Diablos rip Nayarit 14-7
May 24, 2016
This past Sunday your Diablos clubbed Nayarit into submission with a 14-7 victory. Clubbed actually may be too light a word. How about pummeled? Yeah that seems right for a team that produced 19 hits. Some of them went far(Marcus and Imbo). Some went only a few feet(Brooksy). Either way they all added up to a convincing victory for the good guys. Leading the way was Cowboy Rodriguez and Super Mario Jeff with 4 hits apiece. Jeff didn’t lose his hat once on the field which was an amazing feat in itself. Marcus regained the lead for the homerun bounty with a 2-run bomb in the 5th. His bat and CF range almost make up for his allergic reaction to keeping book. Almost. Imbo decided to toss his hat in the ring for the bounty as well with 3-run tater in the 7th. It’s towering trajectory was lessened by his watching in from the batters box. His postgame comments of “I thought it was going foul” were quickly and correctly called bullshit. PR Sainz quietly kept his hitting streak going and also found another team willingly to pitch around him. His reputation spans both sides of the Bay. On the other side of the diamond the heroics were plentiful. You had DavidBobby making a great catch in LF while eating the fence. I believe they made plans to get drinks this week. You had Imbo wandering in from the cornfield to settle down the game from the mound. He gives enough pitching advice from out in RF that it was good to see him put it to good use. You had Freddy throwing out three runners trying to steal second. I believe he spent the final three innings with his nuts hanging out just because he could. You had Brooksy flashing leather and barehand all over 2B. If he had a scouting report it would definitely say “In lieu of athleticism he has a high motor”. The Diablos ended up using 4 pitchers on the day. Possibly a record since the original Diablo Constitution simply states that you ride the starting pitcher until he can't wipe his ass properly or he gives up 14 earned runs. Whichever comes first. Yeti made an appearance while still on the DL. He looked good other than the terrible backpack, but hey those severed heads of wayward hikers aren’t gonna carry themselves. He also provided the pictures of the game. Well done. Another notable occurrence was the lack of Kangaroo Court fines. Probably a good thing since this season has seen a record number of IOUs. Cough up your bucks ya cheap bastards. Postgame BBQ was well attended and well stocked. This week your Diablos are off for Memorial Day. We’ll be back on 6/5 @ 1pm.
Diablos win nail biter in 11 innings
May 16, 2016
This past Sunday your Diablos played a game for the ages. All those in attendance saw a tense battle filled with excellent pitching and timely hitting. In the end the good guys pulled it out 3-2 in 11 innings. The heroics were too numerous to chronicle so I’m going to break down each players day. I guess the best place to start would be with Mullet Gardella. His 11 inning gem was a throwback to the days of Christy Matthewson, Juan Marichal and Jack Morris. He also showed super human speed when smelling a win on the base paths. It could’ve just been his arms were flailing faster than normal, but damn white boy was burning around the bases. He also rounded out his day by creating a new Kangaroo Court fine for being yelling across the diamond like a twat. Don’t do that. David Bobby flashed some leather in LF and left the Toros with a Berning sensation when he hit the game deciding rbi triple in the 11th inning. He also was able to navigate B2B traffic in under 6 hours. I still blame him for all traffic in the area. PR Sainz continued his torrid hitting gathering two more hits. He even legged out a double on his run flats. His day also included telling a knee brace to take a hike. Jeff allowed the 330’ sign to creep into his head until he came up with a clutch hit in the 9th inning. Robbie Trejo came up with a game tying hit in the 9th inning. He also scored the go ahead run by looking directly into the catchers eyes and glamouring the ball out of his glove. Seriously, he was out by 20 feet. He probably tries that on Tiff at home and she sees right thru his BS. Imbo broke his own personal record and possibly the world record for put outs by a RF. All that work out there probably affected him at the plate since he finally got the K-shirt. A shirt he said he would NEVER earn. This is a good lesson for the kiddies. Never say never. Marcus had a rare quiet day at the plate, but his outfield fundamentals were on full display. His angle and cut off of a ball in the gap turned a surefire double into a single. The degree of difficulty was high since the outfield didn’t have a flat spot anywhere. Freddie performed his usual magic blocking everything and handling the staff (Lou). He also worked a couple big walks that factored in the final score. His public relations game needed a little help since the home plate umpire decided to stick his hand down his pants instead of ring up homeboy for the final out. It’s not fair but that’s on you HA. Bird came in as a pinch runner for possibly the first time in his life. He didn’t disappoint. HerbaJoe came up with the game on the line and predictably ripped a double that started the 9th inning rally. It was a huge turning point and can only be chalked up to meal replacement. He also had his pants high and looks skinny as hell. Basically all the single ladies in the Bay Area have been served notice. Brooksy pulled off the amazing feat of not using his bat for 4 AB’s. Luckily he brought his leather and flashed it accordingly. He and Lou also picked off their 273rd runner off second base. Shit was surgical. Brother put together a lineup that found a way to win despite 14 strikeouts. He also showed us his “special” money. Next week the game is at 1pm so y’all have no excuse to miss it.
Diablos get back to their winning ways
May 9, 2016
This Sunday your San Francisco Diablos returned to Northgate Park for a match with EL Rockies of
somewhere south of the border. “Oil Can” Lary took the start for the Diablos and proceeded to dart the
strike zone with a variety of pitches, all with sprinkles on top. The Diablo defense showed up ready to
field anything that came their way, including a grounder to Bird at second that took a Hayward hop off
his head, but with cat like reflexes David Bobby was there to scoop it, fling right past the rattled head of
Bird to get the runner at first. After which time was called to evaluate the endangered Bird through the
league’s concussion protocol, with a few simple nods & guesses he was cleared by the medical staff.
The Diablo offense came ready, from the 1 st inning baseballs were being peppered around the yard.
“Skeet Shooter” Robbie lined a couple hits, “Ageless” Marcus Reed performed a clinic on how to hit line drives
into the other team’s gloves, finally getting one to fall later in the game, “Herbal Joe”, continued to
show off his slim physique and swung the bat well. As the game progressed the Diablos continued to
steal bases, score runs and take full advantage of the snowball fights EL Rockies produced. “PR” Sainz
tossed his hat into the home run race with a towering blast down the right field line, which for once
didn’t hook foul. The Diablos cruised into the 7 th inning up 8-1, and then the CURSED inning reared its
ugly head. A couple of walks, grounders through the wickets and you know the rest… with body
sacrificing diving catch in left to save a potential base clearing play, the Diablos went to the pen and
called “Browns Hat” Boylan who came in and got the elusive final out. In the top of the 8 th , the
determined Diablos came out swinging, getting runners on 1 st & 2 nd , a timely double steal from David
Bobby and “Skeet Shooter” Robbie put runners in scoring position. For 2 nd game in a row, PR Sainz was
intentionally walked to bring up the Bird. The concussed Bird man made El Rockies pay for their
decision with a laser that scored 2 runs. With runners on 1 st & 3 rd , PR Sainz screwed Freddy Molina out
of an RBI with poor reflexes and bad tires on a fly to left. Downshifting and revving high, PR Sainz
scurried down to home on a pass ball and slid into home to add another run for the Diablos (the umpire
would later call a “perfect slide”). Bird climbed the hill in the 8 th and shut down EL Rockies, and in the
bottom of the 9th to close the game, Concussed Bird made bird feed out of EL Rockies line up. He got
some nice help from Nico in right on a line drive that required the big man to use all 14’ 3” of his wing
span to snatch it out of the sky. Hats off to the Diablos for playing hard all 9 innings and more
importantly, playing for the name on the front of the jersey. Honorable mention to the right side of the
defense for being stuck soooooo close the mariachi band that jammed all fucking game…
Diablos drop first game of the season
May 3, 2016
This past Sunday your Diablos played their first morning game in Fremont. It was a rather forgettable 7-6 loss to Veracruz. Did they get out to an early 5-0 lead? Yes. Would they eventually cough it up in Buckneresque fashion? YOU BET! All in all there wasn’t much to write home about. 9-5 Gardella had a solid start, but the new bat may not be a great purchase. Imbo and Rob returned from their trip to Pleasure Cove ready to hit and talk about each others “ribs”. Yeah I think it was code too. Bird Nielsen continued his cycle of steroids and rapped three more hits. Nobody talk to him about it. Seriously you’ll get him out of the zone. Niko had his first Sac Fly of the season AND helped attend to an injured fan after the game. Another line added to his loaded resume. Atta boy. Huddy Brooks made his first appearance and got to see us puke all over ourselves. He felt right at home. Other than that it didn’t feel like Diablo baseball. Hopefully this first loss will be the wake up call these guys need. Let’s get back to backing each other up and playing for the name on the front of the jersey, not the name on the back.
Diablos win ugly affair over the Orioles
April 26, 2016
A win is a win is a win. This is what all Diablos players, fans and front office personnel went home muttering to themselves. After utter domination in Week 1 the baseball gods humbled the Diablos in countless ways. Whether it was making Brooksy do the Candlestick pop up dance (At Yeti's request) or the floating strike zone that ended more than a few players AB's. In the end it didn't matter because their intestinal fortitude and solid relief pitching sealed the 9-7 victory. Climbing the hill for his first start (in a decade?) was “Oil Can” Lary. With the confidence of Satchel Paige and the mechanics of Bartolo Colon he gutted his way thru 4 innings. Luckily he was well versed in the leagues hit batters policy so he kept his totals just under the ejection threshold. Another mound debut was made by Bird Nielsen. World leaders could take lessons from him on composure. The numerous pitches down the dick that were called balls would have made Ghandi start shooting. His patience paid off and his relief stint led to a chicken hawk victory. Coming in for the Bruce Sutter 3-inning save was Lou “95mph” Gardella. With his combination of 95mph fastballs and 95mph off speed pitches he made quick work of the Orioles. He also failed to mention his OBP even once during postgame. Breaking his own Ripkenesque streak. The offense was once again a solid team effort. What I’m most proud of his the SEVEN 2-out runs scored on Sunday. No inning was conceded. Starting things at the top was Marcus scoring 2 runs and showing the wheels. PR Sainz once again put on a clinic going the other way with authority and a lob wedge. One of his hits looked foul as a mutha, but the only person who mattered called it fair. He also skinned his knee. Jeff “Hunter Pance” Ramirez showed some hustle on the base paths taking anything the defense would give him. He also showed a fine ability to take the bat out of Niko’s hands and should never, ever be called out in the postgame circle. He no likey. Yeti Pacheco murdered a bat, but got 2 rbis in the process. He also had an impressive streak of calling out the wrong fielder every time a ball went in the air. He lives 10 miles away from Brooksy, but I’m positive I just heard Yeti call for him to grab the fork that is falling off his kitchen table. This was Yeti’s last game for a while. Too many stump removals and chasing hikers off the mountain has landed him on the DL. Good luck, Brother. Freddie Yadi Rodriguez Sierra got his first hit as a Diablo and promptly enrolled in the Liberty Court base runners skool. Well done. You may now have your own name. Imbo made his season debut in RF and didn’t disappoint at the plate. His stealing of Brooksy oppo hits was pre-approved and always enjoyed. Also getting into the action was Courtney and Ally from the bleachers. Homeboy from the Orioles was about an hour and half late on a pitch and fouled it directly at them. Like a cat Ally leaned 2 inches to her left and Courtney just screamed in the general direction of the field. All were ok, but we’ve petitioned the league to have extra netting put around all our fans. We’ll see what they say. Next week the Diablos have an early one against Veracruz. Bring a friend!
**Pictured below is Lou showing the proper Union posture for a 15 minute break**
Diablos open new season with dominating victory
April 18, 2016
Field has been changed for this weeks game to Sunset High School. Directions have been added to the schedule. Now you can invite your loved ones to the game.
This past Sunday your Diablos ventured into new territory. Now playing in the Bay Area Bay Bridge Baysball league in Hayward/Fremont/Union City/Oakland they were forced with ceremonies and pageantry they hadn't seen in years. The above picture is how we presented ourselves. We put our best pair of youth pants forward(Thanks Fredo) and told the league we're here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. The breakdown of the day went like this...
The Opening Day ceremony:
The announcement was for teams to arrive 0830 SHARP. When the ceremony started promptly around 915ish all Diablos were present and accounted for. Unfortunately, what we had to stand through was an abomination highlighted by the desecration of the American Flag. Letting a child drag it through the dirt and essentially wipe his ass with it was enough to make this players blood boil. Everything else that transpired was on par with that. Luckily this only lasted 20-25 mins.
After traveling along 880 we arrived at McConnell field. Whomever McConnell pissed off in his life to have this placed named after him is still holding a grudge. I guess the only positive is that you can get a great deal on some Axe Body Spray from the locals. Yeti didn't make the purchase. With the faint pops of gunshots your Diablos put forth a textbook ass whoopin. Skinny Lou made the declaration he was "Going 9 today" and didn't disappoint. Tossing a 1-hit shutout en route to a 7-0 victory. He also swung the bat well enough to earn a (insert middle finger) OBP. The early leader for the Homerun bounty is the ageless wonder Marcus Reed. His 1st inning jack would be described by Jon Miller as "Soaring and Majestic" He also ran the bases like a madman so he definitely slept good last night. PR Sainz (and his aforementioned pants) was a Sac Fly machine. He also added a few knocks and was done dry by the base umpire. Fortunately he didn't have to field anything or else he would've wanted the league MVP trophy right then and there. Cowboy Robbie Rodriguez played some solid 3B and wore a pitch off his metal ass. Yes you had to be there. Brooksy flashed some leather like a stud and ran back to the dugout with his head down. They don't make them like this anymore ladies and gentlemen. The only thing missing was Brother telling him "You still got it, Brother!". All in all a solid debut which will get word around the league that we aren't messing around. PLUS we all made it home safe and didn't become "collateral damage". The Diablos play at the same park next week so fans please don't come.
1st half schedule has been announced!
April 13, 2016
Well gents the first half schedule has been finalized. As you can see the Diablos have announced their presence with authority and been saddled with Visitor status for our first 8 games. Not quite sure why that is. Hopefully Brother can talk to Berkhalter down at the league office and explain we don't roll on Shabbos. Field locations have been updated so check the schedule and no excuses!
Now the important information. We are "required" to attend the opening ceremonies at 830am SHARP (not my emphasis) at Northgate Park (Paseo Padre). If we do not get minimum 9 players to this ceremony we will forfeit our first game. Let me repeat that WE WILL FORFEIT OUR FIRST GAME if we don't get 9 players there. I'm not happy about this. You're not happy about this. I'm going to quote Bruce Willis from The Last Boy Scout "Water is wet, the sky is blue, women have secrets. Who gives a fuck?" That sums it up. It will be a full day across the bay for ALL OF US. Be an adult and forego that 12th beer Saturday night and make it to the field. Players who aren't registered will most likely have the opportunity to do it at this ceremony. I want all of you (Even the loyal fans who live with these degenerates) to take one thing from this update FORFEIT, FORFEIT, FORFEIT. If Brooksy can abandon his 8 month old child to spend the day on the Hayward fault then none of you have a better excuse.
Season opener announced
April 5, 2016
The season opener has been scheduled and the baseball gods have given us a afternoon first pitch. Sunday 4/10/16 we play El Valle (They'll look familiar because we just played them) 1pm @ Treeview(Rancho verde) park. You don't know where that is. I don't know where that is. Once I found this gem I will put directions on this update. There is also a Opening ceremony 0830am @ Apertura (Paseo Padre) park. Brother is telling me this is mandatory which kind of blows my mind. Let me dive into this a little further because 4 hours of down time in Hayward will almost guarantee a non-sober Diablo line-up. Keep your eyes open for the updates.
Location for game has been updated in the schedule section of this website. Click on the location link and it will give you the google map view of the location. I will update all the ballparks as soon as the schedule is updated.
Final(only) practice game 4/3/16
Diablos first and only practice game of the season is this Sunday 4/3 at Tennyson park in Hayward. First pitch is at 1pm and we need to be in full uniform. Team picture and ID pictures will be taken. A prize will be awarded to gnarliest facial hair for the ID picture. Think serial killer or toothless hobo.
Diablos complete 2016 Winter Meeting
February 18, 2016
Well, well, well another season of Diablos baseball has begun. In true Diablo fashion the records are already being broken. This time it was attendance for a Winter Meeting. Pictured above you can see there were 1, 2, 3.....like 27 people there. The beer flowed, shots were poured and baseball was discussed. It's looking like the same cast of characters will be taking the field for Brother (Of course everyone and their mom has a guy who can pitch 200 innings or hit 20 homers with a gold glove if only they can get off the couch....HA friggin liars). The off-season saw many changes for your Diablos. Some got engaged, some joined pyramid schemes and some had kids. The most important news from the meeting is that a bounty has been raised for this seasons homerun leader. The pot is already up to $160. Can't wait to watch the overweight guys round 3rd with dollar signs in their eyes and irregular heartbeats in their chests. Spring training officially starts Feb 21st, 1pm at Balboa Park.
Pissy warning letter translation from former league
Your Diablos beat the AB's this weekend 12-6. Many homers were hit on the little league field we played at, but the best part of the day didn't happen on the diamond. We were yelled at by two non-players in a fashion that usually leads to fisticuffs away from the field. Calling our manager a jerk will not be forgotten. Biting our tongue and turning the other cheek got us this warning from the league. We had it translated by a wise veteran who speaks this language.
***UPDATED*** Kangaroo Courts Fees
March 24, 2008
The fees for stupid shit are as follows:
Section 2.69 Liberty Court Baserunning: $2.00
Not bringing Strikeout shirt to following game: $5.00
Pissing in your own dugout aka "The Ivan Rule": $5.00
Remove uniform before last out: $20
Yelling at Coach across the diamond like a Ho: $20