Diablos grind out 14-11 win against Black Sox
This past Sunday your Diablos hung on to defeat the Black Sox 14-11. The game was played on the surface of the sun. This was the first time in Diablo history where the “Save the ice for the beer” rule came back to bite us in the ass. By the 5th inning or 17th hour of this game every water had either been consumed or heated to 97 degrees. On the field was a much different story. Neither team was what you would consider hot. Unless bleeders over the infielders heads are what you dig. Making his Diablo debut on the mound was Niko. He had prepared for this start by bashing Croatian rocks into the nearest lake. Not encouraged by Tom Emansky. His effort was futile as the defense continued it’s season long letdown. Meow Meow Ramirez did his best Yusmeiro Petit impression and hung on for the victory in relief. On the offense the usual suspects did their thing. David Bobby continued his march toward 200 hits spending most of the day on base. Meow Meow hit another jack(Pushing Yeti further down the leaderboard) and swiped his league leading 724th stolen base. Robbie moseyed around the bases scoring at will. Brooksy saw something like 63 pitches in his 4 at-bats. Showing the youngins how to work a count. Joltin’ Joe showed up ready this week and promptly had Kemo bend him over. This seems to be a weekly occurrence. The remainder of this recap will be dedicated to the memory of Imbo’s .998 Fielding%. It had a solid run. Imbo made sure to remind us of it semi-regularly and it was never seriously challenged UNTIL GreyBush stepped to the plate. The laser beam that he sent Imbo’s way had Uh-Oh written all over it. The swiftness with which it was played into a Little League Homerun (Single-3 base error) was in true Diablo fashion. It doesn’t have the same ring to it, but here’s to Imbo’s new shiny .910 fielding%. Congratulate him the next time you find yourself at the yard.
Diablos impress random scout in 15-0 drubbing of Batahola
This past Sunday your Diablos showed up. No seriously they SHOWED UP. Whether it was the looseness brought on by completing warm ups before the other team even showed up or the dedication of the win to fighting sickle cell anemia. The 15-0 victory over Batahola was highlighted by the fact that it was over before anyone could wake up for the afternoon game. As one Diablo pointed out "We were 3 beers deep in the parking lot before anyone even showed up for the 12:30 games". Unofficially(Because that time we told homeboys team to step because he only had 8 in the playoffs is still a better story) this stands as the fastest game in Diablo history at 1 hour 25 minutes. Pitching the "chickenhawk" complete game was none other than the Bee Killer Gardella. Whether it's the biking through Guadalupe Canyon or hunger strikes for world peace it seems that Stella indeed has his groove back on the mound. Yeti added to his impressive 1.26667 batting average with a few more bloops into the outfield. He also has been named in a copyright lawsuit for hogging all the "Brooksy Specials". Dick move, bro. Joltin Joe Chaika showed up to the park not ready. In fact he wasn't ready when his ride fetched him from the gutter before the game. He still managed to knock in a run and get a part-time job at Trader Joe's. Enjoy the shirt. Imbo started off the game with a catch in RF only Sully Sullenberger could love. He was quoted after the game saying "Well it's easier than doing soft toss". Indeed. PR Sainz put some good wood on the ball AND showed how to put a lot of leather on the ball at 1B. I believe the Amazon Prime Day did have a solid sale on the Tom Emansky VHS collection. Hopefully Fredo made the wait list. Meow Meow Ramirez had himself a day. He had three hits on three pitched balls. Maybe it was two pitches. I don't know. The line drives he sprayed around the park were impressive. Afterwards in the parking lot it was like a scene out of Hollywood. A wayward scout was lost and his car broke down. He catches the ball game at Crocker and witnesses Meow Meows greatness. While in the parking lot he comes over and offers him a deal to play for the Rancho Cucamonga CrackaKillas. During the tense negotiations he overhears that Meow Meow's bats are using performance enhancers. The deal was pulled off the table and his car magically started up. Better luck next time.
You get a home run and you get a home run...(almost)EVERYBODY gets a home run!
Where were you on 06/28/15? A question many Diablo fans will ask themselves in the coming decades. It is a date to be remembered much like the day Kennedy was assassinated or the first time you heard the Backstreet Boys. After a two game slide which saw your beloved Diablos start contemplating wearing lingerie (The rose goes in the front?) something had to be done. A statement needed to be made. Well the call to the baseball gods was answered in the form of a 15-2 shellacking of Altegracia. Did the game start out with errors and the Diablos falling behind? YOU BET. Could SCOTUS have stopped the Diablos offense? HELL NO. On a weekend where pride seemed to be the theme your Diablos dug deep and showed a little. Starting the laser show was none other than Abby "Where da white women at?" Hidalgo. He continued his power surge hitting a homer for the second consecutive game. Don't cut that hair! He also pulled into a tie for the team lead, but Fredo quickly took that back with a jack of his own. PR sprinkled in a triple as well. The week off from work really helped. We got a look at old skool Marcus when he flashed his muscle for a homer and showed his speed on the bases. In fact he was so fast he rounded third, laid down for a nap, went back to chat with Nieves and then scored after stealing 2B. Almost all of that last sentence is truth. The real power display was in the 4th inning when Niko, Robbie and Jeff went BACK to BACK to BACK. Niko padded his resume with a start behind the plate and was rewarded for his efforts. Robbie cowboy'd up by embarrassing the cut off man and ignoring Nieves at 3B. Meow Meow followed it all up by using the California drought to his advantage. Imbo missed the chance for a fourth jack in true Diablo fashion by hitting it directly at the winded and slightly defeated RF. All in all it was a great day for the bats. Nieves had pure gold flowing from his pen when he wrote the lineup. At least I think it was gold. Bird took the hill for his first start of the season and didn't disappoint. Obviously his getting to bed early and having a balanced nutritious breakfast before the game had him in fine form. His only blip was dropping a pop up on infield, but hey at least he didn't wear it off his forehead. Great job fellas. Let's get this train rolling so come playoff time we make a few more teams quit. Happy 4th of July!
Diablos win streak snapped at 7
This weekend your Diablos win streak ended against the Angels in a 16-9 loss. Some good things happened and several bad things happened. Here is a recount of all the notable events...Abby the human caught, batted lead-off and didn't injure himself, well we haven't heard the results of his flag football game so we'll go with caught and batted lead-off...Yeti played the field without incident after graciously offering to DH...Imbo hit the cut-off TWICE...Niko made a beautiful diving catch in RF that was reminiscent of when the statue of Saddam Hussein was toppled in Iraq...PR Sainz walked almost every time he batted, He lobbied for hits on the other ones with no luck...Michael almost had his eyes pop out when told he was starting at 2B...He then proceeded to field more balls than he didn't and shit talked Brooksy all the way back to the dugout...Bee Keeper sucked it up and took the hit for all 9 innings on the bump...Mistry officially joined the Diablos with his first Kangaroo Court fine...All in all it was only super ugly at the end. The Diablos look to get back on the winning side next Sunday in their first game of the season at Balboa Park.
Diablos beat Mexico 6-5 on the old walk-off walk.
This past Sunday your Diablos returned from a ridiculously long All-Star break to defeat their old nemesis Mexico 6-5 in 10 innings. Did the layoff help recharge the Diablo offense? All signs point to no. Will the Diablos take the win despite looking like Little Caesers leftovers? YOU BETCHA! Bee Keeper Gardella kept his pitch count to the low 200's and tossed all 10 innings while resembling Captain America. Not the dude tearing up Nazi's and carrying a shield. More like Cap before he took the juice and got ripped. Seriously he's wasting away before our eyes. Yeti continued his assault on the 3rd base coaching box. He made Brother use that bionic hip more than he does in the tryout container at the Port of Oakland. Propping the fathead up when Yeti bats is not being taken off the table. David Bobby Bering Strait enjoyed another few firsts in his baseball career: 1)An actual shit show in the home team dugout and B)5-0 having to remove a hobo from the field. He also hosed a dude at 3B from RF. He actually only gets half an assist for that one because Brooksy whispering "Hose him" was the most important part of that play. He may have just come up and ate it without that fine piece of advice. Meow-Meow Ramirez showed all five tools on Sunday. The one that stood out was his speed. He didn't add to his planet leading stolen base total, but he did outrun the shit out of a pop up to the shallow outfield. I've only seen Superman do something like that. Truly awe inspiring. PR Sainz showed that the Tour of California and Bottle Rock didn't dull his hitting eye as management had feared. In fact I think the time off helped hone his BS skills because he had Mistry keeping book in his favor all damn day. Other than not being able to rob a homer ten feet over the fence he had a quality day. He also rocked the long sleeve that resembled something your aunt might wear to her work softball game. Finally we get to Robbie Trejo. I call him that only because the game ended with Nieves claiming him as his son for the 76th time. If he had gotten rung up by Brendan Farley then he would have been disowned. Robbie showed a solid game all around. He used the bat, his glove and his nogging. Seriously I hope Tiff didn't let him go to sleep after the post-game. Dude was concussed. Robbie ended up getting the routine bases loaded walk-off walk. It was a fitting end to a typical battle between these familiar foes. Next week the Diablos play a late game against the Angels. Like Matthews on top of the hill used to say "Bring a freind, get a bike!"
Diablos extend win streak to 6.....Bee Keeper almost tosses No-No
This past Sunday your Diablos wrapped up the first half of the season with a 3-0 victory against the Titans. The weather was ugly and the offense was even uglier. Late scratches for a Yeti, a ginger and kid with two first names had Brother scrambling to re-create his ultimate lineup. No seriously he showed me the lineup he wrote the night before including all those guys. Was I concerned that his first lineup was written with no clothes on? Thats why I didn't touch it. Should every Diablo lineup be written this way? YOU BET! In scoring 3 WHOLE runs you can imagine their were many heroes on this day. Their was Brooksy trying to actual make solid contact resulting in outs every time. He will now return to hitting Brooksy specials just over the infield. You had Joltin Joe flashing his deceptive speed on the base paths which equaled zero runs scored. Marcus decided to bring the Trader Joes/Sexy Time/Oil change strikeout shirt back to the park and promptly made his claim to keep it. Abby then just as promptly "earned" the shirt from him while trying to impress a female. He would later drive in a run, but said female took her talents elsewhere. Niko padded the resume with a couple of knocks, but spent most of the day chasing errant snowballs at 1B. Meow-Meow got stolen bases 636 and 637 on the season. His blinding speed continued through the parking lot to his car and home that we couldn't get a post-game quote. If we had gotten one it would have gone like this "We've been pretty fortunate with our start times. The Earth is tilting downhill when I reach base so the catcher really has no chance. Science Fool!" Bird continued his assault on Dimaggio's hitting streak. The move to San Mateo is still proving to be the best type of batting practice. On the mound was Bee-Keeper Gardella. Making his final start at Crocker E=MC2 field he was planning on using it to his advantage. Boy did he. With the Diablos reaching their 2 error minimum early in the contest he battled through spreading out his HBP's and walks so no runners could cross the plate. Striking out 13 Titans definitely helped his cause. Also aiding his cause was hitting pre-game grounders to Brooksy. Through a field of acorns, used needles, secret ooze and pot holes that would make Mayor Lee proud he prepared his 2B for a game of anything but routine grounders. Reaching the 9th inning with a 3-0 lead only about 23% of the people in attendance not wearing Titans uniforms knew he was tossing a no-hitter. With 1 out the dream was shattered with a pinch hit single laced up the middle. In true Diablo fashion Marcus sandbagged the runner into attempting to stretch it into a double. After he hosed the runner I am positive I saw him holster his cannon. Much discussion was had in the parking lot as to what went wrong. The number of karmic flat tires Lou has performed led us to believe there was no way it was going to happen on this day. We have now reached the All-Star break so Diablo fans can recharge their batteries for what will surely be an epic second half push.
Diablos beat Black Sox 13-2
This past Sunday your Diablos extended their winning streak to 5. Did they make former Diablos look like Superstars? Lou definitely obliged. Was it as dominant as the score indicated? Hell No. In keeping with the recent tradition of Knoblauching the ball all over the diamond the Diablos started their day off with multiple errors in the 1st inning. With Yeti's yoga skills tested and the Liberty Court connection not ya know connecting the Black Sox held the lead for the first three innings. Another strong pitching performance was turned in by the Bee Keeper. After giving up some "laser beams" in the first inning he settled down and locked it down for his 4th win of the season. Pez made his Diablo debut with 2 shutout innings. The offense was it's usual take your time, let the pills kick in self. I can only equate the 2015 Diablo offense to your uncle's 1984 Dodge Rampage. It took a while to warm up, but once it got going you were able to cruise the avenue for babes all night long. It started at the top with David Bobby Bering Straits continued his race to 200 hits. He also added a dive in the outfield(unsuccessful) and a superman sprawl(successful) on the infield. Thank you Myrow. Meow-Meow continued to prove he was "Championship MVP" by lacing the ball around the yard. Next time maybe you hit it over the fence and not to it. Yeti was able to make a few outs and not toss his bat into the Crocker 2 ooze so that's an improvement. Bird continued his white hot streak with the bat. Tweet tweet! Joltin' Joe was bent over by Kemo once again. It's almost becoming so regular I question their relationship status. Niko found out what it's like to bat for Brooksy when he wore a pitch in his first AB. The march to A2A2M continues next week with a 1230 game against the Titans.
Diablos prove better than Batahola at snowball fight
Not much to say on this one. The Diablos pitched Johnny Wholestaff to get the win. MeowMeow hit a bomb for his mom. Bird continued his torrid hitting stretch(The move to San Mateo has paid dividends). The defense continues to throw and kick the ball all around the yard. Your Diablos are on pace for 276 errors for the season. Obviously Brother isn't burning enough peeps at practice.
Diablos claim victory over bush league Altegracia
This past Sunday your Diablos won their third game in a row. Did the game start out ugly? If you call 6 errors in the first 2 innings ugly than YES. Did they manage to rise above their opponents bush league tactics? YOU BET. Much like your older brothers 1972 Pontiac the Diablo offense took a while to warm up. The early offense was easily forgotten behind an absolute circus on defense. It's possible a secret blood pact was made to welcome Yeti's return to the hill with a bloopers reel for the ages. My calls to confirm have not been returned. We had awful throws to first. We had ill advised throws into the dugouts. We had grounders avoiding leather by all means possible. We had Rube Bakeresque throws back to the pitcher. We even had a warm-up ball grabbed and used during a play. Basically it would have been a bonanza if we had been playing error card bingo. Despite all that Yeti managed to claw his way thru two excruciating innings. Keeping his pitch count in the low 200's he was quoted as saying "Raawwrrr". Eloquent as always. Picking up where Yeti left off was "Bee Keeper" Gardella. His hotter heat was sweet as honey striking out the side in his first inning. A certain buzz grew in the opponents dugout when they realized they may not get another base runner. The sting of reality was that they did end up getting on base, but never scored another run. See what I did there. On offense the three stars were PR Sainz with his 3rd homer of the season, "Abby" Hidalgo knocking his first homerun since tee ball(and knocking Yeti into 4th place) and Marcus "It's a family affair" Reed continuing his march towards the 3000 hit club. The Diablos remain undefeated on the season when scoring double digits. Obviously Brother has done a fine job tinkering with the lineup. Your Diablos next game is Sunday @ 1230 and is guaranteed to have more fans in attendance than today's Orioles-White Sox game. Today's picture is titled "How to remove Ebola from your bat". It's a simple process that Yeti can explain in three grunts or less.
Diablos beat scrappy Veracruz squad 11-5
This past Sunday your Diablos found themselves in a dog fight with Veracruz. In the end they triumphed with a 9th inning explosion that carried them to victory. Was it a pretty win? Umm no. Will we take it? YOU BET. Climbing the hill (a regulation mound this time) was none other than Lou "Workmans Comp" Gardella. His offseason plan of scaling back his innings workload is failing miserably. The union does not approve. He tossed his usual 9 innings of what we like to call Lou-ball. Dominate one inning. Start screwing around with his arm slot the next. Either way he would have had an easier day if it wasn't for a defense that resembled a wet fart. Bright spots on the day were Michael doing his best Smalls impression and locking down RF to start the game. Marcus told Father Time "No, No, No" and hosed a runner at home to help end a rally. Props to Pelzlzlzlzlz for using his face when his glove didn't work behind the dish. Concussion protocols weren't followed and he stayed in the game. On offense Meow Meow Ramirez and David Bobby continued to rip with four hits a piece. The two game home run streak for the Diablos ended on Sunday. Obviously the wind was blowing in. With the new uniforms touting our A2A championships the reasons for every team to hate us just keep piling up. Man I love this squad. Next up is a 9am game Sunday at the field of science aka Crocker 2.
Diablos use long ball and hotter heat to beat the Angels
This past Sunday your Diablos took the field looking to break into the win column for the first time this season. Did they happen to bring their hitting sticks? You bet! Did any of their bombs happen to bring rain? Hell no. It is good to know that although the Diablos cannot end the drought they could definitely supply power to NorCal if rolling blackouts returned. Brother tweaked the lineup ever so slightly and the rout was on. This week featured the return of the Yeti Pacheco. After a spring sojourn to the highest peaks of Camelback mountain he found his way back to the cleanup spot and still hasn't made an out. His purchase of new lumber produced the first back breaking grand slam of the day. The presence of his mom probably didn't hurt(Thanks Mama!). He even managed to not tear anything after stretching at 1B. Next up we had Fredo extending his home run streak to two games. Vegas had his next longball coming somewhere in his late 40's. We were all pleasantly surprised. Only a left hander would attribute his new found power stroke to his sunglasses. I say it's the coffee his mom keeps bringing(Thanks Mama!). Capping off the laser show was a grand slam from Marcus. His power may come from his healthy diet and overall hotness. I believe he was just trying to show a little strength so that crane in the outfield wouldn't swallow him too(poor groundhog). Either way it was an impressive show of power. Meow Meow Ramirez overcame a spiking at second to chip in some loud contact and rap out four hits. Imbo survived a dangerous soft toss incident involving age and gravity to rip a few hits including a double thru the CF fence. Joltin Joe Chaika decided to use the sun ball to dropping a double. Hitting it over an outfielder is overrated as hell. Climbing the hill was Gluten Free Gardella. He got the W with incompetent field engineering and solid control. His heat was hotter. The Angels didn't really have a chance once he started letting out his Monica Seles grunts after every inning. The post game spread didn't really have a chance once he started eating luke warm hotdogs. Making their Diablo debuts were Andrew Pelzl and Michael Cereghino. Pez worked hard behind the plate and learned how to speak Lou in no time flat. Michael pinch hit and showed veteran poise moving a runner over. Come join us next week as the Diablos play their first afternoon game of the season.
2015 schedule has been released
The new phone books are here! The new phone books are here! Well not really. The schedule has been brought down from the mountain top. Okay more like etched on a cocktail napkin. The road to glory has been set. Come join the Diablos on their quest for A2A2M. Oh and click on the schedule link to the left for the uh ya know schedule.
This past Sunday your Diablos began their title defense in the same fashion as the previous two seasons....With a loss. Was it ugly? Yes. Is the sky falling? Not likely! This squad is as battled scarred as any this scribe has ever followed. This loss will only stick with the team until Brooks' knee returns to regular size. Bastards! Toeing the slab for what felt like his 27th Opening Day start for the Diablos was none other than Lou "Quisenberry" Gardella. Believe me he tried to have someone else do it, but Yeti hadn't returned from his hibernation on the Matterhorn. Like death and taxes Lou tried his best to hit someone every 0-2 count he had. A little run support and solid defense could've helped him overcome that submarine delivery. On offense the Diablos had it all. Liberty Court base running...check. Shitty first pitch swings...check. A solo homerun from PR Sainz...che...Wait WTF! Yes the power stroke from our resident left hander seemed to have rolled out of bed with him. He says it was the shades. Meow-Meow says it was his pre at-bat advice. I think it was the fierce 3 mph wind blowing out to RF. All of this is unconfirmed. One thing I do know in 5 years (possibly 5 months) it will turn into an Opening Day Grand Salami that drove in 7 RBI's. The Diablos are off to observe the Easter holiday(Yeah right. These heathens) this weekend so look for an updated schedule to appear within the next week.
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLets get ready to rumble!!! The word has come from the mountain top that the season starts this week. Sunday 9am your Diablos will face Mexico at Crocker Park. Bring your friends. Bring a neighbor. Bring some random hottie you met at the club. A good time will be had by all.
"I have firm penis can you use it?" This was a text response from our fearless leader to the question of someone needing a new arm. Yes we are already in mid-season form.
Spring has sprung for the Diablos
This past Sunday your ass to ass defending champion Diablos got back to it. With cartilage cracking and hamstrings almost popping the boys attempted to knock the rust off. In most cases the score of an exhibition game does not matter and this time was no exception. As the calendar has flipped to a new year some things have stayed the same. Lou is still as prejudiced as ever when he climbs the hill, Yeti's battle cry is still "I'm cool if anyone wants to pitch in my place", and Ivan became the first Diablo EVER to create a kangaroo court fee and have to pay it on the same day. Bravo, sir. Welcome back Diablo faithful. Keep your eyes peeled for updates on our schedule and where Diablo public appearances will be this season.
RIP Ernie Banks 1931-2015
We should all strive to have as much fun playing the game as he did.
Diablos celebrate Ass 2 Ass championships in epic fashion
I really don't remember this part of the evening
Brother spouting wisdom and useful techniques for lineup creation
How this guy didn't get shot on Mission Street is beyond me
Brother covering all the times Imbo got out, Imbo not giving a damn and the trophy hovering above them
The recaps on these scorecards were the absolute best. Someday we'll have a reunion just to read those again.
The only word that comes to mind is sex
Marcus reminding us all why we play this game
Pacheco Bumgarner....nuff said
FACT: Never have so many balloons been used as make shift penises
I don't know how, but that hat made it home with Brooksy
Oldie but goodie titled Deal with the Devil
Pissy warning letter translation from former league
Your Diablos beat the AB's this weekend 12-6. Many homers were hit on the little league field we played at, but the best part of the day didn't happen on the diamond. We were yelled at by two non-players in a fashion that usually leads to fisticuffs away from the field. Calling our manager a jerk will not be forgotten. Biting our tongue and turning the other cheek got us this warning from the league. We had it translated by a wise veteran who speaks this language.
***UPDATED*** Kangaroo Courts Fees
March 24, 2008
The fees for stupid shit are as follows:
Section 2.69 Liberty Court Baserunning: $2.00
Not bringing Strikeout shirt to following game: $5.00
Pissing in your own dugout aka "The Ivan Rule": $5.00
Remove uniform before last out: $20