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Roger's House Tournament Winners!!!!!!!!
Play-Off Hockey Flash Update: Renegades Lose in Overtime Thriller
It’s that time of the year again sports fan, late nights, long drinks, and more excitement than any middle age body should be exposed to. The sign entering the Walkley arena was prophetic: ‘Don’t Deny, Don’t Delay, Heart Attacks inside.’
The game started out just like the first of the Sens versus the Pens, Game One. It was fast, physical, and fearsome. Tied after one, it was grind ‘em out hockey, all the way. In the second, Noah ‘Sweet Hands’ Simpson must have been listening to the Coach’s corner rant the night before, because he set up on the post (just like Don Cherry said) and fired one in nobody (especially the goalie) ever did see coming. The Brossard Dynamo came back to tie this one up, and from there it was game on. In a defensive play of the game, Dawson ‘Mr. Perfect’ Panarella threw himself on the ice, spread out like a starfish, and began to spin like a whirling Dirvish, taking out three Dynamos who didn’t know which way to go, but down. Gabriel ‘The Wall’ Couture was playing like he was going pro after the tournament, in an early season NHL draft. The net was non-existent, hidden by his hulk-like frame and finesse. After a goal again by the Renegades which was credited to the whole team for sportsmanship like play, the Dynamo refused to give up and this one was again tied.
Four on four for the final five minutes, and our luck ran out.
Officially, the team decided to play the Team Canada card, and go to the finals the long way around, simply to have the opportunity to play more hockey!
Scoop Simpson, Reporter at Large
Play-Off Hockey News Flash: Renegades One Step Closer to Finals
‘Never again, win, win, win’ was the chant. You could tell from the outset, this was going to be an upset. The Renegades were not done. They were there to play, and looked to the unsung heroes of this team to once again carry the day. These special players not only rose to the challenge, they reached for the stars and grabbed the moon on the way down for a souvenir!
Riley ‘Right On’ Rutter was the defensive player of the game, clearing the puck like he was clearing fields of wheat, with wide swooping stick swing moves that rocketed that puck into the groove! ‘Mad’ Max Gutherie was setting up plays like he was setting the table at a wedding banquet. His hands were spinning, his feet were tapping, and the fans were grinning as he danced, pranced, and played like a kid at recess, (Sid ‘the kid’ style.) Duncan ‘the Dominator’ Stark punched the clock, pounded the bag, and pushed one so deep into the net they had to sent in a special forces team to find it. The day, however, belonged to two players. Mat ‘The Magic Man’ Theriault scored a goal that was so beautiful, it stands a good chance of winning Miss America this year. He then added another with the help of Max for a little M&M action—they are tasty treats indeed those goals. Also, Scott ‘Full Stop’ Thompson played so well in this one, his naming to the Amateur Hockey Hall of Fame is a done deal. If this kid gets any better, I’m first in line for his rookie card, because that will some day make me a millionaire!
Scoop Simpson, Reporter at Large
Play-Off Hockey News Bulletin: The Renegades Are In Like Flynn!
As dashing as Errol Flynn was as a leading man in the movies, this game was bigger on style, flashier in looks, and more exciting than another Indiana Jones flick!
Nicolas ‘Nice One’ Carignan is the fastest ‘Little Big Man’ in hockey today. He is always two steps ahead, three moves on, and four thoughts further along than anyone else on the ice. Facing off against the Cobras #16 (who some parents thought should be carded to see if he could drive, and I thought should be carded to see if he can drink legally in Ontario), Nicolas set the tone from the get-go, a win in E flat, minor. Noah ‘Sweet Hands’ Simpson said: “Hello, I love you, won’t you let me score again” and gave the Renegades a one goal lead in this first. The Cobras came back hard and tied this one—one, one, after one. The momentum was never lost though, with Cooper ‘Da Super’ Olford sparking players up, and lighting fires under everyone’s bums. He kept us going, going, gone! Soon after the second period started, Nicolas added another, aided by the wonder that is Max. That said, the Cobras coiled, and bit back yet again. The one was now two, two, after two.
In the third, the refs stepped aside and let these boys play like men. The moms were screaming; the dads were howling; and the fans were fainting. Renegades were stripping pucks from the Cobras like hoodlums stripping cars in southeast Los Angeles. You didn’t know what happened until you were sitting there in your underwear with nothing on but a smile! One more for us! One more for them! Parallel structure. After three, is was three, three, with not a dry eye in the house. Penalties to both sides meant O.T. was three on three as well. A quick face-off. A follow-in to their end. And a hero was born. David ‘The Divine One’ Patry made us all believers and with his goal he put all the Renegades onto his shoulders and carried them in to the finals!
Scoop Simpson, Reporter At Large
Max Effort, Keeping the Renegades in the Winners’ Circle Right to Year’s End
It was the equivalent of Game Seven in the Stanley Cup Finals with the chips down, the money spent, and the Fat Lady standing by the microphone just waiting to wail at the top of her lungs. The only question was, would she be singing for the Cougars or the Renegades?
Gloucester was back in black, looking for a win. Too bad nobody told Alexandre ‘The Legacy’ Legault. Returning from the disabled list a while back, he was better than he ever was. Faster, smoother, and even more stylish than before! You might just say he had a leg up on all the Cougars. At his side was Zac ‘The Real Deal’ Regalbuto who hemmed them in, hammed it up, and then hung the Gloucester players out to dry. With these superstars taking care of all the details, ‘Mad’ Max Guthrie gave his team a lead in the first. Gloucester came back to tie it, and this one went into the freezer with no goals in the second.
Oddly enough, the referees were calling penalties against the Renegades like parents calling the kids in for supper during the summer, that is to say every five minutes from five until the street lights come on! Even when down two players, coach Couture couldn’t be so much as moved to politely whisper something sweet in the ref’s ears, so confident he was that his team would soldier on.
And soldier on they did in the third, with three unanswered goals. Aided by the fine work of Phil ‘The Big Thrill’ Laroche and Dawson ‘The Awesome’ Panarella, Cooper got a hard earned goal (and a lovely empty netter) and Alex got one for the record books. Alas the season ended on a high note. The Renegades won the last tournament of the year, and all have been paid a large franchise bonus! Nothing but golf, good times, and the attention of onlookers until the season starts again.
Victory was, and shall ever more be ours as team! The Renegades remain unbeaten, unbelievable, and overachievers all.
Scoop Simpson, Reporter At Large
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