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A Long Day
The worst way to get dumped!
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April 20, 2006 --
Little BILLY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
after another After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him
said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
Little BILLY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
Oh?" replied the man. " Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a
time?"
No" replied Little Billy, "he minded his own f**king business!!"
LITTLE BILLY ON... PHILOSOPHY
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
little BILLY. He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the
first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
thinking."
Then little BILLY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down
the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the
ice cream.Which one is married?" The teacher, blushing a great deal,
replies, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and
sucked the cone." To which Little BILLY replied, "The correct answer
is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking."
LITTLE BILLY ON... MATHS
Little BILLY returns home from school and says he got an F in
arithmetic. "Why?" asks the father."
The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3?' I said 6," replied BILLY.
"But that's right!" says his dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me, 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the f**king difference?" asks the father?
"That's what I said!"
LITTLE BILLY ON... ENGLISH
Little BILLY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
example of a multi-syllable word?"
BILLY says " M*s-t*r-b*te."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little BILLY, that's a mouthful."
Little BILLY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a b***job."
LITTLE BILLY ON... GRAMMAR
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the
same sentence twice. First she called on little Suzie, who responded
with,
"My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked
beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little
Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."
The teacher responded, "Excellent, Michael!" Then, she reluctantly
called on little BILLY.
"Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
was pregnant, and he said "Beautiful, just f**king beautiful."
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Cell Phones
July 8, 2005 --
Cell Phones got to love them!
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Fox Hat
July 8, 2005 --
Wear the Fox Hat!
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Little Johnny Does It Again
May 21, 2005 --
It was Friday morning, and that meant it was time for an activity that the teacher called 'add to the picture'. The teacher would call students to the chalkboard one at a time. The first student would draw an object on the chalkboard, and each following student would add something to the picture to make it a new picture.
The teacher called on James to start things off.
James returned to his seat.
The teacher called on Ernie next.
Ernie returned to his seat.
Now it was Suzy's turn.
Suzy returned to her seat.
Next, the teacher called Jerry to the board.
Jerry returned to his seat.
Kim was called to the board.
Kim returned to her seat.
About this time, little Johnny began waving his arm hysterically. Little Johnny was well known for being dirty-minded, so the teacher was reluctant to call on him for anything. But as the teacher looked at the picture on the chalkboard, she thought that there was no way that little Johnny could possibly do anything to make this picture dirty. So she called on little Johnny, and he ran to the chalkboard.
Little Johnny had done it again.
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March 9, 2005 --
Two things Navy SEALS are always taught:
1) Keep your priorities in order
2) Know when to act without hesitation
A college professor (an avowed atheist and active in the ACLU), was teaching his class. He shocked several of his students when he flatly stated that for once and for all he was going to prove there was no God.
Addressing
the ceiling he shouted:
"GOD, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform.
I'll give you exactly 15 minutes!!!!!"
The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by.
" I'm waiting God, if you're real knock me off this platform!!!!" Again after 5 minutes, the professor taunted God saying, "Here I am, God!!! I'm still waiting!!!"
His count down got down to the last couple of minutes when a SEAL, just released from the Navy after serving in Afghanistan and Iraq and newly registered in the class, walked up to the Professor. The SEAL hit him full force in the face, and sent the Professor tumbling from his lofty platform.
The Professor was out cold!! The students were stunned and shocked.
They began to babble in confusion. The SEAL nonchalantly took his seat in the front row and sat silent. The class looked at him and fell silent.....waiting. Eventually, the professor came to and was noticeably shaken. He looked at the SEAL in the front row. When the professor regained his senses and could speak he asked:
"What the hell is the matter with you?! Why did you do that!?"
"God was really busy protecting America's soldiers, who are protecting your right to say stupid shit and act like an asshole!!! So he sent me!!"
ONE NATION UNDER GOD!!!
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Email Etiquette
February 17, 2005 --
Learn It! Love It! Live It!
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That's my boy
February 6, 2005 --
This was me when I was younger!
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