A cabbie picks up a Nun.
She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome
cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am
and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and
hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could
say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about
that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says,
"Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"
"OK," the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."
The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?"
"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must
confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and
I'm going to a Halloween party."
Gotta hear this one...... sound needed
Even if you are not a golfer you MUST
listen to this!!!! HOLY MOLEY!!!!
THIS IS AN ABSOLUTE MUST TO LISTEN TO
"Click on the link LISTEN TO" !!!!! SOUND ON !!!!!
Take the Penalty!
Friends are Welcome
An old cowboy was riding his trusty horse followed by his faithful dog along an
The cowboy was enjoying the new scenery, when he
suddenly remembered dying, and realized the dog beside him had been
dead for years, as had his horse.
Confused, he wondered what was happening, and where the trail was leading them.
After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall that looked like fine marble
at the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch topped by a golden
letter "H" that glowed in the sunlight.
Standing before it, he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like
mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like gold.
He rode toward the gate,and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.
Parched and Tired out by his journey, he called out; 'Excuse me, where are
we?''This is Heaven, sir,' the man answered. 'Wow! Would you happen to
have some water?' the man asked. 'Of course, sir. Come right in, and
I'll have some ice water brought right up.'As the gate began to open,
the cowboy asked; 'Can I bring my partners, too?''I'm sorry, sir, but
we don't accept pets.'The cowboy thought for a moment, then turned
back to the road and continued riding, his dog trotting by his
After another long ride, at the top of another hill, he came to a
dirt road leading through a ranch gate that looked as if it had never
As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree
and reading a book. 'Excuse me,' he called to the man. 'Do you have
any water?''Sure, there's a pump right over there. Help yourself.'
How about my friends here?'the traveler gestured to the dog and his
horse.'Of course! They look thirsty, too,' said the man.
The trio went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned
hand pump with buckets beside it.
The traveler filled a cup and the buckets with wonderfully cool water
and took a long drink, as did his horse and dog.
When they were full, he walked back to the man who was still standing by
the tree;'What do you call this place?' the traveler asked.'This is Heaven,' he
answered.'That's confusing,' the traveler said. 'The man down the
road said that was Heaven, too.''Oh, you mean the place with the
glitzy, gold street and fake pearly gates? That's hell.''Doesn't it
make you angry when they use your name like that?''Not at all.
Actually, we're happy they screen out the folks who would leave their
best friends behind...
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
Walmart. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and
preferred to get in and get out.
Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse &
leaves me with endless time to fulfill.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local
Dear Mrs. Harris:
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in
ourstore. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both
of you from the store.
Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are
documented by our video surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other
people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,
'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'.
This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a
reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union
grievance,causing management to lose time; and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on
6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying
and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'EMTs were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he
asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly
humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look'
using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumed a fetal position and screamed; 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the
And last, but not least:
16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile;
then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'
One of the clerks passed out.
If you don't send this to your dearest friends; You will be depriving them
of some good humor.