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Burlington Mets Baseball Club
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Manny "Reappearez"?
January 14, 2010
Outfielder Manny Moore has contacted the Mets front office for the first time since May 31, 2009. Moore was dubbed “Manny Disappearez” by third baseman Jeff Vitale because he gives new meaning to the phrase “Manny being Manny.” Moore has been on the Mets roster since the 2005 season, but has only shown up to about 14 games. Nevertheless, Moore indicated that he was ready for the 2010 season.
Prior to the 2009 season, Moore vowed that he would make every game of the Mets 32 game schedule. He got off to a good start, and made the first five games. However, when reached by phone at 1:30pm on May 31, 2009, a mere 30 minutes prior to the first pitch of a double header scheduled for 2pm at Pemberton, Moore stated, “Dude, I tooootally forgot about the game. I’m down LBI right now in the bay fishin’.” When asked what he was fishing for Moore replied, “Dude, they said we’re fishin’ for sharks. I’m kinda scared.”
Was Manny eaten by a shark? Was Manny’s ship grounded ashore of an uncharted desert isle? No one really knew for sure until reports surfaced that he was spotted in the Moorestown Mall in October, standing in line to get Ryan Madsen’s autograph. He was denied the autograph however, because he presented Madsen with Brett Myers baseball card and said “Dude, I can’t believe I’m actually meeting Cole Hamels.”
Moore, as one of the most well-liked players on the Mets roster, will likely be welcomed back for 2010. The real question is will you see him after May.
Mets add arm to thin staff
January 10, 2010
The Mets have announced the signing of former Mount Holly pitcher Brandon Elliott. Elliott became a free agent when the Mount Holly franchise not only ended its affiliation with the RVL, but ended its affiliation with baseball altogether. Elliott’s career win-loss record of 1-27 is misleading, since he pitched nearly every game for one of the worst baseball teams in the history of the storied RVL. Many have speculated that Elliott is the RVL record holder for appearances and innings pitched in a single season, however, this could not be confirmed since Mount Holly never kept a scorebook for their games.
The Mets front office issued the following statement regarding Elliott’s signing:
“The main reason we signed Brandon is that he looks like a smaller version of Luke (Mets OF, P Lucas Jones, pictured at right). We like to pick on people and this signing puts plenty of BBs in the BB gun, if you know what I mean. Plus, even though he has a lifetime RVL record of 1-27, his only win came against Delran, and we like that too.“
When asked his comments about the Mets press release regarding Elliott’s signing, all Jones did was mutter, “Chill son. I got my Red Rider and I ain’t afraid to use it. Buyaka!!!”
Mets find bargain at Pitt Stop 'going out of business sale'
January 3, 2010
Not only did the [Arm] Pitt Stop of Browns Mills tank and fail to finish the 2009 season, their inaugural RVL season, but their illustrious sponsor, the [Arm] Pitt Stop 'N' Shop consignment shop took a similar path into a Presidential Lakes septic tank. Yes, the Browns Mills squad called it quits in mid-July, not only unable to pay expenses, but also unable to put 9 players on the field. For those who are hearing this information for the first time, yes, I am sad to report that your favorite place to find faux Native American trinkets, multi-colored New York Yankees hats, used Super Nintendo games and premium, hocked jewelry closed its doors for good. However, loyal shoppers do not fret, legitimate sources report that come spring time, the Pitt Stop will re-open in the form of a wooden table at Columbus Sale – right between the guy that sells bootleg cassette tapes and they lady that sells those attractive Tony Montana lithographs. But I digress…
The real announcement is that the Mets are close to signing former Browns Mills catcher Eddie Rodriguez. Sources close to the situation have confirmed that Rodriguez has agreed to a deal and his signing of a contract with the Mets is a mere formality. Rodriguez petitioned the RVL Executive Board last season for a release from Browns Mills, but was denied. Prior to Browns Mills, Rodriguez played for Pemberton, and he also played for Delran in the 2009 York Colonial Tournament.
Rodriguez’s signing comes in the wake of Mets redneck catcher Paul Guerrieri’s offseason knee surgery, and Guerrieri’s 2009 fill-in Joey Mastrangelo’s penchant for skipping games to attend college classes (Really? Kid needs to get his priorities straight.). Guerrieri underwent surgery to replace a torn ACL and PCL in his right knee. Dr. Willoughby performed the surgery, and reportedly, when he opened up the redneck catcher’s knee, in addition to the two torn ligaments, he found a couple Miller Lite pop-top tabs, a small pocket of Chatsworth cranberry bog mud, and an old Skoal lid, circa 1991.
Mets second baseman Dan Torres was reached for comment regarding Rodriguez’s signing:
Elmo Jenkins (EJ): So Torres, how do you feel about the Mets signing another Mexican?
Dan Torres (DT): Yo, I told you before I’m not Mexican. I’m Puerto Rican. And I don’t know what Rodriguez is.
EJ: Are you going to hang a piñata in the locker room for Eddie’s first day?
DT: In all seriousness bro. I’m about to break your neck.
EJ: Okay Dan, thanks for your time. (Must have eaten some habaneras for breakfast this morning ‘cause ese esta loco.)
Photos courtesy of Mark Fletcher at Tri-County Sports Online
All photos available for purchase at www.tricountysportsonline.com
DISCLAIMER
All commentary appearing on the Burlington Mets website is made in jest and is intended only in jest, and therefore should ONLY be construed in jest and SHOULD NOT be construed ANY OTHER WAY. The Mets DO NOT practice, facilitate, or condone harassment, discrimination, intimidation, and any related activities, whether legal or illegal, based on gender, race, sexual orientation, height, weight, neck color, amount of tattoos, mullets, age, blood-alchohol level, saliva when talking, size and shape of heads, size and shape of jaws and chins, amount of hair (including, but not limited to hair on heads, legs, arms, and faces), color of hair, physical resemblance to birds/fowl, amount of intact internal organs, amount of missing internal organs, or any other personal attribute not specifically mentioned herein.
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