 11 years about the league's official uniforms and apparel. What was Nike watching the Master and for got about the NBA?? Could have had a whole new marketing Campaign. Instead of be like Mike, It could have been I wanna be like Dick Bevedda.
NASCAR:
Women fighting in the pits!!!!!! Bet your ass I am going to start watching NASCAR.
NHL:
13 teams out of the playoff, 16 teams in; it’s almost as easy to make the playoffs in hockey as it is to get to a bowl game in college.
GOLF:
Tiger took third and people were already asking what wrong with his swing, and if his fathers health is affecting his game……………Folks he took third. I actually heard a radio guy saying that Phil has now caught up to Tiger. If you have lapped the field ten times like Tiger has, just because you caught him once does mean your ahead, it just means you have to catch him 9 more times.
NCAA MENS BB:
Not to bad, I had ½ of the final Four and I did have Florida beating UCLA.
J.J. Redick is player of the year.
Softball:
I can’t wait for it to start. It looks like The “C” division in GF is going to be VERY competitive. Hopefully that will translate into taking a few top spots at State.
A LITTLE HUMER:
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: "How do you breathe through that thing?"
If I had a rooster and you had a donkey and your donkey ate my rooster. What would you have?
2 ft. of my cock in your ass.
What's slimy cold long and smells like pork
Kermit the frogs finger
More Hallmark moments:
To my next door neighbors:
How could two people as beautiful as you
Have such an ugly baby?
To my last ex-wife:
I've always wanted to have
someone to hold,
someone to love.
After having met you ..
I've changed my mind.
To my first ex-wife
I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.
Chick fight s in NASCAR - Great
Flexible NFL schedule – good
My daughter almost a teenager – bad
Boy’s ages 13 and older – evil, and maybe soon to be dead
I am out like the four teams in hockey that didn’t make the playoffs.
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March 22, 2006 --
Alright let’s get this started.
World Baseball Classic:
Didn’t like it when it was thought up, but I must admit I watched it. I really liked watching it. I still think it is ill-conceived and shoved down our throats. I would like to see it run like the little league world series. The world has a tourney and the winner plays the World Series winner for a true world series. In watching the tourney one thing I found out is that other countries have very good players. Japan and Cuba showed that having a true team is much better then having a team of individual superstars. I do have respect for the players that played for the U.S.A. and no real hard feelings for those that didn’t. I care more about the regular season then the WBC. If Ichiro would have gotten hurt in the championship game, Japan winning would have been little consolation for me. So I guess I like the idea now just not the set up.
MLB:
For today’s game Soriano says he'll 'think about' move to OF, yeah he thought about it after the Nationals said they were going to deactivate him and he would not get service time. No service time, No free agency next year.
Red Sox trade Arroyo to Reds for Pena; this is what is wrong with baseball. Arroyo didn’t test the free agent market last year. Instead he took a smaller contract in order to stay in Boston. SO Boston takes his smaller contract and trades him to the Reds. Boston does such a good job of keeping good pitching.
Al Leiter, a 19-year veteran who just returned from pitching for U.S. team at the World Baseball Classic, retired following Sunday's 2-0 win over the Cleveland.
Juan Gonzalez, limited to one at-bat last season, agreed to a minor-league contract with the Boston Red Sox on Sunday, this gamble could turn out to be very good for Boston. No real down side to this signing
NFL:
With all the free agents signing just wonder how much sleep Mel Kiper Jr. is getting.
How to make and team explode:
Add 1 owner with more money then brains, who has a huge ego and a big mouth.
Next nix in a coach who loves nothing more then ripping people publily
In a separate bowl add an arrogant agent and the most selfish WR in NFL history wisk vigorously.
Add the two bowls together.
Sprinkle on top a QB who is erratic and on the down side of his career.
Put in pressure cooker and bake until implosion occurs. ( aprox 8 games)
This is why I hate the Cowboys. They take a player that has disrespected their team in the past, has ripped every QB he has ever worked with, left his last three teams under a cloud of controversy and pay him major dollars. Jerry Jones maybe the worst thing to ever happen to the NFL.
I just hope whoever becomes the next commissionaire is strong enough to keep the Jones and Synders of the league in check. I don’t want the NFL to become the joke like MLB is.
College BB
Duke and UConn in the championship game. I know I am on a limb here….I change my mind on a daily basis who will win.
Doing well in my brackets I have 11 of the sweet sixteen teams. UNC, Ohio, Iowa, Kansas screwed me.
My Elite 8: IN = Duke, Tex, UCLA, UConn, BC, Florida OUT= Kansas, Iowa, UNC,
My Final 4: IN = Duke, UCLA, UConn, Florida
Championship Game: Duke, UConn
1st = Uconn/Duke
2nd = UConn/Duke
3rd = Florida
4th = UCLA
Player of the year: J.J. from Duke
Mustache of the year: Adam Morrison of Gonzaga
NBA:
Shaq in for sure / Kobe holding on to the last playoff spot in the West.
Larry Brown is going to have a coronary, wonder if he wishes he could still be fighting with A.I. I truly believe that the Knicks are trying to become the worst run team in sports. The Clippers had that title sewn up in the NBA for the last 10 years, but Isaiah Thomas is doing his best to be the worst. I think it is just his way of taking more revenge on the Knicks; he is still a Piston at heart.
Softball:
Snoball just happen. They say it is all fun and games before someone loses an eye. It was fun and games until R.J. got hit in the face with a bat from yours truly. Word is his sunglasses survived. I credit to R.J.’s toughness a few hours and 15 stitches later he showed back up to play in the Championship game.
The Storm has decided to play in the MCS. I encourage other good teams no matter the league to sign up and play. We were on run away from being a “B” team anyway, so we will find out just how good/bad we are.
A HALMARK MOMENT:
Hallmark cards you wish you could find in the store:
Heard your wife left you, how upset you must be.
But don't fret about it... She moved in with me.
And
My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat
when I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat.
SORRY!
No Mariners Hurt in the WBC = Good
Jimmy Johnson = Fast
Hearing about the NFL Draft for 6 months = Boring
Bode Miller mouth = bad
Signing T.O. to a contract for 10 mil = evil
I am out like toilet paper at the Silver Spur on Wednesday…..don’t ask.
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March 10, 2006 --
Ok, time for the season to start again.
Very happy to see the GFSA is up and running again and running very strong. I encourage all to attend the meeting, they have been cut down to three a year so it isn’t so hard to attend and important things get discussed. It will be nice to have someone at the fields at a given time for every one to go see if there are questions.
NFL: PITTSBURGH STEELERS WORLD CHAMPIONS not much else to say, the world is good now. I don’t want hear any BULLSHIT about the refs. The mark of a good team is to overcome the obstacles of not getting every call. I.e. refer back the Indy game.
A deal got done in the CBA….I really didn’t care. Billionaires fighting with millionaires over money…….how exciting.
Let the free agent signings begin…won’t be as exciting since the CBA got done but there should be some good movement.
MLB: let’s get the WBC out of the way. This is such a good tourney that the U.S.A. all-stars have to beat high schoolers from South Africa in order to move on to the second round…..YAWN. The only exciting thing here is if the cancer known as “Lying piece of crap Whore-rod” can again bring a team down and have them lose in the big game.
A lot of good players switched teams so it will be fun to see the Yankees and Red Sox play the 82 games against each other on ESPN AGAIN this year. (Note to ESPN there are other teams in the AL.)
NBA: I really have a hard time getting excited about this also. There are enough games that the good teams always rise to the top and you can almost pick the top 8 teams from each league before the season starts. Even is you missed a few only 1 8th team have ever beaten a #1 , and only 2 7th place team have beaten a #2. So the regular season means really nothing. I will go out on a limb…Detroit V. Miami in the eastern finals and San Antonio V. (who cares because San Antonio will win) in the west.
I check back in here when the season gets towards the end and then we can discuss why did Kobe’s team miss the playoffs again and why are the Heat doing so well and deep into the playoffs.
NCAA Basketball: Beside the Super Bowl this is my favorite time of the year for any sport. Back for more next week after selection Sunday.
NHL: Trading deadline was the largest n the history of the NHL; many of the teams are bunched together. This has been one of the few times that I can recall where the rules changes have made a game much more exciting and fun to watch. Getting ride of the two line pass have opened up the ice and allowed skilled players to show their stuff again. Speed means something again.
Next week should be a great week in sports:
1) NFL free agency
2) NCAA BB selection Sunday
3) Snowball in Great Falls
4) Get my DVD of the Super bowl in the mail.
Pittsburgh wins the Super bowl – great
Spring training – good
CBA finalized – ok
Flat tire when it is very cold out on a Saturday – bad
Ref bashers in the Super bowl – cry babies
Olympic curling – evil
Holding a 7 – 2 off suit, so I am out.
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The Word of Tim
July 21, 2005 --
Here we go again,
*********CONGRADULATONS TO WILL AND BRANDY************
Brandy just remember I like married women. Call me….
I hope you two are blessed with many years of happiness!!
Brandy….call me….
********************************************************
It has been two weeks since Anaconda and time for the update.
It Sucked, We sucked, and Hats off to Dirt.
Fatty put on a display at the Homerun Derby that made the winner a secondary thought.
Never take your good shoes to a place that has many fires.
Speed limits are a good thing and should be obeyed.
Q: How do you fend off a bear?
1) A candle
2) knife
3) baseball bat
4) frying pan
5) All of the above
If it is really cold and two men sleep together to conserve heat are they gay??? Brooke…Pam….?????
The Can/Am is this weekend and from what I have read, it looks to be one of the best tournaments of the year. With Diesel running the show I think there may be a few beverages given away, and a lot of action happen around the park. This is a great tune up for State, good luck to all and a hope that there is a STORM a brewing.
Well, on to other sports
MLB:
The Yankees were back in first place for a few days. I guess maybe Torrie shouldn’t be fired and that Sheffield Character might be a good one to keep. Right-hander Carl Pavano could return to New York's starting rotation next week when the Yankees return home. The only person who may be injured reserve that the Yankees need to worry about is Steinbrenner. Steinbrenner insists he's healthy despite a much lower profile this season, and George also named a successor this year. Second thought, who give a shit? It’s just the fucking Yankees, bunch of rat bastards.
Detroit Tigers reliever Troy Percival likely will miss the rest of the season because of a partial muscle tear in his right forearm.
Bonds said through his web site that he has 'no doubt' he'll be playing in 2006. Must take longer then originally thought to flush his system. If next year he doesn’t hit many HR’s wonder if his “knee” will act up again?
Here is another example why the Bud Selig needs to resign as commissioner. He comes up with this politically correct World Classic baseball championship. Which on paper sounds good, but in reality doesn’t work? If you don’t know what the World Classic Baseball Championship is look it up, don’t have the energy to educate today. But I digress; it only worked in the Olympics twice with basketball and now it is an embarrassment. Gary Sheffield had the courage to speak out and say that he would not play for free. Which is right, how many people in America would take their vacation from their regular job so they could work for free in another. That is what they are expecting the MLB players to do. Now Bud coming out and saying that MLB will decide what country each player will play for. So for players like Alex, I am a traderious whore who brings nothing but misery to the game, Rodriguez who has ties to more then one country doesn’t have a say in his choice of teams.
I mean it was bad enough to have a homerun derby contest with a bunch of no name hitters* so that we could showcase our foreign players, but now they have to play for free. You saw how the players took the All-Star game seriously when it was just about pride, and that was only one game. Imagine a month of only playing for pride. By about 3rd week we will probably have some forfeits.
NBA:
The NBDL has changed its name to the NBA Development League to reflect its future role. I thought the NBA already had a developmental league….It was called “go to college son and learn the game.”
The world can breath again Ron Artest returned to competitive action last Friday for the first time since being suspended for his role in the now infamous brawl with Detroit Pistons fans on Nov. 19. 1st time in NBA history that the game was held in an octagon.
Bill Laimbeer has told Isiah Thomas that he no longer wants to be considered for the Knicks' head coach job. I bet that is a big lift off of Isiah mind. Especially since there is a 5 year 50-60 million dollar contract on the table for Larry Brown. In a similar story Bill Walton has told the Heat that he no longer wants to be considered for their starting position center.
NFL:
Tedy Bruschi will sit out this season because of a stroke he suffered 10 days after helping the Patriots win their third Super Bowl in four years.
Terrell Owens hasn't decided whether he will report to training camp on time because of a contract dispute with the Eagles, his agent said Wednesday. "The odds are 50-50," Drew Rosenhaus told The Associated Press. "We probably won't make any determination until the start of camp." Speaking of 50, which is the percentage that his jerseys will be on clearance for in Philadelphia.
Speaking of Drew Rosenhaus, a few days ago he supposedly saves a kid from drowning by administering CPR. Now I am not a conspiracy theorist but let’s look at the facts. This guy is a cancer on the NFL. He seems to think that any contract a player signs before he's their agent is null and void. Look at the laundry list of players not showing up for mini-camp and chances are this greedy #$@%$ is repping them. Jevon Walker no-showing the pack, Santanna Moss blows off the Redskins mini-camp, T.O wants a new deal a year after signing a 7 year deal for 49 mil. Same situation for Anquan Boldin of the Cardinals, Reuben Droughns of the Browns and Sean Taylor of the Redskins, And Edgrinn James next year.
The Cowboys are putting “The Triplets” on their ring of fame. Wonder if they will invite Alvin Harper (good career move Al, going to the Bucs.)
Tim Brown retired Monday after signing a one-day contract with the Oakland Raiders, with whom he spent nearly his entire career. A lot of debates but I think a 1st ballot Hall-of-famer
In a statement to ESPN.com, New England Patriots Coach Bill Belichick confirmed Wednesday night that he and his wife, Debby, are separated. But I am sure that he has 6th round draft choice that will step up, fill in nicely and go to the probowl.
Golf:
Woods won his 10th major championship, a five-shot victory that marked a return to dominance. Finishing 1-2-1 in the three majors this year. I guess that whole marrying a supermodel thing hasn’t been as bad as people thought. I mean common if you had just married a supermodel wouldn’t you miss a few cuts to be home for the weekend also. If you would rather handle your putter around a bunch of other guys instead of being home with your supermodel wife does that make you gay? Pam….Brooke…???
NHL:
Looks like it is game on.
Possible rule changes that could be enforced in the upcoming season are, shootouts to eliminate tie games, wider blue lines to increase the size of the offensive zones, the removal of the center red line, and limitations on where goalies can handle the puck.
Goalies are already expected to be playing with smaller pads next season
Even though some players have publicly criticized the agreement, that is believed to contain a $39 million salary cap and a 24 percent rollback on existing contracts, union members ratified the deal which would put an end to the owners' lockout that forced the cancellation of last season. The rule changes will be good for the game but let’s look at the negotiations.
The owners originally asked for a $42 million hard salary cap and up to a 24% rollback on salaries. The players said no way and we lost a season. And what did they players win? They lost $3 million of cap room, and got the full 24% salary reduction plus a portion of all players salaries will be held in escrow for the season until it can be determined if the league made enough money and if it didn’t the team keeps the escrow money. I just wish that football and baseball owners would look at the example of the hockey owners and get each league's salaries under control.
The Phoenix Coyotes expect a decision soon from Wayne Gretzky on whether he will coach the team in the upcoming season. This is a disaster waiting to happen. The players of today’s era have no where the drive and work ethic of the stars of just 10 – 15 years ago. Former players like Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson, Larry Bird, just don’t have the mind set to caudle younger under achievers who have their agents number on speed dial on there phone. They don’t have the patience to wait until the next young phenom is done pimping his new rap album to attend practice. Gretzky was all about winning, he did things that his players can only dream about and the personality that drove Gretzky to be the best ever is the same personality that will not allow him to be a patient coach that holds his players hand. 2 years...21/2 years max before he resigns and moves into the front office.
More random bar rules:
30. Unacceptable things to say after doing a shot: Great, now I’m going to get drunk. I hate shots. It’s coming back up.
31. Never, ever tell a bartender he made your drink too strong.
32. If he makes it too weak, order a double next time. He'll get the message.
33. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you.
34. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you.
35. If she buys you a drink, she likes you.
36. If someone offers to buy you a drink, do not upgrade your liquor preference.
37. Always have a corkscrew in your house.
38. If you don't have a corkscrew, push the cork down into the bottle with a pen.
39. Drink one girly drink in public and you will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks.
Parting Shots:
Now you know I can’t leave without addressing our current foil the Rebels. I would tell them to stop engaging us. Save your breath, I mean you guys still have to blow up your dates. But in reality I hope they keep talking, someday they might actually say some intelligent. I do have a question for you guys….Do any of you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth? I mean have any of you Rebels even considered suing your brain for nonsupport; because I don’t know what makes you so stupid, but bottle it because it really works. When I first started reading the post you guys addressed to STORM, I just thought you were all just a big pain in the neck. Now I have a much LOWER opinion of you. I really tried to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass. I will say that no matter what is said you guys keep coming back for more and act like you don’t know the meaning of the word ‘fear’ or ‘humiliation’, but then again you guys probably he don't know the meaning of most words. I heard that one of the Rebels was so dumb that he made a long distance call to Mexico and he went to Taco Bell to pay the bill. In parting I will just say that if I promise to miss you, will you go away?
Fantasy football just weeks away – good /
NHL back in business –Who cares /
Barking on the sites - fun
Can /Am this weekend – lots of fun /
Season coming an end – bad /
Cowardly bombers in London – evil /
I’m out like the Bomb Cory hit against Diesel to win 25 – 23.
MEOW……..Don’t cry………
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August 30, 2005 --
Ok, The Season is over and I am back. It has been awhile. I was so busy, I would write a WOT but by the time I was ready to post it had become old news and obsolete. Recently if you have been on the site or the Rebels I have been otherwise occupied. Things slowed down so here it is.
Let’s start with a softball wrap up.
I had my first experience with +35 softball. The Oldstars asked me to play and I had a great time in Missoula. Excellent bunch of guys to play with. We were able to come from the loser bracket to meet a team from Billings that brought their bats. At one time I believe they got 15 – 16 line drive hits in a row. I was asking for steroids tests but the 3rd inning.
The Storm had a relatively successful tournament also. I think we took 7th, and were the last G.F. team left. We were clipped by the Gamecocks out of Helena. It was a pitchers duel 5 – 4, and we got our 4 runs in the bottom of the 7th.
My co-ed team was probably my biggest surprise. The Pornstars had a good tournament; we ended up taking 5th place and being the last G.F. team in the tournament. I didn’t have much hope going in but we were able to overcome any lack of talent by being smart, getting timely hits and never giving up. The X-treme team beat us twice to put us out.
***If anyone needs someone for fall ball, even as a fill in let me know.
Little league World Series
That was a great tournament!!!!! If you watched you know what I mean, if you didn’t you missed some great ball. The walk off HR in the Championship game in extra innings was, in my opinion on of the greatest off all time, in any sport. What kid hasn’t done that at the park?? The only problem I see with it is that this 12 year old boy probably just experenced the high point of his life. Its all down hill from there son, At least if he did that in High School or College he would beable to get alittle nookie out of the deal. That poor kid just probably got to supersize his meal as a reward.
NFL
John Abraham of the NY jets returned to practice Tuesday, one day after signing his one-year, $6.7 million franchise tender. Abraham switched from No. 94 to No. 56, taking the jersey from rookie Dennis Haley. His birthday is May 6th (5/6), go figure.
Running back Jerome Bettis will miss the next two weeks of action with a calf injury, and Duce Staley is already out for a few more weeks. It will leave the running duties to Willie Parker. Watch this guy, he reminds me of Joe Delaney. He played for a short time for the chiefs but was killed. Does anyone else remember him?
Giants quarterback Eli Manning said he experienced no soreness in his sprained elbow Monday, a day after throwing the ball for the first time since he was injured 10 days ago.
Cedric Benson joined the Bears on Monday signing a 5 year contract and put a drawn-out negotiation behind him. Well hopefully he can last. The bears haven’t picked a quality running back since…what? Payton. The A-train was ok, but not real quality.
The Eagles abruptly rescinded the franchise tag from the standout defensive tackle, Corey Simon. A move that immediately makes him an unrestricted free agent. I hope he stays in the NFC.
Alex smith out, Kyle Orton in. I think Kyle Orton will be the rookie of the year. Purdue had an excellent year and the games they lost we close, they lost the games by a combine score of like 14 points.
Notable Cuts: Keep your fantasy team up-to-date
Peter Warwick, Brock Berlin, Ron Bellamy, Maurice Clarett, Danny Kennell, Petrick Hape, Chad Hutchinson, Troy Edwards, Craig Ochs (Last Years Grizzy QB)
MLB
Raphie, Raphie, Raphie…….what was you thinking?
A great career, a great man, all down the toilet. (I will rant on steroids and the game next time)
The Orioles are in shambles, Palmerio taking roids, Sosa hurt his big toe, Ponsion getting arrested for DUI. I guess Phil Nevin doesn’t look so stupid now for declining the trade to go there.
The Chicago Cubs retired Ryne Sandberg's No. 23 jersey before Sunday's game against Florida.
I talked awhile ago about Big Bid Selig’s grand plan to have a world baseball tournament that lasts about a month. Again Bud shows that he is an idiot. The U.S. roster consists of professionals not on 40-man major league rosters. Players don’t want to play for free, and the ones that do can’t play for the team that they want. Players that have multiple heritages will be told what team they will play for. It’s a joke, which will blow up in his face.
Well let’s see, we have played many months and what have we accomplished this year.
Surprise!!!! They Yankees and the Red Sox are battling for the division, I think they have played everyday for the last three years. I just wished I liked either team.
Atlanta and the Cards are winning…Yawn.
The NL west is almost playing .500 ball.
Billy Beane shows again that he is the best GM in baseball. Think what he could do if he had wealthy ownership.
About the only real good story this year is the Chi sox. If you laid a $100 on them in Vegas a few months ago you might be able to cash that ticket and get a tank of gas here shortly.
NBA
Nick Van Exel signed a free-agent contract with the San Antonio Spurs on Monday.
Isn’t he on a new team every year?
Dikembe Mutombo signed a two-year deal with the Houston Rockets on Friday. How old is he???
Dirk Nowitzki has received permission from the Dallas Mavericks to join the German national team for warm-up games before next month's European championship. Even thought this is a stupid thing for Mark Cuban to do that is why he is the best owner in the NBA. He is just a regular guy that won the Dot.com lottery.
Dale Davis signed a two-year, $7 million contract with the Detroit Pistons on Tuesday. What do they have 10 center/forwards and 2 guards?
Alonzo Mourning says he coming back for another year. Miami has two big daddies.
NASCAR
IN
1. Tony Stewart
2. Jimmie Johnson
3. Greg BIffle
4. Rusty Wallace
5. Mark Martin
6. Jeremy Mayfield
7. Kurt Busch
8. Ryan Newman
9. Carl Edwards
10. Jamie Mc Murray
Out
11. Dale Jerrett
12. Jeff Gordon
14. Kevin Harvick
16 JR
20 Michael Waltrip
24. Bobby Labonte
Last year was great for NASCAR but what about this year. I wonder what the ratings will be when the two top drivers become irrelevant in the final ten racers. Think JR. has been outspoken so far, wait until he is out of contention. What about Jeff? How aggressive will he be with nothing to lose? You think if he has a chance to put Tony Stewart in the wall and take him out of the Championship he will be able to pass it up?.
We will find out.
College football
I have some breaking news………My sources have told me that USC will be ranked #1 on both polls starting the season.
Will Texas finally beat Oklahoma this year????
Some big match ups early this year, and I don’t care who wins or loses as long as it messes up the BCS.
Michael Vicks little brother is back a V-tech. He is faster, bigger and supposed to have a better arm then his brother had at his age. We will see, I hear the Bengals are already preparing to take him, but then the Bengals are always preparing to have the #1 pick in the draft.
More drinking rules:
21. Our parents were better drinkers than we are.
22. Never talk to someone in the restroom unless you're doing the same thing—urinating, waiting in line or washing your hands.
23. Girls hang out, apply make-up, and have long talks in the bathroom. Men do not.
24. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake your confidence.
25. It is only permissible to shout 'woo-hoo!' if you are doing a shot with four or more people.
26. If there is a d.j., you can request a song only once per night. If he doesn't play it within half an hour, do not approach him again. If he does play it, do not approach him again.
27. Learn how to make a rose out of a bar napkin. You'll be surprised how well it works.
28. If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store.
29. If you owe someone twenty dollars or less, you may pay them back in beer.
30. Never complain about the quality or brand of a free drink.
Heard a great blonde joke:
What did the blonde say after having multiple orgasms?
You all on the same team?
Love blonde joke…just love them.
Little league World Series – good
Softball season getting over – bad
Looters in New Orleans – evil
I am out like the Mariners race for the pennant.
MEOW……………you sum bitches!!!!!
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July 7, 2005 --
Once again terrorist have proven that they have the ability to kill innocent unsuspecting people. Once again they have proven that they can hide a bomb, walk away and kill, then slink back into the shadows where cowards find comfort and take credit for their jihad. We as a people, as a world population can’t let them win. We have people in this country complaining about our torture of prisoners, not letting them sleep, playing loud music and such. If we could have stopped the deaths of innocent people, would torture be worth it? I consider myself a sane, compassionate, fair person but when it comes to these animals I say bring out the glass rods, acid, hot irons and anything else that Stephen King can think of and have at them. The liberal ACLU types would have us treat this scum as U.S. citizens with the full protection of the U.S. legal system. I say the only benefit they should receive from our legal system is to be beaten by a few law books. So the next time you read a Newsweek story about how bad we treat our prisoners, or you hear Ted Kennedy or H. Clinton saying we need to close Gitmo or hear Howard Dean blame the Bush administration for atrocities to the detainees just remember 9/11 and 7/7. Remember what they did in Spain. Remember what they do every day in Iraq. Even on our worst day we don’t kidnap, behead and dump bodies, we don’t intentionally kill innocent people; we don’t crash our planes into civilian targets. Our solders don’t hide our faces; our leaders don’t run and hide. Ask yourself, if they captured President Bush, would they feed him, house him humanely, put him on a public trial, and supply him with a team of lawyers, like we have done with Saddem or would they simply make an outrageous demands and behead him a week later? According to reports out today, they have done just that with the ambassador from Egypt. I am not sure how to end this tirade other then to say, when fighting an enemy that doesn’t follow the rules then a new rule book needs to be used. The ACLU should be looking into protecting the rights of the victims of these fucks and not worrying about if they have appropriate reading material.
Now back to your regularly scheduled column:
Lets lighten things up a bit.
MISC. BAR RULES:
21. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably during happy hour.
22. Always toast before doing a shot.
23. Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast.
24. Change your toast at least once a month.
25. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.
26. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.
27. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one night.
28. When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a slightly-dirty, very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and two-part cocktails.
29. Get the bartender's attention with eye contact and a smile.
30. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink.
MLB
The All-Star is almost here again…YIPPEEEE!!!! I will say that because they have made the game worth something it is much more interesting to watch. This year I will have to admit that I am very surprise by the number of 1st time All-Stars. This game this year is very much reflective of players, coaches and fans being more educated. It also helps when perennial hanger-on All-Stars have been have sub par years two seasons in a row. There will be no Jr., Garceapara, Bonds, B. Boone, Sosa, and Jeter.
Both George Steinbrenner and Brain Cashman were quoted last week as saying that they haven’t talked to Gary Sheffield and that if there was a problem they didn’t know about it. If I was a Yankee fan I would be furious. You have one of the most productive, passionate players in baseball on your team and he is mad about trade rumors, I would be on his doorstep and be the last person he talks to everyday before he went to bed to insure he is happy. Chemistry and not money wins championships.
NHL
They still can’t get out of their own way. The L.A. Times reported that a deal in principle was in place between the owners and players and a today the NHL has already put out news releases that it was not true and that no agreement is in place. To show how little people care about Hockey, on the ESPN website the NHL heading is below such popular sports a tennis, golf, the Tour De France, and all college sports. It barely beats out U.S. Soccer for daily hits to the site. Hockey, like Peter Jennings, should just go back to Canada where they belong.
NHL
Tim Brown is retiring as a Raider, as it should be. He had a great Career and with the exception of Jerry Rice, Tim Brown in my opinion was the Best receiver ever. And I give him the highest compliment I can think of. I wish the Steelers would have drafted him. He is the last active player that actually played for the L.A. Raiders.
A send off to Hank Stram, 82. May he rest in peace. He was the creator of the moving pocket. He wanted his quarterback (Len Dawson) to take advantage of his athletisim, and give him better passing lanes. Mike Vick, Fran Tarkington, John Elway, tip your hat to this man, he made your fame possible in a small way.
Here is a story that ran on the associated press. I think I have found a kindred soul and this is the way I want to go!!!
Family has unique viewing at funeral home
Associated Press
PITTSBURGH -- James Henry Smith was a zealous Pittsburgh Steelers fan in life, and even death could not keep him from his favorite spot: in a recliner, in front of a TV showing his beloved team in action.
Smith, 55, of Pittsburgh, died of prostate cancer Thursday. Because his death wasn't unexpected, his family was able to plan for an unusual viewing Tuesday night.
The Samuel E. Coston Funeral Home erected a small stage in a viewing room, and arranged furniture on it much as it was in Smith's home on game day Sundays.
Smith's body was on the recliner, his feet crossed and a remote in his hand. He wore black and gold silk pajamas, slippers and a robe. A pack of cigarettes and a beer were at his side, while a high-definition TV played a continuous loop of Steelers highlights.
"I couldn't stop crying after looking at the Steeler blanket in his lap," said his sister, MaryAnn Nails, 58. "He loved football and nobody did [anything] until the game went off. It was just like he was at home."
Longtime friend Mary Jones called the viewing "a celebration."
"I saw it and I couldn't even cry," she said. "People will see him the way he was."
Smith's burial plans were more traditional; he'll be laid to rest in a casket.
My only change is that it be a T.V. with a picture-in-picture capability so I could watch the Mariners also, and wearing my Storm hat.
15 or 16 year old Michelle Wie received a sponsor’s exemption to play in this weeks men’s PGA tournament. I guess if she makes the cut then I am for it, if she doesn’t then go back to LPGA. Hey, if I owned something then I guess I have the right to invite who I want. Usually I have to wait for the Olympics in order to ogle 15 year olds, Now I get to do it every week, isn’t life great.
Now you didn’t think I would leave without mentioning this up coming weekend.
GOOSETOWN IS HERE!! The most fun TWO games I play all year!!
To all military people, take your leave now, don’t wait until Friday, call in sick, go AWOL, say your spouse is in labor. Do what you have to.
I heard that Diesel has two cases of Jag, and of course the beer bong. So win or lose I know what team will have the most fun. A few personal matters,
Brew – get the big bottle and a nipple (or two straws).
B.J. – bring extra underwear.
Pam -- drive safe, I don't want to spill.
Nick –- sleep with your back to the wall.
J.W. -- leave your groin alone until Saturday.
Brooke – check in under an assumed name, and bring extra light bulbs.
Stucky – stay awake.
Jason – get a tee time late saturday morning.
To ALL ladies – middle aged, overweight white guys need love too.
Everyone have fun, be safe, and 1 female streaker is worth 10 males ones. Ladies REPRESENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Being alive come Monday – good / Funny bracketing – bad / The effects of Bull Blaster – funny / a 6 on the river to hit a gut shot straight and cost me 16 dollars –evil (Al you bitch)
I am out like Derick Jeter and the all-Star game.
Oh yeah!!! MEOW YOU SUM BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P.S. I can’t find my Velcro gloves, or hip weighters. Wool whoever borrowed them please give them back. Ewe don’t have to answer any questions. Just Ram them into a sack and return them. I shear will be grateful.
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June 29, 2005 --
HEELLLLOOOOOO ALLLLL
CHOKE OR STROKE THIS WEEKEND…..SIGN UP TO PLAY!!!!
The Tournament this weekend was very interesting. Not sure how you can play 7 games over two day against two other teams, but we did it, and I had a fun time. I will say that by Sunday afternoon I was sick of playing Mount Me, and I am sure they were sick of playing us. All the games were close, and I know if I ever have to play against Storm some time I am only going to play with three outfielders.
No disrespect to whatever team we played in co-ed last night but we sucked. We had a dropped ball in the out field, a no cover play at second, an in field error, a burn in the outfield, and a strikeout (while we were batting) and that was just in the 7th inning. It was a night to forget. On the bright side the price for a barrel of oil dropped over two dollars yesterday. I feel sorry for the team that has to face the Dusty Porn Devil Stars next week.
NBA draft happen yesterday…..and who cares????
Mr. Boget got drafted #1 all I can say is: Shawn Bradley, Big Country Reeves, Eric Montross, they were all big guys with no speed….good luck and thank God for garunteed contracts.
The San Antonio Spurs' victory over the Detroit Pistons in seven games in the NBA Finals drew a championship series record 141,416 fans, and helped the league set a record for total attendance in a season. The funny thing is that is also set the record for the least watched finals in history.
LeBron James says he would like to have some input on which players the Cavaliers add to their roster as the free agency period begins next week. I would tell LeBron two things. If you want control then buy the team, or take a salary cut. LeBron makes enough with endorsements (120 million dollar shoe deal) that he could take the league minimum and use the money saved to go out and get a team full of free agents. But this is just another case of a player thinking he is bigger then the team and the game. I see we have another Kobe in the making. D. Wade should give Kobe, LeBron and Penny a call and ask them what they did for the summer.
NFL: Robert Kraft, the owner of the Patriots Met with the Russian President Vladimir Putin last week and showed him his Superbowl ring. Mr. Putin promptly put the ring is his pocket and didn’t give it back. No one from the Patriots will comment on it and they have said that Mr. Kraft is unreachable for comment. Unreachable my ass, if Tom Brady needed some cheese I am sure they could get a hold of Mr. KRAFT.
Time to look at the rap sheets and I am not talking music.
Redskin’s safety Sean Taylor faces a minimum prison sentence of three years for allegedly pointing a gun at someone under criminal charges filed Friday by Florida prosecutors.
The Dolphins cut Quintin Williams, just one day after the second-year safety was arrested on DUI and drag racing charges.
Well I guess they both have ‘street cred’ now.
MLB: Are pitchers more fragile then other players or just more stupid. Kenny Rodgers punched a cooler and broke his pinky finger, and Oliver Perez (a pitcher for the Pirates) kicked a laundry cart and broke his toe and will have to be put on the 15 day DL. I got over beating up inanimate objects when I was about 12. If you are making millions throwing a ball you should make better decisions, I mean hell, pay a guy to beat up the cool for you, or buy a dog, they are softer. Oh by the way did a mention…The Mariners suck!!! This is a team I can’t figure out, but I have come to the conclusion…THEY SUCK!!!!!
Teixeira overtakes Martinez in AL All-Star voting
Barry Bonds' rehab from knee surgery is in "a holding pattern," said the trainer of the San Francisco Giants on Saturday.
Curt Schilling moved closer to returning to Boston's rotation, throwing another simulated game Friday.
Josh Beckett threw a bullpen session and hopes to be activated from the disabled list in time to start for the Marlins on Thursday.
The F-1 (Formula One) governing body is going to punish all the teams that refused to race in the U.S. Grand Prix. The tire manufacture said their own tires were unsafe for the track and they offered ways to fix the track so that it would be safe. The drivers asked for the changes. But in the governing bodies’ arrogance they said “No” the race will run unchanged. So the drivers fearing for their safety said then we won’t race. I can see the point of the race track, Do you know how much publicity they would have gotten if a few drivers were to have crashed and maybe been killed. Look what Dale’s death did for NASCAR. In fact the only reason I know there is an F-1 U.S. grand prix is because of the Boycott. Ride the wave boys.
Is no sport safe? Today the House passed a bill to regulate steroids in boxing. Christ sakes, I guess the only sport I can watch with steroids anymore is WWE wrestling and Lingerie football.
John Elway's AFL team just won its Championship game, and he said and I quote “this is great, but it is a little different then winning the Superbowl.” Really, it is? How? No free trip to Disneyland?
More random bar rules…
11. Never ask a bartender “what's good tonight?” They do not fly in the scotch fresh from the coast every morning.
12. If there is a line for drinks, get your goddamn drink and step the hell away from the bar.
13. If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours.
14. The patrons at your local bar are your extended family, your fathers and mothers, your brothers and sisters. Except you get to sleep with these sisters. And if you're really drunk, the mothers.
15. If you’re going to drink on the job, drink vodka. It’s the no-tell liquor.
16. There’s nothing wrong with drinking before noon. Especially if you’re supposed to be at work.
17. The bar clock moves twice as fast from midnight to last call.
18. A flask engraved with a personal message is one of the best gifts you can ever give. And make sure there’s something in it.
19. On the intimacy scale, sharing a quiet drink is between a handshake and a kiss.
20. You will forget every one of these rules by your fifth drink.
Playing in the CHOKE or STROKE – good /
Asking for a plate of Tater tots in chili and cheese and only getting a plate of chili and cheese with no tots - bad /
Being a ‘C’ team that drops down to play in a ‘D’ tournament – chicken shit /
Wimbledon interrupting Cold Pizza in the morning - evil
I am out like a Meowing mudder phugger.
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June 17, 2005 --
Let’s seen
The Porn Stars had a Wicked weekend on the diamond. We ended up taking 1st in our bracket with a Dominating performance on Sunday. God and Mother Nature couldn’t stop the P-stars. Here are a few hi-lights.
Dirk Diggler swung a long, hard bat all weekend, and he scored multiple times.
Samantha Fox was also handling the wood with the expert of a Tijuana cocktail waitress
Phuok U was able to spread her legs and catch the balls with great regularity, and as we all know once she gets her hands on a ball, it has no chance of escaping
Phuok me, what can be said about her that hasn’t already been written on a bathroom wall.
Ron Jeremy was on the mound again, he just has to learn to keep his mouth shut and eyes open when the balls are flying at his face.
Phuok U tew showed some nice hand action while she was out playing the field.
To any Porn star I missed just remember like Anal Rangers, or Girls Night Out, there will be a sequel and if you perform well and prove your 18, then yes! You can make the cut next time.
Detroit has made a great comeback; they are starting to make a believer out of me. I thought they were an overrated team in an undermanned conference. But after the way they have come back, they may be legit.
David Stern has said if the Union doesn’t agree to something by July 1st then there will be a lock-out. I guess they haven’t learned from the other sports. I could careless either way. I was looking at the schedule and the NBA playoffs take as long as ¼ of the regular season. The season is to long, the post season is to long, wonder if the lockout will be to long?
What the hell is going on with the MLB, Washington, San Diego, Baltimore and the White Sox are in 1st place. Cleveland has a better record then the Yankees’
Another example of why players and coaches need to be more involved in voting. Nomar Garciapara and Tino Martinez are both as of this date going to be voted on the all-star team. Nomar who played for only about 2 games before getting hurt shouldn’t even be on the ballot and Tino only had about one good week. The main problem with the voting is that it starts much too early. It should start about now and go for two or three weeks. As it stands right now the voting starts about the 3rd week into the season.
Speaking of things I hate:
Potholes ion the road
Picky Eaters
The French
Pop-ups
Clowns
Internet short hand
Getting out of my nice warm bed in the morning
Winey kids
People who point at their wrist while asking for the time
weeds
People who but in bulk
The X-Files
Pornbots
Random Bar Rules
1. It's acceptable, traditional in fact, to disappear during a night of hard drinking. You will appear mysterious and your friends will understand. If they even notice.
2. Never argue your tab at the end of the night. Remember, you're hammered and they’re sober. It's akin to a precocious five-year-old arguing the super-string theory with a physicist. 99.9% of the time you're wrong and either way you're going to come off as a jackass.
3. If you bring booze to a party, you must drink it or leave it.
4. If you hesitate more than three seconds after the bartender looks at you, you do not deserve a drink.
5. Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you silly, wine makes you dramatic, tequila makes you felonious.
6. The greatest thing a drunkard can do is buy a round of drinks for a packed bar.
7. Never preface a conversation with a bartender with “I know this is going to be a hassle, but . . .”
8. When you’re in a bar and drunk, your boss is just another guy begging for a fat lip. Unless he’s buying.
9. If you are 86’d, do not return for at least three months. To come back sooner makes it appear no other bar wants you.
10. Anyone with three or more drinks in his hands has the right of way.
Words to live by
Never sweat the petty stuff; just pet the sweaty stuff.
If you have a belly….No belly shirts
If you have wide hips and a fat ass….No low riders
Just because you have an old chain lying around the house…..don’t hook it to your wallet
I’m out like Mike Tyson
College World Series - good / NBA refs - bad / Dick Durbin (D) ILL -evil
P.S. Meow you sum bitches
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The Word of Tim
June 2, 2005 --
Well, it was a great week in the Storm universe. We were able to put together a good couple of days. By winning on Friday and taking that momentum into Saturday we were able to win the one day tournament. I was very pleased with the way things worked out and if not for a tuff 8 innings / 1 run loss to the Rebels we would have gone undefeated. Some special congrats go out to J.W. with a towering, Monster 281 foot shot, which brought great joy from the crowd, If you ask J.W. nicely he will show you the ball that he hit. Also our new Addition of Cory worked out well, as he hit a 3 run bottom of the 8th walk off homerun verse Diesel to win the tournament. I really had fun, and it was a good tournament. A special thank you to all the volunteer umps for the games. I think they all did a fine job overall.
Our co-ed team (The Porn Stars) played Tuesday and it was almost a replay of the Saturday Championship game. In the Bottom of the 7th we were down by 4 runs and fought our way back and J.W. hit a 3 run walk off homer (his 2nd of the night) to win the game. Don’t know what kinda home cookin’ he is getting but keep doing what you are doing, or who you are doing. Be sure and tip your hair dresser.
A sad moment for the NBA today, George Miken died. May he Rest-in-peace, and as poetic Justice, two of the Best Big men ever are still in the playoffs.
Nash = MVP = sitting on the couch watching the finals. Again the voters picked the fun pick, the politically correct pick, the flavor-of-the-month pick, but failed to pick the REAL MVP of the NBA. But I guess if you asked Shaq what he would rather do tonight; A) play game 5 or B) sit at home and polish his MVP trophy? He probably would rather be working tonight.
Does anyone else hope that the rumors are true and the T-Wolves are going to hire P.J. Carlesimo as their new head coach. I want to be at the first player/coach meeting. I can imagine the introduction will be quite interesting. KG this is P.J., Wally this is P.J., Sam this is P.J., and Latrell this is….ah…ehmm. P.J….I…a…guess you two have met. For those of you that don’t remember Mr. Sprewell choked P.J. at a practice back in 1997, and was suspended from the league and later signed with New York. I am sure things will be better this time, as Sprewell is only concerned with feeding his family.
Michael Westbrook signed with the Eagles today and that only leaves T.O. as a hold out. No NHL, No NBA, and No T.O. next year….boy, what am I going to write about. I really want the Eagles to trade him to the Bills. That way he can watch how a real receiver carries himself (Marvin Harrison) with class and still gets paid.
I just watched a special on Nate Newton the other night. It just shows that talent and brains can be mutually exclusive.
When can the word ‘Appoggiatura’ be worth over $30,000?
When you name is Anurag Kashyap and you spell it correctly at the Nation spelling Bee.
What a great name Kashyap, and very appropriate he got ‘Kash’ for using his ‘yap’.
Another victory for the ACLU.
The runaway bride is going to get charged with a felony, have to pay over $15,000 in restitution, seek counseling and be on two years of probation. The lowlifes that were the owners of the trailer in Florida where John Couey kidnapped Jessica Lunsford and hide her in the closet before killing are not going to get charged at all. Even though they lied to police, hid him and actually bought him a bus ticket so he could leave town.
Thank a non-denominational higher power for the ACLU.
Went to Star Wars…well worth the money…there are some inconsistencies when you compare it to what happens in the last three movies, but it does try to wrap things and it does an o.k. job with that. The fight scenes are excellent; made me want to run right out a buy a Light Saber. I could be a bad Mother Fucker with one of those. I would live for the day when someone asked me to open their beer. How cool would that be?
Hey B.J. !! Where is the update on the week? Both teams had a good week? Who was the ‘Storm Stand out’? And where is my free drink? Are you to cheap to buy me 1 beer?
So why don’t you just cowboy up, and find me a rabbit.
Three day weekends - good
Rain on any day but Monday and Wednesday in June and July - Bad
People who drive 32 mph on 10th Ave South – Evil
I’m out like Larry Brown
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The Word of Tim
May 27, 2005 --
*******SPECIAL ADDITION*******
This column usually tries to have some humor, some sports information, some political incite. I generally try to have some fun and entertain, but this a special column and will be a bit serious. I want to touch on the upcoming weekend “Memorial Weekend”
I want to take some time and point out the hero’s that are among us. I personally want to thank each and every person that has ever served to protect this Nation. I thank you for the sacrifices you and your family have made so I can play softball and barbeque this weekend. We are a greatest Nation on the planet, and we have many things to thank for that, not the least of which are the men and women in uniform. So this weekend while you are sitting around drinking a beer or enjoying the weekend, take a moment, be silent look around and say a private thank you; a thank you to all the people who have sacrificed so that we can enjoy the freedoms of the great country.
I also think that many people in this country have forgotten this. When Newsweek writes a story about the military flushing the Koran down the toilet that sets off riots that leave 19 dead, or when Dan Rather reports a damaging story about the president just days before the election. Both of these examples were not collaborated, and both turned out to be false. But both were reported with tremendous zeal. The media in this country lives for stories that reflect negatively on this country and our military. They don’t report story about the servicemen who after working 16 – 18 hours a day collect care packages and take them to local schools to give out to the kids, and then hang around so that their presence will deter people from harassing the teachers who are doing nothing more horrible then teaching girls to read.
We have entertainers like the Dixie Chicks that while in France say they are embarrassed to come from the same state as the current president, or Sean Penn who took out a full page ad in the New York Times saying that the what the U.S. is doing in Iraq is criminal, and that we are murders and that Bush should be impeached. We have actors such as Alec Baldwin that said he would move to Canada if Bush was elected. Got News for you Alec he was, but I checked you still reside in the U.S.
I just wished that these people would report with the same conviction and outrage they used on the Iraq prison scandal when they speak of the innocents that were beheaded. A bride runs away and it got and continued to gets national coverage. A U.S. citizen get beheaded and it gets a few days but no real outrage, no National paper or figure standing up and asking for action. The ACLU sued the National government to allow broadcast of flagged draped coffins of U.S. soldiers, but they fail to show the mass graves of innocent civilians who were killed before we liberated Iraq. They show with great enthusiasm the pictures of Saddem in his underwear, but not the thousands of Shiites that were gassed by him.
So to get back on topic I just want to say, we are the good guys, we wear the white hats, we have the most professional and highly skilled military in the history of this planet. Get mad, when people run them down, get outraged when they are not supported. Make a list of the people who abandon this country and when their book comes out, or they make their next movie, or release their next album and abandon them with the same energy that they have abandoned us.
Do yourself a favor and listen to Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless the U.S.A.” sometime this weekend, and read the Declaration of Independence.
Until next week…….
P.S. MEOW!!!!!!!!! YA’ SONS-A-BITCHES
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The Word of Tim
May 24, 2005 --
Alright….
NBA: Heat got punched in the nose by the Pistons last night. Meow it is time to see if The Diesel can take his team to the promise land. Wade is great, and the role players are good, but last night shows just Meow valuable the Daddy is against a top flight team. Shaq must dominate in order for the Heat to win. I still think there is some Magic left in the Big Aristotle, get it ‘Magic’, his old team…get it..Oh forget it not really that cleaver or funny.
My man Mo. Cheeks is back in business. Hopefully the Sixers will treat him with meow respect, although he traded a team of felons and drug deals for the Thug poster boy of the NBA. If he can get Webber to buy into his philoshy the team could be a nice surprise next year.
MLB: Get this, the commissioner’s office sent the Indians and the Twins a letter telling them that the League will not tolerate any confrontations from either team meow. Any hit batters can lead to an automatic ejections and suspensions.
#1) it’s the Twins and the Indians, the only reason anyone cares about these teams is if something’s going on.
#2) it’s the Twins and the Indians…Who the hell cares if both teams played naked with bats shoved up their asses. The only time ether team gets on national T.V. is if they play the Red Sox or the Yankees.
#3) speaking of the Red Sox and Yankees, Meow come the commissioner didn’t send the same letter to them? If any team has bad blood it is those two teams. My god even the 80 year old coaches are fighting with players. The Manager of the Red Sox was hit by a Yankee fan with a car in spring training. This is just another example of meow Big Market teams are the real commissioners of MLB.
Lighten up Bud, Its the Twins and the Indians…..just be happy they get on Sportscenter.
What’s up with Arizona, I thought with the great Randy Johnson gone they were going to dry up a meow away, guess not, or at least not yet.
NFL: Ricky Williams coming back…why, why, why…If Miami was smart they would let him go back to India, study his yoga, and Holistic Healing. He never has been successful in the NFL and meow they think he will have a miraculous turn around. Meow before people start thinking I am nuts, I know he has rushed for many yards, and he even lead the league once in rushing. But can anyone tell me his playoff record? If you don’t know the exact number just give me a round number….. Miami drafted Ronnie Brown; he is a good back that will get the job done. Ricky is meow down to less than 200 pounds, I guess he doesn’t have the “munchies” anymore, but a 197 lbs power back? The Dolphins got rid of their horrible coach, their trouble receiver, why would they want to bring back a problem. He has already cost 2 coaches their job, Sabin should just run from Ricky like he ran from drug tests.
Meow on to something more important …………SOFTBALL.
Our first tournament in Great Falls was mildly successful, we took 4th place. For a team with a new pitcher, new catcher, and new outfielders we played well. We ran out of gas a little on Sunday, WHICH IS WHY IT IS SO IMPORTANT TO WIN ON SATURDAY meow!!!! Once we get on a roll we will be hard to stop, so let’s get on this roll. I think the MCS is good for all of softball. With the ‘B’ teams playing each other it has intensified the competition in the ‘C’ and ‘D’ brackets. With meowing that you will not see two ‘B’ teams and then go home, it will allow more teams to come with hopes of playing late on Sunday.
With leagues starting, the summer is getting more exciting. We had a Co-ed game decided by time last Tuesday, and because I came out on the losing end I don’t want this to sound like sour grapes, but what happened to us is wrong. We were down by something like 12 runs going into our half of the inning; we went into the inning with a 3-2 count. Our team made a comeback and the game was tied 20 – 20 with runners on 2nd and 3rd and 2 outs. The horn sounds, the game reverts back to the prior inning and we lose. I dislike the fact that we pay for the league but don’t get to play the games. I know the league voted on meow the games will be run, but there is some wrong with a rule that nullifies a great come back. You should always allow the inning to be played out; it is those types of comebacks that create rivalries, and stories at the bar. That is why people compete, that is why people show up, and no one wants to tie or lose due to time. I would even venture to say that the team we played who won would have rather won by playing better then us and not by just the horn. I would say that team that beat us did play well, and hit the hell out of the ball, and I want nothing to be taken away from them.
Meow off my soap box.
Revenge of the Sith – excellent / Keeping east open – very good / ESPN the magazine – good / 1st two rounds of the NBA playoffs – boring / Not going to Butte for the tourney – bad / filibusters of judicial nominees – un-American / weeds in my back yard – evil
MEOW!!! ALL YOU SONS A BITCHES.
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May 9, 2005 --
The vacation is over; it is time for a new season of softball to return. With one tournament under the belt and a second one is coming, I can say we are not is Kansas anymore. I personally feel a buzz about softball that hasn’t been there in the past. This I believe can be directly linked to the excellent web sites that have sprung up. I know myself how hard it is to keep up with a site, and I would like to congratulate all the hard working people who take their time to upkeep each site. I would like to send a special shout out to the Biceman…YOU DEFINATLY KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!! I am one of the 2000 Biceman army.
The COB tournament in Missoula was excellent. We didn’t embarrass ourselves, but we didn't standout either. The Gamecocks are our new Rebels, since the Rebels ducked us by going up to “B” ….or at least that is what my team’s manager told me. I am looking forward to this weekend, and then going to Butte. Never thought I would hear myself say hooray….I going to Butte. Thanks to Cory, A.J. and Bones for picking up with us. A.J. get a haircut, and always pay for your food.
In the good guys department Tom Brady signed a 6 year / 60 Million dollar contract. Hmmm wonder if he will try to renegotiate his contract. Probably not, Tom has class, and integrity. If T.O. sits out the year he should get together with Aaron Boone and they can play some pick up basketball so T.O. can stay in shape or go bike riding with Jay Williams and K. Winslow…just trying to help. I personally think Andy Reid wants T.O. to sit out…..No Tights for Andy. Any Reid in tights, now there’s a wardrobe malfunction.
Is anyone watching the NBA playoffs? I set aside a full day to watch 2 game 7s, what a waste. There should be a mercy rule for Basketball, not for the players but for the fans. If the players suck so bad that the both score under 35 points for the half the game gets called for lack of interest. I would rather watch bass fishing then the clank fest I had to endure. At least the Bass fishermen have some skills. If what the NBA wants is to market individual players and not teams then a simple rule change would make Bball much better. Cut the number of players on the court from 5 to 3. It’s all just one-on-one anyway, and then the hacks who just take up space on the court would be gone. Fewer players, less salary, lower ticket prices. That way you don’t need to be a CEO or movie actor to get a seat. When the best part of the game is the half time commentary something is wrong.
Steve Nash won the MVP trophy. I think Shaq should have won and if he didn’t get hurt the last week of the season he would have. But when he left the Heat dropped to the 3rd best record in the league. I was disappointed at first, but if someone else had to win I guess Nash was the right man. I think these two teams will meet in the finals and then we will see who the MVP is.
I hear Brittney Spears and her husband are on the outs. I say dump him Brit and start dating the Olsen twins. That would beat the Hell out of the Madonna kiss.
Oh yes, one more NBA tidbit…every commentator and announcer is wetting themselves because of the Detroit/Indiana playoff. There is a better chance of a Laker reunion show then anything happening in this series. The refs will call the first game so tight, that even Goldmember might be coming to the game. Gotta a pancake and a smoke? (that is for you Pam)
By the way…The Yankees suck…and Arod is a curse. I want to say that now because I still think the Yankees are the team to beat. And everyone who is counting them out just remember for every one Giambi on the team they have two Jeter/Sheffield type players. Winning in April is fun but it is September – October that counts. But as a Yankee hater, if my team can’t win then I am happy that the Yanks are losing. A note to George, Ricky Henderson is back playing again. I think if you signed him a long term high dollar contract he would fit in nicely to your team. And stop blaming Cashman, he may find the players, but you sign the contracts and the checks.
Jane Fonda has a new movie coming out. Boycott it. If you feel the need to see a good movie then go rent Patten.
Sunny weekends – good / UFC fights – cool / Battle of the gridiron stars – boring / A week without the Mariners winning - evil
I am out like a beer bong in Goosetown.
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April 15, 2005 --
Again life got in the way, and my posts are slow but let the show begin.
NBA: Shaq = playoffs / Kobe = spectator
Portland 3 -22 since firing M. Cheeks as coach……Maybe as I said he was not the problem
Wizards’ making the playoff, how weak is the east?
MLB: Is anyone else tired of seeing the Soxs play the Yankees?
I have to say this because I might not get another chance “The Mariners are in first place”
Alex Sanchez is now the answer to a great trivia question.
NFL: Draft coming soon.
T.O. wants a new contract…..why not? The $40,000,000+ contract he signed is almost a year old.
NHL:
NCAA: I felt that was the Best tourny I have ever watched. Every round was good. I guess Roy Williams made a good choice. ACC rules!!!! I hope the BCS was watching.
Have you ever walked down the street and think, “Are any of the women with in 30 feet of me into anonymous sex?”
A British company is developing software that you can download into your cell phone that sends out a signal to other cell phones within 30 feet and it will cause them to chirp and answer back to the original cell phone if you are into anonymous sex. This service is called Bluetoothing, another reason to get a cell phone.
Best wishes to the Pope, may he RIP.
Jane Fonda can take her apology and stick it up her ass. I think it is funny that her apology coincides with her book release. She said she is more mature now and she knows what she did was wrong and she wants to tell us how sorry she is. Bullshit, she is 60 some years old; she was mature 5 years ago, 10 years ago, 20 years ago but no apology. I think instead of being on a book tour she should be on cell block ‘C’ for being a lousy, stinking, yellow traitor. I wish she would have married Mr. Shivo.
Baseball’s open week – Good / Tax forms – Bad / Sports agents – Evil
This week was short but I am out like a left handed batter against Randy Johnson.
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March 18, 2005 --
What the hell is going on in this country? I am watching cold pizza the other day and within the hour that I was watching there were stories on Scott Peterson being sentenced to death, Robert Blake being found innocent, The CEO from World com being found guilty, Martha Stewart going back to court, and Michael Jackson’s court behavior, and the congressional hearing on steroids. I remember the good old days when they actually showed music videos on MTV and talked about sports on sports talk shows.
And speaking of congress getting involved with steroids, what the hell? Don’t have anything better to do. The congress is stalled right now on giving advice and consent on the judges President Bush has nominated, there is this thing happening over in the Middle East, Oil prices are going up to almost $60 dollars a barrel, questions about social security and they have nothing better to do then talk about steroids????? And this morning it was announced that the Senate Commerce Committee was going to have hearing on this issue. I personally think they are just after autographs that they can sell on eBay.
Now on to more sports related subjects….
My favorite whipping boy was in action last night…..SHAQ WINS AGAIN, poor Kobe lost again. And as a fun note for me Shaq is also 2 for 2 in knocking Kobe to the ground when he comes into the lane. On the upside, with the Lakers missing the playoffs it will give Kobe more time to go skiing in say….Colorado.
March madness is upon us and even though the tourney has started I will give my Final four: ILL, Wake Forest, North Carolina, and Duke
To bad there wasn’t an ACC team in Illinois’ bracket so I could pick them also.
My sorta dark horses are: Old Dominion, Louisville, Vermont, and Pacific
My disappointments will be: Washington, Alabama, Kentucky, and Kansas
But I have Duke and Illinois in the finals with Illinois winning 85 – 79
Plexico has landed a deal with the Giants, I wish him the best, I am sure him and Shocky will get along smoothly. I just wonder with K. Johnson, T. Owens and Burris, which WR in that division will win the all interview team?
Two last thoughts:
The Pope has been real sick lately and a few weeks ago he was raced back to the hospital and had emergency surgery to save his life. Now I have a question. The Pope is supposed to be about the holiest guy on the planet. I mean he probably will get bumped to the front of the line at the pearly gates…right? If this is true and there is a heaven, why would he want emergency surgery? I mean if I was the Pope, I would tell the driver to take the scenic route, no rush, no hurry. So when the Pope fights for his life makes me wonder what’s in store for a heathen like me. I just know that I have decided to be buried with asbestos underwear.
And Finally Jada Pinket-Smith (the wife of Will Smith) was asked to give a speech to the women of Harvard last week. In her speech, she told the women in attendance, that you can have it all, a great job, a top level education, a happy home life with a wonderful husband and kids. She said that the students should not settle for anything less. The next day there were protests on campus from the gay and lesbian community, and they demanded an apology from her because she made it sound that being a lesbian woman means that you can’t have it all. This is what our country is coming to; so many groups are so easily offended that soon no one will want to say anything. What would have happened if she did mention homosexuals, would the polygamists be mad because she only talked about 2 partner couples. She simple went to Harvard to give an uplifting speech and encourage the women there to go after their dreams and strive to have it all. I just want to the protesters “lighten up” and stop drinking so much coffee. Go do something useful like pick up garbage on the side of the road, and if you still feel the need to protest, go protest Ward Churchill. If you don’t know who he is pick up a newspaper and educate yourself. I now will step off my soap box now.
I wan to throw a shout out to the U of M men’s basketball team. Excellent game, you guys represented the State very well in the tournament. Larry K did an excellent job in his first year.
Drilling for oil in Alaska – good / paying over $2.00 a gallon for gas – bad / pokerstars.com – addictive / this weather – evil
Until next week I’m out like the coach of the Orlando Magic.
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March 25, 2005 --
Alright…through my sickness and on my deathbed I am going to try and make a readable column for this week. I wouldn’t want to disappoint my 14 fans that voted for me. I do want to put a disclaimer on this weeks “Word of Tim”, I am doing while heavily medicated so any incoherent sentences should be blamed on that.
NCAA:
So far so good for my predictions
My Cinderella teams: Old Dominion (who lost but was within a basket inside that last 4 minutes), Louisville (who just beat a #1 seed), Vermont (who upset #4 Syracuse), and Pacific (who I thought would beat Washington before losing to Louisville).
And my disappointments: Washington (the first #1 seed to lose), Alabama (my 12 beats 5 annual pick), Kentucky (who I thought looked so bad in their conference play, but they have proved me wrong), and Kansas (who lost to #14 seed Bucknell).
So by my count I am correct 3 out of 4 on the Cinderella’s, and 3 out of 4 on my disappointments. My top two teams are still in Illinois, and Duke.
NBA:
On to my favorite whipping boy: Kobe Bryant, for those of you who are tired of seeing me rag him out, the season is close to getting over, and since he won’t be in the playoffs, I will only be able to talk about Shaq. For those of you keeping score Shaq is winning this battle between them, and with Shaq possibly having the best record in the NBA and Kobe not making the playoffs, I think Shaq’s is still undefeated. If this was a boxing match it would have been called.
I hope the Spurs get Duncan and Ginobli back before the playoffs. Then we can see who the real champion is. Without those two whoever beats the Spurs needs to put an asterisk by the wins.
SOFTBALL:
The Snowball was a lot of fun. The 5 on 5 on 5 format was different and had some getting used to, but especially playing in cold weather it was great. It kept everyone moving all the time. The games I watched and played in, the two most outstanding players for the tournament in my option was Josh Calvert and Jim Lynch. But my MVP (Most Valuable Provider) goes out to Mike Lynn, thanks for the beers. A special shout out to KP for not killing me on multiple occasions at the plays at first base.
I just wanted to thank Tim B and T.J.s for having the tourney, I didn’t like the mush ball at first, but as the weekend went on, and I was less inclined to be able to catch a regular ball, I thanked the powers that be for a soft, big ball. I am not sure but I think the special blend of donuts, pizza, and beer between games gave our men the strength to carry on late into Sunday.
MLB:
Yesterday was the first day of actual steroid testing of Major League players. Derrick Jeter was one of the first tested. I wonder who will be the first person to get caught. I am putting up a $20.00 gift card to the GNC store (thought that would be appropriate) to the first person who can correctly guess who will be the first person caught. Just put your guess on the guest book part of our site. The contest will stay open until somebody wins.
A few house cleaning things, I started a list of things I hate one day when I was unhappy about being cut off while driving, and then having to wait at a local drive up for about 15 minutes.
I HATE:
Potholes in the road
Picky Eaters
The French
Pop-ups
Clowns
Getting out of my nice warm bed in the morning
Whiney kids
People who point at their wrist while asking for the time
weeds
People who buy in bulk
The X-Files, any C.S.I., and Reality shows
Internet shorthand.
Pop ups
I also hate when people say stupid things:
“Drive safely” = NO shit! Thanks for reminding me or I would have drove unsafely home.
Or
“You just want to have your cake and eat it too.” = Again No Shit! What else do you do with cake, its food you are supposed eat it.
Or
“It’s always the last place you look” = Dugh..I heard Jeff Foxworthy say this in concert and I have always remembered that and I have heard it a lot since then.
Or
People who say “did you see that” while your watching something together. = No idiot I sit in front of the TV or movie and watch the floor.
Or
People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" = Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
Or
When people say "life is short". = What the Hell? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
When people lend me something and say "Ok, just remember to bring it back because I'll forget" = I just smile and think “thanks for the gift hoss”
As much as the phrase is used today, there is NO Information Superhighway, Info Superhighway, or even Info Highway. Because if there was the Government would find away to raise my property taxes to have it repaved or fixed every year.
Playing softball and not pulling something – good / calling the Military players ‘Jetters’ and making it seem like a bad thing to be a ‘Jetter’ – bad / having to go to work last Monday - evil
Well I am heading back to bed and I am really out this week.
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March 10, 2005 --
Here we go….
Plexico Burris… those of you that know me know that I bleed Steeler Black and Gold during the season. After their loss this year it took me three days to regain the ability to speak in complete sentences. I was a little disheartened to learn that we will probably be without the services of Mr. Burris this upcoming year. I thought he had something special going with Big Ben, but then I heard his grumblings about not being used enough in the playoffs, and he was leaving. Two weeks into free agency and he still doesn’t have a team. The Giants today said enough of his demands and he is no longer wanted in New York. Plexico flies to Minnesota today to talk to the Vikings, but rumor has it that they are looking at a trade with Washington to get Rod Gardiner. Now I don’t wish ill on anybody but it is nice to see that he is still unemployed (I am sure the democrats will find a way to blame George Bush for this also). He is a seven year vet that has only had one really good year. I guess the moral of the story is if you think you’re as good as Rice, and you talk like Moss, and want to be paid like Harrison, you had better win like Owens, or you will unemployed like Burris.
Tiger is #1 again….Phil comes in #2…..Kinda like watching the Griz – Cat Games. Is a rivalry if the same person or team wins each time?
And speaking of that…..Poor Bobcats, poor Bobcats….We will send you a post card from the dance. Maybe you can beat the Griz at checkers or something.
Martha’s back….. Let’s see….she goes to jail, and when she gets out she’s richer, thinner, and going to be back on T.V. All I got was a new appreciation for knee pads.
I was watching C-span yesterday (yes I am one of the nerds who watches C-span) and I heard Barbara Boxer going on about how much the President lied to us, and how going to Iraq is the new Vietnam…blah, blah, blah….After I cleaned up my vomit (note to self, get a dog), I had to muse….screen fades out….since removing a psychopath from office where are we? Free elections in Iraq, which has lead to elections for the first time in Saudia Arabia, and elections coming up in Egypt, which has lead to Egypt calling on Syria to remove all of it troops from Lebanon, which has lead to a partial withdraw of troops with a promises to remove them all. We also have student protest in Iran for the first time. So to all the liberals who say we are wrong, which is better? The World we live in now without Saddam or the world you would have had us live in with him?
As a side note I find it sad that we are still trying to get Saddam on trial, a year after we have captured him hiding in a hole, but our court system has had no trouble trying, convicting, and sentencing the persons in the prison torture case.
Good bye Dan Rather, you can now retire to Florida and make up stuff about their governor. I hear he sells crack to orphans, for sex. If you don’t believe me I can write you a letter and that should convince you that it’s true….trust me…..
As a final note I was sitting around my office talking to a few colleges and they were talking about their kids and the trouble with the boys that their daughters are dating and they said my time was coming. I told them that clear, concise rules will help to avoid any trouble and they make a great murder defense if such a case should arise.
So as a public service to the fathers of the world, and a warning to ALL boys that are now ages 10 – 13, here are my 10 easy, straightforward, uncomplicated rules to date my daughter. Fathers get to know them, but you boys commit them to memory as if your life depended on it….cuz it does.
Rule One:
If a little punk pulls into my driveway and honks he had better be delivering a package, because he’s sure are not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them.
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for young boys to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. I don’t wish to insult them, but they all look like complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four:
I’m sure boys today been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for the male gender to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early"
Rule Six:
I have no doubt that the young men that will try to date my daughter will be popular fellows, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry…a lot.
Rule Seven:
As they stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you will not be dating my daughter. She is doing her hair, a process than can take longer than constructing the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight:
The following places will not be appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless, thunder god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and a large garden that produces the biggest vegetables in town.
Rule Ten:
Be afraid,. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine
These rules are a work in progress and I reserve the right to change them at anytime without notice. What may have been acceptable when you picked her up at 8:00 may get you hurt when you drop her off at 10:30. So I would advise that in order to cut down on risk of a violation, the shorter the time she is away the less time there is to change the rules. I am a moody sum-bitch.
Baseball is back – good / Congress getting involved to fix baseball – bad (go pick on hockey) / The asshole who backed into my car and sprung my door – Evil
Well neighbors, it time to go back to the world, so until next time…I am out like a pair of John Stockton shorts.
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March 3, 2005 --
The Drought is over…..we went from the worst time in sports to the best time in just a few weeks. MLB, is starting, Basketball is going, NFL is trading and drafting, and College BB is starting to get the madness. This is like being a crack addict with lots of money, anything is possible!!
NBA: Kobe V. Shaq update. Shaq still in First place, Kobe STILL barely hanging on, as an 8th seed. Hey Kobe, weren’t you the one saying that Shaq just paid off his problems to keep them quite. I notice today that you are doing the same thing, just not as well.
Feel bad for Maurice Cheeks today, one of the classiest guys in the NBA. He was fired by the Trail Blazers today. They said it was because he couldn’t win. His record was 162-139 even with the new math I think that’s a winning record (.538 winning percentage). I guess they didn’t want to blame the front office and owner decisions. Three players, including the point guard arrested on drug related charges, Qyntel Woods, arrested for being involved with dog fighting, Rasheed Wallace physically threatening officials, and then getting traded for nothing. In other words the ship is sinking and instead of blaming the boat maker, or the captain, they blame the officer of the deck. There are many teams in the NBA who could benefit from a low key coach who will not embarrass the organization.
MLB: The new drug testing policy starts today. One of the big criticisms I had heard is that 10 days in not enough for a 1st offense. I am not sure that I agree. The stigma of being a juiced player will last long after the suspension. If Bonds was to test positive just once, what do you think that would do to him. A top player in the MLB will still be a top player no matter if he tests positive or not. If Roger Clemons was found to use steroids, he still will be a Hall of farmer, and one of the best ever, but his legacy will always be tarnished. The person who would be most harmed by this is the Ryan Sandberg’s of the league. Players who are not first ballot Hall of Famer, if they were found to use steroids I think they will have a hard time finding The Hall. So I think in the long run baseball, The Hall of Fame, the fans, and the players will all benefit from this policy. My only real regret with this whole steroid issue is that it gave a platform from which we have to listen to Jose Canseco.
NFL: Randy Moss has found a home. I just hope Mr. Lynch reintroduces himself to Randy. Welcome to the west, SMACK!!!
Just when I thought the NFL had learned from the past, I find out the money and brains do not go hand in hand. The Redskins, who have shelled out Millions in the Dan Snyder era, are at it again. They just paid their left tackle, (their left tackle?, can you name him?) $46.5 million over 7 years, with a $15.75 million dollar signing bonus. The Giants are willing to pay Antonio Pierce $26 million over 6 years with a $6.5 million dollar signing bonus. Mr. Pierce has been in the league since 2001 and has only started 10 games. He started for the first time last year and had only 18 solo tackles. 1 forced fumble, 1 sack, and 2 ints. The NFL is the only league that doesn’t guarantee their contacts. Unlike Basketball, where say like Grant Hill has kept being paid in full the last few years even though he hasn’t played a full year since his ankle injury, but in its place is these outrageous signing Bonuses. Ryan leaf was paid 11 million dollars just to sign his contract. What the NFL needs to do is lose the big bonuses and guarantee the first two or three years of a contract, or spread the bonus out over the first few years. That way they are protected against a player getting tons up front and never producing.
P.S. Goodbye Troy Brown it was nice knowing you. I guess Fame, Money, and Super bowl rings weren’t enough. All I heard this year from the announcers is that New England is just a team…no superstars, just a team and that why they win. Well we will find out now how much of a “Team” they really are. Mr. Brown leaves so he CAN be star for another team. Before he leaves he should call Kevin Harper, Andre Rison, Az Akem (sorry ‘bout the spelling Az), Yancy Thigpen, Keshwan Johnson and see how their careers went after they left a team that had a system that let them thrive, and they tried to lift a team with out a star on the other side of the formation. Just a thought.
NHL: There is a company that wants to buy the entire NHL, all 30 teams for 3.5 billion dollars. I am not sure if this is a good thing or not but it is better then what they have now.
Well, that about it. Just waiting for the madness to begin.
I am out like the whole administration at Colorado.
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The Word of Tim
February 18, 2005 --
Well let’s see what going on in the world this week, in the only areas that really matter: Sports, Sex, and Drinking.
Football:
The Probowl game. I think the skills competition was more exciting then the actual game, but as a Steeler fan I was happy to watch the highlights on sports center(Joey Porter’s INT, and 2 Hines Ward TD’s). It used to mean something to get nominated to the Probowl, but I have noticed a trend in recent years that a lot of players are coming up with phantom injuries, so they let another player take their place in the game. So instead of say there being 60 Probowlers every year there are an extra 10 or so. I guess it’s ok, because of that Jerome Bettis got to the probowl this year. Thanks Mr. Dillion.
NASCAR:
Daytona’s coming….Gentlemen start your engines. A few years ago a celebrity at the race told the gentlemen to start their motors. Big Mistake, caught hell from all the fans. A small bit of trivia, why were the fans so upset? What’s the difference between a motor and an engine? Is this the year that Rusty or Mark will finally break through, or continued DEI dominance.
Hockey: na, na, na,na - na, na, na na, hey, hey, hey, goodbye.
Baseball:
Spring training has started, everyone has reported, let the games begin. The 70’s was Juice Newton, The 80’s was the Juicer, The 90’s was the juiced ball, 2000 – 2004 was the juiced players. There has to be an O.J. Simpson joke in there somewhere just can’t find it. But moving on.
Sex:
1. "I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
2. "You know 'that look" women get when they want sex?...... Me neither."
3. "Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
4. "Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
5. "There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 500SL."
6. Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
7. "Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
8. "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
9. "Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is,"
10. "Ah, yes, Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
11. "Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that they can be themselves."
12. "Women need a reason to have sex. ! Men just need a place."
13. "There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So I say “what's the problem?"
14. "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
15. The problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
In preparing for the Superbowl I came across this prayer. To which I now recite before all sporting events. If an event is preceded by the National Anthem then it is most likely follow by alcohol consumption.
The Beer Prayer (To be recited with beer opened and held up in salute)
Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be Thy drink,
Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk),
At home as I am in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us,
And lead us not to incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers,
For thine is the beer,
The bitter and the lager,
Forever and ever, Barmen
- author unknown
Lt. General James Mattis - Good / ACLU - bad / Ward Churchill - evil
Best wishes on a speedy recovery to Tedy Bruschi, class guy.
That's it for this week, I am out like Bill Clinton's pecker at a vacumn cleaner convention
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February 2, 2005 --
SUPER BOWL THOUGHTS:
The Tom Brady coronation is just a few days away, long live the King.
Who is Freddy Mitchell and why would he call out Pat’s secondary?
On T O’s first catch does the DB go after his ankle? Would you? I would.
How boring will the halftime show be? Please no Ashley Simpson.
Final Score = New England 34 / Philadelphia 17
Score will be close until 4th quarter then Pats take over and score 14 points.
IDIOT COMMENT OF THE WEEK:
Rasheed Wallace of the Detroit Pistons. A reporter asked Rasheed if he would ask President Bush anything when they meet in Washington. He told reporters that he didn’t have anything to say to him, and that he didn’t even vote for him. Later, at the actual meeting he not only spoke with the President but let Mr. Bush hold his child.
I didn’t agree with what he said but since he said it, I would tell Chicken Little to stick to his guns, and dye his hair……get rid of the grey.
TRUTHS OF LIFE:
12. Life is sexually transmitted.
11. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
10. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich!
9. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
8. Some people are like Slinkies. not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
7. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
6. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
5. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
4. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
3. In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
2. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
1. Many terrorists come to America legally and hang around on expired visas
(some for as long as 10-15 years). At Blockbuster you're two days late with a video rental and those people are all over you. I think we should put Blockbuster in charge of US immigration!
BASKETBALL:
The season is getting ready to get to the all-star break. Let’s look at the season.
Steve Nash is playing great ball but for my money Duncan is still the MVP.
Yio Ming is leading the league in votes for the all-star game. WHY?
Tracy McGrady is steadily proving that he will never make a team better.
Let’s take a quick look at how Kobe and Shaq stand.
Shaq’s team 33-13 and #1 seed in the East as of today.
Kobe’s team 23-19 and #7 seed in the West as of today. Shaq-1 Kobe-0
Shaq V. Kobe on Christmas.
Kobe had more points – Shaq got the win. Shaq-2 Kobe-0
Shaq working well with team mates.
Kobe’s team working well without him. Shaq-3 Kobe-0
The fight is still early but Shaq is leading on all cards.
IRAQ ELECTIONS:
60% turn-out…..very respectable
As much as Barbra Boxer, Ted Kennedy, John Kerry hates to see it but maybe we are doing something right?
Softball – good / military inspections in July – bad / Rain and snow on tourney weekends – evil
************BREAKING NEWS***********
My sources with the LA. Lakers tell me that Rudy T. will be giving his resignation as early as tonight after the game against the Trailblazers
****************************************
Until next week – I’m out like a beta max
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February 9, 2005 --
Good Super bowl, not really exciting but at least it was close. It unfolded without to many surprises (read my last post, I was pretty close).
I will have to give T.O. his due. He shut up most of his critics; maybe he can parlay this into a leadership role in the NFL…less like Moss, more like Rice.
Note to T.O., the Hall of Fame list induction came out….lets see. Dan Marino, probowler who just did his job and didn’t show boat or self promote. He made it First time, with no Super Bowl rings. Steve Young, Three rings but only really play when they won in 1994. Again talented, but let his deeds not his words speak for themselves. Michael Irvin, 3 time super bowl winner, 5 times to the probowl, but made the all hot dog, self promotion team every year. He didn’t make it. Hmmmmmmm?
Probowl = Does anyone care or will any one watch? This game should be cancelled and in its place bring back the old NFL superstars competition. Take the three teams with the worst record and have them compete with the winner getting the first pick in the draft, 2nd place 2nd pick and so on.
7 days and change till pitchers and catchers report.
Through the freedom of information act, I was able to get this actual job application of a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Oklahoma.
NAME: J.B.Bentley(I changed the name alittle to protect his idenity)
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Hands above head, up against a wall.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Crush
Cory Spinks/Zab Judah fight - good
Commercials during the superbowl - bad
Haftime show - safe
ESPN airing figure skating during the Superbowl - evil
I'm out for another week like Kobe
P.S. Who won the Golf tourney at the Sting last week?
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January 26, 2005 --
New England V. Philadelphia,
Will this be good game or just another love fest between ESPN and Tom Brady, between CBS and Belichick? I have never seen so much love thrown to a single team since the shirts V skins game at the playboy mansion. Granted New England has had a great run over the last few years, but it seems like no matter what they do the Media thinks it is super natural how it gets done. I hope this doesn’t sound like sour grapes, because I am a Steeler fans……..because….O.K. I have been caught, it is sour grapes. I used to hope for evil things to happen to John Elway and the Broncos, now I have a new target. Hey Tom, shave and get a hair cut.
A study in Europe targeted January 24th as the day that people feel the most depressed. The lead scientist gave reason such as post Christmas depression, lack of sunlight and breaking of New Years resolutions as a few of the reasons why depression sets in. I think he maybe right about the day but not the reasons. Look, the NFL only has one weekend of play left, the NHL is done, the NBA doesn’t get real until the playoffs, and MLB’s spring training doesn’t start for a month, College’s March Madness doesn’t start until, ahhh, March. Even the Arena Football league doesn’t start for awhile. Get the picture, Poker reruns, and Iron Chef on the food network is all the intense competition that is on T.V. I am going to have to buy the newest Madden football game and put it on automatic and watch the games.
I was reading about the upcoming elections in Iraq. The experts expect between 60 – 80% turn out for the election. One of the people interview, (a Democratic spokesman) said that unless they get 100% of the people participating, the elections will never work.
I thought thar this guy is nuts. In America where we have been holding elections for over 200 years, where it is free to go vote, where people carrying guns don’t roam the streets with masks, where hot water and food is abundant, where you can walk down the street without fear of a car bomb and we only have a little over a 50% turnout. Any election in Iraq is going to be hard, but if they get more then 50% to turn out to vote I think that is amazing. And any service man or woman that had a hand in making these elections happen should be as proud of their efforts as we are of the minute men of our early history who had a hand in making our democracy.
Tiger finally got back on track, this golfing thing might work out for him after all.
I just had an experience with one of life’s greatest events. I went into my closet and pulled out an old coat I hadn’t worn in a long time. I put my hand in the pocket and found $10.00. You guys who have done this, know the feeling. Its like when you give your wife or girl friend some money and the next morning they give you back the change. It doesn’t happen often and it usually isn’t much but its nice when it happens.
Johnny Carson – good / Joan Rivers – bad / Michael Moore – evil
I’m out like Ron Artest
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The Word of Tim
January 19, 2005 --
Baseball is getting ready for spring training and guess what? Pittsburgh, K.C., Toronto, Detroit, Washington (Montreal), Milwaukee, Tampa Bay, Cincinnati and Arizona have already been eliminated from the playoffs and Minnesota, Cleveland, Oakland, Philadelphia, Florida, and San Diego are only a few weeks away. With the amount of money that other teams are spending on the top players, few small market teams have a chance.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not against King George buying all the available talent or The Mets spending crazy money on a downside Pedro. This situation does make it impossible for small market teams to compete, but I have a solution. MLB already has two leagues, but instead of AL and NL, it should be Small Market and Big Market. Think about it, have the best representative of the Small Market play the Big Market in the World Series.
Small Market
SM West
Oakland, San Diego, Arizona, K.C., Minnesota
SM Central
Millwaukee, Cincinnati, Detroit, Cleveland, Toronta
SM East
Tampa Bay, Philadelphia, Florida, Washington (Montreal), Pittsburgh
Big Market
BM West
Anaheim, Seattle, L.A., San Francisco, Colorado
BM Central
Chicago Cubs, Chicago White Sox, St. Louis, Houston, Texas
BM East
N.Y. Yankees, N.Y. Mets, Boston, Baltimore, Atlanta
With this system, truly every team would have a chance to get to the World Series, and ANYTHING can happen in a 7 game series.
As I write this, the Hockey powers that be are meeting in a last ditch effort to get the league started. The problem is that no one really cares. The owners don’t want to play, the players are playing else where and they don’t really want to play, and the fans, for the most part don’t care. ESPN’s and ESPN2’s replace programs of various college games, poker, and bass fishing have garnered higher rating the NHL’s games. So the executives of the networks don’t want hockey back either. It is nobody’s best interest to start the season. Ask yourself this “If the NFL, MLB, NBA decided to fold as a league over money would you get angry?” History says yes, Baseball is now just recovering from the strike in 1995, basketball ratings have declined since the strike, and only in the last 18 months have the rating started to climb back overall. If these mainstay sports have a hard time recovering from a strike, think about what Hockey will go through when it comes back. Personally I say fold the league, disband the teams and start over with half the teams. Only allow expansion when ratings on T.V., attendance at games and profitability reach a certain level.
Drinking – good / Hangovers – bad / Tequila evil
Until next time, I’m out like the Jets, Vikings, Colts and Rams.
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The Word of Tim
January 5, 2005 --
Well, it has been awhile, but it is time to get back into the swing of things.
Much respect to all our service men and women. Godspeed for all of your safe return.
Steroids: Who cares, let every athlete take them. Its good for the game. I would love to see Bonds hit 100 home runs. It would also be good for the league. If you had 50 players hitting 40+ home runs then the Yankees couldn't get them all. I really couldn't careless if they all get cancer and die at 40, just keep me entertain while you are playing. I personally think that pitchers who are afraid to pitch inside, and hit a few guys is the reason homeruns are up. When I was playing, if some one would get a homerun or a good hit off of me, the next time I saw him I threw at his back shoulder, them came back with a curve ball on my next pitch.
I am not without compassion but I am sick of all the crap the USA is catching because of this Tsunami. First we don't give enough, now we are not being efficent in distribution. Now the U.N. wants to take over. They did real good with the Food for Oil program in Iraq. Now lets give them control of over the $4 billion (2 Billion from the U.S.) in money from raised donations.
Liberals....Bush won....get over it.
Shaq good / Kobe bad / Artest really bad / Don King evil
Woodrows B.B.Q. excellent
Steelers 15 - 1 and the Cowboys suck and don't make the playoffs...can't get the shit eating grin off my face!!!!!!
I am out like T. Owens, but hope to be back before the Superbowl. (who is holding the best party anyway?)
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The Word of Tim
January 14, 2005 --
The football playoffs are here, and like everyone else I have my thoughts on who will win and who I want to win.
Steelers V Jets
Who will win: STEELERS Who I want: STEELERS
I don't think the Jets have much to beat the Steelers. The Steelers are better at every facet of the game. Low scoring but Steelers will win.
Colts V Pats
Who will win: COLTS Who I want: PATS
I'm a Steeler fan and the Colts scare me abit. They can put up 21 pts before the line-ups are introduced. So even though the Pats are a good solid team, I think that the Steelers match up better with them and we know what to expect.
Vikings V Eagles
Who will win: VIKINGS Who I want: EAGLES
I really couldn't care less here, except I want Randy Moss to get hurt, BAD. At least T.O. try’s to be a little creative in his antics (and his team won while he was there), but T.O. got what was coming to him and now it is Moss's turn.
Rams V Atlanta.
Who will win: ATLANTA Who I want: Don't care.
I can't find a reason to like either team. Both are dome teams (football is an outdoor sport). Vick killed me in Fantasy Football this year, and Martz is a fool. Bruce maybe hurt and Atlanta hasn't won a big game in awhile. Besides neither team can win three in a row.
With the NBA being shown on TNT we get such great match ups as New Jersey V. Memphis, or Washington V. New Orleans. It's like making the NFL game of the week the 49ers V the Cardinals. The NBA and TNT needs to go back to just nationally televising the main teams, Miami (Shaq, Wade), LA (Kobe), Spurs (Duncan), and maybe the Cavs (James). Let the people who have direct TV watch Utah and their 18 game road losing streak. Let the "ouber" fan go to the bars like I have to in order to watch the Steelers every week. I will watch a game between Kobe and Shaq or a KG V Duncan match up, but I would rather watch Poker then watch two teams that mean nothing play each other. It is pretty bad when you can't wait until halftime, because Sir Charles and Kenny Smith are more entertaining then the game.
Five most selfish players in sports today:
1. Randy Moss
2. Terrell Owens
3. Allen Iverson
4. Kobe Bryant
5. L. Spreewell
Honorable mention: Barry Bonds, Alex "Ima a Whore" Rodriguez, Pedro Martinez.
Shout out to Johnny Oats, good guy, good manager. Rest in peace.
NFL playoffs - good / BCS - bad / Randy Moss - evil
Next week - Baseball, Tsunami, Hockey
Until then I am out like stirrup look socks.
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July 21, 2004 --
I have been waiting for a topic to come to me. Thanks to online idiots I have a topic. If anyone has been reading our 'say something stupid' section has found out that even the Storm are not immune to internet idiots. Diesel ran into one earlier that disagreed with a simple bat review. I myself love a little back and forth. A good slam or dig gives us all a laugh.
Here is some simple rules that help to weed out the lame ass pussys that love to sing it but couldn't bring it if they were in a wet paper bag (love ya' crush)
#1 If you can't slap your sister down don't act tuff online.
#2 Try to leave your homo jokes till later. Calling someone an ass pirate, or a fudge packer was funny in the 6th grade, now its just boring.
#3 All sign-offs should be original material.
#4 If you are going to call someone out don't do it without letting them know who you are. No guts no glory.
#5 Be original. If your going to fire the first shot make it good.
I think I will start a list, a "Hall of Sham" if you will, for all the lame ass, all talk, bomber wantabees. who have already spent their allowance on yu-gi-oh cards so they have to harrass us.
so until next time.
I'm out like the Red Soxs in the AL East.
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July 14, 2004 --
I wanted to throw out a few comments on Goosetown, Or as I have come to know it "The Saturday only tournament".
CHEERS:
Chris (Diesel) for going Toe-To-Toe with the pros.
The Female streaker...c'mon you ladies, you talk about equal rights and that your every bit as good as a man,
but the male streakers out numbered you again this year. Set some goals ladies.
BJ (Storm) for breaking bulbs, beds, and JW's cherry.
Will (strom) for protecting his Southern Comfort like a mama bear does to her cubs.
John Tuckerman for coming down for a 7:00 game to fill in for us with just a few hours notice.
The Police for bringing home our wayward woman, and not using cuffs (no matter how hard they begged for them).
Mother nature for giving us good weather.
JEERS:
The person who decided to have a saftey meeting on the base.
The Easten Bombers, hope the enjoy the $120 they won and all it cost them was some respect.
Anyone one who was going to "Rip-It-Up" and instead "snored-it-up" at Goosetown.
Women with water ballons.
The resturant we ate at on saturday night. I have blocked out the name. note to self...If I ever take two hours to make dinner don't argue with people who have been drinking for that two hours, just say I'm sorry for the wait and buy a round...oh, and don't serve soggy noodles with tomato sauce.
Anyone who uses spell checker.
I am out like Rosie O'Donnell
007
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