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OCEANPORT SOCCER ASSOCIATION
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THE OCEANPORT SOCCER ASSOCIATION IS A PROUD MEMBER OF
THE NORTHERN MONMOUTH SOCCER ASSOCIATION!
NOTE: THE OCEANPORT SOCCER ASSOCIATION IS NOT AFFILIATED IN ANY WAY WITH THE "OCEANPORT LONG BRANCH SOCCER ACADEMY", "OLSA", "USP SOCCER ACADEMY", "US PREMIER SOCCER" OR THE "OCEANPORT SOCCER ACADEMY", ALL OF WHICH ARE FICTITIOUS NAMES UTILIZED BY A FOR-PROFIT ENTITY KNOWN AS "PREMIER SOCCER TRAINING, INC." OF WEST LONG BRANCH, NEW JERSEY.
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OCEANPORT SPORTS FOUNDATION'S CHARITY EVENT KICKS OFF HOLIDAY SEASON SUCCESSFULLY!
The Oceanport Sports Foundation held its Third Annual Holiday Wine and Food Tasting Charity Fundraiser on December 1, 2011 and, once again, it was a rousing success on many levels. The event raised close to $15,000.00 for the repair, maintenance and improvement of the Borough of Oceanport’s recreational sports facilities and fields, and with over 400 people in attendance, including such local social luminaries as Joe Irace, Nicole Goldsmith, Geoff Brignola, Mary Alyce Turner and Mike MacStudy, the event was a paparazzi’s dream come true. The only thing missing was a red carpet. “Actually, I was quite disappointed that there wasn’t a red carpet,” said Oceanport resident, bon vivant and man-about-town Ken Wilhalme . “I attend several charity events each week and red carpets are now de rigueur for those who enjoy the finer things in life. The people of Oceanport want and need a red carpet entrance. Whoever organized this thing really missed the boat on that and it better be rectified by next year.”
With 21 food vendors from across the state offering samplings of their culinary delights, nobody went home hungry. In fact, two people who tried to complete The OSF Food Marathon (two samplings from each vendor, in numerical order, within 45 minutes) were taken out on stretchers after keeling over from “food induced, semi-catatonic euphoria” at food station 16. “They seemed to be in a state of extreme ecstasy,” said the EMT in charge of their removal. “They had big smiles on their francaise sauce stained faces, and despite the fact that their stomachs had distended so much that their belts had burst open violently, they kept pleading for us to pass the cannoli station on the way out. They had such peaceful, serene, contented looks on their faces. It was as if they had seen a vision of the Virgin Mary, except in this case she was wrapped in bacon and smothered in a creamy Bechemel sauce.” Scott Arnette, who has attended all three of the Wine and Food Tasting events, was visibly shaken by the incident. “Who in their right mind would try such a thing? The human body is just not built to handle so much great tasting food in such a short period of time. Even the great Kobayashi would need to train for months just to get past what we here in Oceanport call the ‘Gastric Amen Corner’ --- the place on the far side of the room where the combination of Seared Pork Bellies, Truffled Parsnip and Cranberry Gastrique (from the Palace at Somerset), Crab Balls with Sweet Chili Sauce and Herb Aoli (prepared by Brandl of Belmar) and Artichokes Hearts Francaise (from Tuzzio’s Italian Cuisine in Long Branch) tends to overwhelm even the most highly developed taste buds. And to eat TWO of each is sheer insanity.”
Lisa Aromando, fresh off of her world tour as the lead in the New York City Ballet’s production of “Pippin on Ice”, loved the Dublin House’s Irish Lasagna, “I didn’t know that there was such a thing as Irish Lasagna until tonight. It was delicious. Next year I am hoping to try their Italian Soda Bread.” Johnny Piancone’s Orecchiette Belvedere was so good that Jeffrey Bonner of Monmouth Beach said, “I can’t even pronounce whatever it is that I am eating. All I know is that it is mouth watering and I want to eat a lot more of it.” The Shrimp Arrabiata from Wenning & Son Foods was so tasty that Janine Hammer of Oceanport was caught with two pounds of it in her pocketbook and Bill Deerin of Oceanport ate so much seafood at Lusty Lobster’s raw bar that he was spouting salt water out of a blow hole in his back by the end of the night. “I’ve never seen anybody peel a shrimp so quickly,” said a Lusty Lobster representative. “Bill is to crustaceans what Edward Scissorhands is to hedges.”
Everybody had their favorite dish. “I bet that nothing tastes better than the Root Beer Braised Pork with Maple Whipped Sweet Potatoes from Drew’s Bayshore Bistro,” said Tom Treshock of Monmouth Beach as, much to the embarrassment of his wife, he licked his plate clean of sweet potatoes, “but I think I will have to eat about a pound of the Langosta Lounge’s Lobster Macaroni and Cheese and Ono Salad before I can say anything definitively.” But not everyone agreed with him. “Tom Treshock wouldn’t know an Ono Salad from Yoko Ono,” countered Long Branch’s Susan Stroffolino. “The simple fact of the matter is that the Draft House’s Sliced Hangar Steak on Toasted Garlic Crostini with Frizzled Onions and Chipotle Mayo is the best dish in the room and if Tom wants to debate me on that subject over a plate of unbelievably scrumptious specialty cold wraps and assorted baked goods from the Countryside Café, I am more than willing to do so.” Joe Amatucci of Oceanport, however, was of the opinion that the Penne Ala Vodka from Scala’s Pizzeria was the culinary star of the evening. “If it were socially acceptable, I would bathe in Scala’s vodka sauce,” said an enthusiastic Amatucci. ?I know it sounds crazy, but it is THAT good. There should be a law requiring people to eat Scala’s Penne Ala Vodka. In fact, I am going to see if I can get Councilman Will Johnson to sponsor the legislation.”
“I spent the whole night noshing on the specialty soups and salads from the Salad Shack,” said Pete Cresci of Bayonne. “I was initially intrigued by the notion that someone would have a shack full of salad and I ended up eating everything they had to offer. The soup was out of this world. They should really call it the Soup and Salad Shack. But I guess you can’t have a shack full of soup, so you’d have to call it the Soup Bowl & Salad Shack and that’s kind of long and confusing, so maybe I should just shut up and eat.”
The Red Bank Culinary School’s Louisiana Chicken Mamou was a big hit with Oceanport’s Rick Karinja. “I don’t know what a Mamou is, but it sure tastes good with chicken!” Meat lovers had their taste buds tickled at the Wenning & Son Foods’ Mini-Reubens and Branches Catering’s Beef Tenderloin tables, both of which had big lines in front of them all evening.
But the night wasn’t just about food. “My favorite liquid used to be vodka,” gushed Tim Britton of Monmouth Beach, “but after tasting Piccolo Italia’s Butternut Squash Soup with Spiced Crème Fraiche & Cranberry Gastrique I think the people who make vodka have some catching up to do.”
Desserts were worthy of a Royal Wedding. Sal “The Cannoli King” LaRosa of LaRosa’s Bakery put out a spread of cannoli’s and other specialty confections that were “to die for” advised Monmouth Beach’s Dean Patton. “I think my Richard Simmons and Jane Fonda workout tapes are going to be on overdrive this weekend,” said Patton as he deftly stuffed another cannoli into his mouth. Nina’s Waffles & Sweets of Red Bank offered a tempting array of Mini Liege Waffles with Pearl Sugar that were so sinfully good that Oceanport’s Tom Galvin felt “they should have a confessional right next to them.” For the second year in a row, the Cheesecake Pops from Oceanport’s Chelsea Senior Living were a crowd favorite. “If these cheesecake pops are any indication of how good the food is at Chelsea Senior Living, I can’t wait to turn 65!” shouted Oceanport’s Tom Welsh. Rounding out the after dinner delights was Branches’ famous Flowing Chocolate Fountain and assorted fresh fruit. “The way I look at it, no matter how much chocolate you eat, if it has fresh fruit in it, it’s a healthy snack and good for you,” said Little Silver’s Mark Friedman after being convinced by friends that it would not be a good idea to dive into the chocolate fountain. All of these fantastic desserts were washed down with rich, textured coffees from Clover Hill Coffee Roasters of Freehold.
Patrons of the event also had the opportunity to sample beer and wine --- and sample they did --- from around the world as accompaniment to the exotic food offerings. Beer drinkers chose from Heineken, Sam Adams Winterfest, Peroni, Stella Artois, Pilsner Urquel, Newcastle Brown Ale, Dos Equis, Corona, Yuengling, Sierra Nevada and Blue Moon, while wine drinkers enjoyed samplings of Danzante Pinot Grigio, Berenger Founder’s Estate Chardonnay, Campobello Chianti Reserva, Beaulieu Vineyard Cabernet Sauvignon, Dynamite Winery Cabernet Sauvignon and a selection from Branches’ wine cellar.
Oceanport’s Rob Proto was thrilled with the whole evening. “I was supposed to be at the Barry Manilow concert tonight with my friends Jimmy Murphy and Joe Pillari,” said Proto. “We’re the three biggest Manilow fans in the world --- Jimmy’s a real Manilow fanatic --- and we never miss his concerts when he’s in the area. But I am so glad that my wife talked me into going to this function with her instead. What a wonderful evening! Barry might write the songs, but the Oceanport Sports Foundation really knows how to throw a party.”
The Board Members of the Oceanport Sports Foundation --- Jim Gallo Sr., Jay Briscione, Dave Gruskos, Tom Schiavone, Mike Tober, Tom Leavy, Jay Coffey, Mike Mahon, Rock Karninja, Bob Kelly and Chris Paglia --- want to thank everyone who attended the event and/or contributed in any way to its success. For more information about the Oceanport Sports Foundation, please visit the OSF’s facebook page, the Oceanport Basketball Association’s website or the Oceanport Soccer Association’s website.
THANKS FOR A GREAT EIGHT YEARS!
Ron Kirk and I coached our last recreation soccer game together on Saturday at Blackberry Bay Park and it was a very bittersweet moment for each of us. Before the game we were both excited that we were still taller than all of the kids in our team picture. We know that it won't be long till we're craning our necks looking up at them. Ron and I have coached together for 5 years. In those 5 years the kids have grown bigger and gotten smarter. We've only grown older (maybe a bit wider, too). As recently as two years ago, Ron and I could run around at the practices and challenge the kids. Now we just kind of stand around, barking out orders, hoping that the ball rolls near us so that we can kick it. You wake up on a Tuesday and all of a sudden you're old. It's trite to say it, but it goes by in the blink of an eye. Thankfully, the kids, for the most part, are oblivious to it.
Saturday was also my last official day as the President of the Oceanport Soccer Association. I have been President of the OSA since 2003 and I have enjoyed every minute of it. Sue and I moved into town with the boys in 2002 and through our association with the OSA we were able to meet a lot more people than would have been possible without our involvement with the recreation soccer program. For a few years it seemed that I knew every parent and every kid who played sports in town. Now, I see the names on my computer screen, but I don't know the faces of the parents or the kids. When it came time to meet the kids in this year's Kinderclinic, I was taken aback at how incredibly small the campers were. My two boys are now big, sloppy, smelly teenagers and these little Kinderclinic participants seemed like a totally different life form. Worse than that, this year it dawned on me that several of the kids in the soccer program are the CHILDREN of some kids I coached on a swim team 25 years ago. By my reasoning, that makes me a "grandcoach" and at that point I knew it was time to check out. When were cleaning up after our last game on Saturday, it felt a lot like the feeling you get after you sit through your high school or college graduation ceremony, or after one of your children's weddings has ended, or at the conclusion of a repast for a recently deceased parent, when everybody else has gone home, it's uncomfortably quiet and you ask yourself, "OK, so what do I do now?" Our kids are moving inexorably away from us and we better savor every moment that we have with them. Forget about the wins and losses, just treasure the time you get to watch them on the field or on the court. Thanks so much for letting me be part of your lives for the past 8 years. Believe me, I got a lot more out of it than I put into it. This picture of Ron Kirk hugging his son Jimmy after the game pretty much sums up what I'm trying to convey.
Jay Coffey
OCEANPORT SPORTS FOUNDATION'S CHARITY WINE AND FOOD TASTING SET FOR DECEMBER 1, 2011!
Click Here for Ticket Request Form
The Oceanport Sports Foundation will be holding its 3rd Annual Charity "Holiday Wine and Food Tasting Party" on Thursday, December 1, 2011 from 6:00 pm to 10:00 pm at Branches Catering in West Long Branch. Last year's event was attended by over to 450 people and offered samplings from over 25 restaurants, wineries, breweries and alcohol purveyors. For the second year in a row this was the most successful fund raiser in the history of the Oceanport Sports Foundation and the OSF is committed to making this year's charity event even better. Tickets are $50.00 each in advance. There will be no sales at the door. The proceeds raised at this event will be used to supplement the Borough of Oceanport's recreation programs and facilities. Only 500 tickets will be made available for purchase. The Oceanport Sports Foundation is a non-profit, volunteer group made up of members of the Oceanport community, all of whom are dedicated to assisting Oceanport's youth sports programs. If you are interested in buying tickets, please download the Ticket Request form and mail it to the Oceanport Sports Foundation at P.O. Box 182, Oceanport, NJ 07757. Your tickets will be mailed to you upon receipt of your check and Ticket Request form. If you have any questions or comments about the event, please e-mail the Oceanport Sports Foundation at: osf501c3@att.net LESS THAN 85 TICKETS REMAIN FOR SALE AS OF 11/07/11
JAMES DANSKIN LEADS EATONPORT'S 5-3 ROMP OVER FAIR HAVEN
OCEANPORT (UPI) - NOVEMBER 5, 2011 - James Danskin's second half goal proved to be the game winner in Eatonport's hard played 5-3 victory over a tough Fair Haven squad. Danskin's goal, a big-footed drive past Fair Haven's goalie midway through the second half, extended his team's lead to 4-2 and the boys from Eatonport never looked back. David LaPorta banged home two goals for the home team, as Kyle Hayes and Evan Coffey rounded out the scoring with a goal a piece. Once again, Eatonport Falls played the game with less than the optimum number of players as they were missing both Erik "Bigfoot" Graham and Robert "Magic Feet" Gruskos due to injury. In addition, George "Goal a Game" Notte, the Fabulous Flying Espinoza Brothers, Zach "Zach-Attack" Wellner, Jason Scherzinger and Matt Rupert were missing due to the fact that they were all at the Selena Gomez Fanfest. But who needs all those players when you have Kenny "The Kaiser" Wilhalme and Jonathan "The Soccer Savant" Biagi anchoring the defense and Adler "Man of Many Moves" Gustave and Kyle "Blur" Hayes leading the offense? Quite frankly, you don't need them, if you've got the best 9 players on the Eastern seaboard playing for your team. Jimmy "Jimmy Likes Soccer" Kirk, Evan "The Holy Goalie" Coffey, Ross "Secretary of Defense" Marotta and Ben "Big Fish" Fisher rounded out the squad on the field and that was quite enough to ensure that Coaches Ron Kirk and Jay Coffey walked off the field as winners in the last recreation soccer game that either will ever coach. Kaiser Wilhalme, who has been playing for Coffey and Kirk since the third grade, watched Coach Kirk and Coach Coffey walk off the field and was moved to say, "It's amazing how much we’ve won over the past five years. We just kept winning in spite of them. I think that their incompetence forced us to play harder and smarter. You probably can't find two guys who know less about soccer than those two, but we proved over and over again that good players can overcome bad coaching. The best that I can say about them, quite frankly, is that they knew enough to stay out of our way. I guess that counts for something, no?"
ROSS "THE SECRETARY OF DEFENSE" MAROTTA TAKES CONTROL
BEN FISHER (Eatontown) AND KYLE HAYES (Oceanport) CELEBRATE AN EATONPORT GOAL
ROSS MAROTTA OPENLY TAUNTS EVAN COFFEY AS COFFEY PUNTS THE BALL
KENNY "THE KAISER" WILHALME GETS BEAT ON DEFENSE!
LAW OFFICE OF JOHN A PATTI (3G) WINS SEVEN IN A ROW TO FINISH 7-1!
Phil Antoon's 3G team opened the season with a loss top Monmouth Beach and then reeled off SEVEN consecutive victories, to finish 7-1 for the season. WAY TO GO GIRLS!
At The Law Office of John A. Patti, The Defense NEVER Rests!
A Bunch of Happy Campers from the 7-1 3G Team of The Law Office of John A. Patti.
The Law Office of John A. Patti In Action
11/05/11 - ERIN KELLY, OCEANPORT'S ALL-WORLD GOALIE, STRIKES A POSE
11/05/11 - THIS IS WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU INVADE GRACIE'S SPACE
11/05/11 - KENNY WILHALME DOES HIS FAMOUS "ZOMBIE WALK" ALONG THE SIDELINE
11/05/11 - CASEY BIRDSALL LACES INTO A CORNER KICK FOR OUR 7TH & 8TH GRADE GIRLS' TEAM SPONSORED BY KENNETH WILHALME, DMD
11/05/11 - ROSS MAROTTA WAS SO THRILLED WITH HOW THE TEAM PICTURE TURNED OUT THAT HE ORDERED A DOZEN WALLET SIZED PRINTS
11/05/11 - NARCISSIST SOCIETY MEMBERS JONATHAN BIAGI, JAMES DANSKIN, KENNY WILHALME, EVAN COFFEY AND ROSS MAROTTA ADMIRE PHOTOS OF THEMSELVES
11/05/11 - GRACIE BRIGNOLA ON THE ATTACK
11/05/11 - PLAYER WEARING A HEADBAND THAT MATCHES COACH SALAMONE'S HAIR
11/05/11 - MIKE KOGUT'S "DOROTHY B. FISHING" CREW AFTER THEIR LATEST VICTORY
11/05/11 - OUR GOALIE GEARING UP FOR BATTLE
11/05/11 - WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE TURN ON THE HEAT?
GIRLS' WIN RESULTS IN PURPLE HAIR FOR COACH FRANK SALAMONE
OEANPORT (UPI) - NOVEMBER 5, 2011 - Making good on a promise he made to his team before the game, Coach Frank Salamone had his hair dyed purple after his squad's tie game on Saturday. It was hard to tell if the girls were more excited about the change in hair color (see picture below), or Salamone. "I think the purple highlights really make my eyes pop," said a very fashion conscious Salamone. "I have a lovely lavender & beige handbag and a matching pair of classy, yet bold, Jimmy Choo pumps that will really complete the look. As you are probably aware, purple was all the rage at this year's Fashion Week shows. Purple is the new black."
Players React To News That Coach Salamone Will Have His Hair Dyed Purple After Game
EATONPORT 7/8-B1 DEFEATS MONMOUTH BEACH 6-3; GREATEST TEAM EVER?
OCTOBER 22, 2011 - OCEANPORT (UPI) Move over New York Yankees, Boston Celtics, Pittsburgh Steelers, Green Bay Packers, Montreal Canadiens, University of Connecticut Women's Basketball and UCLA Men's Basketball, there is a new sports dynasty in town, the Eatonport 7/8-B1 Soccer Team. Despite the loss of Robert "Magic Feet" Gruskos and Erik "Bigfoot" Graham to ankle injuries and the unavailability of Jonathan "The Soccer Savant" Biagi, Ben "Big Fish" Fisher and Ross "Secretary of Defense" Marotta, the Eatonporters, playing without any subs, rolled over a tough, well-coached Monmouth Beach squad by a margin of 6-3. Monmouth Beach, led by All-World Goalie/Sweeper Matt Malley was looking to exact a bit of revenge for their opening day loss to the Eatonporters, but quickly found themselves down 3-0 in the first half as the offensive juggernaut that is George "Goal a Game" Notte imposed his will on the Monmouth Beach defense. "We've become rock stars, really," said Notte after his stunning offensive display of deft passing, solid ball striking and uncanny placement, "You can see it in the other team's eyes when we walk on the field. They are intimidated by us. You can hear them whispering to each other, 'There's Notte! Is that the Great Kenny Wilhalme? Can you believe we're on the same field as Jason Scherzinger?' We know that we have them beat at that point."
Kenny "The Kaiser" Wilhalme, the unquestioned leader of Eatonport's back line, put it this way, "It has to be pretty demoralizing for the kids on the other team when their parents sit with our parents so that they can cheer us on." Evan Coffey noted that, depsite their obvious talent, the Eatonport squad leaves nothing to chance. "We even buy the referees breakfast or lunch (see photo below) to make sure that they know which side their bread is buttered on. And we really butter their bread."
The explosive Eatonport offense, maximizing the strategies designed by Coach Ron Kirk, was relentless. A hat trick by Notte and single goals by Michael Lomazzo, Adler Gustave (3rd goal of the season) and David LaPorta were all the Eatonport 11 needed because the defense, led by Kaiser Wilhalme and Fabio Espinoza, Zach Wellner and Jason Scherzinger, only allowed shots on goal when they wanted to get their goalie some practice.
Eatonport's next victim is Little Silver. They will play at 9:00 am on Saturday, October 29th at Blackberry Bay.
Unlike NFL Coaches, Rec Players Know How To Conduct A Post Game Handshake
Jimmy Kirk Complaining About The Length Of His Shorts
James Danskin Contemplating How Good He Looks In Oceanport Soccer Garb
Referee Dana Kelly Hails A Cab After Another One Of Her Bad Calls
Matt Malley, Monmouth Beach's All-World Player, and Nik Gordon
Kenny "The Kaiser" Wilhalme Strikes His Signature Pose After Stopping An Opponent
The "Orange Crush" Defense Congratulates Adler Gustave After His Goal
Adler Gustave and James Danskin
James Danskin In Action
Evan Coffey Assures Jimmy Kirk That It Is All Right That He Is Having A Bad Hair Day
The 2011 Maple Place Chargers
8TH GRADERS PLAY LAST GAME FOR MAPLE PLACE CHARGERS
MAPLE PLACE CHARGERS' 8TH GRADERS Jimmy Kirk, Michael Lomazzo, J.T. Kessler, Evan Coffey, George Notte and Robert Gruskos
MAPLE PLACE CHARGERS FINISH SEASON WITH 1-1 TIE AGAINST RUMSON
OCTOBER 20, 2011 (RUMSON) - The Maple Place Chagers ended their 2011 season with an incredibly exciting double overtime 1-1 tie against Rumson on Rumson's home field. The Chargers defense bent, but broke only once as shot after shot by Rumson was cleared away by Oceanport's back line. Rumson, which scored six goals in its first meeting with Oceanport, opened up the scoring with a quick goal in the first half and fully expected to score some more as they peppered the box with shots. The picture below is emblematic of how frustrated the Rumson players became as the came away empty handed again and again. After Oceanport's Stevie Johnson tied the game, Maple Place stepped up the defensive tempo. "We could hear Mrs. Lomazzo and Mrs. Notte screaming at us during the overtimes," said Jimmy Kirk, "and there was no way in the world that Evan Coffey was going to let in a goal because we did NOT want to have to face those two ladies if we lost." Maple Place finished the season at 3-4-1.
OCEANPORT'S MAPLE PLACE CHARGERS DROP THREE STRAIGHT AFTER GRUSKOS INJURY! REC TEAM LOSES, TOO!
Robert "Magic Foot" Gruskos, shown below with his personal trainer and financial advisor, hobbles across Blackberry Bay Park after watching his Maple Place Chargers drop their third game in a row since his injury. "It is pretty obvious that I'm the straw that stirs the drink, the cone that holds the ice cream and stuff that makes Jell-o jelloey," commented Gruskos, "I feel really bad for the guys, but the important part is that I still have my good looks." Gruskos, known locally as the "The Defense Whisperer" for the way he is able to convince the opposition to give up the ball to him, and his magic feet have been sorely missed by the Chargers defense the last three games. His absence, in fact, led to over THIRTY shots on goal in Maple Place's last game against Little Silver. "Only Robert Gruskos knows how to take the ball away from the other team without them knowing about it," said Maple Place Stopper George Notte, "You can't replace that. I keep asking the other team to give us the ball, but they ignore me. When Robert comes up to them, they just seem to give the ball to him almost immediately. He's magic."
Gruskos, who is obviously Oceanport's answer to Pele/David Copperfield, was also missed this weekend by his rec soccer team. Playing without any substitutes, the Eatonporters fell to Shrewsbury 4-1. "If we had Robert Gruskos out there, we could have beaten them with only 8 guys," said Jimmy Kirk, "But without Robert, it always feels like we're playing shorthanded."
GRUSKOS HURT IN EATONPORT'S 5-2 WIN OVER TINTON FALLS; STOCKS TUMBLE, MAYOR PLANS DAY OF MOURNING
OCEANPORT - OCTOBER 1, 2011 (AP) Robert “Magic Feet” Gruskos suffered a horrible ankle injury late in the first half of Saturday’s epic battle against Tinton Falls, but that didn’t stop him from impacting play in the second half. Gruskos, known for his long, loping thoroughbred-like strides on the soccer pitch, rolled his left ankle with only minutes to play in the first half. Gruskos fell to the turf in an incredibly elegant fashion, rose slowly and then hobbled regally from the far side of the field to his bench as the worried hometown crowd grew silent with dread. After taking his seat on the bench, Groskos’s ankle swelled to the point that women and children were asked to avert their eyes. Coaches Coffey and Kirk were dumbstruck at the thought of playing the rest of the game without Magic Feet and the players silently gathered around Gruskos hoping for the best, but fearing the worst.
With 24 eyes glued to his every move and 23 ears waiting to hear how he was doing, Gruskos, knowing his day was done, looked directly at Coach Kirk and said, “I've got to go, Coach. It's all right. I'm not afraid. Some time, Coach, when the team is up against it, when things are wrong and the breaks are beating the boys, ask them to go in there with all they've got and win just one for the ‘Grusker’. I don't know where I'll be then, Coach. But I'll know about it, and I'll be happy.” Then, concerned that his teammates would be shaken by the sight of him being carried off the field on a stretcher, Gruskos shoved away the EMTs and began a long, arduous crawl along the ground from the playing field to the awaiting medivac chopper, dragging his lifeless left ankle behind him like a Marine crawling up a beach under enemy fire, as fans from both sides cheered at the top of their lungs. At least that’s the way Robert remembers it.
Eatonport jumped out to a 1-0 lead on an “own goal” off of a beautifully placed corner kick by George “Hat Trick” Notte. After allowing a game tying goal by Tinton Falls, the Eatonporters, led by All-World Stopper Ross Marrotta, stepped up the defensive pressure and Kyle “The Blur” Hayes capitalized a on Tinton Falls turnover to give Eatonport a 2-1 lead just prior to halftime. It was shortly after Hayes’s goal that Gruskos fell to the ground in pain.
Eatonport’s play in the second half was simply Gruskosian. Inspired by Gruskos’s words and actions, the boys from Eatonport played a brilliant second half, repeatedly rebuffing the advances of the determined Tinton Falls players. “We been rebuffed!” screamed the Tinton Falls players every time they were denied a goal.
Adler “Goal a Game” Gustave opened the second half with another ridiculously difficult goal and Notte banged home two more goals to close out the scoring. But it was the defense that was the story in the second half. Time after time, Erik “Bigfoot” Graham, Kenny “Boot It Out” Wilhalme and Jimmy “Cement Head” Kirk turned away the Tinton Falls attackers. With Jason Scherzinger in goal, Evan Coffey was freed up to play some offense, but he kept drifting back on defense and ended up making one save in the goal box with his head and one with his rear end, although nobody could tell the difference.
With a 2-1-1 record after four weeks, the Eatonport squad faces an uphill battle if they have to play without Gruskos for an extended period of time. Team Doctor, Dave LaPorta, didn’t provide the rosiest picture stating, “Robert Gruskos is a finely tuned, world class athlete and the front office of Kenneth Wilhalme D.M.D. – Puller of Teeth isn’t going to let him return to the soccer field until he is 100% healthy. And I’ve advised him to withdraw from Dancing With The Stars.” Kyle Hayes put it best when he said, “If Robert is out for an extended period of time, we will be hard pressed to keep winning. If our team is like a foot, then Robert is our Big Toe. We need our Big Toe.”
OCEANPORT'S MAPLE PLACE ALL-STARS ON WINNING TEAM IN ALL-STAR GAME!
Unnamed Players Who Represented Maple Place Chargers In MCISSL All-Star Game: Player Who Is Not Smiling Scored An All-Star Goal, Player Who Is Smiling Did Not. Neither Player Was Identified In All-Star Program Literature Because Nobody Told MCISSL They Were Coming, But They Got Free Shirts. We Were Too Lazy To Ask Them Their Names.
ACTION FROM WEEK 5 - DIVISION 3 BOYS
Photos Submitted by Anthony Bocco
ACTION FROM WEEK 5 - DIVISION 3 BOYS
Photos Submitted by Anthony Bocco
ACTION FROM WEEK 5 - DIVISION 3 BOYS
Photos Submitted By Anthony Bocco
ACTION FROM WEEK 5 - DIVISION 3 BOYS
Photos Submitted By Anthony Bocco
ACTION FROM WEEK 5 - DIVISION 3 BOYS
Photos Submitted by Anthony Bocco
ACTION FROM WEEK 5 - DIVISION 3 BOYS
Photos Submitted by Anthony Bocco
ACTION FROM WEEK 5 - DIVISION 3 BOYS
Photos Submitted by Anthony Bocco
ACTION FROM WEEK 5 - DIVISION 3 BOYS
ACTION FROM WEEK 6 - DIVISION 2 BOYS
(Photo Submitted By Colin Soyer)
ACTION FROM WEEK 6 - DIVISION 2 BOYS
(Photo Submitted By Colin Soyer)
ACTION FROM WEEK 6 - DIVISION 2 BOYS
(Photo Submitted By Colin Soyer)
ACTION FROM WEEK 6 - DIVISION 2 BOYS
(Photo Submitted By Colin Soyer)
ACTION FROM WEEK 6 - DIVISION 2 BOYS
(Photo Submitted By Colin Soyer)
ACTION FROM WEEK 6 - DIVISION 2 BOYS
(Photo Submitted By Colin Soyer)
ACTION FROM WEEK 6 - DIVISION 2 BOYS
(Photo Submitted By Colin Soyer)
ACTION FROM WEEK 6 - DIVISION 2 BOYS
(Photo Submitted By Colin Soyer)
ACTION FROM WEEK 6 - DIVISION 2 BOYS
(Photo Submitted By Colin Soyer)
ACTION FROM WEEK 6 - DIVISION 2 BOYS
(Photo Submitted By Colin Soyer)
ACTION FROM WEEK 6 - DIVISION 2 BOYS
(Photo Submitted By Colin Soyer)
DIVISION 2B ACTION - WEEK 4 - Kessler Boots One and Pekmezian Scores on a Penalty Kick (Video)
DIVISION 2B ACTION - WEEK 4
DIVISION 2B ACTION - WEEK 4
DIVISION 3G ACTION (Photos Submitted by Colin Soyer)
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DIVISION 3G ACTION (Photos Submitted by Colin Soyer)
DIVISION 3G ACTION (Photos Submitted by Colin Soyer)
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DIVISION 3G ACTION (Photos Submitted by Colin Soyer)
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2011 KINDERCLINIC
2011 KINDERCLINIC
(Kinderclinic photos submitted by Keith O'Sullivan)
2011 KINDERCLINIC
2011 KINDERCLINIC
2011 KINDERCLINIC
2011 KINDERCLINIC
2011 KINDERCLINIC WEEK 2
2011 KINDERCLINIC WEEK 2
2011 KINDERCLINIC WEEK 2
2011 KINDERCLINIC WEEK 3
2011 KINDERCLINIC WEEK 3
2011 KINDERCLINIC WEEK 3
2011 KINDERCLINIC WEEK 3
2011 KINDERCLINIC WEEK 3
COACHING OVERCOMES POOR PLAY IN EATONPORT'S 7/8-B1 2-2 WIN OVER FAIR HAVEN!
SEPTEMBER 24,2011 - FAIR HAVEN (UPI) Looking to rebound from last week's colossal collapse against Little Silver, Eatonport's 7/8-B1 squad knew not to take this week's opponent, Fair Haven, lightly. "We knew that we were going to be playing against a quality team," said Ben 'Big Fish" Fisher, "We didn’t think of them as Fair Haven. In practice all week we referred to them as 'Well Above Average Haven' and 'Excellent Haven' and 'Superb Haven' just to make sure that we remembered to respect their talents. Maybe if we had referred to Little Silver last week as 'Not So Small Silver', or 'Demonstrably Bigger Than You Think It Is Silver', or 'Can't Be Quantified Silver', we would have beaten them."
This week marked the 2011 debut of Erik "Bigfoot" Graham for the Eatonporters. Bigfoot, a football star and local teen heartthrob (he's this generation's answer to Scott Baio), missed the first two games because he was busy kicking butt on the gridiron, but he was on hand this week to make up for the absence of Zach "Bad Wheels" Wellner. "Bigfoot is back, baby!" said Graham as he ambled across the field to meet his teammates before the game. "Shouldn't he be called Big feet?" asked George "Goal a Game" Notte, "It isn’t like one foot is bigger than the other. Both of his feet are big and they are the same size, so he should really by called 'Bigfeet', not 'Bigfoot', shouldn't he? I hate to be stickler, but this really irritates me. I don't care what anybody says, I am calling him 'Bigfeet' and that is final."
Notte opened up the scoring for the boys from Eatonport with a nifty goal about eight minutes into the game. George's mother, Patty, as she does after each of George's goals, immediately went into her famous "George Scored a Goal!" sideline summersault routine. This one ended with a beautiful, spiraling double twist roundoff in front of the Fair Haven parents, who were less than pleased with her enthusiastic maternal display. "Cindy Gruskos has been doing a double twist roundoff for years. It is her signature move," complained one Fair Haven parent, "and I think Patty has to get her own move. I just found it to be so derivative that I only gave her a 5.5 for creativity. We expect so much more from her." Notte's goal would not have been possible if not for the stellar play of Ross "Secretary of Defense" Marotta and Jonathan " The Soccer Savant" Biagi, both of whom pressured the Fair Haven defense just prior to Notte's goal. The highlight of the first half, however, was Kenny Wilhalme's de-cleating of a Fair Haven forward who had the audacity to actually try to dribble around him. "Veni. Vidi. Blotto!" is how Kenny described the play (loosely translated, this means "I came. I saw. I knocked the guy down and took the ball from him!"). Unfortunately, Evan "Swiss Cheese" Coffey allowed a Fair Haven goal shortly thereafter and the first half ended in a 1-1 tie.
The second half opened with an incredible goal from an impossible angle by Eatonport newcomer Adler Gustave. After completing a dribbling display up the left hand side of the field that would have left Marques Haynes astounded, Gustave took a close angled, left footed shot from the left side of the goal and somehow shot the ball past the shocked Fair Haven goalie and deposited it into the far right hand side of the goal to the utter astonishment of those in attendance. "It really isn’t that hard," said Gustave afterwards, "It is a small ball and a big goal. All you have to do is put the small ball in the big goal. It is really quite simple." Perhaps young Mr. Gustave should explain that to Robert "Magic Feet" Grsukos, who completely missed the goal on a shot from five feet away from the center of the net and, instead, nearly struck the corner flag on the far side of the field with his shot. "I thought it would be a lot cooler to hit the flag," said Gruskos afterwards, "Anybody can score a goal from 5 feet away. It takes a unique talent to NOT score a goal from 5 feet away. I am a unique talent."
Swiss Cheese Coffey let in a second Fair Haven goal with about 8 minutes to go in the game, thereby assuring Eatonport's 2-2 win. As Coffey quickly noted, "We won this game fair and square. There are winners in this world and there are losers in this world. We didn't lose this game. As such, since we didn't lose the game, we won the game. Anybody who thinks differently is an idiot." "His logic is flawless and pure," offered Matt "The Thundering Herd" Ruppert in support of Coffey's take on the game's result. "The score evidences that we didn't lose. Which, in turn, means that we won."
The Eatonporters will be playing their first home game of the season at Blackberry Bay Park against Tinton Falls at 9:00 am on October 1, 2011. This is an ESPN televised game, so get there early.
FIORE PAVING DOMINATES IN WEEK THREE DIVISION 3B PLAY!
FIORE PAVING DOMINATES IN WEEK THREE DIVISION 3B PLAY! PHOTOS SUBMITTED BY COLIN "ANNIE LEIBOVITZ" SOYER
FIORE PAVING DOMINATES IN WEEK THREE DIVISION 3B PLAY
FIORE PAVING DOMINATES IN WEEK THREE DIVISION 3B PLAY!
FIORE PAVING DOMINATES IN WEEK THREE DIVISION 3B PLAY!
FIORE PAVING DOMINATES IN WEEK THREE DIVISION 3B PLAY!
FIORE PAVING DOMINATES IN WEEK THREE DIVISION 3B PLAY!
LIME GREEN SHIRTS MAKE EVERYBODY SMILE!
DONOVAN DAVIS BLASTS ONE TOWARDS THE NET!
EATONPORT BOYS 7/8 GAME MARRED BY BLOODY BRAWL! KIM KARDASHIAN, LINDSAY LOHAN UNHURT!
SEPTEMBER 17, 2011 - LITTLE SILVER (UPI) Little Silver's offensive juggernaut stormed back from a 2-0 deficit in the second half to defeat the Eatonport FMERAs by a score of 3-2 at Sickles Field and Eatonport's perfect season is no longer. Coach Jay Coffey was profoundly disappointed over the loss. "Unlike most coaches, Ron Kirk and I don't coach 'for the kids'. We are pretty honest about the fact that we coach to win and, more importantly, to live vicariously through our kids in the hope that their athletic successes will somehow remove the haunting, indelible stain of our pathetic, ignominious, disappointment-filled athletic pasts and to provide us with a brief respite from our dead end jobs and miserable family lives. We really don't think that is too much to ask of these kids and they really let us down today. And the worst part is that Ron and I are going to hear it all week long from our wives about how we should have switched to a 4-3-3 defense after we went up 2-0. Those two women think that they invented soccer."
The Eatonport 7/8 Boys began the day as Eatonport's only undefeated team and many local soccer experts had begun to question whether or not the pressure to maintain their perfect record would wear the players down. Team Spokesman, man about town and local bon vivant Kenny "Defense Is My Middle Name, But You Can Call Me Kenny" Wilhalme, thinks that the "experts" are all wet, "The fact of the matter is that we are intellectuals first and athletes second. We approach each week as a separate and distinct challenge. Last week is merely a memory. Next week a dream. We, as a team, live only for the moment we are in. As I was telling the guys this week in practice, 'A man who as a physical being is always turned toward the outside, thinking that his happiness lies outside him, finally turns inward and discovers that the source is within him', or something like that. They didn't know what the heck I was talking about, but they were really, really impressed and I think that they were inspired by what I said." Unfortunately for Kenny, Little Silver's 7/8 Boys soccer team isn't familiar with Kierkegaard and they spanked the Eatonporters pretty good in the second half.
George "Buona" Notte was added to the Eatonport roster earlier this week after team owner Ron Kirk bought his contract from Real Madrid in an effort to add some offense to the team. Notte didn't disappoint, as he scored both of Eatonport's goals, the first coming on a phenomenal ball dribbling jaunt through the entire Little Silver defense. "When I get the ball, I just go to a happy place in my mind and the defenders just disappear, " said Notte. When asked where his "happy place" is, Notte quickly replied, "Anywhere that Kenny Wilhalme isn't quoting Kierkegaard."
Little Silver's squad, which many believe to be the best team in the league due to the fact that most of its players are over 30 years old and imported from Europe, Asia, Africa and Bloomfield, New Jersey, was stunned by Notte's first goal and never really regained its balance in the first half. Little Silver's coach, Mike Monaghan, was displeased with his team's defensive effort at that point. "To say that I was disgruntled with the defense would be an understatement," said Monagahn. "Before the goal I was gruntled. In fact, I had never before been so gruntled as I was before he scored. I am not a guy who gruntles easily, but I gotta tell you, I was super gruntled. Once Notte scored, however, I became incredibly disgruntled."
When Notte opened up the second half with his second goal of the game it looked like clear sailing for the Eatonport 11. At that point, Little Silver had ten times the amount of shots on goal that Eatonport had, but had come up empty because of the stellar defensive play of Fabio "Flying Feet of Fury" Espinoza, James "Don't Call Me Tiberius" Kirk, Renzo "Flying Feet of Fury 2" Espinoza, Jason "Rhymes With Defense" Scherzinger and Ross "The Boss" Marrotta and the near constant point blank saves made by Evan "Three Hands" Coffey. "Little Silver would have been ahead 11-1 in the first half if it wasn't for Evan Coffey," offered Robert "Magic Feet" Gruskos, "He singlehandedly kept us in the game and, what's even more amazing is that he gave a dissertation on 12th Century German poetry at halftime that had us spellbound." But Coach Kirk wasn't impressed with Coffey's efforts. "He's supposed to make those saves. Making saves is what a goalie does," said Kirk, "That's why Jay pays for Evan's unlimited text plan. And, quite frankly, I found his halftime dissertation to be quite banal and intellectually limited, although his use of sock puppets to help explain man's inherent inhumanity to man was a masterstroke."
Notte's second score early in the second half proved to be the final tally for the Eatonporters, although Gruskos, Notte, Adler Gustave, Ben Fisher, Kirk and "Zachattack" Wellner all had several solid scoring chances. Eatonport had several other runs to the net nullified by offside calls. At the other end of the field, Little Silver, employing a Peruvian Slant-Flex Offense last used by Guatemala in the 1968 World Cup, overwhelmed the Eatonporter's left side defense three times within the space of ten minutes and took the lead for good with about six minutes to go. After the final whistle, as Coach Coffey and Coach Kirk wearily trudged off the field, adeptly dodging the barrage of rotten fruits and vegetables being thrown at them by their team's players and parents, it was quite obvious that the goodwill and team spirit fostered by last week's win over Monmouth Beach were long gone. Coach Kirk, barely audible over the deafening cacophony of catcalls and jeers, was heard to say, "Oh well, at least we still have our good looks."
Eatonport next plays at Fair Haven at 3:30 pm on Saturday the 24th of September.
GRUSKOS LEADS EATONPORT TO 4-2 OPENING DAY VICTORY OVER MONMOUTH BEACH!
September 10, 2011 - MONMOUTH BEACH - (UPI) In what many people consider to the finest game of soccer ever played in the glorious history of Eatonport soccer, Robert "Magic Feet" Gruskos propelled the Eatonport 11 to a 4-2 victory over an overwhelmed and shocked Monmouth Beach squad. Gruskos, who scored the first goal of the season for the Eatonporters, was all over the field, nimbly dribbling past defenders with his unmatched combination of deft footwork, graceful ball placement and brute strength. Said Gruskos, "This wasn't just a soccer game for us. This was about two towns coming together, finding solidarity in the pursuit of a common goal, and achieving that goal through hard work, proper planning and grim determination. Quite simply, this game is a metaphor for what could happen if the State of New Jersey would just butt out of the development of the Fort Monmouth property and allow for Eatontown, Oceanport and Tinton Falls to develop it on their own. But I'm just an 8th grader. What do I know?" (Note: For those of you who are not aware, due to the low number of registrants for the 7/8 boys teams in each town, Oceanport and Eatontown are playing as a combined team this year.)
Monmouth Beach jumped out to an early lead in the opening minutes of the game before Gruskos bannged home his goal past a stunned Matt Malley. Malley, Monmouth Beach's All-Everything player, was shocked at how quickly Gruskos was able to find the net, "Magic Feet really has a gift for seeing angles and lanes that nobody else can see. You can see how much of difference he makes just walking on the field. After all, he has magic feet. Not a lot of people have magic feet, but he has them. Real magic feet."
The Eatonporters, playing with only two reserves, relied on a rock solid defense in the first half. With Evan "The Human Backboard" Coffey in goal and a diamond shaped defense anchored by Ross "The Defense Never Rests" Marrotta, the Eatonporters repeatedly rebuffed Monmouth Beach's offense. The first half ended in a 1-1 tie and things looked grim for the tired and sweaty crew from Eatonport. Marrotta, playing in his first game, knew that he was going to play well today, "I've been spending a lot of time going over the diamond defense with my positioning, strength and agility coach, Samantha Staba, and she really, really helped me to understand my role on the team. She's a soccer genius."
In the second half, however, the boys from Eatonport dominated play and seemed to be the fresher of the two teams. Replaced in goal by Jason "Sticky Fingers" Scherzinger, Evan "Boy, Am I Winded and Out Of Shape" Coffey moved to offense and had a hand or foot in each of Eatonport's three second half goals before begging to be taken out so that he could catch his breath. David "No Nick Name Yet" LaPorta scored a beautiful goal off of a thrown-in from Coffey, Ben "Goalinator" Fisher scored an even more beautiful goal off of a corner kick from Coffey and then Coffey scored on an indirect kick which was preceded by a beautiful "touch and go" by LaPorta. Fisher's goal was the most impressive in that during the Eatonporter's one and only practice last Thursday, not one goal was scored in about 40 attempts off of corner kicks. During the game, however, Fisher looked like he'd been scoring off of corner kicks for a decade. Matt Rupert had several impressive runs from midfield in the second half and James Danskin was inches away from scoring a few times. Jonathan Biagi showed up a few minutes late, slipped on his cleats and thirty seconds after he got into he game he was the best player on the pitch for about ten minutes before injuring his knee.
But it wasn't all offense for the Eatonport 11 in the second half. Fabio "Flying Feet of Fury" Espinoza was a virtual brick wall the entire second half and he carried the team on his back for about 5 minutes with repeated runs up the right side after making dynamic defensive stops. Sticky Fingers Scherzinger made several acrobatic diving saves to preserve Eatonport's lead and Zach Wellner, Jimmy "Captian" Kirk and Kenny "The Wallhalme" Wilhalme were virtually unbeatable on defense in the second half.
Kirk, by the way, playing in sparkling, electric green cleats, delighted the fans with a face plant in the first half. He had mud on his molars after that one, but he came up smiling.
Eatonport plays against the much-heralded Little Silver 7/8-B1 team next Saturday at 9:30 am Sickles Field in Little Silver.
MIKE MURPHY & MARY ALYCE TURNER NAMED KING & QUEEN OF OSA CHARITY BALL!
In a landslide vote that surprised nobody, Michael Murphy and Mary Alyce were selected by Oceanport's soccer parents as the King and Queen of the 93rd Annual Oceanport Soccer Association's Charity Ball. The ball will be held On September 31, 2011 at Shea Stadium in Flushing, Queens, New York. When informed of her elevation to the highest spot in Oceanport's Social Register, Mrs. Turner said, "I want to thank all the little people who got me here. I feel as though I have been rewarded for my timely submission of registration forms over the years. The only bigger thrill for me would to be named as the replacement for Chrissy Brignola as Oceanport Soccer Association's cover girl." Mr. Murpy refused to provide a comment.
EQUIPMENT AND SAFETY
Although recommended for Kindergartners, soccer cleats and shin guards are not required until first grade. We supply each Kinderclinic participant with a soccer ball and a t-shirt.
With the exception of Kindergarten, where balls are provided, your child will be expected to bring a ball of the appropriate size to practices. Grades 1 through 6 should bring a size 4 ball, while grades 7 and 8 should bring a size 5 ball.
Players in Division 1 (1st and 2nd grades) are required to wear shin guards and we recommend that they wear soccer cleats, but sneakers are permitted. Players in Division 2 (3rd and 4th grades), Division 3 (5th and 6th grades) and Division 4 (7th and 8th grades) are required to wear soccer cleats and shin guards. The Oceanport Soccer Association provides each player in all four divisions with a full uniform (numbered shirt, shorts, socks).
Children will be getting plenty of exercise during practices and games - make sure that your child always brings a water bottle. Also, as the season progresses and the days become cooler, your child should come dressed in layers, which can be shed and put back on as required. Make sure all personal items are clearly marked. When dressing in layers for games, moreover, it is important to remember the additional garment must be worn underneath the uniform while on the field of play. Additionally, the extra garment must be either white or of a color that does not confuse the team alliance (i.e., too closely resembles the opponent's team color).
Jewelry is not allowed on the field of play. The only exceptions are the wearing of jewelry for religious or health reasons. In these two exceptions, the jewelry must be securely taped to tthe body in such a manner that the religious icon or health identification is clearly visible while all other appendages are completely secured to the body and not allowed to freely swing or expose edges that are capable of injuring any player. Earrings are not allowed on the field of play even if covered with a protective bandage unless they meet the pre-defined exception. For players with newly pierced ears, earrings must be removed for the time the player is on the field of play (the piercing will not close in the time it takes to play a game).
Shin guards must be worn under the player's socks.
Gum chewing is not allowed on the field of play.
Hats are not allowed on the field of play.
Any hard items on the player's body (example, cast or brace) must be completely covered by a soft wrap and approved by the referee prior to play.
As of July 11, 2006, the laws of the State of New Jersey require that participants in youth sports who wear eyeglasses must now wear PROTECTIVE SPORTS GLASSES while playing sports. Your child will NOT be permitted to participate in any game or practice while wearing non-protective sports glasses.
While not intended to be an exhaustive list, you can find most of your soccer equipment at any of the following stores:
Skips Sports, 147 Brighton Avenue, Long Branch, NJ 732-870-6049
Sports Authority, Route 36 (Home Depot Shopping Center), Eatontown
The Soccer Post, AKA Soccer Stadium, 252 Route 35 South, Eatontown (just south of Monmouth Mall) (732) 935-0990
Athlete's Alley, 483 Broad St (Route 35), Shrewsbury (732) 842-1127
NEW BOARD MEMBERS TO BE INSTALLED IN OCTOBER
Oceanport Soccer Association's Board of Directors will undergo a major change as the 2011 fall season takes place. Stepping down are Jay Coffey (President), Mark DeSantis (First Vice-President), Kelly Valinoti (Secretary) and Jim Kessler (Treasurer). Stepping up are Trish Witschel (President), Buddy Jaronko (Secretary), Brian Wallace (Treasurer) and Chris Scerbo (First Vice-President) and Colin Soyer (Second Vice-President). The official changes to the Board will take place at the October OSA general meeting. When asked why current Board members were stepping down, Mark DeSantis said, "It took us this long to find five people as dopey as we are to take our places."
OCEANPORT SPORTS FOUNDATION'S CHARITY EVENT A BIG HIT!
The Oceanport Sports Foundation's 2nd Annual Holiday Food and Wine Tasting Charity Event was held on December 2, 2010 at Branches Catering and, with over 425 patrons in attendance and over $20,000.00 raised, it was an unqualified success. Building upon the OSF's 2007 and 2008 Charity Polo Matches at Maria Gatta Park and its 2009 Holiday Food and Wine Tasting Charity Event, this year's gala was a spectacular melding of Oceanport's holiday, community and charitable spirits. The culinary samplings prepared by chefs from Tuzzio's, Scala's, The Raven and the Peach, Tavolo, Piancone's, Branches Catering, Piccola Italia, Rats Restaurant, Zoe Bistro, The Lusty Lobster, Simply Dish, Brandl, The Draft House, Drew's Bayshore Bistro, Pazzo, Healthfair Natural & Organic Market, the Culinary Education Center of Monmouth County, Isatella Food Products, Wenning & Sons and the Red Bank Regional's Culinary Program were as varied and plentiful as they were delicious. "The food at this event is of this world," said Monmouth Beach resident Kelly Treshock, "and I don't think I sampled half of what they offered. My husband and I don't get out much, but this is one event that we have etched in stone on our calendar every year."
A tantalizing array of deserts were provided by LaRosa's Bakery (Cannolis), Cake Bake and Roll (vanilla and chocolate cupcakes), Branches Catering (chocolate covered fruit from a Chocolate Fountain) and Chelsea House Senior Living (cheesecake lollipops), all of which were accompanied by gourmet latte's and other exotic offerings from Kobrick's Coffee and its resident artiste/barista extraordinaire who did things with frothed milk and coffee foam that have to be seen to be believed. Samples of local wines and special beers, both imported and domestic, were also available for tasting throughout the evening.
Oceanport resident Mike MacStudy (pictured at left with his lovely wife, Molly) loved the mix of people and the flow of the rooms, "There were people at this event that I haven't seen in years. There is no other local event that draws so many people with such a cross section of people of all ages like this one does. And the fact that there are only hi-top tables and no seats means that you're almost forced to mingle and meet people as you sample the food. It is an absolutely fantastic event. My wife and I try to get to 3 or 4 charity events a week, even if we're not invited, and this one is by far the best." Jeffrey Bonner of Monmouth Beach (by way of Watchung) said, "Where else can I eat and drink to my hearts content with 400 of my friends for $50.00 and support a really worthy cause? This OSF event is a one-of-a kind party and the best part is that you don't have to help clean up when it is over!"
Tom Schiavone, Vice-President of the Oceanport Sports Foundation and the event's main organizer, was humbled by the generosity of those who attended the event. "This is our most successful fundraiser ever. We raised over $20,000.00 for improvements to the Borough of Oceanport's athletic fields and facilities at this event and the children of Oceanport, Monmouth Beach and Sea Bright who participate in Oceanport's soccer, baseball, basketball, hockey and other youth sports programs will be the direct beneficiaries of the incredible outpouring of support from those who attended."
Past OSF fundraisers, have allowed for the OSF to issue grants resulting in, among other things, the purchase and installation of new scoreboards in the Maple Place gym, the resurfacing of the Maple Place gym, the construction of a new outdoor basketball court at the Oceanport Community Center, the rehabilitation of the soccer fields at Maria Gatta Park, the purchase and installation of water fountains at the Oceanport Community Center and Blackberry Bay Park, the reconstruction of the Oceanport Roller Hockey rink, new soccer goals at Blackberry Bay Park, the purchase and installation of safety mats in the Maple Place gym and new baseball dugouts at the Oceanport Community Center. The OSF board is hoping to use a portion of this year's funds to fund the rehabilitation of the basketball court at Blackberry Bay Park.
The Oceanport Sports Foundation wants to remind its patrons that the continued success of this event is dependent upon the participation of the food vendors. As such, when you dine out, the OSF asks that you make every effort to visit the restaurants that provided so many culinary delights at this year's event and that you make an effort to tell management that you sampled their fabulous food at the Oceanport Sports Foundation's 2010 charity event.
The Oceanport Sports Foundation's 3rd Annual Holiday Food and Wine Tasting Charity Event has been scheduled for Thursday, December 1, 2011 (the OSF is hoping to make the first Thursday in December Oceanport's official holiday!) at Branches Catering in West Long Branch. Pictures from this year's event can bee seen at www.leaguelineup.com/oba and if you (a) have any suggestions or comments on how the OSF can make your experience at next year's event even better or (b) would like to participate as a vendor, sponsor or donor at next year's event, please e-mail the Oceanport Sports Foundation at OSF501C3@att.net.
10/9/10 - FIORE PAVING CO. ROLLS OVER THE QUILL FAMILY IN DIVISION 1 GIRLS ACTION!
9/25/10 - OCEANPORT 7/8 BOYS CRUISE PAST FAIR HAVEN 3-2!FAIR HAVEN - The Red Blob's September 25th game at Fair Haven was a beautiful thing to watch. With Robby Fallon running up and down the field like a wild bull while dribbling and heading the ball with the dexterity of a mountain goat, Billy Deerin knocking people over like a human bowling ball, Danny Welsh throwing his body around as if he was built like Robby Fallon and Tyler "How Did This Kid Not Make The School Team?" DeScenza flying around the field like a human missile, it was difficult to figure out which player deserved the most praise. The Red Blob, playing without James Kelly (missed the game because he was at Natalie Portman's reading of selected excerpts from the "Twilight" series at the Mumenshantz Theatre in NYC), played aggressively on offense as George Notte, Jonathan "Minister of Defense" Hall and Robert Gruskos patrolled their patches of the playing field as if they owned them (Robert Gruskos is such a savvy investor that I think he actually owns Fair Haven bond issues, so maybe he does own a patch). The defense, spearheaded by the maniacal play of Kenny "Boot It Out" Wilhalme and Erik "Bigfoot" Graham, shut Fair Haven down until about 10 minutes to go in the game. Jimmy Slattery got into the scorebook by banging home a one-touch goal with his right foot. Unfortunately, he shot on his own goal and got it past a surprised Evan Coffey. To be fair to Jimmy, the coaching staff has been screaming at him to shoot the ball all season and they were remiss in not explaining to him at which goal he should be shooting. Lesson learned. Said Jimmy, "I've been listening to Evan Coffey tell me how good he is all year. Blah, blah, blah, blah blah. All he talks about is how good he is at goalie. I took one shot on him and scored, so how good can he really be?"
MAZZELLA SCORES!
DANNY WELSH DOES THE FUNKY CHICKEN WITH PARTNER IVAN SEMNIKOVA OF DANCING WITH THE STARS
Photos by John DeScenza
DANNY WELSH: PENALTY KICK AND SAVE
DANNY WELSH MOVES INTO SECOND ROUND OF FUNKY CHICKEN PORTION OF DANCING WITH THE STARS
10/9/10 - OCEANPORT 7/8 BOYS FALL TO RUMSON IN GAME MARRED BY BRAWLING PARENTS
RUMSON - The Red Blob's October 9th game against Rumson was inspiring, to say the least. Playing with only three subs for the entire game because James Kelly, Jonathan Hall, Evan Coffey , Kevin Mazzella, Jonathan Biagi and Dylan Lloyd were at the Grand Opening of the new "American Girls" store in Schenectady, New York, and playing the entire first half without their Head Coach who just didn't care enough to get to the game on time, the undermanned Crimson Blobsters put on a courageous display of hustle and desire against a fully loaded Rumson squad. With Assistant Coach Larry Seymour quietly directing the boys from the sidelines in his Mel Torme-like dulcet tone, the Red Blob leaned heavily on Robby Fallon in goal and Billy Deerin on the pitch, trailing only 2-1 at the end of the first half. Tireless defense by Kenny "See ball, Boot Ball" Wilhalme and The Minister of Defense kept the roughnecks of Rumson from getting anywhere near the goal. Jimmy Kirk played the game of his life and was consistently driving balls downfield from his midfield slot. And if Rumson somehow got a shot on goal, Robby Fallon was there to make the save. More amazing than the saves, though, were Robby's thunderous punts from the 18 yard line after the saves. Most of these punts - it sounded like a gun was going off when his foot met the ball - were fielded ON ONE HOP by the opposing team's goalie! Indeed, Robby may have had more shots on goal than any other player on the team. Billy Deerin, George Notte, Danny Welsh and Tyler DeScenza all had golden opportunities to score, but were only able to convert one time. The Red Blob squad left everything on the field in that first half and did themselves proud.
With Rumson hogging the shade trees, our boys were forced to sit in the hot sun during the intermission. The spirit seemed to be draining out of our boys with each passing minute. Then, one by one, they started to stand up and applaud. Color returning to their cheeks, the bounce coming back to their steps, the team was suddenly re-energized by the site of Coach Coffey sprinting -- or, more accurately, walking quickly while moving his arms -- onto the field to coach the second half. The ovation from the parents on the far side of the field was deafening! Either that or Coach Coffey's deaf ear was turned towards them as he ambled across the field. It may well have been the latter. Anyway, no matter what happened as Coach Coffey crossed the field, there is absolutely no doubt that his sudden appearance had an immediate and profound impact on the Red Blob. Coach Coffey's guidance and keen soccer intellect helped the boys from Oceanport turn a close 2-1 deficit into an insurmountable 4-1 deficit in just under 20 minutes in the second half. After Rumson scored its second goal of the second half, Billy Deerin turned to him and asked, "Isn't there some place that you could be besides here? Have you noticed that we have stunk the place up since you showed up? Why don't you go buy yourself an ice cream cone at the Carvel in Little Silver?" Coach Coffey could only put an assuring hand on little Billy's shoulder, look him in the eye and say, "Shut up, Billy, shut up." Oh, the humanity.
As for the brawl between parents, there was none. But you read this whole game summary because you thought there was one.
KIDS GET A BIG KICK OUT OF THE KINDERCLINIC!
ALL THE WAY FROM DENMARK!
A Great Day to Kick the Ball Around
Tomorrow's Stars
EVERYBODY IS HAVING FUN AT THE KINDERCLINIC
Kinderclinic 9/25/10
DIVISION 1 GIRLS' GAME BETWEEN BENCHMARK PLANNING GROUP AND FIORE PAVING OPENS 2010 SEASON!
OPENING DAY DIVISION 1G ACTION
OPENING DAY DIVISION 1G ACTION
OPENING DAY DIVISION 1G ACTION
OPENING DAY DIVISION 1G ACTION
OPENING DAY ACTION!
OPENING DAY DIVISION 1G ACTION
9/18/10 - CHRISTIAN SEYMOUR SCORES GOAL IN OCEANPORT WIN; PEACE IN MIDDLE EAST NEXT?
Christian Seymour, in what many see as a sign of the Apocalypse, scored a goal in the 10th minute of the first half to give Oceanport's 7/8 Boy's Litterasy Foundashun team a 1-0 lead over Little Silver and Oceanport never looked back, winning 3-1, in their home opener at Blackberry Bay Park. Seymour's goal, an acrobatic, somersaulting, balletic strike to the right of the goal keeper, was the result of a well-played run down the left side line by James Kelly. Kelly's dribble drive was followed by a crisp crossing pass that dipped across the goal crease, deflected off of Seymour's knee and found the back of the net. As exciting as that play was, however, it paled in comparison to Seymour's five minute post goal celebration which culminated in a Brandi Chastain-like pose in front of the cheering Oceanport fans. As the frenzied crowd chanted "THUN-DER-FOOT!, THUN-DER-FOOT!", he kneeled in front of the cheering throng, ear to ear smile on his face, uniform jersey held in his hand high above his head, and his mom was heard to say, "Thank God he's not wearing a sports bra."
John DeScenza's photograph (see below) of Christian Seymour's goal is worthy of a Pulitzer Prize and will go down in history as the soccer photo equivalent of someone taking a picture of the Loch Ness Monster being ridden by Bigfoot and a mermaid through the Lost City of Atlantis.
With Robby Fallon and Billy Deerin absent from the game so that they could attend a Jonas Brothers book signing, Seymour, Kenny "The Wall" Wilhalme, Jimmy "Tiberius" Kirk, Jimmy Slattery, Chris Rescinio and Jonathan "Minister of Defense" Hall were asked to pick up the slack and pick up the slack they did. "We are slack picker uppers", said Slattery, "If we see slack, well, we just pick it up."
James Kelly and Danny Welsh scored the remaining two goals for the Litterasy Foundashun, although both credited Seymour for their goals. Both Kelly and Welsh had missed numerous scoring opportunities, putting balls in the side of the goal net, wide of the goal and over the goal time and time again. "When Christian put the ball IN the goal and everybody clapped and made a big fuss, Danny and I figured out that we should also try to put the ball IN the goal," said Kelly, "It really makes a big difference and we have Christian to thank for teaching us this subtle nuance of the game of soccer."
Oceanport's 7/8 Boy's team takes on Fair Haven at Fair Haven next week at 9:00 am. The game will only be seen on ESPN2 because Fair Haven has not sold out all of its PSL seating.
PHOTO BELOW: VISUAL EVIDENCE OF CHRISTIAN SEYMOUR'S GOAL
Evan Coffey Makes A Save
SEVEN Players on One Side of the Field! Doesn't Anybody Stay In Their Lanes?
CHRISTIAN "THUNDERFOOT" SEYMOUR
James Danskin's Penalty Kick
Danny Welsh Working Hard, As Always
Tyler DeScenza Makes His Move
George Notte Takes a Well Deserved Breather
9/11/10 - OCEANPORT 7/8 BOYS FALL TO RED BANK IN GAME REFFED BY INCREDIBLY HANDSOME REFEREE
Oceanport's 7/8 Boys rec soccer team, The Litterasy Foundashun, lost to Red Bank 7-1 on Saturday in a game that set the game of soccer back 60 years. Ron Kirk, who was pressed into service as the head coach due to Jay Coffey's unavailability, said, "It is not important who wins or loses. The important thing is that we looked good. Our shirts matched. They were tucked in. Our socks matched. Our shoelaces were tied. And, most importantly, I thought it was the best reffed game in the history of recreation soccer, or at least the past week. And let's not forget how incredibly handsome the referee was, too." Billy "Army Strong" Deerin scored the only goal for the Oceanporters and complained that the rules were not adequately explained to his team before the game's start, "If the ref had told us before the game started that the team with the most goals wins, I think we would have tried to score more goals. But nobody ever told us about that rule." Oceanport entered the game unbeaten and unscored upon, although, in the interest of full disclosure, this was their first game of the season. Oceanport looks to rebound aaginst Little Silver this coming Saturday at 9:00 am at Blackberry Bay Park. (Shown Below: Robbie Fallon Sprinting Upfield)
OCEANPORT BOYS 7/8 DEFEATS LITTLE SILVER B2
RESCINIO'S ASSAULT ON CHINAGLIA'S SCORING STREAK COMES TO AN END IN OCEANPORT'S DIVISION 4 BOY'S VICTORY OVER LITTLE SILVER
Despite Chris Rescinio's inability to continue his consecutive game scoring streak, Oceanport's Boys 7/8 squad was able to overcome Little Silver's B2 squad for the second time this season. The final score was either 8-2 or 7-2. It depends on who you ask. We know that Adam Smith, Danny Welsh, Clayton Coffey, Zach White and Tyler DiScenza scored. Left to dispute is (a) how many goals did Danny Welsh score?, (b) how many goals did Adam Smith score?, (c) did Brian Miller score? and (d) why are Nick Wade's shorts so incredibly short? While every player that was asked had a different take on how many goals were scored and who scored them, one thing was abundantly clear: Neil Hughes was a one man wrecking crew. Whether he was on defense, mid-field or up front, Neil dominated the play. Note to Mr. & Mrs. Hughes: Whatever Neil had for breakfast that morning should be the meal he eats every morning.
Zach White scored the prettiest goal of the day -- a one timer off of his left foot -- during his stint on offense and Liam Oakes played beautifully in goal. With Coach Ray Smith manning the helm, the Boys from Oceanport opened up the scoring and never trailed. The crisp passing of Brian Miller, Danny Welsh, Adam Smith and Tyler DeScenza led to the first few goals. The Oceanport defense was nearly impenetrable with Neil Hughes, Zach White, Robby Kondracki and Chrsitian Seymour playing their regular, consistent games. As usual, they all blamed the goalie for both of the goals that were scored. Johnny Teti was in command as the team's stopper, booting several balls in excess of 30 yards to jumpstart the offense. Incredibly, Johnny broke no bones during the contest. At the conclusion of the game, he was, of course, covered in bubble wrap and placed into a storage cabinet by the coaches for safekeeping.
Notwithstanding the fact that both Billy Deerin and James Kelly missed the game because they were at another Hannah Montana concert together, the Oceanport boys passed the ball beautifully, played smart defense and exhibited the kind of team spirit that makes coaches cry tears of joy. Ah, to be young, smart and an Oceanport 7/8 recreation soccer player. It doesn't get any better than that.
LATE GOAL PROPELS OCEANPORT OVER MONMOUTH BEACH, 2-1
RESCINIO DOMINATES SECOND HALF, LEADS OCEANPORT BOYS 7/8 TO WIN OVER MONMOUTH BEACH, 2-1, WITH LATE GOAL.
Chris "The Finisher" Rescinio's goal with about two minutes to go snapped a 1-1 tie as Oceanport's 7/8 Boys triumphed over Monmouth Beach's 7/8 Boys team in a thrilling match at Blackberry Bay Park this past Saturday. This hotly contested match was marked with missed shots and lost opportunities by both teams. Brian Miller opened up the scoring for Oceanport with a very un-Nick Wade like goal in the first ten minutes, when he softly booted a ball to the left of Monmouth Beach's goalie, Jack Donegan. Donegan was obviously looking for a fastball, as he seemed totally confounded by the lack of speed with which the ball came off of Miller's foot. In what seemed to take four minutes, the ball bounced and bounced and bounced and bounced before trickling over the goal line and gently settling in the rear of the net. Donegan, astounded at his inability to get to the ball, was only slightly more surprised than Miller that the ball found its way into the goal. Nick Wade, he of the supersonic foot, said of the goal, "If that was me, I would have given back the goal. I would have been too ashamed to have shot and scored on a play like that." Upon hearing of Wade's comment, Miller quickly replied, "If I wasn't so tired from carrying Nick Wade week in and week out, maybe I would have had enough strength to kick the ball solidly."
Monmouth Beach tied the game on a beautiful goal past the outstretched arms of Billy "Old Aches and Pains" Deerin in the early second half. Although each team had an ample number of opportunities to score, neither team was able to capitalize on the other's lax defense. Then, with about 2 minutes left in the game, Danny "Whirling Dervish" Welsh made what seemed to be his 50th mad dash of the game up the left side. He deftly turned the corner and, passing his defender with a nifty inside cut, headed unimpeded towards Donegan in the Monmouth Beach goal. As Welsh was motoring up the left side, Rescinio was driving hard to the net from the right side JUST LIKE HIS COACHES HAVE BEEN TELLING EVERYBODY TO DO THE PAST FOUR WEEKS, BUT DO THEY LISTEN? NO, OF COURSE NOT!. Donegan made a desperate rush at Welsh and, as Donegan attempted to cut off his angle, Welsh put his foot to the ball with a great sense of urgency and an even greater amount of spin. The ball glanced off Donegan's left side with a pronounced spin and started rolling towards the goal line. Donegan, sensing that the ball was going to cross the goal line, sprinted towards the ball and was about to dive to knock the ball away when Rescinio closed in on the rolling ball like a hobo on a ham sandwich. Just as Donegan reached forward to deflect the ball away from the goal line, Rescinio ---standing all alone about 10 inches from the goal line ---drew back and blasted the ball into the goal. Men cheered, children screamed and women wept at this goal for the ages. Rescinio, ever the quiet and unassuming hero, said, "Soccer is such a simple game. See the ball. Run to the ball. Kick the ball. I don't see what the big deal is. I'm a scorer. That's what I do. I score goals. It is as simple as that."
WADE LEADS OCEANPORT 7/8 BOYS TO VICTORY
NICK WADE LEADS UNDERMANNED OCEANPORT TEAM OVER TINTON FALLS, 4-3; VICTORY SEEN AS SIGN OF WADE'S INSPIRATIONAL GREATNESS
Oceanport (AP) - Nick Wade (or, as he is known by his Indian Tribe, "He Who Is Wind Beneath Our Wings") and his undermanned band of motley men took on an undefeated, unscored upon (although, to be fair, they didn't play the first week of the season) Tinton Falls team this past Saturday at Blackberry Bay Park and emerged victorious for the second week in a row. Wade, his Johnny Winters-like tan offset against the deep teal of his uniform jersey, played an inspired game, both in goal and out on the pitch, as Oceanport played the entire game a man down. Missing 8 players (all of whom opted to attend a symposium on molecular biology instead of playing the game), Wade and company fell behind 1 nil in the first few minutes of play. Responding to Wade's constant exhortations (e.g., "Don't let me down, boys!", "I'm here for you men!", "Have no fear, WADE is here! and "Remember the Maine!"),Oceanport stormed back and took a 3-1 lead by half time. Wade's Wonders, courageously playing through the pain of having no substitutes, led 4-2 with a few minutes left in the game and staved off a late Tinton Falls rally to win the game 4-3.
Wade stole the show in the first half with several point blank stops in goal and then punched in what would prove to be an important goal in the second half. Said Wade of his performance, "Each week I just go out there and give it my all. I don't know any other way to play. Whether the score is 1-0 or 10-0, I play my hardest because there might be some little kid in the crowd or that kid's grandparents watching me play for the first time. It wouldn't be fair to them if I took even one moment to catch my breath. The thing is, to be honest, the fact that I look so much like Zac Efron adds to the pressure that is already on me to perform. The fortunate thing about it is that I actually feed off of that pressure. I know that everybody is watching me, wondering what fabulously creative thing I'm going to do next with a soccer ball. That's just the wonder of me."
When advised of Wade's comments, Clayton Coffey, who somehow managed to sandwich three goals around Wade's score, said, "Nick said that? Zac Efron? Really? I think he looks more like Nora Ephron. Is Nick off his meds again?"
So, with only ten men on the field for the entire game, Wade led his charges against the vaunted Tinton Falls, a team that actually had substitutes and played with 11 men on the field. Said Wade, "We really had twelve men. With me on our team, well, quite frankly, the way most people see it, especially me, that's like having two players in one and, as I see it, our fans are the twelfth player. I can't tell you how much it means to the team that our parents cheer our every move and boo the other team so unmercifully. I mean, really, to see Mr. Welsh frothing at the mouth as he screams at the other team's players, coaches and parents is really very inspirational. I thought that my dad's tossing of the rotten fruit and vegetables at the referees was very, very effective and his use of the dark green vegetables ---especially the collard greens and kale --- in contrast with the red bell peppers was an aesthetic tour de force. Rotten fruits and vegetables is clearly my dad's milieu."
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