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The greatest long con prank EVER
Tribute to past Diablos
***UPDATED*** Kangaroo Courts Fees
Deep Thoughts by Bud Selig
No. 714
10 reasons to Hate Red Sox Fans
LSD + Starting Pitcher = No-No
Power swing in 6 easy steps

RIP Ernie Banks 1931-2015

We should all strive to have as much fun playing the game as he did.

Diablos celebrate Ass 2 Ass championships in epic fashion

I really don't remember this part of the evening

Brother spouting wisdom and useful techniques for lineup creation

How this guy didn't get shot on Mission Street is beyond me

Brother covering all the times Imbo got out, Imbo not giving a damn and the trophy hovering above them

The recaps on these scorecards were the absolute best. Someday we'll have a reunion just to read those again.

The only word that comes to mind is sex

Marcus reminding us all why we play this game

Pacheco Bumgarner....nuff said

FACT: Never have so many balloons been used as make shift penises

I don't know how, but that hat made it home with Brooksy

Oldie but goodie titled Deal with the Devil


One game to decide it all...

...this Sunday is the final game of the season. A championship will be decided. Possibly by the players. Possibly by outside factors beyond our control. Find a way to make it out to Crocker Park @ 10am. It promises to be a spirited contest with lots of emotion.

Pictured above is Alan. No not the umpire who decided to take matters into his own hands last week. Surprisingly the Alan above is more competent. Yeah I know he drugs his friends, does bumps with Chow and kills giraffes. He is still a better umpire than what we had last week.

Diablos playoff schedule set

Your Diablos will play a doubleheader this Sunday 9am at Crocker #1 vs Pegueros. Bring your friends and a snack because it's gonna take all day. To all Diablos players brother is planning to practice 6pm this Thursday 9/4 @ Balboa. Get some swings in if you're free.

Diablos win UGLIEST game ever

Pictured above is a what not to do while putting a tarp on a field. The Diablos 11-10 victory on Sunday was just as ugly. A win is a win I guess, but hot damn it was ugly. It was Sloth from Goonies ugly. There were physical errors. There were mental errors. There were tons of runners left on base. At several points during the afternoon the Diablos didn't know the inning or how many outs there were. I mean Chelsea Clinton ugly. The good things from the game were....uhhhh....Nico hit his first jack as a Diablo.....annnnd......The 1-2 hitters scored seven runs between them.....annnnd.....let me think.......Joe got a million walks(possible exaggeration)......and finally nobody got hurt. Like I said ugly. The Diablos finished the season 11-3 in second place. As we all know second place is the first loser. This position has the Diablos playing this Sunday 1230pm at Balboa Park. They will face the winner of the morning game between somebody we just mercy ruled a few weeks back and a team we have yet to give up a run against in 2014. Come on out and support your Diablos as they continue their journey towards a repeat.

RIP Robin Williams (1951-2014)

Oh mercy, mercy me

Another Sunday in the city. Another mercy rule victory. A 10-0 win over Yucatan makes it four in a row for your Diablos. The boys definitely gave a team effort on a day when they were missing 2/3's of the starting outfield, the third baseman and the 1B/team pharmacist. With Brother confused during lineup creation this situation called for reinforcements. In stepped Yeti to declare himself starter at four different positions. No seriously. He was going to play LF, CF, 1B and 3B at the same time. After throwing him some tree bark to calm him down he settled on LF. That didn't stop Yeti from trying to hit the ball "clear over them mountains". With the opposing OF playing about 390' away the results were typical. Brooksy settled in to play the hot corner saying "If Red Dot can play here how hard can it actually be." He then proceeded to go out and flash more leather than the Exotic Erotic Ball. His agent is negotiating an extension as we speak. Making his infield debut at 2B was none other than Greybush DeLaCruz. Turning double plays...He can handle. Throwing around the horn....not so much. We'll work on it. He also contributed to the 5th inning rally that started the scoring. Making his Diablo debut in RF was Aasdin Mistry. He hit a screaming 8 hopper back to the pitcher AND attempted a Kevin Mitchell barehand play in the outfield. Lou "Porn Stache" Gardella climbed the hill and pitched to contact. The results were a quick, dominant shut-out that was masterful. Of course he added a few roid rage yells and a hit to "Up the OBP". Bird Nielsen rolled into Balboa doing his best Long Duck Dong impersonation. The over/under for pass balls was set at 10. He only had 3. Pretty sure Kemo wished he only had 2 since the last one broke whatever toe he still has left. Niko "You have no idea how to say it" Vukasin finished the game with a "laser beam" oppo hit. He also had a sweet pick at 1B which he immediately sat down to admire. Meow Meow Ramirez had a fine day at the plate until he decided to go up left handed. The results were exactly what Brooksy expected....shitty. His range up the middle showed shades of Omar Vizquel. That should come in handy during the playoffs. Somewhere around the 3rd inning Ivan Hidalgo Armstrong rolled up to the game. With his Schwinn in one hand and his pud in the other he wasted no time making a diving catch in CF. He also showed a little on offense scoring twice. Hopefully he doesn't get bit by a rattlesnake on the Oregon trail next week. Finally we get to Ginger Flash Imbody. This guy fought long and hard for CF only to be moved to RF in the 4th inning. Either way it wasn't his defense that all 16 fans will be talking about for years to come. It will be his SECOND steal of home this season. Was it a balk? TECHINICALLY. Was he still safe even though the other pitcher is a cheaterface? UMM HELL YEAH! Also if any of you know a good chiropractor please forward that information to Imbo. His body bounced in a most unnatural manor thru the RH batters box. The Diablos also broke a streak of three games without fines by collecting $5(Thanks Kemo). Next week the regular season wraps up with a 1230pm game @ Crocker Park. Come one, Come all.

Diablo Doppelganger

Separated at birth?

Diablos take Black Sox to the cleaner

 If you were anywhere near Crocker park last Sunday you witnessed the ugliest 16-6 victory in the history of organized baseball. Did your Diablos get the win? Sure. Was it a slog of epic proportion? YOU BET! It was so ugly even Swami Fredo (pictured above) was short of any positives other than "Hey...ya know..a win is a win". On to the recap. Pre-game was as eventful as it gets. Red Dot Rob reminded Nieves not to leave him out of the lineup by peeling out the length of Geneva Avenue(Man his tires must hate him). Warm-up circle was treated to tasteful tales of coitus and debauchery. Nieves shelled out some bread for a new soft toss screen (sans huge flapping holes) and we still hit the fence behind it more than the screen. Bravo Diablos. Starting on the hill was Bird Nielsen. It was clear he left his good stuff in the bullpen while the 3-Run BIZZ-OMB soared over Fredo's head (Props for not injuring himself on a jack). Of course in true Diablo fashion his defense didn't help him one iota. After working his way thru 3 innings he gave way to Yeti Pacheco(To thunderous applause from the Pacheco cheering section, Happy Birthday Mama!). He routinely shut down the Black Sox bats like a true 5-starter. On offense the Diablos got off to a quick start scoring 7 runs in the first inning. But much like a teenager on prom night that didn't last long. Fortunately the Diablos gathered themselves and scored some runs in the late innings to end things early. Jeff "Meow-Meow" Ramirez found his stroke and slashed 4 hits on the day. Ginger Flash Imbody decided to put the running game on the shelf this week much to the fans disappointment. Ivan "Fuck that hurts!" Hidalgo survived another game and scored 3 times. He looks like Hector Sanchez more and more each week. Niko "Top spin" Vukasin had his best day as a Diablo showing off some warning track power. He also stole "The shirt" from Brooksy at the very last moment. A thousand thank you's. PR Sainz showed great patience at the plate walking 3 times and stole something like 200 bases. He also tried to make some magic happen on the bases, but it didn't happen. Save it for the bedroom my man. The Post-game was well attended and damn if the female to male ratio was almost even. The Diablos will play next Sunday 1230pm @ Crocker 1. As always bring a friend....Hell bring two of 'em.


Diablos steal win from the Reds

This past Sunday your Diablos choked out the Reds 13-3 in 7 innings. It was a day of firsts for the ball club and every one of them helped lead to victory. We had one of our newest Diablos earn his first victory. We had our first on field prayer to the baseball gods while making a catch. And last but not least we had the first steal of home in Diablos franchise history. Scooby Noyes got his first start of the season. He cruised for most of the day minus one crap inning. Along with earning his first victory as a Diablo he also earned the coveted "Elephant Bar/Trader Joes" shirt given to the batter with the most strikeouts for the game. HAVE A DAY, KID! The defense behind him was solid. Nick "Ginger Flash" imbody made a full out diving catch that included a bounce. Concussion tests were inconclusive. PR Sainz made the catch of the day out in LF. From where I was standing the geometry concluded that there was no way he was getting to the ball. All of a sudden "Like a Prayer" could be heard in the trees and he made a sliding/kneeling catch. "You're supposed to slide NOT stick" was the post game quote given by umpire Kemmith Lary on the effort. Either way the catch earned uproarious applause from the tens of people in attendance. On the other side of the ball the Diablos rapped out 14 hits. Hitters 1-4 scored 10 runs on the day. Finally the top of the order all produced in the same game. Many guys contributed, but all of that was forgotten when Ginger Flash Imbo stole home for the 13th and final run of the day. After lollygagging earlier in the game Imbo decided he had heard enough guff from the bench. He reached 3rd with 1 out in the 7th and tested the pitcher. He ran about half way down the line on the first two pitches and figured it was time. On the next pitch he broke for home. With his + speed and a sly "don't swing Ivan" he beat the catcher and slide through the Grand Canyon that was the RH batters box. The runners on 1st and 2nd were so shocked that they didnt even advance on the play. After taking a seat and receiving oxygen Imbo was able to bask in the glow of his accomplishment. Rod Carew, Jackie Robinson, Ty Cobb and now Nick Imbody. Many may attempt it again, but nobody will ever be the first Diablo to do it. Good on ya.

Diablos end win streak against Pegueros

This past Sunday your Diablos took a six game win streak onto the Crocker Park diamond. They exited with what the little bird left on the rock. Don't worry it wasn't as devastating as it sounds. The parking lot pimpin' was still in full effect. Any time you can walk away from a loss and recognize what the problem was it's a good thing. The defense was spotty. Too many free passes were handed out. The clutch at-bats were few and far between. All things that can be tweaked and corrected before the playoffs. My opinion is we were still in 4th of July mode. I will now list the good things done this weekend...Brother's engineering of the soft toss net didn't kill anyone...Yeti knocked in all six runs including a tomahawk 3-run homer...Robbie rocked a sweet red dot stache...Brooksy continued his clinic on hitting the ball where they ain't...Jeff dusted off the shoulder impingement and tossed 5 solid innings of relief...Ivan survived several dings behind the plate much to Olive Gardens delight...Imbo crushed counting birds of prey in RF...Brothers bottomless tool box produced another bottle of tequila...Marcus and Brooks had a former player tell them he loves them(not weird at all). Come out next week and help get the fellas back on the winning track. Hell bring a friend too.

2014 LABL All-Star Game MVP

Willie Mays, Carl Yastrzemski, Dave Parker, Bo Jackson, Kirby Puckett, Frank Robinson and Tim Raines. These are just some of the ball players that Marcus "Turn Back the Clock" Reed has etched his name along side while earning All-Star game MVP honors this past Sunday. Luckily he didn't waste any of his homeruns during the game. So give him a pat on the back the next time you see him.

RIP Tony Gwynn

A great hitter. A better man.

Diablos crush Yucatan 11-0

This past weekend your Diablos won their third in a row with an 11-0 trouncing of Yucatan. Did Yucatan have 37 players suit up...YOU BET! Were the Diablos intimidated...NOT IN THE SLIGHTEST! The Diablos warm ups consisted of taking some hacks with Brother, Trying to avoid the three ring circus that was occuring on the other side of the field and watching Fredo (In honor of the World Cup) show his futbol skills with a sweet header in the on-deck circle. Yeti "Back end of the rotation" Pacheco continued his "decent" season on the mound by tossing five more shutout innings. Bird Nielsen went the rest of the way preserving the victory. Ivan "Breadsticks" Hidalgo had another solid showing behind the plate while adding a couple hits. He even gunned down a runner with a little flash of leather from Brooksy. Joltin Joe Chaika squared up a couple pitches and showed management he's still got it. Obviously the closed door meeting in the Crocker parking lot made all the difference. PR Sainz continued his assault on the leagues pitching. Treating every at-bat like it's last call at the Riptide. Jeff "Eyrie" Ramirez hit an absolute BOMB to cap the scoring in the 8th inning. Next week the Diablos get to it early 9AM at Crocker #1.

Diablos roll into Memorial Day break with 11-1 win

On Sunday your Diablos continued their winning ways beating the Black Sox 11-1. Bird Nielsen made his first career start for the Diablos and it turned out victorious. Inducing a double play in each of the first three innings on his way to five shutout innings. Yeti Pacheco fought through some arm stiffness (Doing the windmill with your throwing arm after each pitch usually gets the bullpen up......NOT WITH THE DIABLOS, PUSSY) and held the shutout in check thru the final four innings. The offense was led by Nick "I go to practice" Imbody knocking out three hits (Nieves said it was more like a romantic day in the park not practice). Rocking Robin Nielsen also continued his torried hitting adding three hits of his own. PR Sainz showed no mercy and took advantage of Precious on the infield for a 2 hit day of his own. New comers Mike "Greybush" DeLaCruz and Niko 'Ive got a batting average" Vukasin added their first hits as Diablos (They also donated their first funds to the Kangaroo Court). After the dust settled the Diablos had 17 total hits and the beers tasted better in the parking lot. It's a solid turn around from the crap these guys were producing to start the season. Following the Memorial Day break your Diablos get back to it with a 6/1/14 1230 game against Yucatan. See you at the yard.

Diablos blank Reds 6-0 for their first win of the season

Happy Mothers day to all you mothers out there! This week your Diablos played like the team who hoisted the hardware in 2013. Solid pitching and defense....CHECK. Scored more than 1 run...YOU BETCHA. Turned the strangest triple play in Diablo history...OF COURSE. It all started with everyone's favorite mythical creature Yeti Pacheco tossing six shutout innings. His efficient pitch count led to a quicker exit to the parking lot which is always appreciated by the Diablo faithful. Bird Nielsen came in for relief and oh what a relief he was. Shutting down the Reds offense for the final three innings and preserving the shutout. Tweet, tweet muthafucka. The offense was ignited by 10 stolen bases! That is not a typo. Who knew these old, fat slobs could still motor around the bases when they needed to. Leading the way was Cowboy Rodriguez(expected)with 3 SB's and PR Sainz(totally unexpected) with 3 SB's. Of course Cowboy could have had more, but his leg was injured from a Saturday night brisket incident so he settled for three. PR channeled his gopher cousin to help him get a double in the 1st inning(Should we call you beastmaster?). Bird in addition to gunning down a would be base stealer and pitching his (non existent)ass off added an RBI double for good measure in the 8th inning. Now about that triple play. Let me set the stage for you. Yeti ran into a jam in the bottom of the 6th. He walked the leadoff batter and gave up singles to the next two to load the bases. The following batter hit a one hopper back to Yeti. In his infinite kindness he lobbed the ball to Bird at the plate fearing a stronger throw may hurt the poor chap. Bird quickly snatched it like a leftover garlic fry in the bleachers and hurled to PR waiting at 1B for the second out. After catching the ball PR forgot to use his "infield arm" and fired the ball into LF trying to get the runner going from first to second. Fortunately during this chain of events the runner on first had decided to not run to second(huh) and drop his head and walk off the field(double huh) eventhough there was only 2 outs. After the umpires inital shock and bewilderment at what the hell just happened the base runner was called out and the triple play was complete. As I pore over the scorebook the final official scoring for that play is 1-2-3-???. Beautfiul. Next week your Diablos try to continue their winning ways against the Black Sox 1230pm @ Crocker #2.


Diablos offensive sputters to 0-2 on the season

The headline says it all. We were crap. We couldn't get any offense going against a pitcher hurling 37mph. Yeti and Bird pitched well enough to win this game 1-0, but our defense crapped out at the exact right time. To make matters worse the SF Park Rangers decided to make it rain parking tickets. Bastards. Hopefully we can get it going next week against the Reds.


Practice Thursday 5/1

Practice Thursday 5/1 @ 6pm Balboa Park

Diablos drop Season Opener to Mexico 3-1

Not much positive to say about this one. To say the Diablos lacked focus would be the gentle way to put it. Others might say they need to pull their fucking heads out. Bright spots were as follows: the bullpen gave 7 1/3 solid innings including Bird shedding the tools of ignorance and tossing five scroeless, Yeti smashed a nice opposite field double, Fredo put on a clinic with the bat even Tony Gwynn could be proud of and the crowd was energetic. Yep that was it. Defense was good at times and pure bollocks at others. Pretty sure the Diablos left 10+ runners on base. No book to confirm so at least I can keep my lunch down. We even let McNab make solid contact...WTF! Shout out to Melissa Romo for her efforts in documenting this atrocity of an opener. Hopefully we can put on a better effort for the paying crowd next week.

Opening Day 4/27

Diablo season opener is Sunday 4/27 Crocker#1 @ 9am vs Mexico. Tell your friends. Tell your neighbors. Tell complete strangers. The title defense starts this weekend!

Season start delayed until 4/27

No practice this weekend. Enjoy your Easter Sunday. 

Practice Sunday 4/13 @ 1pm

Alright Diablos it's time to put in a solid practice. Drag your hungover asses to Crocker 1 @ 1pm for BP.

Practice game Sunday 4/6/14 @ 9am

Practice game 9am on Sunday @ Crocker 1. BE THERE NO LATER THAN 845. Let's all work hard so our swings look like Willie up there.

Rain out

Practice for tomorrow has been cancelled due to weather. Next Sunday April 6 we will have practice @ 3pm Balboa Sweeney. 

Practice Sunday 3/23 @ 3pm

Well ladies we've got practice Sunday. Brother is trying to line up a game, but as of now it's just practice. Of course after that blistering display we put on last week I'm not sure we need any BP. Look at that perv umpire in the picture above. Get a closer look why don't ya. I bet that guy was pissed he couldn't drive anymore when molester vans came around.

UPDATED...Practice game Saturday 3/15 @ Crocker 1

Alright it's time to get serious. Brother has set up a practice game for Saturday 1200 @ Crocker 1. BE THERE BY 1115-1130 TO WARM UP. I understand I was rude right there and yelled at everyone on the interwebs, but it had to be done. 

Practice Sunday 3/9

Brother has procured a field for practice this Sunday. Balboa park(Sunberg-Police Station) @ 3pm. Make sure to be there on time or a little early so no field time is wasted. Yes I am looking at you Yeti. Pictured above is the Diablo Wall O' Shame. This is where broken Diablo bats retire. I guess you could call it their Florida. At the moment PR Sainz is in a tie for first with Junkyard(retired). Swing like shit and you to can find yourself on the wall.

We talkin' bout practice

Practice for 3/2 has been cancelled due to weather. Everyone work on their 12oz curls to keep in shape. 

Title defense begins..

Welcome back Diablo faithful. The long dry winter is over and spring is ready to blossom. Some red tape held up our getting the permits for a Market street parade so the championship celebrations have yet to commence. Once the location is set please plan to attend if you have ever contributed to the Diablo "experience". Memories of your favortite plays or insults during the season NEED to be shared. This past weekend your Diablos got back to it with their first practice. Braving hamstring tweaks and beer gut pulls we made it through without any injuries. Any physical injuries that is. Lou's ego may be bruised after needing AAA assistance, but he'll get over it. Brother came in with a plan to burn grounders past anyone who dared to stand on his diamond. The tall grass had different plans and his usual 11mph "heaters" were cut down in their prime. It was a great practice for charging the ball. BP was solid with a few line drives sprayed here and there. Overall it was a success with no injuries and a few cobb webs wiped away. The offseason review had tales of living situations, new jobs and plenty of debauchery. Nieves' fresh recruits said all of 5 words the entire practice so they're already off on the right foot. Pacheco had a skateboarding session end with a new Yeti gameday shirt. Joltin' Joe brought the other half of the Eiffel Tower and damn if that isn't going to improve the roster on off-field skills alone. Notable absences were PR Sainz(Somebody has to run the Zoo), Nieves illegitmate son(Something about wedding plans) and PT Ramirez(directions to the field were hazey).

2013 SFLABL Champions

Pissy warning letter translation from former league

Your Diablos beat the AB's this weekend 12-6. Many homers were hit on the little league field we played at, but the best part of the day didn't happen on the diamond. We were yelled at by two non-players in a fashion that usually leads to fisticuffs away from the field. Calling our manager a jerk will not be forgotten. Biting our tongue and turning the other cheek got us this warning from the league. We had it translated by a wise veteran who speaks this language.

Nieves and Members of the 2011 Diablos,
Brother and the coolest motherfuckers in the SFNABA

Based on the events of the past two weeks and on past history with your team, I am officially issuing the Diablos a strict and final warning on the use of alcohol and/or drugs at SFNABA games. We will hold a zero-tolerance stance on the matter moving forward.
Based on the Sun rising in the East/Setting in the West and Diablo Team Tradition, We are officially pointing our finger in your face and saying “Stop that right now!”. We will continue to have a “wide stance” on this matter like Senator Larry Craig.

If at any time for the remainder of the 2011 season the Diablos are found in violation of NABA's stated rules about alcohol/drug use, they will forfeit the game and will be disqualified from the playoffs altogether. Drug & alcohol use is strictly forbidden before, during, and after SFNABA games including on the field, in dugouts, at facilities where our games take place and on/in the nearby streets and surrounding neighborhood.
If you degenerates decide to act like Prohibition Bootleggers at any time for the remainder of this season you will forfeit the playoffs and not be invited to the Boards party celebrating your exit. Drugs and Alcohol are BAD,BAD,BAD and if the Police Officers who don’t bother you won’t instruct you on how to live your lives then we most certainly will.

You and your team all have ready access the official NABA rule book. We've spoken about this via email and phone. You spoke to one of our board members in person this past weekend... and still the message seems to be falling short.
We are going out on a limb and assuming you guys know how to read so put those skills to use and read the official rulebook. Of course these rules are suggestions because sometimes our umpires decide to make up the rules as they go. One of our members blew up on you guys like a toddler on a playground this past weekend and you still don’t seem to get it. I have instructed him to jump up and down and stomp his feet next time so you guys will understand.

Violation of these rules puts the entire league at risk of losing its insurance, may result in loss of access to our fields (which are rented from organizations that ALL share the same prohibitions on drug/alcohol), and is detrimental to the competitive environment that we promise to our members in exchange for their league fees.
Basically whether you guys are in attendance or not this Leagues demise will be placed squarely on your shoulders.

Know that this is a very serious issue, that you will all be held responsible for your actions, and that the stakes are very high. If you'd like to drink or smoke after a game, you MUST get in your cars and leave the area altogether.
I’m serious! You guys better stop laughing because this shit ain’t funny. I suggest you use your cup holders in your vehicles and roll up the windows while driving home after a game.

You will not be asked or warned again.
Please throw a kegger this Thursday in San Leandro so we don’t have to deal with your ghetto asses for the remainder of the year.

***UPDATED*** Kangaroo Courts Fees

March 24, 2008

The fees for stupid shit are as follows:

Getting Picked off a base: $1.00
Striking out looking: $1.00 ***Suspended due to terrible umpires in 2012***
Over throwing your cutoff man: $1.00
Infielder over throwing around the horn: $1.00
Hat Trick: $1.00
Missing a sign: $1.00
Failure to execute sign: $1.00
Wearing a white hat to a game: $1.00
No Hustle: $1.00
Wearing pants high with wrong color socks: $1.00
Leaving your shit at the field: $1.00

Acting like a douchebag when a non-game winning homerun is hit: $2.00

Section 2.69 Liberty Court Baserunning: $2.00

Golden Sombrero: $3.00
Letting go of bat during AB and almost killing dude on-deck: $3.00
Calling your own Infield Fly from the batters box: $3.00
Barfing during Infield and being a bitch when you're not in the line-up: $3.00

Late for Game: $5.00
Crying like a bitch at a movie: $5.00

Not bringing Strikeout shirt to following game: $5.00

No Show/No Call at Game: $20.00
Thrown out of game: $20.00

Remove uniform before last out: $20