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San Francisco Diablos

Diablos forfeit

No I will not give you a recap of what happened! Poor lineup card management, trying to impress a chick and man periods all summarize the garbage that was on Sunday. If you were there I apologize for what you had to see. Refunds will be offered at a future date. A few fans were willing to go on record and this is what they had to say "I've never seen so many men on the rag before." Obviously these guys have been in close contact so much lately they are all on the same cycle. The roller coaster season continues for the Diablos who now sit at 3-3. Enjoy Memorial Day weekend.

Diablos win one for Mama

The Diablos defeated Toros Gold 8-3 this past Sunday. Yours truly was "on assignment" so I got the news over the wire. Will add details as they come in.

Diablos crawl back to .500

This past Sunday your Diablos finally found their way back to .500 with a 12-3 win over the Rockies. Today’s recap will go over each player’s contribution to the victory.  The battery of Lou and Bird did a fine job limiting the Rockies death by a thousand bunts offense. What I’m most proud of is their recognition that fastballs with any pop made the umpire blink and call it a ball. They sloooooooooowed the pitches down to a crawl and began getting the calls. David Bobby Gerald Berning III continued his assault on the all-time OBP record. His unofficially OBP stands at 1.257. Someone check the math. He also earned the Imbo player of the week award(pictured above).  As we expected Rob took Tiff’s name last year and his jersey now says Rodriruez. The change has not been kind to his batting eye. When asked Brother will file the paperwork to get your name back. Just gotta ask.  Kyle Say Hay found himself owing his first kangaroo court fee for a called 3rd strike. He would’ve been the lucky recipient of the K-shirt, but Niko stepped in and saved the day in 9th getting his own backwards K. That's teamwork. Niko later had some trouble with the cooler, but win beers taste the same whether they’ve been shaken or stirred.  Mr Sarabia continued his streak of HBP’s. Only 10 more to break the Diablos record.  He also signed autographs for the kids and told them all they too could be Diablos someday. Their mother shook her head accordingly. PR Sainz pulled double duty as player/coach ala Frank Robinson. The intentional walks are where the similarities end between those two. Imbo brought his hitting stick, a huge American flag and his CF cleats. All three were helpful. Abby Mauna Maui Hidalgo got the start in LF and didn’t disappoint. He caught nothing with two hands and even pulled the old “Knock my hat off while I chase a ball so I look fast AF, but tell everyone it’s because I needed to try and make an over the shoulder catch.” That endeavor ended exactly how you would expect…….A 2B for the Rockies. Nick Lee made his Diablo debut by trying on several uniforms much like Goldilocks until he found one that was JUUUUUST RIGHT. Kemo did it all on Sunday. He marked the RBI’s in the book like a vet, worked a count to get an RBI FC and even pimped a slow baby bouncer to second. Nobody makes it look more effortless when a grounder slowly nestles itself in the bread basket than Kemo. Most importantly Brooksy was the ATM that got the umpires to stay and try their hardest. At 2-2 the Diablos have been very underwhelming this season, but all signs are pointing up. Tell yo wife, tell yo kids the Diablos playin’ Toros Gold this Sunday.

Diablos finally get a win

This past Sunday your Diablos FINALLY got their first win of the season with a 14-4 victory over Piaxtla. Did it take too long for them to break into the win column? Yes. Was Fredo’s threat of loss nudity the main factor? YOU BET!

Climbing the hill for his first start of the season was Bird Nielsen. This guy was in control from the minute he pulled up in his mom mobile. Whether it was hitting the outside corner so many times the umpire had to call it a strike or pitching through the circus tent extravaganza that was the Diablos 3rd inning defense(Hey Bobby!). He showed up with ice water in his veins and earned the victory. His only false move was pulling a Lou after the game and trying to search the book for his K stats. Bad Bird!

Even with such a stellar start from the starter the day belonged to the offense.  8-run first innings tend to overshadow everything. Especially since that eclipsed the Diablos season total of runs scored by a comfortable margin. Brother called in a few favors and had PR Jim Leyland help out with coaching. Through his cloud of Newport smoke good ol’ Jim declared “This is best lineup we’ve ever put together.” Not sure that was the truth, but the offensive explosion couldn’t have come at a better time. Kyle Say Hay continued his solid hitting, but we here at Diablos headquarters are more worried about his keister. An errant throw was a bullseye on the brown eye. His postgame football form wasn’t effected so the prognosis seems ok. David Gerald Bobby III had himself one helluva day. He smacked the ball around the yard from the box and kicked it around from the diamond. It all made sense once we found out he had a fellow San Diegan in the stands. Quit showing off. Imbo made his triumphant return from saying yes to the dress. His fashion choices and swing are still in top form. Kemo tried like hell to strong arm walks from the umpire all day. This no doubt led to his first official earning of the K-shirt.  Mauna Abby Maui Hidalgo, who is an official Lyft driver, spent the morning trying to hitch a ride. The fact that he drove himself didn’t hinder his ability to get on base. His postgame make out session/wrestling match with Leyland was as sexy as it sounds. Welcome back buddy. All in all a solid day for the squad. Your Diablos attempt to make it two in a row next Sunday. Come out and enjoy an adult beverage. Bring a friend.

Diablos drop home opener

 This past Sunday your Diablos returned to their old stomping grounds at Balboa Park. Visions of a conquering army returning to parades and adoring women danced through the players heads. It was not a warm welcome home. The offensive struggles continued and they lost in walk-off fashion 4-3 to Los Rojos. Even with an intimidating 27 players suited up for the Diablos they couldn't muster any momentum. PR Sainz did his best Lou Brown impression, but he may have gone one too many times to the "Stay Loose" well. Not many highlights can be recalled from the game. David "Hey Bobbo" Berning did his best Tsuyoshi Shinjo impression in the outfield. Every catch had a hop, prance or dive. it was a sight to behold. Newest Diablo Kyle Say Hay spent most of the day on base and even gave Brooksy room to make a play in the field. Atta babe. Other than that the day on the field can only be described as a shart. The Diablos now stand at 0-2 and I can't recall if that's every happened. This Sunday they get back at it in Hayward at 1pm. Bring a friend and possibly some runs.

Hey Bobby

April 18, 2017

The above picture accurately captures the scene on Easter Sunday. The only afternoon game that got started during a rain storm. Did we need to start the game? No. Was it old fashioned greed? YOU BET! Either way the umpires got paid and we now have a game to complete sometime between now and the day we all hang up our spikes. Shout out to the Sierra Clan for providing shelter during the deluge. Some things found out on Sunday were 1)Fredo's hamstring seems quite pliable for his advanced age 2)Rain or shine Lou is a straight dick with his HBP's 3)Any situation can be immediately improved by yelling "Hey Bobby" with your hands cupped around your mouth. Tune in next week as the Diablos triumphantly return to Balboa Park. Roxie's anyone?

Diablos drop opener 3-2

April 13, 2017

This past Sunday your Diablos opened the season with an emphatic thud. You know the kind of thud I'm talking about. The one where you get quiet and ask someone in the other room "Everything okay in there?". Yeah that was the kind of day the Diablos had. Everyone's favorite abominable snowman got the Opening Day nod and didn't disappoint. Yeti tossed 5 solid innings and could've gotten a win. Of course he tried to tamp down everyone's expectations during pre-game by stating "Not sure how long I can go" and "Haven't done this in 3 years". Yeah we know Yeti. We heard all this last week. He also battled the slight hypothermia that comes with wintering in the Himalayas. Thankfully the foot can be saved. After that I'm not sure there was much to speak of. The lack of baseball awareness was in full effect. Hopefully it was just the fellas giving up their Baseball IQ's for Lent. From not remembering basic rules of the game to absolute garbage effort in running the bases. Even Buttermaker was rolling over in his grave watching the Liberty Court display. To the Diablos credit they were in position to win this game late, but the baseball gods usually have a way of evening out all things. Luckily the season is long and there is always next week. 

Opening Day!

It's finally here! The baseball season has arrived to cleanse our souls. No more talk of the Falcons choking. Or about how the country is now run by a pint of orange sherbet. Just good ol' baseball talk. If you are somewhere that faintly smells of Ben-gay and cigarette smoke a Diablo must be near. Some new faces have been brought on board to try and lower the average age and up the athletic ability. Also PR got a wild hair up his nose so when you go looking for your favorite local squad they may look a little different. The word from headquarters is that Opening Day ceremonies will commence at 9am this Sunday 4/9/17 Northgate Park in Fremont. Brother has been assured we play a morning game after the festivities. Don't know who. Don't know where. Basically it's business as usual for this band of ruffians. So dust off your Diablo hat. Rinse the mold out of the coolers. Diablos baseball is back!

Pissy warning letter translation from former league

Your Diablos beat the AB's this weekend 12-6. Many homers were hit on the little league field we played at, but the best part of the day didn't happen on the diamond. We were yelled at by two non-players in a fashion that usually leads to fisticuffs away from the field. Calling our manager a jerk will not be forgotten. Biting our tongue and turning the other cheek got us this warning from the league. We had it translated by a wise veteran who speaks this language.

Nieves and Members of the 2011 Diablos,
Brother and the coolest motherfuckers in the SFNABA

Based on the events of the past two weeks and on past history with your team, I am officially issuing the Diablos a strict and final warning on the use of alcohol and/or drugs at SFNABA games. We will hold a zero-tolerance stance on the matter moving forward.
Based on the Sun rising in the East/Setting in the West and Diablo Team Tradition, We are officially pointing our finger in your face and saying “Stop that right now!”. We will continue to have a “wide stance” on this matter like Senator Larry Craig.

If at any time for the remainder of the 2011 season the Diablos are found in violation of NABA's stated rules about alcohol/drug use, they will forfeit the game and will be disqualified from the playoffs altogether. Drug & alcohol use is strictly forbidden before, during, and after SFNABA games including on the field, in dugouts, at facilities where our games take place and on/in the nearby streets and surrounding neighborhood.
If you degenerates decide to act like Prohibition Bootleggers at any time for the remainder of this season you will forfeit the playoffs and not be invited to the Boards party celebrating your exit. Drugs and Alcohol are BAD,BAD,BAD and if the Police Officers who don’t bother you won’t instruct you on how to live your lives then we most certainly will.

You and your team all have ready access the official NABA rule book. We've spoken about this via email and phone. You spoke to one of our board members in person this past weekend... and still the message seems to be falling short.
We are going out on a limb and assuming you guys know how to read so put those skills to use and read the official rulebook. Of course these rules are suggestions because sometimes our umpires decide to make up the rules as they go. One of our members blew up on you guys like a toddler on a playground this past weekend and you still don’t seem to get it. I have instructed him to jump up and down and stomp his feet next time so you guys will understand.

Violation of these rules puts the entire league at risk of losing its insurance, may result in loss of access to our fields (which are rented from organizations that ALL share the same prohibitions on drug/alcohol), and is detrimental to the competitive environment that we promise to our members in exchange for their league fees.
Basically whether you guys are in attendance or not this Leagues demise will be placed squarely on your shoulders.

Know that this is a very serious issue, that you will all be held responsible for your actions, and that the stakes are very high. If you'd like to drink or smoke after a game, you MUST get in your cars and leave the area altogether.
I’m serious! You guys better stop laughing because this shit ain’t funny. I suggest you use your cup holders in your vehicles and roll up the windows while driving home after a game.

You will not be asked or warned again.
Please throw a kegger this Thursday in San Leandro so we don’t have to deal with your ghetto asses for the remainder of the year.

***UPDATED*** Kangaroo Courts Fees

March 24, 2008

The fees for stupid shit are as follows:

Getting Picked off a base: $1.00
Striking out looking: $1.00 ***Suspended due to terrible umpires in 2012***
Over throwing your cutoff man: $1.00
Infielder over throwing around the horn: $1.00
Hat Trick: $1.00
Missing a sign: $1.00
Failure to execute sign: $1.00
Wearing a white hat to a game: $1.00
No Hustle: $1.00
Wearing pants high with wrong color socks: $1.00

Leaving your shit at the field: $1.00

Giving away your jersey before you retire: $ Market price of a jersey

Acting like a douchebag when a non-game winning homerun is hit: $2.00

Section 2.69 Liberty Court Baserunning: $2.00

Golden Sombrero: $3.00
Letting go of bat during AB and almost killing dude on-deck: $3.00
Calling your own Infield Fly from the batters box: $3.00
Barfing during Infield and being a bitch when you're not in the line-up: $3.00

Late for Game: $5.00
Crying like a bitch at a movie: $5.00

Not bringing Strikeout shirt to following game: $5.00

Pissing in your own dugout aka "The Ivan Rule": $5.00

No Show/No Call at Game: $20.00
Thrown out of game: $20.00

Remove uniform before last out: $20

Yelling at Coach across the diamond like a Ho: $20


Upcoming Games

Sunday, Jun 4
Diablos @ Black Sox10:00amKitayama (Medallion)
Sunday, Jun 11
Bandits @ Diablos11:00amTBD
Sunday, Jun 18
Diablos @ Jarochos10:00amTreeview / Rancho Verde

For a complete schedule listing, click here!