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Fallsy Retires

November 14, 2017

After being a staple in our lineup the past seven seasons, Fallsy has hung up the cleats and replaced them for full time Dad slippers. No better time to go out then on top.

He is the only Cardinal player that I know of to have a page. (

My favorite Falls memory was watching him on Sportsnet when he played for Team Great Britain as they were playing Team Canada in the 2012 WBC qualifiers. Fallsy pinch ran at second base, and took an aggresive secondary after each pitch, something I hadn't seen him do before in the FMBA. (and really why would you). He ended up getting stranded, but it isn't often a player from your men's league team is on National TV.

The search for a semi-pro replacement player has begun.

Couple of guys, couple of beeers, couple of wins

August 20, 2017

Well boys and girls we'll do our lone actual writeup for the's a long read. You know, the ONE ABOUT WHERE WE WON THE WHOLE DAMN THING!!!! We only post things on the 20th of every second month now apparently, and also we won 20 games when it was all said and done. Weird.

The FMBA playoffs. Or as we have come to know it: Groundhog Day, with each season bringing us new and inventive ways to kill ourselves until the end of time. Until 2017.

We got locked up with the Horns in Round 1. We were short so many guys when this started that 44 year old Skip had to catch two games. Horn vet Craig Joyce gets the quote of the millenium, "If you can't win with who you got, you don't deserve to win". He was right. We won two games in extras, both of which we blew the lead in the 7th. Some serious gut checks though as we kept cool, coming right back swinging in the 8th.

This brought us to the defending champion DBacks in Round 2. "To be the champs you gotta beat the champs". After losing game 1, someone needed to step up. Well how about a couple of Ontario legends with Sid the kid throwing a gem to keep us in it, and Professor Xavier Hersch knocking in the winning run walk-off styles. This got us to Game 3. We started the only guy on our team who has won an FMBA title this decade in Kaleb. He was DIALED IN. We were up 8-0 until they decided to make it interesting in the 7th, and we held on 8-5.

So the finals. Yup, the Cards made it. And we faced the only team in the FMBA hotter than us in the Dukes. THEY HIT GOOD. They also have some awesome signs from their fans by the way, mostly involving sexual innuendos. We knew it would be a battle since they won the season series against us. Game 1 Nelly decided to throw his annual one good game, getting us to Championship Saturday.

Now I'm not saying anything about where our focus was before Game 2. But doing Go-Pro interviews before the god damn game had started was probably not the best thing for our starting pitcher to be doing (I still love you Sid). The Dukes are a bunch of battling beauties, they came out and absolutely torched any Card pitcher, fan or parent who threw a ball. Like I have never seen anything like it. 24-20 folks as we kept right up swinging with em,but just ran out of gas at the end. This actually happened. 

So Game 3. Peter Werth if ya need him. He was slicing and dicing like the guy who sells Slapchops. That is, until he dislocated his ankle on the 1st base lip while covering 1st. So we brought in 35 year old Nelly, who was running off the fumes of 60% Red Bull, 40% Coors Banquet. Score is 4-3. Bottom 7, runner on 2, 2 out. Bad-hop on a grounder to Fallsy brings the tying run to third. No worries, we got the next guy to pop up, and we started to party on the field like it was 1999. CATCHER'S INTERFERENCE was called though (It was the right call and no it was not Pierre). I can't make this stuff up. Do-Over!

We k'd the next guy though, and partied all damn night. So many things to say, so many great players and people to thank. But this was all about winning it for the man who we all love, who you all love, and who if not for him this great league would have long since folded: GLEN HANSEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What an awesome day, and I will never forget it.

Off-season time.


Midseason Random Thoughts

June 20, 2017

So we’re halfway through the 2017 season. We needed to fill some content, and it’s a really slow day at the web admin’s office. So let’s get right into the highlights of the season thus far, Jayson Stark random thought style.

- DK continues to step up his off field game, actually shotgunning a few beers. Confidence levels are approaching 7%
- Matt Wenham is leading the FMBA in post game shotguns, and errors made by red headed first basemen. No correlation.
- Since having a kid, President Sid has done the opposite of most people, by playing the worst baseball of his career.
- Bach and recently MJ both knocked up their wives. Bach is leading the FMBA in average and MJ in HR’s. There’s a sex joke in there somewhere.
- In his first game of being a manager, Breen is 1-0, with a 15 spot with 2 out inning on his record. Coach Shane was last seen digging his own grave.
- Jared brought a date to the ballpark, but it was not from Grinder. In fact it wasn’t even a dude at all.
- Peter has warmed up in the bullpen during every single game this year.
- Cody Bangarang finally has an ERA.
- Kaleb has a great pipe. It is so good that he left all his gear and uniform at the park in a haze.
- We played our best baseball with Nelly sitting in the stands drinking ciders.
- John Forno showed up to a 9am game with dress clothes and no baseball equipment, or recollection of the previous 2 days.
- Part timer Fallsy shows up whenever, never practices, and has 5 doubles and 2 triples in 20 at bats.
- 4 year college player Easton does not own an actual bat, but is hitting .375
- Guy wears contacts now and has hit a curveball.
- Graydon’s girlfriend has not showed up since the preseason party.
- Chico can throw his helmet more accurately then he can a baseball.
- Steve is smarter then Burlo
- The phrase “Evan would have made that play” is #truth because of his 1.000 fielding percentage
- Shawn can get you a deal on a new car but only if you tell him Lanny sent ya.

2017 Preseason Predictions

April 20, 2017

We are two weeks from the season starting. Here are the 2017 Cards pre season predictions. Looks like we’ve already crossed one off the list.

1. Peter and League President Trask braid each other’s hair
2. We have 10 guys for playoffs
3. Matt Wenham leads the team in home runs hit in the batting cage.
4. An Ambulance shows up at the park during the 2017 season
5. Dave Kelly gains a personality
6. There are at least 3 stagettes at Bellinis in Red Deer during the Riggers tourney.
7. Evan has more in game smokes then plate appearances
8. Guy makes contact with precisely zero curveballs
9. Jared brings a Grinder date to the park
10. Coach Shane shifts from RF into damn near center field against at least one right handed hitter, when we are pitching that hitter hard away
11. Sid gives his son (expecting soon) a commemorative glitter tattoo
12. Someone who is not good complains about their league stats not being correct on the FMBA site.
13. Chico gets injured playing on another team (again)
14. Burlo comes back for one game and says “Same Old Cardinals” within 5 minutes.
15. Pierre wins the FMBA MVP award (again)
16. Easton comes back from college at the U of C and hits under .200 in the FMBA (again)
17. We get rained out on a day when it is at least 25 degrees outside, with no rain
18. Carp is kept on the roster only because he knows how to start a charcoal barbecue
19. Someone other than our 9 hitter hits a homerun this season
20. We retire doing the game writeups due to sheer laziness (sorry folks)