Shoddy Hallam University July 2, 2007
Sheffield Hallam has been named the 4th worst university for exam cheats in a recent survey.
Chancellor of the University, Lord Robert Winston said, "This is a prestigious award to achieve and one which our staff and students can be truly proud of. Our target must now be to compete with The University of Greenwich for the number one spot next year"
Easter Football Melee (#1) March 30, 2007
This sunday will see the return of the fine event known as the easter football melee. most people (lumpa and maybe pete and tree being exceptions) are back, and to celebrate best, we should kick lumps out of each other and generally moan.
good weather should result in good pitches, with plenty of balls being available. your easter football melee needs YOU (think wwii propaganda poster with old man pointing at you - cba finding the photo).
the event is already detailed on moll's and bethell's pages on facebook. open invite, therefore anyone you can bring is welcome. it will probably be better if you let everyone know on facebook if you plan to attend (if you don't have it then let someone know who does and they'll post it).
burning off all those university based donners and pizza's should be an addedd incentive, especially if you go to nottingham (bullet fragment-riddled pizzas could easily lead to lead-poisoning).
get on facebook, get involved.
p.s. gibirdi may even show us his hairless chest after having it waxed! (hmm actually the notion will only drive people away....gibirdi will keep his shirt on!)
This is a party political article from the playstation party January 27, 2007
There has been much face saving speculation by left wing PPT members as of late over the future of pre/post poker gaming entertainment, mainly in the form of ill-advised purchases masquerading as some sort of a revolution to the politically correct and sexually ambiguous world of left wing x box ownership.
Just look at that evil man from Microsoft...wretched isnt he? Well that the threat we face good people of the Playstation dominated PPT, X box men like this want to take your money, your soul and gibirdi's sister away from us.
This is all a mindless ploy to divert attention away from the real issues that the current peoples champion PS2, and the next peoples champion, PS3 solve everyday.
The simple fact is that the PS2 has always provided PPT members with consistent gaming gold in the form of Metal Gear Solid, Final Fantasy (bethell, we both know you’ll come crawling back) and the unforgettable classic that is TimeSplitters 2 to name but a few. And lest we forget, Playstation has given birth to the only major world religion that’s actually growing year on year, Pro Evolution Soccer, which as any heterosexual male will tell you, can only be played properly on an analogue controller and not some temperamental piece of Microsoft crap that looks like it was designed by blue peter badge winners (who received free entry into puddle town pirates for their efforts, and subsequently became confused by the bright colours and got lost in the ball pits for 6 days; source, The Daily Sport)
What the lefties wont tell you about any ‘switch’ to a white console with a big green ‘I love the Euro’ power button is that the new machine is about as technologically advanced and reliable as the front passenger electric window on a Hyundai Accent.
Evidence shows the new battery powered control pads, much like the Home Office, are simply unfit for purpose and will not be able to support members of the PPT needs to sometimes play on a game until their eyes bleed. Granted this is unlikely on an X box given how their self proclaimed ‘best game ever’* last about as long as the wholly inappropriate REM song used to promote it.
*(source; left wing x-box type, probably loves the French and wets the bed)
Furthermore playstation has always provide strong immigration control for PPT, using the multi-taps to import more players into games like PES, and simply telling those unlucky enough not to pick up a control pad in time to fuck off home; simple but fair.
The proposed use of online play on PPT will be as disastrous as Jade Goody’s next visit to her local take-away, and with the open boarders of X-box live rife with bad language, Americans and AIDS, your TV’s, your bedrooms, even your families wont be safe (gib, don’t worry, if anything happens I’ll take care of your sister).
The unfounded accusations over the ballooning cost of the next greatest games console ever, PS3, is a shameless attempt by the common sense deprived left to justify their own lack of patience and decision to invest in the next ‘mule’ of the games machine world. The sickening suggestion that a night at tree’s mums would be cheaper is a sure sign of their desperation, and this party for one will not sink into a battle of who has the best trees mum jokes.
The truth is the cost is as yet unconfirmed, and as anyone who regularly visits e-bay, club Caribe or trees mum’s will tell you, bidding and the ability to haggle can change everything (sorry tree, it fitted in too well).
Even if the cost of a PS3 is high, it will be a fraction of the amount the average X-box owner spends on boxes of Kleenex and subscriptions to leg sex in the pursuit of happiness, whilst you, the hard working, decent playstation man stands firm, resisting these sick urges to make fun of the people who fork out hundreds of quid to buy Nintedo Wii (all parties including the good people at Nintedo have since released statements confirming these people to be spastics).
Remember good people of PPT…….
M is for Microsoft
M is for Moron
Buy Playstation!
That was a party political article from the playstation party (gaming towards a better you)
The Future is Bright, The Future is...Green? January 27, 2007
The turn in the new year has shown a possible change in the future of the Preston Poker Tour's gaming ways, as three of it's more prominent members have made the controversial moves of purchasing the XBox 360.
Microsoft's latest release enables James Ball, Ed Forshaw and James Bethell to participate in inter-PPT online warfare, through the medium of popular games such as Gears of War, which was controversially described by Ball and Forshaw as "The best game ever".
For clarity's sake (to those knowing their political arses from elbows, i.e. not gibirdi), a political analogy will be applied to the following events.
The move to purchase the 360 has sparked unrest among the PPT community, as PPT's more bigoted gamers who see themselves as loyal only to the PS2 (the gaming 'far-right') such as Andy Crompton, are pessimistic about the move, and dismiss the XBox console's supposed dominance with little hesitation, citing myths regarding faulty wireless control power as a weakness. The more loyal XBox gamer (the 'nandy-pandy far-left), such as Adam Tree are also critical of Forshaw and Bethell, whom have long claimed the PS2's superiority over the original* XBox.
* The PS2 is still clearly superior over the original XBox in Bethell's opinion, but the 360 is a different console, therefore a different argument (and if you scoff whilst reading this Tree, kiss my ass because i'm writing this, not you!).
Bethell explains his reasons for making the purchase as "showing loyalty to a console, and not simply a brand". It is expected that, with the amount of money it would take to purchase the forthcoming PS3, you could afford to fund the research and development of a time-machine, which could then transport you hundreds of years back in time, enabling you to meddle in a melee of medieval milfs. Or alternatively have a night with Tree's mum (I also show loyalty to established gags).
The move to acquire a 360 by Ball is not as big a shock, as he has previously made controversial past purchases in the console market, such as the SEGA Dreamcast, which is a joke in itself.
The move to have both a PS2 and an XBox 360 shows Bethell and Forshaw moving between the right-wing Playstation and the left-wing XBox communities, and mimics the current political climate of parties moving in towards the centre ground, with the traditional centre party showing defiant, if not feeble valiance (in this case the Nintendo Wii, which none of the PPT has opted for).
Only time will tell whether the 360 will prove to be a pillar of the PPT community, and whether the controversial shift in consoles could even result in a change of consoles for the Pro Evolution matches.
Apologies are extended to anyone mentioned in this article who has been misquoted, misrepresented, or in Tree's case, just generally dissed; but hey, I don't see you lot writing anything.
What does 2007 hold for the PPT?
First of all, a happy new year to the members of the PPT.
Secondly, no, your eyes are not playing tricks on you. This really is a new article you are reading, here to prove the PPT is not down and out just yet (and also to shift gibirdi's picture slightly down the page). At this difficult time of the calendar, when the festive decorations come down for another year and everyone goes their seperate ways to face the joy of January exams, several members have been losing sleep wondering just what will become of the PPT this year with things seemingly as desperate as an accent MOT test.
However, the saving grace of the PPT could be the development of Chris Molyneux's addiction to gambling. This was evident over the Christmas period and it was down to his constant pestering (see guestbook) and determination that Chris single-handedly arranged an unlikely Christmas event. This match in the end was comprehensively won by Manhattan, with the Wild Boar finishing second and the Big Friendly Jamaican nowhere to be seen in the running. Controversially, the host Nuts turned his nose up at the game in favour of admiring pictures of himself on the computer. (Although it must be said, another legendary NY bash made up for this act of assholery.)
So Moll, for the sake of the PPT's existence, wherever you may be (casino) please stay addicted - Easter is only a few months away.
Gibirdi To Appear On New Years! December 28, 2006
Merry Christmas to all PPT members and random viewers of this wierd, wonderful and woefully infrequently updated website!
The next event to look forward to unless someone other than Ball or Jenks organises* a game or drinkin sesh before hand will be the seemingly annual new years rave cave down at blackgate lane.
After last years epic party featuring hurl, rammstein and lanashire life bints, it is expected that more of the same will insue. The usual crowd have confirmed their attendance at this highly anticipated shindig, including Christopher J Gibundlehoff, who in a shock turn of events this morning was offered to swap his shift with a co-worker which he duely accepted.
It is expected that Adam "Lightweight" Tree will be making the journey and on recent performances in drinking games, he has been installed as the 1/8 favourite to hurl first. Some may argue however, if Tree gets his tactics right on the day and doesn't utter the word "Challenge" on as many occasions as in previous games, he may just be pipped to the post by Evens shot James "2 shots pending" Bethell, whose love affair with Red Square Vodka lasted as long as he did in {enter default PPT joke here}.
All in all it all has the makings of another classic new years, with the legacy of the "Forshaw Rave" somewhat a distant memory.......(Hint**)
* Organisation forbidden from taking place on the M6 Motorway heading northbound from Peterborough or in general by Ball. Before organising event, ensure playing cards, poker chips, ps2 (incl evo 6, m-tap and controllers), TV remote and TV arial are easily accessible.
** Distant memories longing to become upcoming event.......pressurize!!!
Xmas Drinking Games Return!
Saturday 23rd December will be seeing more spills and thrills (and hurl) at the Ball poker den, as the infamous drinking games make their long-awaited return.
Also, an all-day lazy pub-visiting afternoon will take place, speak to ed ball or bethell about details.
the more drunks the merrier, speak to ed/ball/bethell/anyone else who knows about it.
i haven't heared a time, so i'll just say 8pm.
see you all there.
p.s. there's a repeat new year party at ball's. looks similar plan to last year.
More Christmas Chuckles
Enjoy...
Christmas greetings from this rusty website December 17, 2006
Gibirdi Spotted! November 2, 2006
Standard Gibirdi #1
Standard Gibirdi #2
October 25, 2006
My name is Rusty
Bethell no longer a teenager! September 30, 2006
Best wishes James, from all of the PPT!
The missing picture... September 29, 2006
This was the picture that hotmail had a little paddy over yesterday and sent you all a load of coded messages instead. In the end I don't think it was worth the effort of sending 3 emails to 50-odd people but I hope you enjoy it anyway!
Ben
Hurlathon II Scheduled August 31, 2006
This coming Friday will see the forecasted return of drinking games aplently, as the ball poker arena will play host to drinking games and pro evo of potentially dangerous proportions.
The event will feature regular lightweights such as Tree, who will be taking a break from his busy schedule of hurling in Squires, to hurl in the Ball vicinity. Ed will also be showing, possibly bringing along another bout of the memorable radioactive hurl that sparked the question 'is the big fish to blame?'. And of course, PPT's most aggressive drunk, James 'I'll fuck you up' Ball will be showing, although it is believed that he will be staying well away from Martini, the fuel of his hightened aggression.
Other PPT members will be showing at the event, where possible discussions over camping in the lakes (II) may also take place. The night may also feature the long-awaited return of the 'Mendieta' (riverside takeaway), which has recently reopened it's creaking doors to the public (we think).
Arrival times are to be coordinated through Ball (probably).
PPT Fantasy Footy!
Oreet lads and ball Iv created a fantasy league on channel 4. get involved an opefulli wel create the biggest fantasy league ever known to man!i think i sent an email to everyone but if u dint receive the site is.... http://channel4.fantasyleague.com and the PIN for the league is 2577.
hurrah!
Buy Ins are a pisstake August 19, 2006
Title says it all really......
Prize Announcement
Recently, several of my (Manhattan) family members took a day out to Alton Towers, hoping for a day of fun, thrills and excitement. However, this was not the case as due to a power cut most of rides were shut. Trying to salvage the day, they went to the Alton Towers waterpark only to find malicious individuals had smashed glass in the pool, causing it to be evacuated. Obviously disappointed, a letter of complaint was written a few days later.
Soon after a reply was received, offering compensation in the form of free tickets, but with the restriction of not being able to use these on weekends or bank holidays, and with school fast approaching for the youngsters it was looking unlikely that these tickets would actually be able to be used. So in swooped Manhattan.
4 free tickets were offered in total. Ball and Bethell were offered tickets but who else to choose? Tiltmeister had been recently if I recall correctly? Tree or Pete? One of the tarleton mob? A PPT lightweight? So I decided to let the cards do the talking and donated the ticket to the pot for Saturday's game.*
Each ticket includes: a day entry to the waterpark, a hotel room (for 4) which includes breakfast, and then a day entry into the main park. They are valid until October 20th. An ideal time to go would be before we are back to uni, but after all the youngsters are back at school (ie early Sept). See you at the table.
* The winner of course will have to give me a cut of the pot. Haha just jokin......unlesss .....no no im jokin.
Summer Special Preview August 17, 2006
At very long last, PPT has another scheduled event and it promises to produce an intriguing night of Hold'em. With internet players such as Tree and Pete not being able to look at each others cards, the night should suit the more individualistic player. PPT is no fool to such deception and any attempt of such a stunt should be condemned and a suitable punishment agreed.
Rumour has it that the event could lure enough players to make it a two table event, such as the last event held at Forshaws, where Kenny Krompton picked up a victory. Unfortunatley* Kenny will be enduring a physical two week excursion avec the TA.
Other players looking to make an impression shall include the gale force who has yet to record an outright PPT victory, but will be feeling confident after managing to avoid the wooden spoon for a number of events now and also picking up a number of online victories.
The event may also see the suprising separation of James Ball from a location within his postcode. As recent events have been away from Blackgate Lane, Ball has chosen not to appear**.
Players should alert host Forshaw or confirm in the guestbook
* Term used loosley due to reaping financial gold.
** Reasons given include money, tilt and having tea.
PPT Summer Special Confirmed! August 17, 2006
Although nothing has formally been posted of the issue as of late, PPT members have frequently been venting their frustration at the lack of poker action over recent weeks. Although this can for the most part be attributed to family holidays and hectic working schedules, it has to be said that there should always be time for poker.
It is with this outlook being respected that Ed ‘Manhattan’ Forshaw has announced that he will indeed host the next PPT event, his first host since his two-table epic this time last year.
The Forshaw stop on the PPT circuit is one of the more well equipped poker arenas, featuring unique gaming-friendly facilities, including a pink casino-style light, and a fridge with unlimited ice-cubes.
Not only is the Croston leg of the PPT circuit well prepared for hosting PPT events, but this Saturday’s game promises to be particularly special. For the first time in the PPT, a special additional prize will be donated to the pot. The prize, which will not be revealed any time before the event, is worth upwards of a staggering £60, which highlights the extreme generosity of the current beholder of the gift, Ed Forshaw. And as earlier stated, Ed already has one himself, which is completely irrelevant to the donation, probably.
Forshaw has expressed his hope that the event will become a two-table event, and, given to extreme nature of Prize-Winning circumstances; it would be hard to imagine there will not be additional interest.
Current certainties to play push numbers for the event to around ten, and therefore there are still places to be filled by those who wish to play. If people wish to play or know of those who do, they should contact a more prominent member of the PPT, so the message can be relayed amongst the organisers, before we decide whether or not we like you enough to let you play*
*Please note that an unspecified level of grovelling may be required to play**
**Grovelling may be avoided if you are willing to pimp out a spouse or next of kin, and depending on age and looks, you may join via this route***
***Please note that Chris Gibirdi will not be seated on the Pimped-Judging Committee, as this would lead to a severe lack of standards, regarding age, looks or indeed gender. So don’t bring your pet donkey dressed in a too-too, because Chris won’t be there to accept your proposal****
****Outside of the PPT arena, Chris Gibirdi is indeed looking for love, and any donations of donkeys, sheep, or any other four-legged species would be much appreciated.
Forshaw opens his heart to the PPT
Hear yee! Hear yee! At the next arranged poker game I (Manhattan) am donating to the pot a special prize, worth upwards of £60. "Why?" you ask, because I already have one, dumbass. So get ur asses arrangin a game for sometime very soon. (In the likely event of me winning, second place will receive the prize)
Possible Saturday Game On The Horizon July 19, 2006
On Saturday night, PPT players may converge on the shores of Astley Village, home of legends.
Part of the annual PPT annual circuit, the Astley Village invitational attracts many of PPTs finest plus an additional number of local players from in and around the Chorley circuit.
Any interest in this prestigious event must be declared asap as the host C.J.Gibundai needs to know!
Monotonous Stories Bore Readers July 17, 2006
Visitors to PPT online over recent weeks have been slamming their heads into keyboards or any available surface surrounding their notebook due to feeling drowsy upon reading the same old codswallop concerning a drunken incident in a bar in Torviscas, Tenerife.
The concerned party, a Mr C Gibsnoidlehoffolon, has refused to comment on the matter and is rumoured to have gone into hiding at a gym somewhere in the region of "The Big C".
Such journalism has been brought into question by Adam Tree, who has critisised PPT online not only for the also seemingly evergreen innuendo concerning a member of his family but also comments suggesting he is "Not OK."
Next Week: A night out at Squires and a gag by Ball about the Accent
Gibirdi Paves Way for Keating July 17, 2006
After PPT recently covered the rise to stardom of Chris Gibirdi following his Moonlight success, it comes as no surprise that more established stars from the music industry are jumping on the bandwagon, which surprisingly enough, has yet to be stalled by Chris.
Ronan Keating, the Irish sensation formerly of a Ben Ward-esque favourite ‘Boyzone’, is to release ‘Iris’ as his next single (and it is worth mentioning at this point that for once, this is actually true).
‘Iris’ is the very song that was pumped out through the Moonlight Bar with Chris Gibirdi swaying on stage, singing like a pot-bellied pig getting savagely bummed by Eric from Doncaster whilst on a drinking binge with the fatties from t’Mimosa.
The single is set to hit charts soon, and is shockingly predicted to sell more copies than Gibirdi managed to with the emotion-spilling song.
Of the news, Gibirdi hinted at a belief that racism was the cause for his lack of chart success, saying, “All you lot are just sour. Italia! Italia! Italia!”.
Things are expected to pick up again for Gibirdi soon though, as he is expected to list himself in his country’s qualifying rounds for the Eurovision Song Contest (his country being England, as he is about as Italian as Mick McCarthy is Irish). The Chorley boy is also rumoured to announce that he will soon tour Europe, firstly supporting Lordi, before headlining his own gig in the Tut’n’Shive (Chesse’n’chav) in his hometown. The attendance for this gig was expected to be about seventy, but since the Red Hot Chilli Peppers have announced they will be supporting Chris, the attendance is now expected to be three. Ed, Pete and Tree. Muppets.
One has to wonder whether or not Keating will be able to match the vocal extremities achieved by Gibirdi, and if he will opt for the famous one minute thirty-three second instrumental that put the cherry of mockery upon the cake of woe.
Gib Doesn't Want the World To See Him (But Fuller and Cowell Do) July 12, 2006
PPT’s very own superstar (away from the poker table) Chris Gibirdi stands to make a healthy sum in the coming months, as the masterminds of ‘Pop Idol’, Simon Cowell and Simon Fuller have released a statement explaining their intentions to release a special DVD this summer, documenting the short rise to stardom for the Chorley based crooner.
The DVD takes the viewer through a spiritual journey, showing a man who was previous lost in life; attending a fake university, who’s infidelities projected a front for what many believe to be a deeply disturbed and tortured soul. From this sorry state, known more commonly to most as being “a Hallam student”, Gibirdi finds his true calling in life whilst enjoying a superbly organised and well-priced holiday in Tenerife.
The product, expected to sell between three and five copies, also features a special interview with Chris, in which he explains of what part karaoke legends such as ‘Fred’ have played in his life, and also speaks of his disgust for ‘Rob’ (which it turns out is accompanied by a subtle admiration).
Extra features for the DVD include seven re-mixes of the one minute thirty three second instrumental which boomed out through the Moonlight Bar, and captivated absolutely no one. Also, a special interview with the new driving force behind Chris Gibridi and his will to succeed without any foreseeable talent, a man who has succeeded in such a daring task, Mr. Motivator.
Chris is determined not to lose touch with his Chorley roots, presumably because the sympathy factor this sad revelation would generate may resultantly sell another DVD. Chorley borough council’s labour representative Lindsay Hoyle said, when asked about Chris Gibirdi’s success, “I have a girl’s name and I work in Chorley. Tilt”.
Gibirdi is currently taking time off from his demanding schedule of ruining people’s holidays, and is expected to be returning to Sheffield next week for a short ‘social visit’.
PPT’s resident moaner James Ball would probably have just mocked Gibirdi, so instead was asked* if there was a game to be expected any time soon. His reply** was that there should be a game in the next few days, and that discussions should take place in the guestbook.
*question was not asked
**no reply was given
Shakira Shakira!!
PPT HOLIDAY UPDATE June 20, 2006
New plan for transport to airport.Ben/Steve Ward have booked a mini bus and offered a t-shirt/minibus combo deal at £17.50. any objections shud be posted in the gbook or let myself (Gibundle), jay or benj know immeadiately.Thank You!
PPT Movie!
I've been learning flash recently and decided to have a bash at mocking someone with it. Enjoy.
spare a thought for the shit bin
As the holiday fast approaches, the infamous shit bin has decided to speak out against the many insulting and hurtful comments that have been made. Our interviewer for this article was non other than James 'the scrooge' Ball and took place in a low budget whorehouse ( coincidently where the latest Panama Downs songs were recorded ).
Ball: so shit bin, what has been going on lately?
SB: well throughout your corfu holiday one of my collegues sent me an email discussing how a group of rowdy ( thats right i sed rowdy, and i'd do it agen dammit, ROWDY, see, i just did ) 18 year olds were repeatedly insulting him and as such, damaged his reputation.
Ball: But what about the arguement that all this talk was simply toilet humour ( wayyy ) and as such meant no harm?
SB: To me thats no excuse, us shit bins, or as we like to be called 'excrement removal services' are simply there to make your lives easier, think about it, we have all kinds of knowledge which could be helpful to you after a night out, we know what you ate, and to some extent, wat bevereges you consumed, surely you shud rate our opinions highly and as such respect us?
Ball: Well i respect you, and im not just being a kiss ass...........long silence...........o by the way, my band Panama downs have a new cd out, i dont suppose i cud stick it in you for a while? ( a comment ball is often heard saying )
SB: *looks around trying to avoid eye contact* ...yeh ok i guess
Ball:Well thankyou for your time, im sure i will be seeing one of your friends very soon in tenerife.
SB:No, please, dont leave, listening to your record has made me realise you actually are quite a good band, you could be my ticket out of this shithole!
Ball: we may have a cameo role for u in.... (trails off)
*Bethell enters brandishing dual uzi's and dreshed in traditional agent 47 clothing*
Bethell: Ball, give, me, my, fucking, money!!!!!
This article ( shocking i know ) has been brought to you by the wildcard, see you all in tenerife next week!
Game This / Next Week? June 12, 2006
If anyone fancies a game before we go away, stick any recommendations in the guestbook!
Time to decide! June 9, 2006
Afternoon all, I need to canvas your opinions on the badge for the front of the polo shirts. Obviously they will be white because black on black doesnt look the best! Vote for your favourite in the poll or add your suggestions in the guestbook for other designs. Cheers, Ward
The Sounds Of The Accent - Out Now June 8, 2006
CD also includes hit singles, "Whats that rolling down the hill, is it an Accent?", "Ooops I Brokedown Again" and "Danger!Hyundai Accent".
Buy It Now!!!!
Griffin announces interest June 6, 2006
With the holiday a little over 2 weeks away, PPT has understood that Family Guy character Peter Griffin has announced his desire to partake in the trip to Tenerife. This follows the ongoing indecision and general confusion surrounding the 9th place on the holiday.
Griffin has taken his chance to exploit the situation and declare he has the sufficient funds to see him on the plane, and with other candidates such as James Ball venturing to Newquay with mystery financial support, it may be the perfect chance for 500lb Quahog-ian to flatten the chances of others.
When asked why he should get the vote to go, Griffin stated:
"CAM ON......CAM ON......"
Stay tuned for further information as we keep close tabs on what will unfold. For now tho, he's Ollie Williams with the World Cup forecast, Ollie...
"Trinidad gon win!"
Thanks Ollie...
Replacement at Fallowfest
Sources close to PPT have recently revealed that the random banjo player has pulled out of the lucrative fallowfest performance. The rift between organisers and said banjo player came when he was informed that his main job was to drive the crowds to the bar. In an interview with PPT, banjo man revealed, "I want my music to be taken seriously - It's not worth £333 to be made a mockery of"
Fallowfest organisers, in a frantic response to the sudden departure of banjo man, opted for the Nottingham based band "Panama Downs" to induce enough tilt to make people drink more. The band were delighted to take on the role, however drummer James Ball revealed his dissapointment in not being able to see banjo man in the flesh, quoting him as being an "inspiration"
Further details of the performance will no doubt be published continuously in th guestbook, as Ball makes an attempt to prove that Nottingham is better than Manchester (though he'd have a better chance proving black was white).
A little zoo-esque mockery...
More to follow...
Going down(s) to Manchester
In a recent move to provide good quality music for the Manchester university students as they (gladly) leave for summer, the top brass at Manchester has made the obvious choice in reaching out to its superior brother University of Nottingham for help.
In response to Manchester’s plea Nottingham has provided its very own (and very best) Panama Downs to add some quality to its forthcoming Fallowfest event. Yes that is right the Downs will be playing in Manchester on the 9th of June for our wider audience. It is still unclear what the set list will be and how well practised we will be since we are all of to newquay on Sunday for summer break!
However im sure we will be playing all the tunes on our site sand maybe the odd cover….requests in the guestbook welcome. I will also be enjoying free drinks all day at the expense of my “favourite” university, and I WILL make the most of that offer. Sources also say that the band will be getting paid £333 pound for there talents. Bethell may also get a shout out, whether it is good or bad depends on his response to this article.
On asking the PPT and Manchester’s very own Ed Forshaw he commented “I will be glad to finally see a proper band in Manchester after Bethell’s new band failed to live up to its hype”
Lordi Unveil New Frontman! June 2, 2006
Finnish Death-Metallers Lordi have today announced the new lead singer of the band following the departure of former frontman Wolfgang Hwwwwwwww.
The new frontman does appear to have similar facial features to PPT's very own James Bethell, and in addition, is in fact called Lis Wildus Boaress, translating as "The Wild Boar" - astonishing.
The only thing that puts a doubt in the minds of the PPT-ites is the rather strange inflated cranium of the new member....no wait, thats not it....(cheapshot i know!)
Following their Eurovision success, Lordi have announced a UK tour much to the delight of poker intellect Padraig Parkinson who predicts their tour to flourish. He stated that "I think their going all in here. No wait thats a fold. Good play there."
Time will tell whether Lordi will be a hit, but until then - HARD ROCK HALLELUIAH!!!
Summer 2006 with PPT May 25, 2006
Faster than a Bethell ejaculation when on top of tree's mum, Summer is back upon us!With the premier universities already finished for the summer, it lies upon those in regions such as Manchester and Nottingham to alert PPT of their availability in the coming weeks as rumour on the circuit is that a summer special is to be announced.
The poker den has seen as much action as Tree in Squires these past few months and it will be a welcome return to Blackgate Lane for the players. No doubt it will see all the fun and frolics, holds and folds, swaggles and snaggles (ask tree for details!!)and massive levels of tilt shown throughout 2005.
With Tenerife now less than a month away, the date of the game may possibly be staged to suit the needs of those bound for the Torviscas Playa. When asked for his views, Noel Edmonds said:
"Its time to beat the banker." A similar view to that of Tree, who was spotted last week entering a local strip club to play "Deal or No Feel".Five minutes later, Tree was being chased down the street by a man with an axe in his hand, who for legal reasons must only be known as Ghost 36. To be fair to Tree, his recent successful poker outings will stand him in good stead for the summer initiation game.
King Kenny Krompton was unavailable for comment with regard to the game as his mouth is now stuck to the Carling Extra Cold pump at the Bay Horse in Euxton.
Manhattan Forshaw has also been quiet in recent weeks. Reports in and around Manchester suggest that after the release of Stadium Arcadium by the Red Hot Chilli Peppers, he has become too "attatched" to the CD cover and cannot remove it from "downstairs".
Thats the latest ,iv been Ran Borgondy, you stay away from Tilt PPT!
funniest online hand ever
This conversation happened when I slow played AQ suited and someone raised 120 chips, I called and the ace came out on the flop, I started milking the guy slow playing, and won the hand, and a lot of his chips, this is what followed.
Ghost36 >> lucky f ucking idiot
Ghost36 >> i hope you burn in hell you b itch
leedsmet >> me?
leedsmet >> im lucky?
Ghost36 >> yes
leedsmet >> u think slow playing is lucky
Ghost36 >> yes b itch you
leedsmet >> i had AQ u moron, of course im gonna slow play it, to milk more chips out of u, i kno ur gonna call, cus u suck at poker
Ghost36 >> your lucky to catch your miracle ace you faggat
leedsmet >> miracle ace?
leedsmet >> whats miraculas about it
Ghost36 >> i had pkt kings you stupid fu ck
Ghost36 >> you had 3 outs
leedsmet >> u have no idea about poker do u
Ghost36 >> ill kill you
leedsmet >> i cuda hit flushes? straights? 2 pair?
Ghost36 >> 3 outs faggit
leedsmet >> my god
leedsmet >> im printin this conversation
leedsmet >> its just too gd to miss
Ghost36 >> i hope you die
leedsmet >> thanks mate
leedsmet >> ill enjoy ur money
Playa33 >> lol
Playa33 >> wow
leedsmet >> playa u must kno agree, he is a bit stupid
Playa33 >> oh....i know
leedsmet >> theres my miracle agen!!!!!!
host36 >> 3 outs faggit
leedsmet >> my god
leedsmet >> im printin this conversation
leedsmet >> its just too gd to miss
Ghost36 >> i hope you die
leedsmet >> thanks mate
leedsmet >> ill enjoy ur money
Playa33 >> lol
Playa33 >> wow
leedsmet >> playa u must kno agree, he is a bit....u kno
Playa33 >> oh....i know
leedsmet >> theres my miracle agen!!!!!!
Ghost36 >> gee i was only 71% to win that hand, i guess i should be all smiles and doing cartwheels
Ghost36 >> and saying "nice hand"
Ghost36 >> yeah right
leedsmet >> why not?
leedsmet >> you pld it wrong?
leedsmet >> i pld it right
leedsmet >> its not all down to the cards
Ghost36 >> you sucked out a miracle ace and its sickening
leedsmet >> what if u had AQ, and i had KK, wud u be saying omg, im so lucky, what a miracle
Playa33 >> ghost...you didnt even loose many chips?? why are you freakin??
Ghost36 >> i wouldnt feel that great about it
Ghost36 >> i would recognize i got extremely lucky
leedsmet >> balls, your a fkin noob who dusnt kno how to play pocket pairs, you deserve to lose
Ghost36 >> how's that
Ghost36 >> i barely lost any money from it
Ghost36 >> i new your tightass had an ace
Ghost36 >> i played it perfectly
leedsmet >> if you knew i had an ace why did you call?
Ghost36 >> are you that big of a baby ??
Ghost36 >> grow up man
leedsmet >> grow up? u jus moaned for 10 mins about a hand, where u didnt even get a bad beat
leedsmet >> u shud be mad at urself for suckin ass at poker
Ghost36 >> dude sorry i offended you
leedsmet >> tuff
leedsmet >> enjoy ur game
I then went on to win that match and get 75 dollars out of a 30 dollar entry game.
The WSOP Main Event is NO LONGER The Biggest Prize in Poker! May 16, 2006
Adam Tree has come a long way in his poker career since his early wild days at Ball’s poker arena. The fact that the euxtonite’s nickname has changed from ‘The Udders’ to ‘The Wildcard’ pays tribute to the fact that Adam Tree is now a player to be respected when at the poker table, if not at any other time.
Since becoming a student at Leeds, Tree has had an eventful few months, on and off the poker scene. Amid unfounded claims of racist behaviour, Tree managed to overcome his poker demons and make his way to the latter stages of casino gaming on a number of occasions, and has resultantly found himself £600 better off – and to put it into context, that’s nearly double the amount of debt Ball has failed to pay Jay since March 21st.
Poker has proved to be the saviour in an otherwise meaningless existence for Tree (little harsh but this is satire, therefore not to be taken too seriously – except for Ball’s lack of payment). Since his Leeds exploits, Tree has gone on to play in worldwide high-stake poker events, and has managed to work his way to the very top of the poker tree (excuse the pun).
The HUFBURM Championship (Heads Up For Ball’s Unbelievably Randy Mum) has proved an exciting tournament for the last decade, and many celebrity guests are known to have entered, including Ronald Reagan, Michael Greko, ‘Mr. T’ and Eddie, the dog from ‘Frasier’. And of course, the tournament was hosted by Jesse May.
Tree entered the $350 buy-in for the championship using a night’s wages that his mum had earned (believed to come from a Mr. J. Ball, who could have alternatively paid Jay for the holiday with such an amount). Tree entered the tournament upbeat, and was soon jumping for joy as he played and beat several respected poker players, and also Doyle Brunson.
Tree was not the only one ‘taking out’ opponents however. Agent 47, away from his more publicised and adventurous exploits, entered the tournament, and showed a killer instinct. Things looks bleak at one point for the bald-headed cravate-flapping maestro, when in the semi-final he was down to one chip and a chair against Scotty Nyugeun. However, as they say, ‘all you need is a chip and a chair’. Agent 47 decided to implement such positive euphemisms, opting to use his steel chair to pound across the head of his opponent in a sequence of events the WWE could not have orchestrated better itself. Therefore, via his opponent’s failure to continue, by default, Agent 47 became Tree’s opponent.
The HUFBURM championship decider took place at an undisclosed location, and the players (pictured above with the championship trophy and Ball’s mum in the background) engaged in an all-time epic encounter. After several hours of play, whereby many bluffs, check-raises and Forshaw-esque pre-flop folds were deployed from both parties, it was decided between Tree and Agent 47 that the prize could, with consensus, be shared (similarly to the charity/community shield). The event therefore ended with everyone being satisfied, except Bethell, who is owed £333. I forget who by…
Agent 47 can be seen back in his more familiar environment in the coming weeks, killing numerous nasty people under the control of eager gamers.
Tree can also be found in a more familiar environment, right in the sweaty centre of an all-out mosh pit at a My Chemical Romance gig.
PPT Disclaimer: Other than Ball’s debt, most of the aforementioned events may not have actually taken place, but will doubtlessly cause unnecessary controversy. Well, if it worked for The Da Vinci Code….
Ball Does Red-Hot U-turn May 8, 2006
PPT online has been the centre of some controversy as of late, as its guestbook has been the host to many insults thrown back and forth, and it may come as no surprise for PPT members to find that James 'The Nuts' Ball is at the centre of the issue.
Ball recently made a very polite and courteous guestbook entry inviting PPT to check out the website for his new band, 'Panama Downs'. Instead of initially commenting on the band, PPT firstly took issue with the extreme politeness of Ball's request - as the Nottingham Ghetto-drummer is famed for his rudeness, sulkiness and laziness.
However, once people started commenting on the music emanating from within Nottingham University, the real Ball came back with vengeance. With insults flying all over the show, Ball was truly on the back foot. However, Adam ‘I’m Not an Emo’ Tree (believed to be on tilt because of the last article) defended Ball and his band. In reply to Tree’s kind words, Ball stated “I respect Tree and his music”. However, controversially, the issue arose that Tree was a self-confessed Red Hot Chilli Peppers Fan.
Rumours arose that Ball had done a sensational U-Turn on his anti-RHCP stand, and people soon started questioning the Tarletoner’s musical position.
In researching the issue, PPT happened to come across the Panama Downs website, and subsequently found that, of all the varied influences of the band, Red Hot Chilli Peppers seemed to arise as the foremost of all influences.
One has to wonder what has happened to Ball to make him change his mind, and what his response to such an issue will be. One also has to wonder when the fuck he plans on paying the £333 he owes Bethell’s mum.
This article has no intention of disrespecting RHCP or their fans. It simply aims to question current affairs within the PPT community.
Tree Books Family-PPT Fortnight April 28, 2006
PPT has recently learned that Adam Tree, a.k.a. 'The Wildcard' has booked a week's holiday the preceding week to the scheduled PPT 2006 tour of tenerife.
Tree has announced that he will not be joining the rest of the PPT in England, and will instead meet PPT in Torviscas Playa Hotel, after his first holiday has came to a close.
Tree's first holiday, which he claims is to be taken with family, will also be in Playas Las Americas, giving The Wildcard ample opportunity to search out the local hotspots for Gibirdi to fail pulling. When his Parents asked why he wasn't coming home with them, Tree replied, in song, "What's the worst that I can say?!? Things are better if I stay...so long, and goodnight..."
Tree has also been subject to controversy recently due to his 'emo' haircut. I for one, however, applaud the style. For I only wish my hair was emo...then it would cut itself.
Tree’s poker exploits have also slowed down, as over the Easter specials, he managed to finish as the highest finisher not to be paid, which is arguably the most disappointing position. Because it was rumoured that Tree was on tilt about the issue, PPT decided to ask how he was feeling.
PPT: So Tree, how are you?
Tree (shouting): I’m not OOOKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It seems to be a distressing time for Tree (pictured above with ‘his kind’). However, with consecutive holidays coming up in little over a month’s time, it isn’t all bad.
Easter Special Tonight! April 19, 2006
After weeks of having everything arranged and even after the last few days where everything went tits up, it seems that the PPT Easter Special is going ahead. The revised location is Bethells House but in a statement last night, James Ball refused to rule out the possibility of being host claiming "Manchester might not be going ahead so I might be able to host."**
Whether this is a tactical ploy by Ball to put everyone on temptation tilt (Insert Tree's Mum joke here) or he actually means it will unfold in due course today.
Going into the event, The Wild Boar will be confident on home soil as well as picking up a victory last week. The Gale-force plays his first game for a while and incidentally will be his first game under his new self-proclaimed title. Chris Bell makes an appearance alongside Manhattan Forshaw and also casino lootist Wildcard Tree, who has been on the record this week expressing his fear of Chris Bell and his ability to lose to K 2 with the hooks!He also added "Ball is a cock." What more inspiration for the Tarleton man to appear tonight and silence Wildcard like a mule.
Another player who has been out of the game for a while is King Kenny Krompton. When asked for his views on the game, he pricked his ass sitting on the fence of barbed wire stating "as an euxton mob neutral, i honestly couldnt give a fuck who wins".
Read here tomorrow the outcome of this event!!
**statements may not be 100% accurate however PPT accepts no liability for the execution of Hadden at Dawn French.
Is The Easter Special going ahead on Wednesday? April 18, 2005
As far as we know, the game is off due to Ball being a bender but rumour has it that an alternate venue is being discussed by the inner ring of PPT. That answer your question?.....hello?.......stop staring at me crazy lady......man i think shes nuts......im gonna go over here now.......RUN AWAY!!!
Voice of Poker Silenced (like a mule) April 14, 2006
Jesse May, 'the voice of poker', has been exposed as the time controlling, billie piper swaggaling, darlek destroying doctor bumbling round in his blue telephone box. Rumours have been flying round the world of poker as players and fans alike pondered how May could be commentating simultaneously at the 888 Poker Cup Of Nations and the PNGPT (Papa New Guinea Poker Tour) final table.
May is expected to take his seat in the commentary box for the Easter Special on the 19th April alongside Eric from Doncaster, who will no doubt be sharing his poker intellect with many around the world. PPT caught up with Eric this week by the bar at a hotel on an unamed Greek island. He offered some words of advice to competitors, "Yeh you might want to stay in the hand until the river every time so you stand more chance of hitting the river and also putting people at the table on tilt." With such wisdom will May be orally overshadowed at this particular event before shooting off to witness the 2142 British Poker Open qualifying matches.
Easter Special Announcement
After lengthy speculation (and unnecessary faffing), the Easter Special has been arranged for Wednesday 19th April. Any PPT members who cannot make the event on this date should let it be known immediately via the guestbook so that an alternate date can be arranged. On the back of strong performances in the "Semi Easter Special", Beals and Bethell will fancy their chances of winning the last event before Summer, and not forgetting Tree and Moll, who have conquered the Leeds poker scene recently. Outsiders include "The Nuts", whose shocking performance at the warm up event saw him leave the table first out of eleven players, many of whom were inexperinced Nottingham newbies. TILT.
PPT member to appear on hit TV show! April 3, 2006
The founder of PPT online otherwise known round the circuit as Gale-force Gibirdi is to appear (in the audience) on deal or no deal!The chorlean will travel down to Bristol on the 11th of April to film the "entertainment drama" (Edmonds, 2006) and subsequently, the easter invitational cannot take place on this date. Any questions for mr noel edmonds should be posted in the guestbook.Thank You!
PPT member blown away by gust of wind! April 2, 2006
Reports just reaching us here at PPT states that a member has been blown away by a gust of wind. The incident was apparently action packed with chips moving from manhattan and being swept up by this gail-force wind, and we are hearing the cause of this may have been a failed "check-raise all-in manouvre". A random stickman with a baseball bat seemed to be the happiest man on the planet after the events stating "HWWWWWWWWWWW".
This is not the greatest poker player in the world, this is just a tribute...
PPT under threat?
The PPT's could potentially be under threat from a new league in the professional ranks called the professional poker tour, a recent article suggests this league will feature all the best players on the circuit ( cue ball sayin 'thats me then' ) and will surely be an event to keep an eye on. Heres a thought, because ben made t-shirts with PPT displayed on it, we could claim it is an infringement of copyright law for them to steal our name. Maybe this is Gibs only chance to make sum actual cash?
Mid Week Warm-Up Possible
PPT's very own gambling tycoon, Adam Tree, is understood to be examining the possibility of scheduling a warm-up poker game this week, most likely to be Wednesday 5th April.
The proposed event will come as a welcome game for those PPT members who play little or no poker at their universities.
There are still some players believed to be at University, such as Mark 'The Analyser' Holden, along with some, such as a Mr. C 'Gailforce' Gibundle, who are not at university (despite being under the impression they are themselves).
People should contact Tree if they require any details concerning the poker event.
In completely unrelated news, Durex are expected to release and new industrial strength condom, made from firm and sturdy whale skin. The brand is expected to be called 'Antii-Hallam'. However, reports indicate that this new product is still only 10% successful amongst the Hallam population; the reason for this being proposed to be that 80% of Hallam students have never heared of a condom, and of the 20% that have, half of those feel that they would not be acting in the best interest of Sheffield Hallam University if they were not to spread STD's around the country like wild fire.
The new brand of condom has been welcomed by Chris Gibirdi, who is used to pulling his share of beach whales anyway.
PPT would like to remind players of the Easter Special event to state in the Guestbook which dates they would prefer and for which they are unavailable.
Balls to Throw Bash for Charity March 28, 2006
In a press conference held earlier today, the Ball family announced that they intend to use the joint party of Charmay and Jessica Ball to give a helping hand to those less fortunate than themselves.
When asked how they intended to help those in need, James Ball explained that they would provide some badly needed custom for Park Hall's events suite.
Since Nick Crowther (drinks discounting extraordinaire) left Park Hall for greener pastures (Chorley Tesco), Park Hall, also known as 'The Rave-Cave', and 'The Last Resort', has been on a downward spiral of empty dance floors (except for Tony - who will doubtless be buried in the Rave-Cave (presumably resulting in the 'Rave-Tomb' being the new term of address).
A variety of reasons have been apparent for the 'PH' demise, such as rip-off pricing from Eccleston Taxi's, the bright(er) lights of Preston, and a bald twat of a DJ but to name a few.
However, rumoured to stem from a bizarre sentimentality still held by the Balls from better days gone by, the choice to hold a 300+ event at Park Hall has been welcomed with open arms by many, who appreciate that Park Hall, given the right people, DJ's, and cut-price lifts off Ben Ward or Jen 'Bongo' Cawley, can still be capable of hosting a good old knees-up.
The Event is scheduled for Friday 7th April, and representatives from the fair trade organisation are to attend, subsequently leading to rumours that the drinks to be served throughout the evening are to be supplied from 3rd World regions, such as Kenya, Ethiopia, Uganda and Nottingham. Under standard Fair Trade regulations, designed to help such regions, the lager is expected to be brewed by sweaty wife-beating slave-labourers urinating into barrels, which are then left to ferment in the hot sun for a month, thus resulting in your standard batch of Stella Artois.
James Ball is not known for his affiliations with any activities remotely associated with charity, and so it can be safely assumed that he did not take part in the decision making for the event.
However, ‘The Nuts’ has extended an invitation to PPT members (this could be argued to be charitable – but in fear of this factor contradicting my previous assumption I will simply ignore this possibility), and has furthermore scheduled drinking games to be held at the Poker Den soon after, which will doubtlessly result in hurlage of a spu-tacular amount.
As people are starting to arrive back from their respective universities, this may well be the first gathering of PPT members in an alcohol-based environment, and shall hopefully be a worthwhile event.
Disclaimer: If anyone is offended by the fair-trade comments, then please do not hesitate to contact me at i-love-monopolistic-trade@screwing-foreigners.com.
PPT would however like to disassociate any comments made by Adam Tree in recent weeks; the racist bastard.
PPT member with racism allegations!
Recently PPT member the wildcard has been threatened with perminent exclusion from university for allegations of racism that are so random that even ball may be able to laugh about them. When first getting to his accommodation the wildcard got on well with all but one flatmate ( southern bitch who needs to be killed ), often the flatmates would stay in getting pissed and in general havin a laugh. With one flatmate being half indian ( which you cannot even tell ), The flatmate is question is called carmen. On one of the said nights of getting pissed carmen herself came up with the term niggerbitch and this term was then used in a non offensive way to describe everyone. Here another member of the story entered, Matt, who is my flatmate Kates boyfriend, he is constantly round and now is jus bloody annoying. Matt thought it would be funny to write carmen is a niggerbitch on the fridge, all flatmates found this funny. As time went on me and my flatmate Calum started to realise how annoying all the girls were in the flat with there cleaning rotas and what not, so in the end we stopped talking to them. Being the annoying bints that they are they started leaving notes like clean this, dnt do this, etc, so me and calum decided to take the bin bag, and put it outside carmens room as a half joke / half fuk u statement, Carmen took this personally and me and calum got a note from unipol sayin they needed to see us for a meeting, we thought wat a fkin joke but in the end we found out that on the wall in the living room someone had written in small writing ' carmen is a niggerbitch ' which was obviously done while we were all mates in the flat. But seeing as how we dnt get on anymore, carmen told unipol it was me and calum and that we had done it in a racist way, even going so far as going home, making up a story to her dad about how she is to afraid to come back to uni and having her dad threaten us with phoning the police, so we went to unipol and had to have individual meetings with the unipol people, who jus so happened to both be 'african american', after telling ourside they didnt believe us and said that the matter would be passed on, and we face perminent exclusion, and then the matter is passed on to the police. Being in a state of disbelief me and calum started walkin home wen we decided it could only have been calum wen he was pissed one night. So we went back and explained it, and now we await sentencing from unipol....is this the end for The Wildcards uni experience?........... well no because calum took the blame but still what a little bitch that carmen is!
Holiday 2006 with PPT March 26, 2006
After days of uncertainty, the week ends with the news that PPT will be venturing to Tenerife's very own Playa de las Americas this summer. The Torviscas Playa hotel will be stage for no doubt a few PPT European Open tournaments amongst other things. Lets just hope that randomers such as Eric from Doncaster stay as far away from the venue as possible. Many thanks to the Wild Boar who has gone ahead booking the holiday and all payments should get to him no later than the 28th April. Bring it on fellas!!!!
The Truth
The rumours are true....the shed that is the accent has been uncovered in a literal sense of originally being white. PPT owner The Wild Boar went to extreme lengths to ensure the discretion of his auto-mobiles real identity but has been foiled by a certain mr annonymous, not wanting to reveal his identity......which is ironic. Bethell is said to be laying low for a few weeks and getting his head sorted out for the upcoming PPT easter special to be held sometime soon.
The Gailforce of Tilt...
Since Gibirdi's pic exhibited all the pixel quality of a spectrum...
The Force
Coming to a poker game near you......
(thats me randomly in the form of a tornado taking out tree...in the form of a human)
Rich List Beckons For Wildcard March 23, 2006
PPT's own Adam Tree, has now become the highest earner of the Tour after winning a further £300, to add to his bulging wallet, already filled with notes still warm from his previous winning exploits.
Tree has been subject to much criticism over the years, be it for his unethical poker style, or his pink hair (now believed to be, in his own words, 'emo'), but the Euxtoner formerly known as 'The Udders' has been doing some serious milking of his own.
The standard of the Leeds poker scene has been called into question by some PPT members, who are still coming to terms with the fact that the player they saw as the person to exploit for chips in times of need, has now become somewhat of a poker force.
The tattoo-clad Leeds Met student will head into the yet-to-be-arranged PPT Easter Special riding a wave consisting of 'hundred-dollar bills' and more chips than you could wave Lisa Riley at.
PPT (excluding some more bitter members) would like to extend their congratulations to Mr. Tree, and consequently Mr. P Townsley (rumoured to still be milking of Tree's success - well - old habits die hard...)
With players starting to return from University for Easter, we can now look forward to the events such as the joint party of Charmay and Jessica Ball, where their brother will no doubt hit on all the friends of his sisters, and subsequently deny any such actions.
The PPT-online guestbook would now prove a useful medium for scheduling the proposed 'Easter Special, and players are advised to propose preferred dates.
Runshaw Snooker League webmaster Adrian Ward has also revealed that he is nearing completion of a special guest PPT article, coming soon...
Moll Needs You March 15, 2006
PPT's very own Chris Molyneux needs you...to vote for this awesome track 'Regret, its too late' in a national competition which could lead to a record deal with EMI!!see guestbook for details!
holiday 2006! March 9, 2006
now then, I thought this better be put up on the site to gain notice as some people were still gaining their education from mr "i am here to hyyyelp you" Gaitatzis when they last made an entry in the guestbook. Just a quick notice about who wants to be part of the annual PPT 7 day bender on the continent.We need people to place their views on when and when we go aswell as price range etc!places being mentioned to get the action going in the small blind we have corfu or on the BB we got tenerife (playa de las americas, looks awesome......no bias coming from the author......i regret nothing!!!!!!!)all views appreciated and hopefully we can get this show on the road!
Ball gets shot!
Many warnings were given, many examples were shown, manys pimps were pimpin ( besides the point ), but still, PPT member James Ball went to Nottingham. Upon entering the city every student is issued a bullet proof vest. But with Balls pride even going before his own safety, he simply stated 'I dont need a god dam bullet proof vest for god sake' In the early hours of Wednesday morning Ball was out for a stroll looking for some tramps to moan at when out of nowhere a man who looks shockingly like Lumpa came out a lapdancing club, and turned on his fellow PPT member. Allegations of tension between the tarleton mob are as yet unconfirmed however upon entering an ambulance Ball issued a statement 'tilt...........dam bullet..........notingham is still the best student city.......o for god sake this ambulance is only a 1.8 diesal the bloody accent could get me there quicker' Fellow PPT members have attempted to visit Ball in hospital, however upon entering Nottingham feared for there own lives and decided it would be best for everyone to just leave him there to moan at the nurses. Ball is currently in a critical condition but the doctors have said they are optimistic, whether this means they are optimistic for him to pull through, who knows!
'Mr X' Unleashes The Fury
The above image shows a certain person who likes to spend his free time in Applejacks, Chorley. The person in question may or may not be the leading writer for a rival leaguelineup site, and may or may not have entered a rant in the guestbook on Monday 6th March 2006. This person, whoever they may (or may not) be, can stick his or her copyright law knowledge up their poker-hating (or poker-loving) behind.
There are many questionable areas about the article, however, one thing is for certain. This person IS on TILT.
Don't mess with PPT members. Now go drown your sorrows in A(pple)J(ack)s...
Ball On Tilt
James Ball has recently expressed his severe displeasure at Tree’s recent victorious poker spree. The Tarletoner has little in the way of winnings to his name, and, as a known sufferer of OCMD, he has unsurprisingly unleashed a scathing attack upon ‘Wildcard’.
Whilst most PPT members are discussing more important issues such as another Corfu trip, or Xbox360’s, ‘The Nuts’ has been hung up over the fact that Tree (and Pete by way of a £50 donation) have come into money. Of the incident, Tree explained, “I expected ridicule from Ball, as he will always find a way to criticise the poker exploits of other PPT members. In fact, no one can do right in Ball’s eyes, which leads me to the impression that he has a deep psychological battle raging in his psyche, and that he has struggled to come to terms with his true self. Either that, or he’s just a moaning bastard”.
Such strong words from The Wildcard cannot be taken lightly, as this PPT member has now proved himself to be one of the biggest winners on the PPT circuit, and has shown that putting all your poker-financing eggs into one casino’s ‘sit & go’ basket of chips can in fact reap great reward in an otherwise meaningless existence.
When asked about what Tree should spend his winnings on, financial experts said that it would be best to invest the funds into the organising of another summer holiday trip to the region of Corfu. The mythical experts also suggest that discussions should soon be held concerning who wants to go, what time of the summer is best and where the trip should be. Suggestions for now can be posted in the guest book.
Disclaimer: Some elements of the above article, such as quotes and opinions, may be paraphrased, or made up entirely.
On Friday the 3rd of March an event took place which is bound to have repercussions for many years to come. Two PPT players entered a casino poker tournament in Leeds. After 7 and a half hours of almost continuous play, both left with something to shout about. Yes, thats right, Adam 'the wildcard' Tree, won a 66 player poker game, and got 268 quid for his troubles. At 3:30 a chip count was due, with the person in the lead taking first place regardless of how much more he had...beating down many players with fearless all in moves, it got down to heads up, with the wildcard trailing slightly to some random moron. First two hands were all ins by The Wildcard and rightly so with KJ and QQ. This went on for about 5 minutes, and then, the actual final hand of the game, random'the dumbass'player went all in risking everything ( maybe he was on tilt ) with pocket 5's....wildcard calls with QQ and predictably wins, never have the words 'what a moron' been more relevent. With a crowd of 30+ watching and commenting The Wildcard could not stay for long signing autographs and giving advice, for he had money to collect. PPT 1 casinos 0, being the nice guy that he is, Adam gave the barnicle 50 quid for waiting after going out about 16th.
Tattoo Tilt March 3, 2006
It seems that Adam Tree isn’t the only PPT member to have wasted a portion of his student loan on a shit tattoo. In a previously unseen photo, we can exclusively reveal that Manchester based student, James Bethell has recently paid a visit to the Middleton Tattoo Studio of Oldham Road in the city. It is so far unclear what the illegible Arabic style scribble on Mr. Bethell’s left arm is meant to represent, however our sources close to the wild boar suggest that it is some sort of homage to the first lady of PPT.
More to follow....
Tree Buys Psychic Feline... February 28, 2006
PPT has discovered that Adam Tree, known in poker circles as “The Wildcard”, has purchased a cat rumoured to have special poker playing abilities.
Tree, currently studying “self desecration” at Leeds University, has made it known that he, Moll and Pete are participating in casino gaming on certain nights, and to enhance his questionable poker ability, Tree has wisely decided to go out of his way to amend his poker weaknesses. The cat, named “Tommy Lee” for undisclosed reasons, is believed to be able to smell the silent-but-deadly scent of a ‘check-raise’ from a range of up to twelve metres away, and hisses when raising the pot is an appropriate move.
When asked of the purchase, Tree explained, “I was monging in my ghetto just chilling with my home boys when my flatmate ‘3-pac’ noted that my poker was ‘worse than a white boy’s slam-dunk’. When I questioned the fact that 3-pac is a white, fat ‘G’ from Essex whose real name was ‘Cecil’ he cried, and that’s when I knew that I had to make some serious lifestyle changes. I had to realise that I needed to grow up, so I went straight to Leeds City Centre to get a big manly tattoo so that I would be respected.”
When reminded that he in no way whatsoever answered the previous question, he then said, “Ah, I came about little Tommy when visiting Adrian Ward. What AJ doesn’t tell people is that he actually runs a second-hand pet shop in Headingly, and he explained that this cat possessed magical poker-power. Having starred in the West-End for six months in ‘Jack and the Beanstalk’ I was well aware of the potential that controversial purchases could lead to. Plus, if Bethell can make buying an Accent into a successful purchase, then anything’s possible. With this in mind, I made the purchase.”
Adrian Ward has since kept a low profile, and sources explain that the story AJ told Tree was “The biggest crock of shit since Ball said Nottingham was a respectable University”. Adrian is believed to be hiding in the North Kent region, hiding out in an abandoned van full of silver bags.
Tree, along with Tommy Lee (both pictured above) are expected to make their debut this Friday in a casino ‘sit & go’ tournament. Poker experts expect that the cat will improve Tree’s game – an opinion held on the logic that absolutely nothing could further diminish his ability (bar the obvious exception of listening to James Ball’s advice).
Mrs Tree fights back! February 20, 2006 - 02:00 PM
After weeks of being missing Mrs Tree has come out of hiding to give her side of the story on the many accusations she has received of late. To protect our interviewers identity we will simply call him C.Gibirdi…..no wait that’s too obvious, Chris. G.. Yes that’s much better.
Chris G – so how do you feel about the many jokes and remarks that have been made about you lately?
Mrs Tree – Well I just think it is completely unneeded, sure I occasionally have sex for money, but its 2006, who doesn’t? and if I want to get involved with pimps n hoe’s who are you to stop me?
Chris G – I agree, well what about the accusation that you recently promoted the spreading of aids?
Mrs Tree – It was just one big misunderstanding, I began a campaign LMPSA ( Lancashire mothers prostitutes spreading aid ), it was intended to raise money for 3rd world countries and send aid there way. However when I was typing up the flyers to hand out I was in the middle of a session with a regular customer, I ended up putting a typo in and the flyers then read Lancashire mothers prostitutes spreading aids. It was all just a big mistake, the biggest of my life id say, well….next to sleeping with ball, but who wouldnt accept 5 million pies for one sex session? It only lasted 30 seconds anyway, bless him.
Chris G – Thanks for clearing that up…...
Mrs Tree – stop trying to feel me up during my answers
Chris G – no
Chris G – So can u reveal any more about the Lancashire mothers prostitution society?
Mrs Tree – Well when we join we are actually sworn to secrecy and to never reveal the identities of other members, but the punishment of being whipped repeatedly doesn’t seem to have the same effect on me as it does to other members, I actually quite enjoy it, you get used to it after spending several sessions with james bethall, o wait have I said to much?
Chris G – not at all do go on.
Mrs Tree – It all started with a simple get together, me and a few others – Mrs Ball, Mrs Bethall, Mrs Townsley getting together for a bit of a piss up, we had a few bottles of ouzo each and quicker than you can say ‘Balls a moaning bugger’, we were at it with each other. After that it was all just a matter of finding a pimp ( James Bethall had a good reputation at the time ) and going from there.
Chris G – well, all I can say is what a great interview, now, heres 5 quid, lets get it on
Mrs Tree – this isn’t Sheffield you cheap bugger, 8.50 please
Chris G – exxxxxxxxcellent.
Hallam Girl Kiss and Tell! February 15, 2006
Shocking revelations this week as another PPT member has fallen foul of the hounds of love!
Chris Gibirdi, founder of PPT online, was a student up until last September, when he sadly joined Sheffield Hallam University.
But, through the use of beer-goggles, Gibundle has managed to become somewhat of a love-rat amongst the Hallam community, and we at PPT are lucky enough to have landed an interview with a local Sheffield girl, part-time student and full time bint, who wishes to remain anonymous (presumably due to the shame of Gibundle-based canoodling).
For the Interview, the girl in question will be code name 'John Gregory' (JG).
PPT: So, how did you come about being a sheffield hallam student"
JG: Well, i've always been interested in studying prostitution, and since I've had only 12 STD's in the last year, I thought I should study the lifestyle at the best 'Intercourse Companion' university in the country ('Intercourse Companion' = 'Fuck Buddy')
PPT: Interesting. So, how did you come across Gibirdi?
JG: Well, it's a funny story really. He made some really funny jokes, and when a hunky peice of male, or gibirdi, makes me laugh, they pretty much have me in the bag already!
PPT: Fascinating. What sort of jokes did he butter you up with?
JG: Well, I asked what music he listened to, and he replied 'Simple Plan' and 'Nickelback' - I couldn't stop laughing!
PPT: Hmm, so he was a bit of a smooth criminal then?
JG: Smooth?! Well, he was charming and all, but that guy is anything but smooth - have you seen the hair on him! Brillo pad comes to mind...
PPT: Ouch. Anyway, do you have any advice for aspiring Sheffield sluts out there?
JG: Yes. Never wear a condom; they give you raibies.
PPT: Hmm...wise words. Well, thank you for your time John
JG: Not a problem. Do you need anything else?
PPT: No. And take your hand out of my pants, Tree's mum owns that area.
Unbelievable - nearly a whole peice without Tree's Mum making an appearance.
Also, PPT fans may (or may not) be interested to know that Runshaw Snooker League founder Adrian Ward is scheduled to write a special peice for PPT, with full access rights to ensure he can liberally express any feelings he has - about poker or any other topics he sees relevant, possibly about the non-updating tilt of Ed Ball and Gibirdi. Or Tree's tatoo (which I still struggle to come to terms with).
Ball also stated he planned to write an article, but such comments are about as reliable as Jean Alain Boumsong stoned.
Forshaw's 'Secret' scandal February 9, 2006
Shocking and saddening news has hit the PPT press this week as it has been revealed that Ed is suffering from the condition known as OCMD (Obsessive Compulsive Moaning Disorder).
Doctors know little about the illness, but it is believed that, such as radiation, if a person is exposed to enough moaning, they will eventually fall foul of the symptoms themselves.
A police investigation is expected in the near future, and bookmakers are giving odds of 1/9999999999 that James Ball will be cast as the prime suspect. The Nottingham-Ghetto based student, when asked about the allegations, replied, "Oh for GOD sake, all you lot do is moan; go and get me my tea and do my laundry and then when you get back I'll entertain you with some repetative and monotonous accent gags, before i eventually move onto the new gags i have formulated about Tree and his new tatoo".
Bookmakers also give Tree commiting suicide as a result of a potential barrage of ball abuse at 10/1 odds.
Ed's new condition is expected to change little at PPT, as fellow members are resigned to the fact that they will develop OCMD as a result of knocking Ball out of poker games.
When asked his views on the matter, Chris Gibirdi said something about "Arctic Monkeys" and "Shit Hot, amazing". Presumably he is explaining that the excrement of a north alaskan ape is good-tasting and spicy (unlike your average Sheffield Hallam girl).
Adrain Ward was asked about the news, but came out with some sort of anti-poker satirical babble bemoaning student trends of the modern day.
Other people suspected of developing OCMD are Jay Bethell, as a result of his recent eratic updating trends, and Tree's mum, who can be heared groaning 24-7. As to what she is growning at, no prizes for guessing.
From all of PPT, best wishes to Ed and Ball in overcoming their difficult situations. And also that they can overcome their OCMD's.
For the moment, administration rights have been denied the public, as Ed would simply edit another story instead of bothering to come up with something original. (Cue AJ making 'flip-flopping' remarks about website policy...oh how very blair of him)
(hmm...quite a rant, OCMD may actually exist after all)
PPT Under Fire February 8, 2006
PPT has come under fire from it's inferior competitors, Runshaw Snooker League.
In a recent story, RSL claimed the following: "PPT Online has been updated. If you follow the link in the guestbook, you can spot an exciting new change whereby the main news story now has a picture of an egg overlaid on the previous picture of a Hyundai Accent. The text for the article has also changed slightly. This method of editing is known as the "Hi, we're Long-View, and this is another version of our popular single 'Further' " effect. Keep those quality updates coming lads (when you've finished coming last in korfball / saying 'tilt' all the time)..."
Firstly, I have to agree with the writer, as Ed's lazy and libellous actions do put the site in a poorer state, as he, along with Ball, have nothing important to say, other than 'tilt' and such.
However, it is still a little rich of RSL to question the content of this site, as currently their own site is trawling through history and unearthing articles and content some of which is from last millenium, such is their desperation in their quest for contemporary content with which they can fill their (cob)web page!
Adrian Ward has to take a long hard look at himself and ask himself whether or not RSL is worth all of the trouble, and whether or not he should become a full-tme writer for the much more democratic setup at PPT. The Thatcher-esque autocratic running of RSL simply does not correspond sufficiently with society today - people want a say, which they get with PPT (although admittedly they choose not to). All eyes will be on Mr. Ward to see if he sees the light and 'folds' RSL, and buys himself into the never-ending hustle and bustle of PPT.
We don't even mind if he's an alcoholic really.
A Word From The Wiser!
For all of those PPT and RSL members out there who have transport difficulties, let me share with you the cause of all of life's problems.
The Hyundai Accent, with it's crap, rough looks, bumbles across the roads in a manner befitting a 007 agent's arse.
It is simply common knowledge that cars such as the Ford Focus, Ford Fiesta, Citroen Saxo and Tree's bucket-car, along with his mum's pimpette-mobile, and of course the Accent, are all the cause of much mobility based ridicule.
The solution is simple, and is actually a well-known fact throughout the world of those claiming unofficial auto-mobile expertise. The Hyundai Accent destroys your life. Fact.
One can only pray that the lost souls out there owning such transportable travesties of motoring will soon see the light, and join the up-and-coming Land Rover bandwagon.
Take your life, rather than get an Accent.
Sven-esque Scandal Breaks at RSL!
It is my sad duty to inform you that problems have arisen over at our very good friends, the Runshaw Snooker League.
Site Founder and Co-Master Adrian Ward has fallen foul of the ravaging problem of alcoholism. Local gossip Mr. William Pope, who wishes to remain anonymous, explained that 'Adrian has been battling with a drinking problem for about two years now, and has been seeking private help for the last six months'.
Mr. Ward was forced to come clean about his turmoil after RSL members were pressuring him to come clean, or they would withdraw their website support. Although Adrian Ward has claimed to be clean for about two months, the above image shows him enjoying a smooth pint of Tetleys' goodness at the party of Daniel Hogg on 29th December.
Of the news, Mr. Hogg explained "I had my suspicions that something was not quite right with AJ, as Ben has been driving the Wards around nights out far more than usual, whilst AJ has been drinking himself silly, proclaiming his love for Burnley and Rolf Harris".
AJ has since decided to host a webmaster election, and declared that he will stand for it, although sceptics say they expect him to resign in the coming days.
Benjamin Ward is widely expected to stand in the election; the co-master being more than capable of becoming the sole-editor of the site.
Although Adrian's satirical expertise will be missed if he were indeed to resign, the RSL readers will be safe in the knowledge that the articles they read will not be written by someone with more ethonol running through their veins than ball has bitterness running through his.
PPT would like to extend their best wishes to Adrian, and hope that he can recover from his difficult situation.
The official candidates for the RSL webmaster position are: Adrian Ward, Benjamin Ward, Rick Sherliker, and the members' favourite, Charles Kennedy.
Tree's Mum Hits Back
In a sensational turn of events Mrs. Tree has broke her silence (when not groaning in orgasmic pleasure).
Following several weeks of being the centre of all jokes, at Tree's expense (who, to be fair, has coped with the constant ridicule of Ball's sub-standard jokes in an admirable manner), the not-so-desperate housewife has came to the defense of all things Tree. She had a good old..bark..at PPT members, claiming "You punk-ass bitches aint got shit on ol' Mrs. Tree...Bitch!". She then, in a convenient change of lexical selection, proceeded to explain "I had a couple of things with some of Tree's mates, yeah, but who hasn't been felt up by Gibirdi on a drunken binge in Sheffield?. I was also asked to Ball's flat, but after being shot more times than fiddy, i thought better of it - it seems like when I'm around, gangsta's can't help but shoot their loads. Bloody Robin Hood bumming G's".
Such statements have been responded to with criticism, and an official Nottingham University spokesman, when questioned by the local press, said, "please, pull that gun outta my face".
On a lighter note, Mrs. Tree shared that she had recently shared a plane flight with none other than the Pope! She explains, "I was sat in my first-class seat, funded by Ball's latest visit for some good S&M, when his holiness sat beside me, with a crossword in hand. I fancy myself as a bit of a crossword buff, and so, when he later asked me for help, I was more eager than a visit from 'Sexy Pete' Townsley". She goes on to explain, "he turned to me and said 'four letter word, to do with a woman, ends in U N T. Any idea?'. Well, I was of course very close to blurt the first thing that sprang to mind, but in a brief moment of clarity, explained that 'the answer is aunt'. His holiness nodded thankfully, saying 'aah of course. hmm..you don't have an eraser by any chance?'".
A truly inspirational story to all the devout catholics out there. For the record, no, Tree's mum did not have physical relations with the Pope. I refuse to burn in hell writing this...I'll settle for pergury.
Tree's mum says that she plans to keep a lower profile over the coming months, and by the summer, hopes that Ball's limited joke range will once again focus solely on the accent.
The usual suspects however managed to avoid such a feat as Gibirdi sidelined through illness and Tree....well not challenging as much, stayed away from the majority of the devils juice. In fact the main consumers were Gallagher and Bethell who both disappeared into the Tarleton Moors (or the field outside) to release litres of vomit, Bethell in particular who was found in a heap next to the greenhouse in the early hours covered in his own stomach juice. Another player to fall was The Barnacle, usually classed as heavyweight although to be fair he was fined on a number of occassions.
These events tho surely shall purely be classed as a warm up for new years eve as the drinking game returns here on ESPN 8 "The Ocho"....
That'l Be The Dale.... December 22, 2005
Certain PPT members have been showing off their pole dancing skills at an unnamed shoddy local nightspot.....suit you...
Townsley .... human? December 22, 2005
PPT officials have been alerted of a new species of living being on the circuit. Players have been warned to stay away from this creature especially when raised approx 30-50 after the flop....
Manchestaaaaa
...You could wait for a lifetime, to spend your days in the (manchester) sunsheeiiine...
Nottingham sucks!
Hallam too!
Christmas cracker!!!! November 25, 2005
Christmas is fast approaching and what better way for PPT members to welcome the festive season than with a session of what we all do best………laugh at the accent. However in a bid save valuable eggs for festive puddings rather than windscreens in the run up to Christmas, rumour has it that the accent is to step aside for a Christmas special of that beautiful game…..Poker!!!
Wherever you have been playing your poker over the last few months few venues can simulate the tension and banter of the baze clad table of Ball’s poker den. Which, as you may have guessed is the inevitable venue suited to host an event of such magnitude, comparable only to the chip stack of the Nuts.
The long awaited return to top level poker should be an easy transition for players at the peak of their game, such as the nuts(winning 2 of the past 3 hall games), the wild boar and Lumpa (both coming in at impressive positions in local tournaments). However in contrast, player such as the Udders, Barnacle and Manhattan may relish the opportunity to shake off the developing cobwebs and the memories of uni bad beats. Manhattan in particular busting out amongst the first handful of people in a 60 person tournament, disappointing even by his standards. The Christmas special will also recommence age old banter between Tarleton mob faithfuls such as BFJ, Lumpa, Beals, Ian and Nuts against their inferior yet committed opponents including Manhattan, the boar, Tiltmeister and the like. The session will also allow for Ed and Bethel to tell other members just how much Manchester university sucks, members wishing to listen to the whole talk my want to request a bed in advance.
Anyway enough of the pre match banter from me, I am sure the guestbook will accommodate for anyone wishing to comment on/discuss this article in depth. May I also remind members the guestbook is always available to suggest corrections to the potential Christmas special date (stated below), you will also find the usual uneducated rubbish and random fictional characters making wild, yet strangely accurate suggestions e.g. the “Poker Gods” (thought to be Bethel) and the onset of the festive season seems to have even tempted Santa to sign the guestbook (may I suggest members ask him to bring Bethel a new car)?!?!?
I am suggesting Tuesday 20th of December as the provisional date, keep it free.
Thanks for you attention and may I suggest members show their appreciation by any means they see fit to Manhattan (bethel your not that desperate!) for the quality collage of poker greats. Hopefully I may request one of various pictures of me collecting the Christmas special pot!
Goods luck to all in what ever your doing in the run up to the event!
The Nuts.
Murphy's Trip announced November 13, 2005
It was today announced that on Tuesday 15th December, PPT members will travel to the home of Gibundai, Sheffield, to witness the aesthetically wonderful Dropkick Murphys.
Anyone wanting tickets to the gig should contact Jay or Gibirdi. Tickets will be purchased on sat/19th or sun 20th of November.
A night out in Sheffield may also be on the cards, so dust of those rockport shoes and burberry caps, we're hitting the steely streets of the 'owls' and 'blades' (the latter being a more appropriate name for the streets of nottingham).
Also, let's hear some poker stories in the guesbook - ball needs to know he isn't the only one losing games every week...
Guess whos back! November 10, 2005
when i was just a little boy
I asked my mother
What shall I be?
Should I Be Hallam?
Should I be Uni?
Heres what she said to me...
Wash your mouth my son!
Your going to Hallam
So get ur fathers gun
an shoot the uni scum!
SCUM SCUM SCUM
The one and only... November 4, 2005
Just so we don't have to look at that bloody ass, here is a tribute to the world's finest poker player, Doyle Brunson.
(posted by Ball)
Ass! October 20, 2005
We all love ass!
Wednesday night £100 Freeroll October 12, 2005 - 07:30 PM
With Ed (Hello Sailor!) and Bethell (Y.M.C.A!) both absent due to the England match, Lumpa took to the table on his own on wednesday night. Of the 8 players on the table, Lumpa found himself the 2nd least experienced player, yet still managed to take a healthy chip lead after his 3 10's beat an 'experienced'players foolish call with a pair of queens.
Without many great hands, Lumpa was forced into a conservative game, but when the tables merged he still moved table with the greatest stack. However, with blinds increasing dramatically the poker gods suddenly abandoned the youngster. A run of nearly 20 hands in which the best was 10-5 off suit saw Lumpa's stack dwindling down substantially.
With but 4 blinds worth of chips left, the manouver was made, with Lumpa in on A-9 of spades against the hooks. After a raggedy-ass flop and turn it was left to the river, but nothing appeared. Lumpa left the arena dismayed, having needed 1 spade or an ace from the last card, which turned out to be the deuce of hearts. A 10th place finish from 37 starters, and from the most difficult starting table saw Lumpa leave with his pride, but apparently not with the backing of the poker gods.
Down but NOTT out! October 11, 2005
Nottingham students are this week slowly coming to terms with the shock result of being beaten in the much coveted PPT online poll by Manchester university. Harbouring young talented academics such as ‘Manhattan’ Forshaw…. and ‘the wild boar’ bethell….cough, cough…
However prospective and current Nottingham students can regain some pride in these uncertain times. The ‘Times (newspaper) Good University Guide 2006’ has placed Nottingham (12) 4 places higher than Manchester university in its top 100 universities. Sources suggest the arrival of the ‘nuts’ Ball may have secured the prestigious university its current high.
Although critics may argue that such a guide is trivial compared to the credibility and vigorous research that went into composing the current PPT poll. After all a group of poker bums voting (often with no evidence to back up there opinion) for there most favoured university is a much more valid source of information.
Just for the record Sheffield Hallam university came in at number 67, a short drop from the dizzy heights of 68 last year. Also UCLAN once a strong competitor against the Oxbridge domination slipped dramatically up to number 86. However it did regain a foothold after receiving full marks on an inspection of its trivial studies department.
Manchester pips Nottingham in survey October 9, 2005
In a recent survey, the members of the PPT voted that Manchester was the finest of the universities, as many had predicted.
The results were:
Manchester 29
Notts 28
UCLAN 3
Leeds 2
Leeds MET 1
Other 1
Sheffield Hallam 0
A spokesman for UCLAN, said that everyone associated with the university were "delighted" with the results.
Also a spokesman for Sheffield Hallam revealed the results had "far exceeded their expectations".
A spokesman for Nottingham was shot.
Warning
All random comments should be made in the guestbook, not as a breaking news article on the main page. The news titled 'Lacking Inspirtation' has been deleted.
PPT duo in Manchester opener October 6, 2005
Two of the Preston Poker Tour's finest members, Wild Boar and Manhattan, were on show last night in their first official University game, situated on the top floor of the student union. Mark "The Anal-yser" Holden failed to turn up for the game claiming he was "ill", and therefore unable to participate. L/W.
48 players crammed round 6 tables, (they only get 20 max at Nottingham) and play begun with the top 5 players taking a share of the £48 pot.
After playing fairly tight and stealing blinds, Manhattan looked up at Ah-10h and raised about 20% from late position. After a stream of folds, a newbie with long curly hair on BBlind, who had received heavy abuse for fucking up the shuffling, called. The flop came down J-Q-K, all of different suits, the nuts for Forshaw. Toploader raised and MH flat called, looking to milk the enthusiastic (crap) newbie. Turn was a 3h, actually giving Forshaw the nut flush draw too. Toploader raised, MH re-raised all in, toploader called, and showed Q-3 offsuit, two pair....river was a 3. TILT. After questioning why he called preflop with Q3off, he replied "Why not? I won".
Wild Boar continued with a fluctuating chip stack, one time being the chip leader before going out pocket 6s vs pockets 10s. (I think, Bethell fill in the details).
(There is another game next Wednesday Lumpa)
Post stories of all your defea...matches should I say from your respective games.
Wild Boar Celebrates Birthday September 30, 2005
PPT member and local bum James "The Wild Boar" Bethell today celebrates his 19th birthday, ending what has been a frustrating year for the Mawdsleyite at the poker table. Bethell will no doubt be looking for improved performances as he joins the Manchester Uni poker society, testing his skills (or lack of them) against some of the finest students in the land.
(Chip stack not to scale)
Congratulations!
More Operators Required
The decision to include a further member for the website running has been taken. The member, preferably of the Tarelton Mob, would provide a wider range of player knowledge, in addition to further dynamics to be added to the PPT team.
Chances are, you can big yourself up, slate other players, and no one can do a damned thing about it. You can even edit Ball's dumb ass guestbook entries if you so wish.
e-mail jaynufc@hotmail.com or state on the guestbook if you want to take a controlling hand - the power of this site brings a huge rush! (To be fair, the site still gets a large number of hits, despite lack of updates).
Even Ball will be given the administrators password if he so wishes, and to be honest, i have no problems with the site being completely democratic - multiple administrators would be welcome. I havent consulted Gibirdi, but from what i've heared about Sheffield, he'll be too busy snaggling local bints to care about this site in the near future.
Anyway, I'm off to shoot Vince Van Patten, happy playing!
Mobs and Crews Falter Against Individualism August 6, 2005
With much of the focus surrounding last Friday's game revolving around the proposed 3-tabler, the league's members were all eager to make a strong show.
Ball played host to Ed, Pete, Tree, Gibirdi, Bethell, Moll, Beales and Ian in a fast-paced game that skittled down to heads-up action before the stroke of midnight.
Although Bethell had a strong chip lead for the most of the game, in earlier stages, things were not so bright. In a hand that saw 3 spades on the flop, Bethell riased Ball the most of his stack, only for Ball to re-raise all in. Bethell folded a pocket pair of black 9s, and lost most of his stack to Ball, who also had a black pocket pair of Jacks.
The first all-in of the night saw Bethell making a move after succumbing to Ball's pocket jacks, and when Pete called with Ace Queen, many of the players at the table thought it was to be another weak showing from Bethell in recent weeks. When Bethell revealed Ace King, and consequently doubled up after a 'raggedy-ass flop', he saw himself back in the game.
After a typically aggressive start, Moll usually finds himself either with a strong chip lead, looking down at the futile pittances of other contestants, or struggling in a sea of chips against the strong waves of the blinds. Unfortunately for him, on Friday, it was the latter of the two situations. When Eventually going all in with a King high, he ran into Bethell's first pair of pocket-aces of the night. Bethell re-raised all in, and the community cards prooved no help for the Big Friendly Jamaican.
Beales was the next player to exit, in very unfortunate circumstances. With a flop showing two Kings, Beales found himself with three of a kind kings, with a seven kicker. Meanwhile, Bethell had 3 Kings, but with only a 3 kicker. After strong raising from Beales after the flop, and again after a raggedy turn card, were both called, the river showed a 3, giving Bethell a full house. Bethell moved all-in and Beales found himself pot-committed, and called.
The most dramatic hand of the night saw Tarleton's third player fall. Bethell and Ian were both in for a flop of 7,8,J. Bethell again pushed his entire stack forward, and was again called. Bethell showed Pocket Jacks, and Ian revealed 9,10, giving him a straight from 7 to Jack. With the Turn and River to come, a 7,8,Jack or running value cards were needed to give Bethell the best hand. After a 9 on the turn, the river showed a fourth Jack for Bethell, giving him four of a kind. Ian left the arena and didn't look back.
After mostly uneventful games, Pete and Tree drifted out, soon followed by Ed.
This left Ball and Gibirdi going all-in against each other on a number of occasions, battling it out for heads-up play. When Ball went all-in, hoping for a steal, he ran into Bethell's third set of pocket Aces of the night. When Ball revealed the old-school hand, 7 2, he knew his participation for the night had came to a close.
This left Gibirdi and Bethell to battle out heads up. Gibirdi wasted no time in puishing his chips forward, going all-in in the first hand. Bethell called with Jack Ten, only to be struck down by Gibirdi's pocket Kings. From then on, Gibirdi continuously went all-in, stealing hefty 100 blinds from Bethell, until he actually found himself 120 chips ahead. At this point, Bethell found Ace Jack, and when Gibirdi again went all-in with pocket 6's, the game went down to a coin-flip situation. The third card of the flop showed a Jack, and gave Bethell all but 120 chips. With Gibirdi blind all in, and Bethell calling blind, the cards were dealt face-up to show if Bethell could take the pot majority of £35, with second place claiming £10. Bethell hit a pair of 6's, and the game was wrapped up by 12.30.
Since the event, Ed, Gibirdi and Tree have all dealt with their losses in a similar manner. Hurling around the grounds of Ball's house. Lightweights.
The Three-tabler is still supposedly going ahead, but members are becoming increasingly sceptical about this supposed probability.
3 tabler?! August 1, 2005
The banter has begun concerning the three table event soon to hit the PPT (see guestbook) with the Tarleton Mob, Croston Crew and newly founded, single membered Chorley Boys locking horns verbally. Suggested dates for the events should be entered into the guestbook so that a poll can be made!
Other issues to be resolved include the third editor of the prestigous website. Any volunteers should make themselves heard quickly as demand for the position is soaring... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@
Quick note, sometime during this week a game is being held by the Barnacle. Seats are available either contact Tiltmeister or the man himself (pete) to confirm your appearance!
Laters!!
Gibirdi Bummed By Newbie
Shocking events occured at cockel-pickersville (a.k.a. Morecambe) this weekend. Gibirdi got bent and bummed. Check the guestbook for the details, as i were not present, and gibirdi sure as hell wont report the event.
There has yet to be official confirmation of the proposed date for the 3 table event, and members are beginning to have doubts over whether or not the epic will ever materialise.
There have also been a number of games played over the last week, that have not been reported. Results include a game at P'P'P's house in Preston (PPP for Paul 'poker' Parkinson). Ed was victorious over Lumpa at the end of play. Ed also hosted a game, in which Pete (represented by Moll after leaving early) managed to win heads-up against Bethell.
Ball hosted on Friday night, with Ball, Lumpa and Pete splitting the £45 pot.
Hopefully the site can keep up to date with all of the forthcoming poker events, and can inform people of fixtures and results. Furthermore, PPT online has made the executive decision to recruit another administraitor. Anyone interested (who plays) can put themsleves foreward for the post in the guestbook.
You will be paid fuck all, as that is what we get for spending our time sorting things on this. Well, I tell a lie; you will get abuse for infrequent updating, misrepresentation, or even speling mistakes. Petty Bastards. ('speling' was a joke for the more pedantic of the readers out there).
Anyway, happy playing!
AVI2 ends in 4-way split July 27, 2005
The Astley Village Invitational 2 ended in a four-way split pot with Doctor Dunk and Tiltmeister sharing the majority of the £45 pot with Barnacle and The Nuts claiming their money back.
The first major action of the night saw Tree losing a sizeable pot to Rob with Tree unfortunate to lose with the nut flush to Robs Full House. Rob failed to capitalise on his chip lead and lost an all in against the Barnacle - Rob showing KQ and Pete AQ. The Q hit, with the A kicker "taking the beef".
Newbie Daz was next to fall, after playing defensively on debut, and unfortunately losing the first pot of the night to Tiltmeister, he hit the hooks with his all in called by Doctor Dunk who showed the snowmen (88). An 8 hit on the flop and Daz was eliminated.
Wildcard Tree's night ended with the most cruel yet to others humourous defeat at the hands of newbie Belly. Trees all in on JJ was called bizzarely by Belly with K 5, with the K coming good yes you guessed it, on the river!
After a steady game, The Wild Boar finished the night in 6th position after the community cards revealed 4 diamonds, the last being on the river, giving both Bethell and Doctor Dunk flushes. The question was who had the higher flush with the answer being the Doctor with the A of diamonds and Bethell the Q.
The final player to exit the game was debutant Belly after an impressive and yet contraversial game in parts (the Wildcard incident!!) he was knocked out by Doctor Dunk after his A 2 was beaten by Dunks Ace with higher kicker.
The final four (Tiltmeister, Barnacle, The Nuts and Doctor Dunk) remained until the 1am cut off time with the only major shift in chips being the Barnacle losing and all in sitaution with Tiltmeister. After hitting a set of fours on the flop, Tiltmeister moved all in with Barnacle calling with a nut flush draw, which he missed. The rest of the night saw Dunk and Gibirdi being the only gamblers with Barnacle doubling his stack once but finishing with just under the startin amounts.
Coming Soon!!Tuesday 26th July July 24, 2005
The biggest tournament on the PPT circuit is back with potentailly a set of fresh faces. With high profile names such as Manhattan Forshaw dropping out, the door is open for other players from in and around the circuit to impress. A debut has been handed to both Daz from Go Karts and Chris Bell. Names confirmed for the tournament are Tiltmeister the host, Doctor Dunk and Conundrum Bethell. There are seats still to be taken so any interest should be confirmed with host Gibirdi.
Corfu 8 Return July 13, 2005
Eight of the Preston Poker Tour's gambling members returned from a week long stay in the Greek isle of Corfu on Saturday.
Along with the more predictable activities of getting hammered every night, or insulting the locals, more noteable activities included playing the hotel bingo twice - and winning the jackpot on both occasions - a feat which landed the crew a cool €750 between them. Alas, Bingo was not the only game which involved the needless throwing away of money. Plenty of poker was also played, in a series of games which saw Ball have a good tour, Ed and Bethell breaking even, and a 50 year old man called Eric from doncaster, hitting multilple rivers, and stealing all of our not-so-hard-earned money.
Now that Pete, Tree, Ed, Jay, Ben, Ball, Crompton and Gibirdi have returned from the Greek Isles, and a number of the Tarleton Mob due back from Dublin in the upcoming days, attention will most likely shift to Beals, who has been away in India since February, teaching local school pupils valuable knowledge with which they can better themselves, such as the art of the check-raise for example...
A thought may be shared for Crompo however, as on the very day that he returned from the Corfu Poker Tour (where he was by far the hardest partier), he was being shipped off to Germany for a two week period with the Territorial Army. I say you 'may' share a thought, because he will be getting paid in the region of £500 for his two weeks. Bastard.
Sources suggest that the next game to be held will be this coming Friday, which will see a healthy mix of former Newman and Runshaw players, and when this game is confirmed, you will be sure to hear it here.
PPT online is once again up and running.
G G G G G UNIT
Bethell Hits Back
Bethell has hit back at his critics over his 'contra' and 'wild' long hairstlye, by taking the unorthodox approach of..getting a hair cut.
Bethell, who will be appearing with the aim of "getting shit-faced" on tuesday, has stated that he believes Lumpa will steal the show, with Ed and Ian close behind.
Players are advised to get to ball's before 2pm, and proceedings will hopefully kick off at this time.
I wasn't going to put up a story, but:
1: Proof was needed of my overdue chop.
2: The latest article by Gibirdi is shit.
Any further comments concerning suggestions for activity on Tuesday can be made in the guestbook.
Poker and Corfu on the agenda!! June 24, 2005
Just thought Id stick up a random article seen as im sat at my computer on a very boring friday night of channel 4 and pokerstars!With the largest game of the year to date prospering around the corner, and the first under the newly christened Preston Poker Tour, members have been on the record to share the voices in their heads with PPT online reporters.
Tiltmeister had this to say:
"Right, overdue a slice of luck (and steak and kidley...dont forget to mention the kidley), I am going to rule supreme on tuesday based on the fact that you will all be smashed and I will be.....sober due to drug intake."
The Nuts expects his fridge to be full. Whos bringing all 6 cans?
The Wild Boar has had a hair cut. The operation was a successful one and Bethell, probably feeling a little naked shall reveal his new barnet on Tues.
One week to Corfu and ba da ba ba ba WERE LOVIN IT!
Frantic Thursday Sees Bethell Provail June 17, 2005
Last night saw ten people crowded around Ball's poker table to battle it out to see who could take the majority of what started out as a £50 prize pool.
However, as the night progressed, and chip stacks dwindled, it was agreed that buy-ins would then be allowed, for the first hour at least.
Safe with the knowledge that he could buy himself back in, Moll adpoted an extremely high risk tactic, of going all-in blind twice to see if he had a caller. Both times Bethell was on the brink of calling before folding, and both times he would have won with a straight.
However, the only person to buy back in turned out to be the host, Ball, as he went out in a high-drama three-way all-in scenario. With the flop out as 2s, 3c, 4s, Tree decided to raise two hundred immediately. Ball, next in line, proceeded to push all of his chips in the pot. But alas, the drama was not content with only two players. George was blessed with a idyllic hand of As, 5s, giving him a straight, with a nut-flush draw. After others players threw their cards away, the action was back to Tree, who had been put all-in. Players were surprised to see Tree fold, especially when they learnt that he also had Ace 5, giving him a straight. Voicing his concerns about potential flush draws, he eventually parted with his cards, and made what turned out to be a very good fold. Ball, also put all-in by George's re-raise, called with little hesitation, to reveal on pocket queens, and was drawing dead in no time, as two more spades came out, giving George a nut-flush and a mount of chips, and giving Tree a metaphorical pat on the back knowing he made the right move.
After Ball bought back in, action went on for a little longer, until Moll and Bethell went heads up, to see a board of Ace, Ace, Queen, Queen, 2. With both players having a full-house, Bethell was first to move all-in, with Queens full of Aces. Moll, with the winning Aces full of queens, nearly folded, thinking he only had three of a kind, before realising he was never going to be beat. Moll called and Bethell was out…..or so you would think.
In a gesture that later earned Moll the nick-name of ‘the good Jamaican’, Moll, feeling guilty about an earlier event of controversy where he profited Bethell was felt hard-done by, decided to give the Mawdesley-based player a lifeline of 320 chips, much to everyone’s amazement.
With Bethell now back in the game, the game went on, to see players drop out one by one. First to go was Tree, who failed to recover chips from when he lost to George. Tree was then followed by Lumpa, who fell victim to ‘the voices’, that on occasions seemingly dictate some somewhat erratic poker play. After a strong stack, Lumpa went out with little bang.
At this point, with Gallagher, Pete and Bethell hanging in with little chips, the game was seen to becoming somewhat of a stale-mate. Because Two players were required a lift back to Southport off Ball, Ball and the two sea-siders decided to exit the game, taking the monetary equivalent of their chip-stacks from the pot, Jonh doing well to exit with £15.
With a now reduced pot of £30, Moll, Bethell, Pete, Ed, and Gallagher were left to battle it out for the prize money.
After winning a major pot against the good Jamaican, which saw Bethell make about 650 chips, he could then afford to pay Moll off from the loan he earlier received, giving 400 back, 80 extra for interest/appreciation of the gesture.
At this point, blinds had accelerated to 50, and Gallagher and Pete were forced into making all-in maneuvers, but after doubling up once each, they both fell away, leaving Moll, Bethell and Forshaw to battle it out.
When a count-up was done, it was then realized just how close an encounter this game actually was, with Moll leading with 1500 chips, Ed second with 1300 and Bethell behind with 1000.
Moll soon took a major league however, when he called Ed’s all in and took his entire stack. Ed revealed AK, but unfortunately ran into Moll’s pocket 8s, and the board proved little help for the strongest player of the ‘Croston Crew’.
With 25 minutes left Mol and Bethell battled heads-up, with Moll a long way ahead courtesy of his previous win. This left Bethell to resort to desperate measures, and in an attempt to give Moll a taste of his own medicine, went blind all-in.
When this tactic was eventually called, with Moll hitting pocket 8s, Bethell got the luck he needed, as when four diamonds were on the board, the first card Bethell flipped was the 8 of diamonds.
After all-ins were made and called for the next 5 minutes, it came to a point where both players had pretty much even stacks, and so when Moll put Bethell all-in with Kc, Qc, and Bethell called with pocket Jacks, both players agreed to let the coin-flip hand be the decider of the game.
With the second card out being a Jack, Bethell made three of a kind, leaving Moll needing running cards to win, which he failed to get.
Bethell took £20 away, with Moll taking £10.
With a 12 day break from the game, most players are already looking forward to Tuesday 28th, where a game will also be a celebration of exam completion for the league’s members – with an afternoon start and alcohol throughout being the proposed plan for the day.
Reunion Game Scheduled June 15, 2005
This Thursday evening will see the past and present powers of poker battle it out to see who will gain the psychological edge in the lead up to the three-table event later this summer.
Although not everyone has yet returned (Beals, the strongest of the Tarleton Mob still away in India, and not due back until next month), the founders of the poker scene will be with some of their stronger members. Lumpa and Moll, who can be seen venting their feelings in this site's guestbook, are amongst those due to make a return in what is looking likely to be a two-table event, held at the home of poker, Ball's detatched, purpose-styled semi-bachelor pad, a.k.a. his garage.
This game will be seen by many of the Runshaw players as a good way to put their minds off their A-Levels, which most of the players have now undertook.
The game will also host the final discussion for the decision on what the Runshaw Poker League should change it's name to, with sufficient representation from both sides of the poker scene present to discuss the matter.
Due to exam timetables, with certain tedious tests being scheduled for this Friday, certain Runshaw players will not be able to attend the event, but Ed, Pete and Tree will be hoping to represent their poker scene well. Bethell, who has stated on a number of occasions that he does not consider himself part of any team, will be present, but not to represent anyone but himself, although he has hinted that when the three-table event arrives, he may fight the Runshaw cause.
What action will unfold is anyone's guess, as players past and present will need to once again get to grips with each others' various styles of play.
The Game is scheduled for a 7.30 start, and players are advised to arrive about 7.15.
RPL New Name Wanted June 13, 2005
With the re emergence of founder players of this fine poker scene it is only seen fair that the name of the website should be chosen by members new and old. Place your suggestions in the guestbook and a new poll shall be created to decide the new name for the Runshaw Poker League. Cheers!
Tarleton Influx Stirs Things Up June 13, 2005
The RPL website has started to take on board some of the poker scene's founding members' opinions and influences as of late. With players such as Beals, Moll, Lumpa, Gallagher, Ian and countless others due to arrive back from their respective universities or teaching trips to India shortly, games will be held on a much more frequent basis, with the garage of Ball due to be under a tight schedule.
With the proposed '3 Table' event being confirmed (although an exact date has yet to be arranged), a debate between Ball, Moll, Gibirdi and Forshaw has sparked into life, as to which Poker gang will emerge stronger. Others, such as myself, are not too concerned about the morale high ground in such a conflict, as they are simply more concerned with their own performances.
However, after 8 RPL members return from a week long bender in Corfu, no doubt losing many-a-euro on playing 'poolside poker', the ongoing debate will be settled in what is potentially a fascinating night of all-ins, raising and most certainly severe tilt. Until then however, members will have to argue about the 'Croston Crew' vs the 'Tarleton Mob' in this fine site's guestbook.
P.S. Nick-name explanations have been posted in the bulletin board. Any new nick-names can be posted on the guestbook for consideration.
The coming months will no doubt see lots of action, and a potential reunion game may be held this Thursday, where the argument will no doubt be continued yet further.
Forshaw "Takes The Beef" June 12, 2005
Forshaw made it victories on consecutive nights on Saturday night at Hampsons. In a game that uncharacteristically ended before midnight even with a 30minute recess, Forshaws consistency prevailed.
The host Hampson on debut was first to go, after supplying many a comedy quote frequently ending in "n***** wot". His exit was unfortunate considering his starting hand was AA. After Bethell raised initially, Hampson called and Jones went all-in. Hampson called to see his Aces beaten by Jones' three kings.
After a food break, Gibirdi was next out running into Bethell's three eights attempting a semi-bluff. Foolish after building strong foundations again. He was soon followed by Crompton after a three way all-in between Forshaw, Jones and Crompton. Cromptons K 10 and Jones' KQ beaten on high card by Forshaws AK. Jones with sufficient chips to continue did so. This action left Crompton to join Gibirdi and Hampson watching a screening of the 70s "classic" The Amityville Horror....~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@
Another reasonably quiet night for The Barnicle was finished by Forshaw. He was next to go with his pocket 10s defeated by Forshaws pocket Qs. This left Forshaw and Jones with healthy stacks with Bethell always in with a shout.
Impressive debutant Jones finished in a very respectable third upon losing again to Forshaw. With Jones's all-in with A2 called by Forshaw with AQ, an Ace was hit by both for Forshaw to win on kicker. Shame that Jones' play isnt matched by his extremely unoriginal nickname Craig "Flush" Jones!
Forshaw again hit an ace to see of Bethell with starting hands of A10 and K7 respectively.
Hampsons Cooking Up A Storm! June 10, 2005
With most players wanting to overhaul Bethell after a recent run of victories, the weekends action should be more intense than usual in the heart of Euxton. Especially in the wake of Bethells comments of "I predict I won't win" and "I think I might be last".
Andy Hampson is this weeks host and co incidently is on debut which should add extra interest to Saturdays nights game.
An RPL reporter cought up with Hampson this week (via SMS) to see what he had to say about his chances of winning and his general state going into the big game;
"Mr DynamiTE is going to have an explosive first roles night behatch and that no gays or people from the east coast are allowed only from west side n***** wot".
Strong words then from the host. Tiltmeister has also had words to say quoting;
"It's time for someone else...me...to enjoy the pleasure of lady lucks juices g g g g g G Unit."
See here for Saturdays match report in the days leading on from Saturday.
Bethell Announces Hair Cut Date June 9, 2005
Jay Bethell today released a statement to the press concerning the growing issue of his hair. Baffled by all the attention he is receiving as a result of his 'mop', Bethell has decided to satisfy RPL members. As a way of apologising for all the money he keeps winning, he will be going to 'Tina The Barbarian' of Eccleston Barbers, to finally cut his scraggled locks.
When questioned about the issue, Bethell replied "Who are you, and why are you sat in my bathtub?"
This news will bring celebrations across the poker scene, and to mark the countdown, an official countdown timer has been installed in the top corner of your screen, which will be in effect until the 'cut-off' point, Friday 24th June.
The Runshaw Poker League, never short of a great storyline.
Who will be the 500th? June 7, 2005
RPL online nears its 500th hit!Should it be you, enter into the guestbook who you are and a cash prize will be coming your way!
Game Scheduled At Mansion de la Hampson June 5, 2005
It was confirmed today that this coming Saturday will see the Runshaw Poker League come to Briar Avenue, Euxton, as Andrew Hampson will not only be making his debut in the league, but will also play host to known trouble-makers such as Adam Tree (known for setting people such as Gibirdi on tilt - often resulting in disasterous consequences).
Further details will be posted as to precisely when the tournamet is due to begin, and how long it will take for Bethell to win (Gibirdi isn't the only one who can vent his feelings via this site you know).
This may well be the league's last poker-based action for a while, and many of it's members will be hoping to leave a lasting impression before the potential recess due to exams.
Members Silenced June 5, 2005
The increased demand for more player profiles and photos for the photo album has been met. So sshhhhhhhhhhhh
Enough Said.....
Bethell's Winning Streak Continues June 3, 2005
Jay Bethell's run of form was continued last night as he took the majority of a £35 split pot, with James Ball performing well to take a third of the share.
The game, hosted at balls, saw seven of the league's more regular members in action, with Ed Forshaw, Andy Crompton, Adam Tree, Pete Townsley and Chris Gibirdi also making an appearance.
With a new format of posting blinds taking effect (increasing by ten every hours as opposed to when people go out), a much stricter, but a unanimously agreed more effective way of ripping into the fringe players stacks was a big factor in a rollercoaster game.
Because blinds were at 30, people with 'financially challenged' chip stacks had to adopt much more aggressive styles of play in order to give them any hope of doubling up to a respectable total. Of the 'dwindlers', only Bethell managed to do this effectively, due to a combination of well timed 'manouvres' and a large hint of help from lady luck.
Ed Forshaw was first to fall, with his all-in failing to double up, resulting in his early exit from proceedings. Hitting pockets 10’s, Ed understandably pushed all his chips forward, only to be called by Ball who brandished pocket Kings, and the board proved to be no help to Forshaw.
Next to fall was Andy ‘Kenny’ Crompton, who’s stack was in such a desperate state that, even after doubling up courtesy of the river against Bethell, lost many chips, and with steep blinds fast approaching, King 9 suited was enough to see him all in. Bethell, already in the pot due to a previous all-in raise raise, called with Ace 8 suited, and Gibirdi, blessed with Ace Jack suited had no hesitation in calling both all-ins. With Gibirdi having the best hand, plus due to his higher kicker, Bethell was the strong underdog of the hand, with only an 8 being able to save him, even then no room was allowed for a King or a 9, which would have seen Crompton take what was to be a game-defining pot. But alas, lady luck seems to have a soft spot for Bethell these days, with The Wild Boar not only hitting one, but two of his elusive 8s on the first two cards of the flop, which in the end resulted in the demise of Crompton, and much-reduced stack for Gibirdi, and a now hefty stack for Bethell. Bethell happily proceeded after winning a hand where his chances of success were only 18%.
A thought must be spared however for RPL online founder, Chris Gibirdi. In RPL’s history, it has to be said that never has any one player suffered such a bad run of luck. After Bethell trebling his stack, Gibirdi managed to hang on for a while, but drifted out to due increasingly harsh blinds. During the night, the aforementioned three-way all in was not the only hand where the Poker Gods decided to ‘bend him over and royally rape’ him. Another three-way all-in, this time between Gibirdi, Pete and Crompton saw Gibirdi with Ace Queen, Pete with Ace Jack, and Crompton with Ace 10. Again favourite to win with what be a mammoth pot, Gibirdi was dismayed to find that after a flop, turn and river of 4,4,3,3,7, the end result was actually a split pot, with everyone having two pairs with an ace kicker. Another hand where luck deserted was when Gibirdi called a Bethell all-in with pocket tens, only for Bethell to win by hitting his Jack and his Queen to double up again. After yet more hands of bad luck, Gibirdi, a crestfallen shadow of the Salmon-pink shirt wearing 1st-team cricketer, made his way home, tail between legs.
Tree, in typically Udder-like fashion, lost the majority of his chips to Bethell, and drifted out of the game without much drama.
This left Pete, Jay and Ball to fight out for the pot. After few hands of little action, Pete eventually hit a hand worthy of an all-in, and loaded with Ace King suited, promptly pushed his chips forward. Bethell had no hesitation in calling, unleashing pocket Kings on The Barnicle, which saw Pete on his way, and Jay with a yet healthier stack, facing Ball heads-up for the first time since ‘The Nuts’ taught him to play the game, almost a year ago.
With a 12.30 cut-off point, Ball and Bethell had 40 minutes to scrap it out, but with little controversy happening in somewhat of a stalemate, the pot was to be split, with Ball taking £13.30 and Bethell leaving with £21.30, resulting in his poker earnings for the week knocking on the door of the £100 barrier.
Bethell’s luck seems to have hit at the right time, but with exams approaching for many of the league’s member, there is a good chance this is the last action we will be seeing for some time.
Bethell victorious in Astley Invitational May 29, 2005
The poker gods finally shone for Jay as he won the Astley Village Invitational on Saturday night at Gibirdis. From the first two tables, Dunk, Jay and Crompton made it through table one after a 'topsy-turvy' two hours saw the chip lead an positions drastically switch with all three finalists facing the wooden spoon at different occassions but when their all-ins were called, they doubled up - Crompton and Dunk recipients of Gibirdis rash bluffs which were unsuccessful. This left Gibirdi, Ben and Ball to take part on the Losers' table.
From table 2, Ric Whyte, Forshaw and Pete were successful with firstly Rob and then newbie Mark Ashrafi exiting early (within the first 5 hands). Rob suffered to Ed whereas Mark was beaten by a higher flush of Whyte. Tree beat himself by turning up late with other players posting his blinds he never recovered.
On the final winners table, the final three were Jay, Dunk and Forshaw after seeing off Whyte early on and then Pete and Crompton. From what I saw, Dunk was chip lead until Jay managed to double up on an all-in to add to his stack. On the final hand, Dunk called an all-in with king queen, and found himself up against ace 4 suited. Dunk hit his King on the flop, but Jays Ace came good on the turn and again on the river, netting himself a £45 pot to add to his £15 pot won the night before at an event held by ball. Dunk took £10 for second place, and Ashrafi took his money back after winning the losers' table.
Debutant Mark was victorious on the losers' table, with Tree, Ben and then Gibirdi falling leaving the final three Rob, Ball and Mark. Rob was next to go and an unsuccessful all-in saw Ball crumble.
With Bethell back on form, the rest of the league may have a tough job in future games
Astley Open Draw Confirmed May 26, 2005
Due to a technical error, after writing a large feature article concerning the events to take place this Saturday at Gibirdi's, and typically losing the information, i will now be writing a much briefer and to-the point article, due to my severe 'tilt'.
The game will see debuts for the following players:
Sean Dunk, Michael Jenkins, 'Daz' from Camelot go-karts and Ric White.
Tree will be absent due to working commitments.
Now, because I'm completely pissed off with this monsterously ugly whore that is supposed to be a website design system, I will proceed directly to the official draw.
Table 1: Andy Crompton, Ben Ward, James Ball, Jay Bethell, Sean Dunk and host, Chris Gibirdi
Table 2: Rob Bethell, Pete Townsley, 'Daz', Michael Jenkins, Ed Forshaw, Rick White
Bethell on tilt. Over and out.
Manhattan Errupts! May 24, 2005
As RPL sees itself as a democracy, Ed "Manhattan" Forshaw has delivered this statement......
Newbies Influx On Astley Village Leg May 23, 2005
RPL shall possibly witness the arrival of newbies this weekend on the Asltey Village leg of the world tour. One confirmed contender is Richard "The Aggressor" Whyte. His debut no doubt will be subject to much questioning come Saturday night with his bold, outspoken nickname suggesting he prefers to dictate the game.He claims his favourite hand is A 10 and is keen to point out his arrogance.
Another possible entrant is Sean Dunk, fresh from the university poker scene. RPL will be trying to contact the player before Saturday.
Poker League's World Tour Comes To Astley Village May 23, 2005
Runshaw and Newman college students will celebrate the end of a long and tedious period spent in their respective colleges this Saturday in the best possible manner - gambling their hard earned money, leaving their fortunes to be enhanced or somewhat deminished by the often harsh poker gods.
This weekend's host will be the founder of this site, and a player high on confidence after taking a hefty share of last saturday's pot, Mr. Chris 'Tiltmeister' Gibirdi. Some of the league's more experienced players will be determined to put on a show after failing to make an impression on events at Tree's house. 'The Tiltmeister' was recently quoted stating his belief that Bethell's "comeback is overdue", something which Jay 'The Wild Boar' Bethell will surely be keen to demonstrate in the Farthings hotbed of gambling activity in the potential two-table event.
Gibirdi, in a sudden bout of opinionated banter, made further predictions, such as Ed 'Manhattan' Forshaw to be "silenced like a mule" - an event which would consequently lead myself to make a controversial 'Manhattan to Ground-Zero' joke, something which i will have to take heed in when constructing - I wouldn't want to offend all the yanks out there now, would I...
"The Wild Boar" Instated At RPL Online May 23, 2005
Jay "The Wild Boar" Bethell has officially been instated as number two at RPL online. A mutual agreement has been settled and the RPL online hierarchy are pleased to unveil Bethell in his new role.
Pete, Gibirdi & Ed Split Pot In Saturday Night Showdown May 22, 2005
A three way split pot was the result in an action packed game on Saturday night hosted by Tree. Starting slightly later than usual the cards were shuffled up and dealt. There were 7 players to start, with Ball absent until later in the proceedings.
The first casualty was Tree, attempting to make an impact on home turf. He was in trouble from the preliminary stages of the night as he thought he had hit a (4 card) straight!Music to Petes ears as he helped himself to Trees exposed chips. Tree was then finished off by Gibirdi as again he missed his straight. Unsatisfied he decided to buy back in.
The arrival of Ball saw the introduction of the new luxury chrome 100 chip and a chip change. Soon after this the next two two casualties arrised. First to go was Derry; the quietest and most conservative player of the night was seen off by Ball. Soon after, Jay was all in on Ace Queen, ah Gibirdi called with pocket 10s and so was in danger of over pairs, of which Jay hit both, but not before Gibirdi had hit a flush of hearts on the turn, thus sparking a crazy turn of events seeing Derry, Jay and late arrival Hampson to visit Chorleys 'premier' nightspot - Applejax - something which they all have expressed their deep regret for since.
At this stage, Tree, after buying back in had established a comfortable chip lead with Gibirdi and Pete leading the chase and Ed and Ball not too far behind. His lead was then stolen by Gibirdi who was having none of a Tree attempted bluff, hitting 4 of a kind 3s to claim the majority of the host's stack. He failed to recover from such a blow, with a combination of Ball and Pete seeing him out of the game.
Ball was the next player to depart after seeing a flop giving him two pair he made the manoeuvre, to which Pete called. Both players had two pair at this stage - Ball with 6s and 8s and Pete 6s and kings. The turn, an 8 gave Ball a full house - 8s full of 6s to which he claimed that he couldn't be beaten. Astonishingly, a king on the river proved otherwise with Pete hitting a higher full house. This action gave Pete the chip lead which he held onto for the rest of the game.
Final Chip Count: Pete - 1,600
Gibirdi - 1,300
Forshaw - 500
Saturday night (poker) fever! May 19, 2005
The announcement of a saturday night game to be hosted by Tree has escalated the usual banter between the poker players. Ed "Manhattan" Forshaw has been on the record stating he is a "frontrunner without a doubt" which on recent form may be a valid claim with forshaw a regular high finisher. He also forecast "Tree to fail miserably on home turf" a conclusion that tree will do doubt contest and instantly refer to the '4 of a kind aces moment'.As usual chris "tiltmeister" gibirdi has claimed "Im gona win" to which forshaw replied "I admire ur optimism". He will hope to turn optimism into cash come saturday.Forshaw also added " gibirdi: recomended novelty bet, but unrealistic outsider".A view possibly mirrored by most RPL players.
Jay "the wild boar" bethell has also spoken to RPL today saying "I predict derry to cause a shock if he plays".An outspoken critic of the RPL site, bethell will hope to silence the editor of the site before he becomes the focus of abuse.
Website Under Fire....Not Literally May 16, 2005
The Runshaw Poker League website has already been scrutinised by a number of its members for the use of so called "chav lexican". Any examples they would like to forward to any member of the website will be politely ignored as the claims are entirely ludacris. A spokesman for RPL online stated today: "You fookin wot?!am avin non ov this!now if ya wana get out mi way i gota pick mi nova up frm t garage.in a bitch".
Comedy Quotes! May 8, 2005
Check the bulletin board for poker league comedy quotes! With players so orally unpredictable its fresh never heard before comedy genius....
Pete victorious in contraversial friday night game May 8, 2005
A highly contraversial yet action filled game on friday night at balls ended in pete taking the winnings with bethell arguably fortunate to be 2nd. The game has sparked inquest into the buy in rule as bethell, who lost his stack ov 520 quicker than gibirdi going on tilt ended up with a decent return for the evening. He then turned his buy in stack ov 300 to a match winning sum at the expense ov tree who had seen off gibirdi in the flukiest of fashions.
Gibirdi raised pre flop with A 7 suited onli to be re raised by tree.Gibirdi called all in to which tree responded "F**k it, call". No wonder he sound so desperate with K 6 off suit. However the poker gods once again shone on tree as he hit a straight on the river. Tree cdnt use this luck to his advantage and was knocked out by bethell. Ball followed and then forshaw. Pete and bethell wer left to go heads up with bethell the favorite due to his surely more than 2:1 advantage over pete.However pete managed to claw his way bak and an all in situation ended on pete thinking he had won with A high 8 kicker. The money was then split to pete an bethell but at least 5mins later, with the hands still on the table, bethell noticed that it shud have been a split pot. So they started again onli for them both to end up all in from the very next hand. Bethell had K 4 suited which pete ate for breakfast with pocket rockets.He then amazingly hit two more aces on the flop to claim the pot with four ov a kind aces.
