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Diablos extend win streak to 6.....Bee Keeper almost tosses No-No

This past Sunday your Diablos wrapped up the first half of the season with a 3-0 victory against the Titans. The weather was ugly and the offense was even uglier. Late scratches for a Yeti, a ginger and kid with two first names had Brother scrambling to re-create his ultimate lineup. No seriously he showed me the lineup he wrote the night before including all those guys. Was I concerned that his first lineup was written with no clothes on? Thats why I didn't touch it. Should every Diablo lineup be written this way? YOU BET! In scoring 3 WHOLE runs you can imagine their were many heroes on this day. Their was Brooksy trying to actual make solid contact resulting in outs every time. He will now return to hitting Brooksy specials just over the infield. You had Joltin Joe flashing his deceptive speed on the base paths which equaled zero runs scored. Marcus decided to bring the Trader Joes/Sexy Time/Oil change strikeout shirt back to the park and promptly made his claim to keep it. Abby then just as promptly "earned" the shirt from him while trying to impress a female. He would later drive in a run, but said female took her talents elsewhere. Niko padded the resume with a couple of knocks, but spent most of the day chasing errant snowballs at 1B. Meow-Meow got stolen bases 636 and 637 on the season. His blinding speed continued through the parking lot to his car and home that we couldn't get a post-game quote. If we had gotten one it would have gone like this "We've been pretty fortunate with our start times. The Earth is tilting downhill when I reach base so the catcher really has no chance. Science Fool!" Bird continued his assault on Dimaggio's hitting streak. The move to San Mateo is still proving to be the best type of batting practice. On the mound was Bee-Keeper Gardella. Making his final start at Crocker E=MC2 field he was planning on using it to his advantage. Boy did he. With the Diablos reaching their 2 error minimum early in the contest he battled through spreading out his HBP's and walks so no runners could cross the plate. Striking out 13 Titans definitely helped his cause. Also aiding his cause was hitting pre-game grounders to Brooksy. Through a field of acorns, used needles, secret ooze and pot holes that would make Mayor Lee proud he prepared his 2B for a game of anything but routine grounders. Reaching the 9th inning with a 3-0 lead only about 23% of the people in attendance not wearing Titans uniforms knew he was tossing a no-hitter. With 1 out the dream was shattered with a pinch hit single laced up the middle. In true Diablo fashion Marcus sandbagged the runner into attempting to stretch it into a double. After he hosed the runner I am positive I saw him holster his cannon. Much discussion was had in the parking lot as to what went wrong. The number of karmic flat tires Lou has performed led us to believe there was no way it was going to happen on this day. We have now reached the All-Star break so Diablo fans can recharge their batteries for what will surely be an epic second half push.

Diablos beat Black Sox 13-2

This past Sunday your Diablos extended their winning streak to 5. Did they make former Diablos look like Superstars? Lou definitely obliged. Was it as dominant as the score indicated? Hell No. In keeping with the recent tradition of Knoblauching the ball all over the diamond the Diablos started their day off with multiple errors in the 1st inning. With Yeti's yoga skills tested and the Liberty Court connection not ya know connecting the Black Sox held the lead for the first three innings. Another strong pitching performance was turned in by the Bee Keeper. After giving up some "laser beams" in the first inning he settled down and locked it down for his 4th win of the season. Pez made his Diablo debut with 2 shutout innings. The offense was it's usual take your time, let the pills kick in self. I can only equate the 2015 Diablo offense to your uncle's 1984 Dodge Rampage. It took a while to warm up, but once it got going you were able to cruise the avenue for babes all night long. It started at the top with David Bobby Bering Straits continued his race to 200 hits. He also added a dive in the outfield(unsuccessful) and a superman sprawl(successful) on the infield. Thank you Myrow. Meow-Meow continued to prove he was "Championship MVP" by lacing the ball around the yard. Next time maybe you hit it over the fence and not to it. Yeti was able to make a few outs and not toss his bat into the Crocker 2 ooze so that's an improvement. Bird continued his white hot streak with the bat. Tweet tweet! Joltin' Joe was bent over by Kemo once again. It's almost becoming so regular I question their relationship status. Niko found out what it's like to bat for Brooksy when he wore a pitch in his first AB. The march to A2A2M continues next week with a 1230 game against the Titans.

Diablos prove better than Batahola at snowball fight

Not much to say on this one. The Diablos pitched Johnny Wholestaff to get the win. MeowMeow hit a bomb for his mom. Bird continued his torrid hitting stretch(The move to San Mateo has paid dividends). The defense continues to throw and kick the ball all around the yard. Your Diablos are on pace for 276 errors for the season. Obviously Brother isn't burning enough peeps at practice. 

Diablos claim victory over bush league Altegracia

This past Sunday your Diablos won their third game in a row. Did the game start out ugly? If you call 6 errors in the first 2 innings ugly than YES. Did they manage to rise above their opponents bush league tactics? YOU BET. Much like your older brothers 1972 Pontiac the Diablo offense took a while to warm up. The early offense was easily forgotten behind an absolute circus on defense. It's possible a secret blood pact was made to welcome Yeti's return to the hill with a bloopers reel for the ages. My calls to confirm have not been returned. We had awful throws to first. We had ill advised throws into the dugouts. We had grounders avoiding leather by all means possible. We had Rube Bakeresque throws back to the pitcher. We even had a warm-up ball grabbed and used during a play. Basically it would have been a bonanza if we had been playing error card bingo. Despite all that Yeti managed to claw his way thru two excruciating innings. Keeping his pitch count in the low 200's he was quoted as saying "Raawwrrr". Eloquent as always. Picking up where Yeti left off was "Bee Keeper" Gardella. His hotter heat was sweet as honey striking out the side in his first inning. A certain buzz grew in the opponents dugout when they realized they may not get another base runner. The sting of reality was that they did end up getting on base, but never scored another run. See what I did there. On offense the three stars were PR Sainz with his 3rd homer of the season, "Abby" Hidalgo knocking his first homerun since tee ball(and knocking Yeti into 4th place) and Marcus "It's a family affair" Reed continuing his march towards the 3000 hit club. The Diablos remain undefeated on the season when scoring double digits. Obviously Brother has done a fine job tinkering with the lineup. Your Diablos next game is Sunday @ 1230 and is guaranteed to have more fans in attendance than today's Orioles-White Sox game. Today's picture is titled "How to remove Ebola from your bat". It's a simple process that Yeti can explain in three grunts or less.

Diablos beat scrappy Veracruz squad 11-5

This past Sunday your Diablos found themselves in a dog fight with Veracruz. In the end they triumphed with a 9th inning explosion that carried them to victory. Was it a pretty win? Umm no. Will we take it? YOU BET. Climbing the hill (a regulation mound this time) was none other than Lou "Workmans Comp" Gardella. His offseason plan of scaling back his innings workload is failing miserably. The union does not approve. He tossed his usual 9 innings of what we like to call Lou-ball. Dominate one inning. Start screwing around with his arm slot the next. Either way he would have had an easier day if it wasn't for a defense that resembled a wet fart. Bright spots on the day were Michael doing his best Smalls impression and locking down RF to start the game. Marcus told Father Time "No, No, No" and hosed a runner at home to help end a rally. Props to Pelzlzlzlzlz for using his face when his glove didn't work behind the dish. Concussion protocols weren't followed and he stayed in the game. On offense Meow Meow Ramirez and David Bobby continued to rip with four hits a piece. The two game home run streak for the Diablos ended on Sunday. Obviously the wind was blowing in. With the new uniforms touting our A2A championships the reasons for every team to hate us just keep piling up. Man I love this squad. Next up is a 9am game Sunday at the field of science aka Crocker 2. 

Diablos use long ball and hotter heat to beat the Angels

 

This past Sunday your Diablos took the field looking to break into the win column for the first time this season. Did they happen to bring their hitting sticks? You bet! Did any of their bombs happen to bring rain? Hell no. It is good to know that although the Diablos cannot end the drought they could definitely supply power to NorCal if rolling blackouts returned. Brother tweaked the lineup ever so slightly and the rout was on. This week featured the return of the Yeti Pacheco. After a spring sojourn to the highest peaks of Camelback mountain he found his way back to the cleanup spot and still hasn't made an out. His purchase of new lumber produced the first back breaking grand slam of the day. The presence of his mom probably didn't hurt(Thanks Mama!). He even managed to not tear anything after stretching at 1B. Next up we had Fredo extending his home run streak to two games. Vegas had his next longball coming somewhere in his late 40's. We were all pleasantly surprised. Only a left hander would attribute his new found power stroke to his sunglasses. I say it's the coffee his mom keeps bringing(Thanks Mama!). Capping off the laser show was a grand slam from Marcus. His power may come from his healthy diet and overall hotness. I believe he was just trying to show a little strength so that crane in the outfield wouldn't swallow him too(poor groundhog). Either way it was an impressive show of power. Meow Meow Ramirez overcame a spiking at second to chip in some loud contact and rap out four hits. Imbo survived a dangerous soft toss incident involving age and gravity to rip a few hits including a double thru the CF fence. Joltin Joe Chaika decided to use the sun ball to dropping a double. Hitting it over an outfielder is overrated as hell. Climbing the hill was Gluten Free Gardella. He got the W with incompetent field engineering and solid control. His heat was hotter. The Angels didn't really have a chance once he started letting out his Monica Seles grunts after every inning. The post game spread didn't really have a chance once he started eating luke warm hotdogs. Making their Diablo debuts were Andrew Pelzl and Michael Cereghino. Pez worked hard behind the plate and learned how to speak Lou in no time flat. Michael pinch hit and showed veteran poise moving a runner over. Come join us next week as the Diablos play their first afternoon game of the season. 

2015 schedule has been released

The new phone books are here! The new phone books are here! Well not really. The schedule has been brought down from the mountain top. Okay more like etched on a cocktail napkin. The road to glory has been set. Come join the Diablos on their quest for A2A2M. Oh and click on the schedule link to the left for the uh ya know schedule.

This past Sunday your Diablos began their title defense in the same fashion as the previous two seasons....With a loss. Was it ugly? Yes. Is the sky falling? Not likely! This squad is as battled scarred as any this scribe has ever followed. This loss will only stick with the team until Brooks' knee returns to regular size. Bastards! Toeing the slab for what felt like his 27th Opening Day start for the Diablos was none other than Lou "Quisenberry" Gardella. Believe me he tried to have someone else do it, but Yeti hadn't returned from his hibernation on the Matterhorn. Like death and taxes Lou tried his best to hit someone every 0-2 count he had. A little run support and solid defense could've helped him overcome that submarine delivery. On offense the Diablos had it all. Liberty Court base running...check. Shitty first pitch swings...check. A solo homerun from PR Sainz...che...Wait WTF! Yes the power stroke from our resident left hander seemed to have rolled out of bed with him. He says it was the shades. Meow-Meow says it was his pre at-bat advice. I think it was the fierce 3 mph wind blowing out to RF. All of this is unconfirmed. One thing I do know in 5 years (possibly 5 months) it will turn into an Opening Day Grand Salami that drove in 7 RBI's. The Diablos are off to observe the Easter holiday(Yeah right. These heathens) this weekend so look for an updated schedule to appear within the next week. 

LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLets get ready to rumble!!! The word has come from the mountain top that the season starts this week. Sunday 9am your Diablos will face Mexico at Crocker Park. Bring your friends. Bring a neighbor. Bring some random hottie you met at the club. A good time will be had by all. 

"I have firm penis can you use it?" This was a text response from our fearless leader to the question of someone needing a new arm. Yes we are already in mid-season form.

Spring has sprung for the Diablos

This past Sunday your ass to ass defending champion Diablos got back to it. With cartilage cracking and hamstrings almost popping the boys attempted to knock the rust off. In most cases the score of an exhibition game does not matter and this time was no exception. As the calendar has flipped to a new year some things have stayed the same. Lou is still as prejudiced as ever when he climbs the hill, Yeti's battle cry is still "I'm cool if anyone wants to pitch in my place", and Ivan became the first Diablo EVER to create a kangaroo court fee and have to pay it on the same day. Bravo, sir. Welcome back Diablo faithful. Keep your eyes peeled for updates on our schedule and where Diablo public appearances will be this season.

 

RIP Ernie Banks 1931-2015

We should all strive to have as much fun playing the game as he did.

Diablos celebrate Ass 2 Ass championships in epic fashion

I really don't remember this part of the evening

Brother spouting wisdom and useful techniques for lineup creation

How this guy didn't get shot on Mission Street is beyond me

Brother covering all the times Imbo got out, Imbo not giving a damn and the trophy hovering above them

The recaps on these scorecards were the absolute best. Someday we'll have a reunion just to read those again.

The only word that comes to mind is sex

Marcus reminding us all why we play this game

Pacheco Bumgarner....nuff said

FACT: Never have so many balloons been used as make shift penises

I don't know how, but that hat made it home with Brooksy

Oldie but goodie titled Deal with the Devil

 

Pissy warning letter translation from former league

Your Diablos beat the AB's this weekend 12-6. Many homers were hit on the little league field we played at, but the best part of the day didn't happen on the diamond. We were yelled at by two non-players in a fashion that usually leads to fisticuffs away from the field. Calling our manager a jerk will not be forgotten. Biting our tongue and turning the other cheek got us this warning from the league. We had it translated by a wise veteran who speaks this language.


Nieves and Members of the 2011 Diablos,
Brother and the coolest motherfuckers in the SFNABA

Based on the events of the past two weeks and on past history with your team, I am officially issuing the Diablos a strict and final warning on the use of alcohol and/or drugs at SFNABA games. We will hold a zero-tolerance stance on the matter moving forward.
Based on the Sun rising in the East/Setting in the West and Diablo Team Tradition, We are officially pointing our finger in your face and saying “Stop that right now!”. We will continue to have a “wide stance” on this matter like Senator Larry Craig.

If at any time for the remainder of the 2011 season the Diablos are found in violation of NABA's stated rules about alcohol/drug use, they will forfeit the game and will be disqualified from the playoffs altogether. Drug & alcohol use is strictly forbidden before, during, and after SFNABA games including on the field, in dugouts, at facilities where our games take place and on/in the nearby streets and surrounding neighborhood.
If you degenerates decide to act like Prohibition Bootleggers at any time for the remainder of this season you will forfeit the playoffs and not be invited to the Boards party celebrating your exit. Drugs and Alcohol are BAD,BAD,BAD and if the Police Officers who don’t bother you won’t instruct you on how to live your lives then we most certainly will.


You and your team all have ready access the official NABA rule book. We've spoken about this via email and phone. You spoke to one of our board members in person this past weekend... and still the message seems to be falling short.
We are going out on a limb and assuming you guys know how to read so put those skills to use and read the official rulebook. Of course these rules are suggestions because sometimes our umpires decide to make up the rules as they go. One of our members blew up on you guys like a toddler on a playground this past weekend and you still don’t seem to get it. I have instructed him to jump up and down and stomp his feet next time so you guys will understand.

Violation of these rules puts the entire league at risk of losing its insurance, may result in loss of access to our fields (which are rented from organizations that ALL share the same prohibitions on drug/alcohol), and is detrimental to the competitive environment that we promise to our members in exchange for their league fees.
Basically whether you guys are in attendance or not this Leagues demise will be placed squarely on your shoulders.

Know that this is a very serious issue, that you will all be held responsible for your actions, and that the stakes are very high. If you'd like to drink or smoke after a game, you MUST get in your cars and leave the area altogether.
I’m serious! You guys better stop laughing because this shit ain’t funny. I suggest you use your cup holders in your vehicles and roll up the windows while driving home after a game.

You will not be asked or warned again.
Please throw a kegger this Thursday in San Leandro so we don’t have to deal with your ghetto asses for the remainder of the year.

***UPDATED*** Kangaroo Courts Fees

March 24, 2008

The fees for stupid shit are as follows:

Getting Picked off a base: $1.00
Striking out looking: $1.00 ***Suspended due to terrible umpires in 2012***
Over throwing your cutoff man: $1.00
Infielder over throwing around the horn: $1.00
Hat Trick: $1.00
Missing a sign: $1.00
Failure to execute sign: $1.00
Wearing a white hat to a game: $1.00
No Hustle: $1.00
Wearing pants high with wrong color socks: $1.00
Leaving your shit at the field: $1.00

Acting like a douchebag when a non-game winning homerun is hit: $2.00

Section 2.69 Liberty Court Baserunning: $2.00

Golden Sombrero: $3.00
Letting go of bat during AB and almost killing dude on-deck: $3.00
Calling your own Infield Fly from the batters box: $3.00
Barfing during Infield and being a bitch when you're not in the line-up: $3.00

Late for Game: $5.00
Crying like a bitch at a movie: $5.00

Not bringing Strikeout shirt to following game: $5.00

Pissing in your own dugout aka "The Ivan Rule": $5.00


No Show/No Call at Game: $20.00
Thrown out of game: $20.00

Remove uniform before last out: $20

 


Upcoming Games

Sunday,  Jun 7
Mexico @ Diablos 9:00am Crocker #1
Sunday,  Jun 14
Angels @ Diablos 12:30pm Crocker #1
Sunday,  Jun 21
Veracruz @ Diablos 12:30pm Balboa-Shit field
Sunday,  Jun 28
Altagracia @ Diablos 12:30pm Balboa-Shit field
Sunday,  Jul 12
Batahola @ Diablos 9:00am Crocker #1
Sunday,  Jul 19
Black Sox @ Diablos 12:30pm Balboa-Shit field
Sunday,  Jul 26
Titans @ Diablos 9:00am Crocker #1

For a complete schedule listing, click here!