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Headlines
The greatest long con prank EVER
Tribute to past Diablos
***UPDATED*** Kangaroo Courts Fees
Deep Thoughts by Bud Selig
No. 714
10 reasons to Hate Red Sox Fans
LSD + Starting Pitcher = No-No
Power swing in 6 easy steps

Diablos drop first game of the season

May 3, 2016

This past Sunday your Diablos played their first morning game in Fremont. It was a rather forgettable 7-6 loss to Veracruz. Did they get out to an early 5-0 lead? Yes. Would they eventually cough it up in Buckneresque fashion? YOU BET! All in all there wasn’t much to write home about.  9-5 Gardella had a solid start, but the new bat may not be a great purchase. Imbo and Rob returned from their trip to Pleasure Cove ready to hit and talk about each others “ribs”. Yeah I think it was code too.  Bird Nielsen continued his cycle of steroids and rapped three more hits. Nobody talk to him about it. Seriously you’ll get him out of the zone. Niko had his first Sac Fly of the season AND helped attend to an injured fan after the game. Another line added to his loaded resume. Atta boy. Huddy Brooks made his first appearance and got to see us puke all over ourselves. He felt right at home. Other than that it didn’t feel like Diablo baseball. Hopefully this first loss will be the wake up call these guys need. Let’s get back to backing each other up and playing for the name on the front of the jersey, not the name on the back.

Diablos win ugly affair over the Orioles

April 26, 2016

A win is a win is a win. This is what all Diablos players, fans and front office personnel went home muttering to themselves. After utter domination in Week 1 the baseball gods humbled the Diablos in countless ways. Whether it was making Brooksy do the Candlestick pop up dance (At Yeti's request) or the floating strike zone that ended more than a few players AB's. In the end it didn't matter because their intestinal fortitude and solid relief pitching sealed the 9-7 victory. Climbing the hill for his first start (in a decade?) was “Oil Can” Lary. With the confidence of Satchel Paige and the mechanics of Bartolo Colon he gutted his way thru 4 innings. Luckily he was well versed in the leagues hit batters policy so he kept his totals just under the ejection threshold. Another mound debut was made by Bird Nielsen. World leaders could take lessons from him on composure. The numerous pitches down the dick that were called balls would have made Ghandi start shooting. His patience paid off and his relief stint led to a chicken hawk victory. Coming in for the Bruce Sutter 3-inning save was Lou “95mph” Gardella. With his combination of 95mph fastballs and 95mph off speed pitches he made quick work of the Orioles. He also failed to mention his OBP even once during postgame. Breaking his own Ripkenesque streak. The offense was once again a solid team effort. What I’m most proud of his the SEVEN 2-out runs scored on Sunday. No inning was conceded. Starting things at the top was Marcus scoring 2 runs and showing the wheels. PR Sainz once again put on a clinic going the other way with authority and a lob wedge. One of his hits looked foul as a mutha, but the only person who mattered called it fair. He also skinned his knee. Jeff “Hunter Pance” Ramirez showed some hustle on the base paths taking anything the defense would give him. He also showed a fine ability to take the bat out of Niko’s hands and should never, ever be called out in the postgame circle. He no likey. Yeti Pacheco murdered a bat, but got 2 rbis in the process. He also had an impressive streak of calling out the wrong fielder every time a ball went in the air. He lives 10 miles away from Brooksy, but I’m positive I just heard Yeti call for him to grab the fork that is falling off his kitchen table. This was Yeti’s last game for a while. Too many stump removals and chasing hikers off the mountain has landed him on the DL. Good luck, Brother. Freddie Yadi Rodriguez Sierra got his first hit as a Diablo and promptly enrolled in the Liberty Court base runners skool. Well done. You may now have your own name. Imbo made his season debut in RF and didn’t disappoint at the plate. His stealing of Brooksy oppo hits was pre-approved and always enjoyed. Also getting into the action was Courtney and Ally from the bleachers. Homeboy from the Orioles was about an hour and half late on a pitch and fouled it directly at them. Like a cat Ally leaned 2 inches to her left and Courtney just screamed in the general direction of the field. All were ok, but we’ve petitioned the league to have extra netting put around all our fans. We’ll see what they say. Next week the Diablos have an early one against Veracruz. Bring a friend!

**Pictured below is Lou showing the proper Union posture for a 15 minute break**

 

Diablos open new season with dominating victory

April 18, 2016

**UPDATE** 

Field has been changed for this weeks game to Sunset High School. Directions have been added to the schedule. Now you can invite your loved ones to the game.

This past Sunday your Diablos ventured into new territory. Now playing in the Bay Area Bay Bridge Baysball league in Hayward/Fremont/Union City/Oakland they were forced with ceremonies and pageantry they hadn't seen in years. The above picture is how we presented ourselves. We put our best pair of youth pants forward(Thanks Fredo) and told the league we're here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. The breakdown of the day went like this...

The Opening Day ceremony:

The announcement was for teams to arrive 0830 SHARP. When the ceremony started promptly around 915ish all Diablos were present and accounted for. Unfortunately, what we had to stand through was an abomination highlighted by the desecration of the American Flag. Letting a child drag it through the dirt and essentially wipe his ass with it was enough to make this players blood boil. Everything else that transpired was on par with that. Luckily this only lasted 20-25 mins.

The Game:

After traveling along 880 we arrived at McConnell field. Whomever McConnell pissed off in his life to have this placed named after him is still holding a grudge. I guess the only positive is that you can get a great deal on some Axe Body Spray from the locals. Yeti didn't make the purchase. With the faint pops of gunshots your Diablos put forth a textbook ass whoopin. Skinny Lou made the declaration he was "Going 9 today" and didn't disappoint. Tossing a 1-hit shutout en route to a 7-0 victory. He also swung the bat well enough to earn a (insert middle finger) OBP. The early leader for the Homerun bounty is the ageless wonder Marcus Reed. His 1st inning jack would be described by Jon Miller as "Soaring and Majestic" He also ran the bases like a madman so he definitely slept good last night. PR Sainz (and his aforementioned pants) was a Sac Fly machine. He also added a few knocks and was done dry by the base umpire. Fortunately he didn't have to field anything or else he would've wanted the league MVP trophy right then and there. Cowboy Robbie Rodriguez played some solid 3B and wore a pitch off his metal ass. Yes you had to be there. Brooksy flashed some leather like a stud and ran back to the dugout with his head down. They don't make them like this anymore ladies and gentlemen. The only thing missing was Brother telling him "You still got it, Brother!". All in all a solid debut which will get word around the league that we aren't messing around. PLUS we all made it home safe and didn't become "collateral damage". The Diablos play at the same park next week so fans please don't come.

1st half schedule has been announced!

April 13, 2016

Well gents the first half schedule has been finalized. As you can see the Diablos have announced their presence with authority and been saddled with Visitor status for our first 8 games. Not quite sure why that is. Hopefully Brother can talk to Berkhalter down at the league office and explain we don't roll on Shabbos. Field locations have been updated so check the schedule and no excuses!

Now the important information. We are "required" to attend the opening ceremonies at 830am SHARP (not my emphasis) at Northgate Park (Paseo Padre). If we do not get minimum 9 players to this ceremony we will forfeit our first game. Let me repeat that WE WILL FORFEIT OUR FIRST GAME if we don't get 9 players there. I'm not happy about this. You're not happy about this. I'm going to quote Bruce Willis from The Last Boy Scout "Water is wet, the sky is blue, women have secrets. Who gives a fuck?" That sums it up. It will be a full day across the bay for ALL OF US. Be an adult and forego that 12th beer Saturday night and make it to the field. Players who aren't registered will most likely have the opportunity to do it at this ceremony. I want all of you (Even the loyal fans who live with these degenerates) to take one thing from this update FORFEIT, FORFEIT, FORFEIT. If Brooksy can abandon his 8 month old child to spend the day on the Hayward fault then none of you have a better excuse.

Season opener announced

April 5, 2016

The season opener has been scheduled and the baseball gods have given us a afternoon first pitch. Sunday 4/10/16 we play El Valle (They'll look familiar because we just played them) 1pm @ Treeview(Rancho verde) park. You don't know where that is. I don't know where that is. Once I found this gem I will put directions on this update. There is also a Opening ceremony 0830am @ Apertura (Paseo Padre) park. Brother is telling me this is mandatory which kind of blows my mind. Let me dive into this a little further because 4 hours of down time in Hayward will almost guarantee a non-sober Diablo line-up. Keep your eyes open for the updates.

**UPDATE**

Location for game has been updated in the schedule section of this website. Click on the location link and it will give you the google map view of the location. I will update all the ballparks as soon as the schedule is updated.

Final(only) practice game 4/3/16

Diablos first and only practice game of the season is this Sunday 4/3 at Tennyson park in Hayward. First pitch is at 1pm and we need to be in full uniform. Team picture and ID pictures will be taken. A prize will be awarded to gnarliest facial hair for the ID picture. Think serial killer or toothless hobo.

Diablos complete 2016 Winter Meeting

February 18, 2016

Well, well, well another season of Diablos baseball has begun. In true Diablo fashion the records are already being broken. This time it was attendance for a Winter Meeting. Pictured above you can see there were 1, 2, 3.....like 27 people there. The beer flowed, shots were poured and baseball was discussed. It's looking like the same cast of characters will be taking the field for Brother (Of course everyone and their mom has a guy who can pitch 200 innings or hit 20 homers with a gold glove if only they can get off the couch....HA friggin liars). The off-season saw many changes for your Diablos. Some got engaged, some joined pyramid schemes and some had kids. The most important news from the meeting is that a bounty has been raised for this seasons homerun leader. The pot is already up to $160. Can't wait to watch the overweight guys round 3rd with dollar signs in their eyes and irregular heartbeats in their chests. Spring training officially starts Feb 21st, 1pm at Balboa Park. 

Pissy warning letter translation from former league

Your Diablos beat the AB's this weekend 12-6. Many homers were hit on the little league field we played at, but the best part of the day didn't happen on the diamond. We were yelled at by two non-players in a fashion that usually leads to fisticuffs away from the field. Calling our manager a jerk will not be forgotten. Biting our tongue and turning the other cheek got us this warning from the league. We had it translated by a wise veteran who speaks this language.


Nieves and Members of the 2011 Diablos,
Brother and the coolest motherfuckers in the SFNABA

Based on the events of the past two weeks and on past history with your team, I am officially issuing the Diablos a strict and final warning on the use of alcohol and/or drugs at SFNABA games. We will hold a zero-tolerance stance on the matter moving forward.
Based on the Sun rising in the East/Setting in the West and Diablo Team Tradition, We are officially pointing our finger in your face and saying “Stop that right now!”. We will continue to have a “wide stance” on this matter like Senator Larry Craig.

If at any time for the remainder of the 2011 season the Diablos are found in violation of NABA's stated rules about alcohol/drug use, they will forfeit the game and will be disqualified from the playoffs altogether. Drug & alcohol use is strictly forbidden before, during, and after SFNABA games including on the field, in dugouts, at facilities where our games take place and on/in the nearby streets and surrounding neighborhood.
If you degenerates decide to act like Prohibition Bootleggers at any time for the remainder of this season you will forfeit the playoffs and not be invited to the Boards party celebrating your exit. Drugs and Alcohol are BAD,BAD,BAD and if the Police Officers who don’t bother you won’t instruct you on how to live your lives then we most certainly will.


You and your team all have ready access the official NABA rule book. We've spoken about this via email and phone. You spoke to one of our board members in person this past weekend... and still the message seems to be falling short.
We are going out on a limb and assuming you guys know how to read so put those skills to use and read the official rulebook. Of course these rules are suggestions because sometimes our umpires decide to make up the rules as they go. One of our members blew up on you guys like a toddler on a playground this past weekend and you still don’t seem to get it. I have instructed him to jump up and down and stomp his feet next time so you guys will understand.

Violation of these rules puts the entire league at risk of losing its insurance, may result in loss of access to our fields (which are rented from organizations that ALL share the same prohibitions on drug/alcohol), and is detrimental to the competitive environment that we promise to our members in exchange for their league fees.
Basically whether you guys are in attendance or not this Leagues demise will be placed squarely on your shoulders.

Know that this is a very serious issue, that you will all be held responsible for your actions, and that the stakes are very high. If you'd like to drink or smoke after a game, you MUST get in your cars and leave the area altogether.
I’m serious! You guys better stop laughing because this shit ain’t funny. I suggest you use your cup holders in your vehicles and roll up the windows while driving home after a game.

You will not be asked or warned again.
Please throw a kegger this Thursday in San Leandro so we don’t have to deal with your ghetto asses for the remainder of the year.

***UPDATED*** Kangaroo Courts Fees

March 24, 2008

The fees for stupid shit are as follows:

Getting Picked off a base: $1.00
Striking out looking: $1.00 ***Suspended due to terrible umpires in 2012***
Over throwing your cutoff man: $1.00
Infielder over throwing around the horn: $1.00
Hat Trick: $1.00
Missing a sign: $1.00
Failure to execute sign: $1.00
Wearing a white hat to a game: $1.00
No Hustle: $1.00
Wearing pants high with wrong color socks: $1.00
Leaving your shit at the field: $1.00

Acting like a douchebag when a non-game winning homerun is hit: $2.00

Section 2.69 Liberty Court Baserunning: $2.00

Golden Sombrero: $3.00
Letting go of bat during AB and almost killing dude on-deck: $3.00
Calling your own Infield Fly from the batters box: $3.00
Barfing during Infield and being a bitch when you're not in the line-up: $3.00

Late for Game: $5.00
Crying like a bitch at a movie: $5.00

Not bringing Strikeout shirt to following game: $5.00

Pissing in your own dugout aka "The Ivan Rule": $5.00


No Show/No Call at Game: $20.00
Thrown out of game: $20.00

Remove uniform before last out: $20

 

Upcoming Games

Sunday, May 8
Diablos @ Rockies10:00amPaseo Padre Park / Northgate Park (Fremont)
Sunday, May 15
Diablos @ Toros Gold10:00amTreeview / Rancho Verde
Sunday, May 22
Diablos @ Nayarit1:00pmTreeview / Rancho Verde
Sunday, Jun 5
Diablos @ Bandits12:00pmEl Charro Park / Tennyson Park (Hayward)
Sunday, Jun 12
Diablos @ Bombers12:00pmEl Charro Park / Tennyson Park (Hayward)

For a complete schedule listing, click here!