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Author |
TOPIC: Pimpin' Myself |
| Uncle Mertog
August 22, 2006
1:04:06 PM
Entry #: 1634363
| As of late there have been a bunch of guys here looking to sell themselves to teams for fall ball. So I figured what the hell, I might as well join the crowd and pimp myself out on the open market.
I officially offer my services as a manager/bench warmer/ taxi service/water boy/statistician/errand boy/message poster/team jester/fund raiser/groundskeeper/equipment manager/first baseman/second baseman/pitcher/over the middle guy/DH/catcher.....name it I do it.
As such I call all players the night before to see what kind of shape they will be in the night before and get a pretty good idea if my team will be there and if so what kind of shape they will be in.
7:30 AM I lime the field, go to North Kingstown to pick up one player, drop him off at the field then go to one end of Coventry to pick up another, then the other end of Coventry to pick up another. Then it's back on the phone to start waking up the drunks. You've probably seen me in the parking lot chain smoking ciggarettes and wearing my cleats down pacing back and forth. (Anybody hear from so and so...why the fuck isn't he answering his phone.....here I have to go throw BP you keep trying him)
Then I make out a lineup....which I usually have to scrap the last minute because someone didn't show and I rewrite it again with the guys I have.
Then I tear it up and throw it out yet again because the guy who didn't show has finally shown up when the umps yell out "Lets go guys"
My wife is part of the package deal too, she will always bring a cooler full of Poland Springs for the guys, and a couple of Capri suns for the little guy....since it is in his contract that he has to have Capri Sun since Lemme gets a juice box and two twinkies. Also he has to have a bag of Big League Chew.
Somehow if I have a full pack of marlboro's in my bat bag it mysteriously dissapears and there is usually only one ciggarette left by the end of the first game. (Not sure If I smoke them all from nervous tension or if I'm being robbed. Probably both)
Every week is an adventure and I never know where I am going to play or if I'm going to play at all. I will gladly sit when all my guys are there, but usually I have to play somewhere where there is a hole. This week I had to pitch against the PNA, no big deal I'm used to throwing BP. Not alot of fun for my guys who had to shag down the missiles that were the result of my throwing MEATBALLS all day. My apologies guys.
Then comes the internal disputes, guys bitching about playing time and throwing uniforms in my face and saying they quit unless they are starting. Or guys threatening to quit every week because they aren't performing well and it is obviously everyone else's fault or it's the ump. At least that has finally stopped.
I perform Voodo, Catholic, Buddhist, and Islamic relious rites in the parking lot before games praying for rain when we play PNA, VFW, JR's and CM.....it only worked the first time against PNA...the second time their mojo must have been stronger than mine and we had to finally play.
I post messages on this board furiously, it's the only thing that keeps me sane....seems thats not working anymore either. (Next year I might be managing the team up at Butler)Passive Agressives in the infield, multiple personality disorders in the outfield, paranoid schitzophrenics as DH's.
So if you are in need of my services please post a message and I will get back to you.
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| Ryno
August 22, 2006
1:52:57 PM
Entry #: 1634490
| Or you could just not play fall league. You won't see me out there. I hate fall league.
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| Uncle Mertog
August 22, 2006
2:08:48 PM
Entry #: 1634537
| C'mon Ryno....come play for the Pub, we could definately use you and we will definately have fun.
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| RyMan
August 22, 2006
2:51:52 PM
Entry #: 1634627
| Hey Uncle M. My tuesday/thursday fall ball team is looking for a utility/backup pitcher. If you're interested let me know and I can give you more info. Ryman@tmail.com
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| RyMan
August 22, 2006
5:02:30 PM
Entry #: 1634949
| Hey Ryno, you could come DH for my tuesday/thursday fall team. We lack someone to hit in the 4 spot.
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| Uncle Mertog
August 23, 2006
12:04:38 AM
Entry #: 1635667
| Ryman....I would love to play but I work nights, I have Thursdays off but Tuesday's are out of the question.
Actually my post was meant to be a joke, I love the PUB and the guys I have NOW are great....but I am interested in Thursdays if that helps you out...but Tuesdays I just can't sorry!
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| Ryno
August 23, 2006
8:29:01 AM
Entry #: 1636116
| Ryman I live in CT an hour from Coventry. No way I am dragging my ass down here for meaningless fall games.
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| RyMan
August 23, 2006
8:30:04 AM
Entry #: 1636118
| Actually if you're willing to pitch, thursday works out perfectly. Our usual pitcher dropped a short notice bomb on us recently that he's only able to pitch on tuesdays. We were lookin at me pitching, which im good at but I hate, and one kid on the team really wanted to, but he sucks at it. So yeah we'd love to have you. You'll be the 3rd player we've picked up from this league. By the way, who are you on the pub? I'd like to peek at yer stats out of my own curiousity. Email me so I can get your email address and I'll give you any info you need. Need to know what size shirt ya wear too
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| RyMan
August 23, 2006
8:37:24 AM
Entry #: 1636125
| I was kidding anyways Ryno. I wouldn't want you wastin your time with a bunch of kids like us. Especially knowing now where you live. You'd get very frustrated at the mediocre hitting around you, and I've seen how you get when you're frustrated.
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| Ryno
August 23, 2006
10:44:00 AM
Entry #: 1636380
| I only get mad at myself when I am not producing to the standards I think I should be. I don't get on my teammates if they are not getting it done.
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