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Welcome To The Home Of The
Mississauga Southwest Twins
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Game 1: With the Twins enjoying their first By-week in OSBA history they took to the field Saturday hoping rust would not be a problem. The Twins faced the division rival Stars who were coming off a graphic raping of the Bengals in game 2 of their sweep in round 1. Rust however was not a problem as the Twins came out firing on all cylinders plating 3 in 2 innings. SP "Handsome" Jay Woodford gave up 0 earned runs in this time as well, despite battling a very narrow strike zone. Mother nature decided to spoil the party however and combined with a Nancy of an umpire suspended the game until Sunday...With another night of boozing under their belt and the desire to shake off last years devestating Bengals come back the Twins returned Sunday looking to settle all accounts on this series. Twins Manager Kenneth N. Woodford wisely sent the alcohol-free Justin Butler to the mound to pick up where young Woodford left off. Justin pitched a gem and batted an astounding 4 for 4 including a panty dropping ding dong. Justin carried the Twins through game 1 and they were 1 game closer to advancing.
Game 2: The Twins knew from experience that a sweep of the Stars was unlikely. However, it was playoffs and therefore time to play balls out! The Twins sent OSBA Rookie of the Year candidate Ben Chisholm to the bump. Despite his inexperience in high pressure OSBA playoff situations Ben did not disappoint and pitched a gem. With the Twins defense let him down only once and a meager 4 runs were plated by the Stars. 2 of them coming off a top of the 7th game tying opposite field shot by opposing pitcher Johnny DeWolfe. This left the Twins reeling with flashbacks of last years Bengals BS comeback.In the bottom of the 7th Curtis "Big Boy" Strabac reached with one out to put the Twins in position to win. He was then pushed over to 2nd by Philip Kingston who reached on an error. The Stars would then bring the outfield in for a play at the plate inadvertently do themselves in. O'Donnell feeling a little luck of the Irish took a pitch just enough over the shallow outfield to plate Strabac and confirm the sweep.
"Hey there Bond, weren't you voted 'Best Buns' at the Ranch last night?" - O'Donnell
"O'Donnell I heard you won best Pec last night" - Speck
"I'll tell what 3 for 3 isn't and that's 4 for 4" - O'Donnell
"I'm just waiting for the oppurtunity" - Butler
(Butler then ripped the next pitch for a single)
"So I threw up on the table Friday night and the owner just hosed it off and brought me a beer" - Saks
"So where did this whole girls giving Strabec Cleveland Steamers start?" - Nim
"When he was in Amsterdam" - Bond
"Yeah, they call it the 'Strabac Special' over there now" - O'Donnell
"So I bet my cab driver he couldn't beat the other car off the line and he fucking crashed us" - Dancin' Graemes
"Hey Bond did Chisholm recently use this glove, it feels greasy, almost like crisco" - Malyk
Twins finish regular season
September 9, 2008
The Twins finished off the regular season with a win over the tigers. The Twins had strong pitching from pretty much all their pitchers and solid hitting from bottom to top even by Ben Chislom who was simply crushing the ball.
The Twins now play the waiting game to see who their date will be with in the second round.
Twins Salvage split
The Twins dropped the first game in poor fashion by getting behind fast with 5 run first inning by the stars. The Twins could not rebound and lost the game 10-4.
The second game saw a pitching gem on both sides of the field as Ben Chisholm and Stars Pitcher Johnny DeWolf shut down the offense. The Twins however pulled out an extra innings win off a solo homerun by Pat McEnroe which put the Twins up 2-1 and Big Ben Chisholm finished off the game with a compete game.
Twins have good showing in Peterborough but fall short again
The Twins won the first two games of the tournament but fell victim to the sunday curse and lose in the semi's to the Indians. The Twins defense which was impressive all weekend seemed to fall apart on sunday leading to 4 or 5 unearned runs. The Twins did however clean house at the bars, some got drinks, some got women, some got both, and some got rashes. All in all a solid weekend of booze and ball, just what the doctor ordered.
Twins Prepare for Peterborough
With an off weekend the Twins will practice sunday in preparation for the Peterborough classic during the august long weekend. The Twins are looking forward to some good ol' fashion beer and ball and hope to continue the solid play of late.
Twins Light it up in the Diamond Jacks Baby Park
The start of the weekend was not good at the start as the opposition hit some homeruns and were up 3-0 halfway through the bottom of the 2nd. The Diamond Jacks began to really talk about there homeruns, they seemed pretty impressed with themselves being able to hit it out of a diamond that was only 300 in the corners. Most of the Twins players haven't seen a park that small since they were 12. Then in the second a wild pitch by the Twins starter went into the DJacks dugout causing the batter and starting pitcher for the Djacks to then charge the mound and throw punches at the Twins pitcher, Punches that looked like a 12 year old girl fighting for Hannah Montana concert tickets almost made the situation comedic. This writer still cannot believe that someone charged the mound in a mens league. However Cooler heads would prevail and the two sides calmed and the appropriate people were ejected. Thats when the twins turned it around and got into the Homerun derby themselves. Tom Malyk came into pitch and did a good job keeping the Twins in it while they were down. In the late innings Justin Butler came in a closed out the game as the Twins took game one 10-9. The second game the Twins bats were alive belting out 7 or so homeruns and scoring 14 runs in the game. The 14 runs were more than enough cushion for Twins starter Ben Chisholm who pitched 4 innings giving up one run and looking like a pitcher finally. Honorable mention goes to Butler who hit 3 jacks and to Stu Kingston who hit a ball that probably hasn't landed yet.
Twins Look at It
After a split with the Giants the Twins faced division leaders the Mississagua Stars. Tom Malyk pitched a pretty decent game but ran into a little trouble in the later innings the good hitting stars team but pressure on a sometimes shaky twins defense but the D wasn't that bad and could have been worse and the Twins limped away with a tie due to time restrictions. In the second game the Twins bats were a little more active getting hits often. Stu Kingston pitched a solid game with only a couple mistakes that still have yet to land. The win goes to kingston and the save to Butler who shut down the offense of the stars in the last inning but did give up one run in turn making it a save opportunity. This writer believes the run was intentional to pad Butlers stats. All in all a good weekend of ball for the Twins who continue to put up some wins.
Quotes from both Giants and Stars Games:
Forest Glen:
"Hey check out this wooden Indian that came with my new house...its name is Newton" - Ken
"I drove all the way from London for this?!" - Butler after being ejected in his first AB of game 1
"You know I woke up in the bathtub last night...There was bubbles in it and everything" - Bond
"The ladies all know that I put the 'FAT' in INFATUATION" - Chisholm
"RBI single" - Pat after returning from his AB at his other simultaneous game happening at 9th Line South
"The double was a triple with your old leg Dancin'" - ?
"You wanna see some major league junk give me that ball" - Jay
"If you wanna see major league junk I'll take off my pants" - O'Donnell
"My mom woke me up once and I had used kleenex on my chest" - Malyk
Stars:
"Give Butler credit for creating that rundown. He was a dead duck" - Dancin' Graemes
"If Butler was a duck. What kind of duck do you think he'd be?" - O'Donnell
"Hard to say. Probably a Mallard" - Dancin' Graemes
"Yeah, I got 4 large pizza's for a Mike?" - Pizza Pizza Guy
"I thought after 30 mins they were free" - Home Plate Ump during the game
"What's that guy's name? Cock-u-kov?" - Butler
"Come on just fucking drop one!" - Stars bench to Phil after another stellar grab
"I'm on an incredible hot streak for scoops at first base" - Moosejaw
"Ya, on the streets they call him Raisan Bran, cause he's good for two a game" - O'Donnell
"Ken I can't make it to the games this weekend its free burger day at Burger king" - Ben Chisholm
Twins Sweep
On a beautiful Canada Day the Twins faced off against the Mississauga North Tigers. Game one saw the very sexy Stu Kingston on the bump who pitched a decent game but did have some trouble with the long ball. The Tigers middle of the line up were hitting up a storm but late in the game the Twins sent out Justin “Big Nasty” Butler so put a hold on things in the 5th then Tommy Gun Malyk came in and closed out the ballgame pitching some good ball in the late innings and allowing to the Boys in blue to come from behind and win the game. On offence a late inning HR by Phil Kingston bumped the Twins ahead where they remained for the rest of the game. The W goes to Malyk who also some how for the first time in baseball history also gets the Save.
The second game the Twins sent the lady killer Curtis Big Boy Strabec to the mound who got a nice three run cushion in the bottom of the first, Strabec then quickly gave back two runs in the top of the second. However the Twins bats came back as the Tigers pitching staff was running out of gas and twins hitters took full advantage pulling up 7-3 in the late innings on monster 3 run homerun by the now power hitting Tom Malyk whos batting average bumped up over .100 with one swing of the bat. This writer has never seen anything so sweet in all his life. The score would end up 7-5 with Jay Woodford closing things out on the mound in Tom Henke fashion.
Quotes from Canada Day at the Park
“Don’t worry Tom, that homerun wouldn’t have been out of a lot of parks” – Bond
“Ya like YellowStone” – O’Donnell
“There was feces everywhere” - Bond
“C’mon Gregg” – Graeme Specks Mother
“I use powdered sugar as an anti-perspirant…….its delicious.” Ben Chisholm
“I gave you a five on the dismount” – Chisholm to O’Donnell after O’Donnell ate it when tripping on first base and cracking his head off the ground.
“I’ll tell you where you didn’t get lucky……Genetics” O’Donnell to Chisholm.
Players/wives brought out the pets to the game in what was supposed to be a fun day at the park however mother nature had other plans and the game was quickly rained out in the bottom of the first with the Twins holding a comanding 6-0 lead.
Quotes:
"I woke up this morning, naked with a half eaten hamburger on my chest"-Chisholm
"man we are gonna have some stupid kids"- Ian
Twins have fun in the Sun
The twins took to the road to face off against Barrie. The first game saw Tom Malyk on the bump who pitched a solid game and had an alright defense behind him. Also on a pitching note Curtis "Big Boy" Strabec pick up the save for the Twins as they edged out Barrie 5-4 in a close match up. For the second game the Twins sent Ben Chisholm to the mound who drew maybe the worst homeplate ump in the history of baseball who's strike zone was about the size of a grain of rice. The hitters enjoyed the small zone however mr.Chisholm was heard voicing his concerns multiple times, even the base umpire had trouble believing the strike zone. The game was a close one again which the twins lead most of the way but gave up some late runs and allowed the brewers to tie up the game. All in all it wasn't a bad weekend for the twins but they let the second game slip away.
quotes
"Ya i'm warming up like this"- Jay Woodford while only wearing boxers.
"Is your pitcher okay?"- Barrie coach,
"Ya we took his tampon out before the game"- Jay Woodford
"I think i'm bleeding"- O'Donnell from a toilet stall
"You know I hear Crisco is the worlds best lube"- Ben Chisholm
An up and Down Weekend for the Twins
The Twins started the weekend off with a bang by beating up on the Bagels winning 12 to 1 as the bats came alive finally. The twins rode the strong arm of Stu Kingston who picked up the win and pitched all five innings.
On Sunday the Twins faced Oshawa and stole a win from them in the bottom of the 7th and took the game 3-2 or something like that in a close game. The second game was a little different for the boys in blue as they were on the business end of a mud hole stomping losing 12-2. Giving up 6 runs in the first inning due to multiple errors the twins never rebounded and seemed to have the wind taken out of their sails.
Overall the weekend saw good play, poor play and the worst play ever. The twins being notorious slow starters continue in the trend however they are not as poor as in previous years. Once the kinks are ironed out and everyone plays the their ability this team will be a force to be reckoned with. All they need is something to bring it all together.
O'Donnell to Twins - "If you had to have sex with one animal, what would it be?"
Mozzchuahk - "A Peacock, it's the most beautiful animal I've ever seen."
Tom to butler during a visit to the mound after a Talons Grandsalam - "hey man, nothin you can do about errors, shake it off!"
butler to Tom during moundvisit - "it was a fuckin grandslam!"
Ben to the other benchwarmers (mike, tom, nim, saks) on the skip's selections for the starting lineup - "Not only is Ken Fattist, but he's also a racist!"
Tom to benchwarmers - "Hey who's that hot chick out over there."
Random Player - "Her boyfriends a douche, we should knock him out and bang his girlfriend."
mike to benchwarmers - "Yeah, I'll knock out the hot chick and bang the boyfriend!"
Hey Chisholm, maybe you would have a better grip on the bat if it was smothered in melted cheese.- Bond
"Thats the most vagina mikes seen in a long time" Bond to O'Donnell after O'Donnell was mounted by a female dog.
Twins Say Fuck You To Majors New Sponsor...Social Planned At International
The Twins were shocked to learn that one of their regular weekend hangouts was the Mississauga Majors new sponsor. Several Twins who regular at International Bar and Grill on Cawthra Rd have never seen any of the Majors on site. One of the many Twins socials of '08 is already scheduled to happen at International and we suggest that Majors stay well clear for the event.
Other Twins socials for '08 include the weekend out in Barrie (June 7+8), the Twins first annual father + son golf tourney (date TBD), the first annual Twins pig roast (date TBD) and the 4th annual Peterborough tourney (Aug 1-3).
Twins Drop Two to the Bulls.........again
The Twins continue their hard luck start to the season and fall to 0-3 after losing two hard fought games. On a very cold and windy day Game one saw Stu Kingston on the bump who had a solid outing keeping the bulls offense from breaking out, unfortunately the Twins offense could only manage three runs and the Twins lost 5-3. Positives from the game would be the defense and some solid pitching.
In game two the start went to big Ben Chisholm who was making his OSBA debut. Chisholm was 18-6 with a 2.35 era last year in the California Penal league and was looking for a strong start. He pitched alright and looked very sexy in a twins uniform. The Twins offense again could not put up the numbers they had hoped and the Twins fell to the Bulls for the second time losing 8-2. Positives from the game would be Big Boy Curtis Strabecs long hr, negatives would be the at times shaky defense. The Twins look to rebound and hope to break out of their classic slow start as they return the friendly confines of 9th line.
Quotes
"You did want me to steal, you touched your belt right?" - Bond
"Guys, I'm standing right here" - Bulls 3rd basemen
"Oh hell it doesn't matter" - Woodford Sr
"Hey that dog has wrinkles in its head like my uncle" - Speck
(5:20 during post game beers)..."Hey Graeme...Did I miss the games?" - Mr Speck
"Fuck...it's gotta be genetics" - O'Donnell
"Damn it's cold. Mike, can I have some of you fat?" - Stu
"If that's not a fuckin strike then no pitch is gonna be a strike" - Chisholm
"Ben's gonna get tossed" - ?
(On Twins weekend trip to Barrie in 3 weeks)..."ya...Im gonna find some girls who are hopped up and looking to make some bad decisions" - O'Donnell
"Ball" - ump
"Uhh...he swung and missed" - Jay
"Oh...strike" - ump
"Ken, in case you get confued when you're doing the stats...McKnight is down on the scoresheet as Skeletor and King is down as Oompa Loompa" - ?
Twins Lose On Road...And In Opener...Again
Though not as bad as in the previous years openers, the Twins still couldn't come away with a win on opening weekend. Game #1 (the only game) looked like it might get ugly as the two starters traded beanballs back and forth early on. Malyk cruised through the first 3 innings and the Twins built a 3-0 lead on the strength of a J. Woodford 2-run homerun. The Bengals took the lead 5-3 in the 4th but the Twins tied it back up right away as P. Kingston gets beaned (for the 2nd time), O'Donnell singles real deep to right centre and Woodford Sr singles up the middle. The Bengals took the lead for good, putting up runs in the 5th and 6th, all with two out and all after two real close 3-2 base on balls. O'Donnell reaches base in all 3 of his plate appearances(2 HBPs and 1 1B), and only sees 3 pitches in doing so. The defence was better than expected for this early in the year, highlighted by a doubleplay in the top of the 1st. Patrick "Newjack" Sajak takes over from Moy as the alltime best Twins scorekeeper. Despite the loss this is the best the Twins have ever played on opening day...after striking out 15 times against Barrie in '06 and losing 11-2 against Durham in '07. Final Score: 10-5 Bengals.
Game #2 was delayed about 30 minutes as the sprinklers came on just as we were set to go. After some dillagent work by Butler and Woodford Jr to turn off the city's water supply the game got under way. After 5 batters the game was suspended with the Twins up 1-0 and two out as a different group of sprinklers fired up. Neither the Bengals, nor the umps seemed to have any interest in getting this game in...despite the fact that the Tigers are already asking to use our field time. With this game not happening O'Donnell's and Woodford Sr's consecutive games streak remains intact at 69.
Next Up: Bulls make up games on Victoria day at Millcroft.
Quotes:
"Hey, who's ready to play some ball" - retarded homeplate ump
"See what happens when you throw a strike" - Bossman, after Woodford's HR
"With my knees, ya, I don't slide" - Malyk
"Bond, you can play with that sprinkler on in left eh?" - O'Donnell
"Well it's not like nothing's ever been shot into my face unexpectedly before...you should know that" - Bond
"Shit!...I forgot my shoes and my hat" - Butler
"So Woodford...I guess the consecutive games streak lasts another week" - O'Donnell
"Ya...I wonder if anyone else in the OSBA has played 70 consecutive games" - Woodford
"Probably not...most other people have lives, unlike us" - O'Donnell
"Hey Mike...the 2nd game today...do we switch to the home team or are we away again?" - Speck
Camp Closes, Twins looking forward to Start of Season
April 30, 2008
With the start of the 08 season only days away the Twins look to improve on numerous aspects of their game, mainly winning. As it has been said, winning is better than losing. With a challenging start to the season opening up against the Bulls the new Twins philosophy will be put to the test early. Some notes on upcoming events at ninth line, on the Twins home opener Ryan Newtons #10 will be retired in what proves to be a tear jerking presentation, proving that you don't have to be good to get your number retired, just colorful, mainly red. On this momentous occasion the first 5000 fans will receive an authentic Dream Catcher with the number 10 on it*. Keep an eye out during the season for more special offers from the twins**. Also Barry Bonds has yet to accept or deny the Twins offer for the 08 season.
*Note: not a real offer.
**Note: also fictitious.
Twins Train like its 1999
April 7, 2008
The indoor workouts continue and the twins seem to have loads of boyish excitement about the upcoming season. With solid BP and mean games of no shirts vs no pants basketball the team looks to be in tip top shape thus far. After some more indoor/outdoor practices the Twins will then start the 08' season on May 4th at 9th Line and look to get off to a better start than previous years, and with the best roster to date it looks much more promising this year around. The Twins have also enlisted the services of Jobu, he will bring added power to every player on the team. However every newspaper in the GTA has picked the Twins to finish dead last. The local press seems to think they would save everyone a lot of time and trouble if they just went out and shot themselves. Woodford however is for wasting sports writers' time. So, he'd like to hang around and see if he can give 'em all a nice big s***burger to eat.
For week to week practice updates by the one and only retired hall of fame coach John O'Donnell see the forum.
Twins Kick Off '08 With Snowbowl
February 17, 2008
The Twins kicked off their 2008 offseason with the 1st annual blue and white Snowbowl game held on Superbowl Sunday. The blue team of Phil, Moszczak, Sakaguchi, Speck and J. Woodford beats the white team of S. Kingston, Mrs. Phil (aka Icebox), Malyk, O'Donnell and K. Woodford 10 touchdowns to 7. The game, that was played in the field behind the church on the corner of North Service Road and Hurontario, marked the first time that many of the Twins have ever been anywhere near a church. MVPs of the game go to S. Kingston (white) for scoring 6 of his team's 7 touchdowns and Moszczak (blue) for not spilling the beans that within two weeks he was gonna pop the question to his girlfriend. Highlights included: Woodford kicking Speck in the balls (accidentally), Malyk pelting Sakaguchi with about 30 snowballs over the course of the game, moving important hydro flags so we knew where the endzones were, Jay ripping out the metal pole that was sticking out of the ground so that we could play uninterfered with, O'Donnell "shit I threw the ball to the wrong Kingston...I'm getting my Kingston's all confused" and miraculously no one kicking the football off of any of the arial hydro lines. Pictures up in the photo album. Having kicked off the 2008 campaign the Twins now turn their focus to fundraising and roster moves.
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Mississauga Southwest Twins
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