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San Francisco Diablos
The word has come down from the front office. Diablos first official practice of the season is Sunday 2/25/18 1030 @ Crocker 1. I will now list some things that have a high probability of happening this weekend:
1) Someone will miss practice because of a wicked hangover
2) Fredo will strongly consider not even bringing his glove to practice
3) Freddie will get tossed from his daughters softball game
4) Lou will show up determined to move up from the 3rd spot in our starting rotation
5) Nieves will mention the Astros championship >15 times
6) Marcus will channel his inner Roger Murtaugh and say "I'm too old for this shit"
7) Yeti will try to sell his new and improved launch angle even though it's the same old garbage one
8) Imbo will disappoint with zero ammo in his belt
9) Joe will have moved on to the next pyramid scheme.....Unions
10) Robbie will still have BBQ that wouldn't even medal at the olympics
11) Brooksy will give everyone the McCutchen Jive Turkey look at least once
Let's get it going
The Super Bowl has ended and Philadelphia is burning. These events can only mean one thing….baseball is back! No more concussion protocol, no more “surviving the ground”, no more laughing at the Cowboys not making the playoffs. Ok we can still do that last one. It’s time to air out the baseball bag. You know the one you tossed in the corner of the garage last Fall. The same one that is the source of every “Did something die downstairs?” comment over the winter. It’s time to see if your “trick knee” will allow you one more season of being an actual baseball player or someone who needs to join the depth chart at DH/1B. It’s time to see who got a little slower due to inhaling unhealthy amounts of queso during the long cruel offseason. It’s time to see if the Astros winning it all has put a little more lead in Brothers pencil.
I have spoken to Brother and he is aiming for the Diablos first practice to be the weekend of Feb 24/25. Wash your jock. Find some pants that fit. Clear your damn schedule.
Pissy warning letter translation from former league
Your Diablos beat the AB's this weekend 12-6. Many homers were hit on the little league field we played at, but the best part of the day didn't happen on the diamond. We were yelled at by two non-players in a fashion that usually leads to fisticuffs away from the field. Calling our manager a jerk will not be forgotten. Biting our tongue and turning the other cheek got us this warning from the league. We had it translated by a wise veteran who speaks this language.
Nieves and Members of the 2011 Diablos,
Brother and the coolest motherfuckers in the SFNABA
Based on the events of the past two weeks and on past history with your team, I am officially issuing the Diablos a strict and final warning on the use of alcohol and/or drugs at SFNABA games. We will hold a zero-tolerance stance on the matter moving forward.
Based on the Sun rising in the East/Setting in the West and Diablo Team Tradition, We are officially pointing our finger in your face and saying “Stop that right now!”. We will continue to have a “wide stance” on this matter like Senator Larry Craig.
If at any time for the remainder of the 2011 season the Diablos are found in violation of NABA's stated rules about alcohol/drug use, they will forfeit the game and will be disqualified from the playoffs altogether. Drug & alcohol use is strictly forbidden before, during, and after SFNABA games including on the field, in dugouts, at facilities where our games take place and on/in the nearby streets and surrounding neighborhood.
If you degenerates decide to act like Prohibition Bootleggers at any time for the remainder of this season you will forfeit the playoffs and not be invited to the Boards party celebrating your exit. Drugs and Alcohol are BAD,BAD,BAD and if the Police Officers who don’t bother you won’t instruct you on how to live your lives then we most certainly will.
You and your team all have ready access the official NABA rule book. We've spoken about this via email and phone. You spoke to one of our board members in person this past weekend... and still the message seems to be falling short.
We are going out on a limb and assuming you guys know how to read so put those skills to use and read the official rulebook. Of course these rules are suggestions because sometimes our umpires decide to make up the rules as they go. One of our members blew up on you guys like a toddler on a playground this past weekend and you still don’t seem to get it. I have instructed him to jump up and down and stomp his feet next time so you guys will understand.
Violation of these rules puts the entire league at risk of losing its insurance, may result in loss of access to our fields (which are rented from organizations that ALL share the same prohibitions on drug/alcohol), and is detrimental to the competitive environment that we promise to our members in exchange for their league fees.
Basically whether you guys are in attendance or not this Leagues demise will be placed squarely on your shoulders.
Know that this is a very serious issue, that you will all be held responsible for your actions, and that the stakes are very high. If you'd like to drink or smoke after a game, you MUST get in your cars and leave the area altogether.
I’m serious! You guys better stop laughing because this shit ain’t funny. I suggest you use your cup holders in your vehicles and roll up the windows while driving home after a game.
You will not be asked or warned again.
Please throw a kegger this Thursday in San Leandro so we don’t have to deal with your ghetto asses for the remainder of the year.
***UPDATED*** Kangaroo Courts Fees
The fees for stupid shit are as follows:
Getting Picked off a base: $1.00
Striking out looking: $1.00 ***Suspended due to terrible umpires in 2012***
Over throwing your cutoff man: $1.00
Infielder over throwing around the horn: $1.00
Hat Trick: $1.00
Missing a sign: $1.00
Failure to execute sign: $1.00
Wearing a white hat to a game: $1.00
No Hustle: $1.00
Wearing pants high with wrong color socks: $1.00
Leaving your shit at the field: $1.00
Giving away your jersey before you retire: $ Market price of a jersey
Acting like a douchebag when a non-game winning homerun is hit: $2.00
Section 2.69 Liberty Court Baserunning: $2.00
Golden Sombrero: $3.00
Letting go of bat during AB and almost killing dude on-deck: $3.00
Calling your own Infield Fly from the batters box: $3.00
Barfing during Infield and being a bitch when you're not in the line-up: $3.00
Late for Game: $5.00
Crying like a bitch at a movie: $5.00
Not bringing Strikeout shirt to following game: $5.00
Pissing in your own dugout aka "The Ivan Rule": $5.00
No Show/No Call at Game: $20.00
Thrown out of game: $20.00
Remove uniform before last out: $20
Yelling at Coach across the diamond like a Ho: $20