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Author |
TOPIC: Drinking Draft |
| Dub$
July 24, 2007
2:20:05 PM
Entry #: 2279489
| Who would be your number one pick in the drinking draft and why? Dare I ask for a top 5!?!
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| Dub$
July 24, 2007
2:27:23 PM
Entry #: 2279507
| I would say that Lynn would be my #1. After seeing Gary try and catch a can of beer at the Market, The choice was easy. Lynn could just snag a beer from his position.
1. Lynn
2. Gary
3. Novak
4. The guy that sells 50/50 tickets
5. Mike Garves
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| flaig
July 25, 2007
11:05:05 AM
Entry #: 2281142
| I would have to agree with your number 1 pick. Here are my top 5:
1. Lynn
2. Joe Kornetta
3. Eric Haun
4. Jim Bahr
5. Joseph Haas
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| Dub$
July 25, 2007
11:16:18 AM
Entry #: 2281167
| Nice draft. Forgot about those guys. In my defense, my guys can get beer whenever they want. Lynn can fanagle one from anywhere on the globe, Gary just claps his hands and one is thrown to him and the 50/50 guy is sneaky as hell. Nicely done Flaigette
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| Dub$
July 25, 2007
11:34:22 AM
Entry #: 2281213
| Not to be overlooked, here is a profile for a key free agent:
Name: Twiggy
Height: 5'9"
Weight: 230 Ilbs. (in his pants)
Reach: Far enough to reach the handles of his hog
Known For: His finishing move where he frolics around a pool table and sits on the edge of a round table and subsequently flips it, and anything on it, to the ground.
Scouts Inc. Report
Twiggy has been on the circuit for the past 30 years. He is a regular at many pool halls. He hustles patrons in pool, darts and shuffle board. Will be a welcomed addition to any team. Can play a multitude of positions, but his best position is chugger. Has shown no signs of aging, other than his pickled liver. He has the gullet and stamina many underagers covet. Should be a key additon come playoff time.
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| flaig
July 25, 2007
12:22:09 PM
Entry #: 2281323
| I also have a noteable free agent worth mentioning:
Name: Bernie
Height: 5'10"
Weight: 195 lbs.
Reach: 5 inches. (enough to poke the breasts of any unsuspecting woman.
Known For: His impecable ability to remember names of well liked individuals...(Wettland).
Scouts Inc. Report
Bernie has been spotted many a night on the urky streets of Sparta conditioning for improving his mental preparation and self alcohol tolerance levels of the local establishments. Among his facetted abilities are: bar hopping, breast poking, cross-dressing, karoke, and delivering rocky mountain refreshment.
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| Dub$
July 25, 2007
1:10:30 PM
Entry #: 2281430
| Free Agent
Name:Jeff Fisher
Height:5'7"
Weight:175 Ilbs.
Reach:Whatever it takes for a reacharound
Known For:Completing daunting tasks to gain a favorable bar tab
Scouts Inc. Report
Jeff is often seen with Twiggy. Together they are the deadly duo of the bar scene. Jeff may not have much of a liver left, but his ferocious appetite for barley keeps his motor running. Should be able to come off the bench and make an immediate impact in most lineups. Has been hindered by the common disease "Towing an Anchor". Will be interesting to see which team takes a chance on him.
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| Dub$
July 25, 2007
2:03:47 PM
Entry #: 2281585
| Free Agent
Name: Zach Iverson
Height: 5'1"
Weight: 140 Ilbs.
Reach: Not far enough
Known For: His catch phrase: "How many you got?"
Scouts Inc. Report
Zach's short stature is deceiving to say the least. Very rarely fails to hear last call. Has been known drink entirely way too much. Often seen stumbling through a local establishment. May be a late round pick as a sleeper, (or is that passed out?). Could be a solid 5 spot in the rotation.
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| Dub$
July 25, 2007
2:33:36 PM
Entry #: 2281668
| Free Agent
Name: Melissa Flaig
Height: 5'9"
Weight: Did not specify
Reach: Seemingly Endless
Known For: Ripping buttons off of shirts
Scouts Inc. Report
Melissa could be a valuable pick as she will drink any brand of beer an any given moment. She is an intimidating drinker with a bad attitude demeanor. Recently wrestled in a vaccant lot at bar time. Has the uncanny ability to spring anybody into going hogging without their knowledge, which can be entertaining.
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| Novawk
July 27, 2007
10:47:27 AM
Entry #: 2285563
| Free Agent
Name:William Griswold
Height:6'1 3/4"
Weight:215 lbs.
Reach:Heymaker
Scout's Inc. Report
Is an aging veteran who is posibly past his drinking prime, but may have a little gas left in the tank for one last run. Will bring some moxie to the team and put butt's in the seats just on name alone. With his heymaking style appraoch snake oil Willy has been known to grab random bottles and loose change from behind many a bar. Final Word: Proceed with caution, may take some extra motivation to re-enter the circuit.
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| Novawk
July 27, 2007
10:52:57 AM
Entry #: 2285575
| I'm going to go to the other end of the spectrum and select the bottom five of the drinking draft. Also known as Mr. Irrelevent.
96)Travis Wiltgen/Justin Stewart
97)Ben"Leif"La Fluer
98)Kyle Hatch
99)Pat Flaig
100)Joe Casper
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| Novawk
July 27, 2007
10:57:41 AM
Entry #: 2285585
| Further report on Willy
Is Known for: Checking ID's and expert mathmatical equations.
May require a Roger Clemens type of deal and might be devoted 110% elsewhere.
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| Dub$
July 27, 2007
2:21:49 PM
Entry #: 2286025
| Free Agent
Name: Kenny Pfaff
Height: 5'7"
Weight: 1723/4 lbs
Reach: 37" with left, 3912/17 with right
Known For: Seeing double, triple, and sometimes quadruple attendance at Miller games
Scouts Inc. Report
Kenny comes from uncharted waters. He emerged on the circuit back in the 80's with a hale of fury and gunsmoke. Been known to go on back to back to back hellacious benders. Has a refined taste for beer. Can guzzle under the radar. Should be a late pick up for a playoff contender.
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| Dub$
July 27, 2007
2:35:48 PM
Entry #: 2286056
| Free Agent
Name: Bonzai
Height: 5'10"
Weight: 280 lbs
Reach: 31"
Known For: Playing the part of "DAD" to many a ball player on road games.
Scouts Inc. Report
Though Bonzai has been on a 4 year hiatus from the circuit, one of our agents saw him training to return to game shape. Can be a power player in vicious cock fight with the finesse and touch to scorch any unruly contender. Will add leadership and know how to motivate younger drinkers.
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| Dub$
July 27, 2007
2:55:16 PM
Entry #: 2286101
| Free Agent
Name: Too Tall Paul
Height: 6'3"
Weight: 110 lbs
Reach: 72"
Known For: Having a fast car
Scouts Inc. Report
Too Tall Paul has never been see sober. Can guzzle, chug, gulp, slurp, swig, and imbibe...but is incapable of sipping. Is a fan favorite, often posing for pictures. Will add depth in the 5 spot. Is said to have led the circuit in consecutive nights being inebriated before the circuit began recording stats in 1979.
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| Dub$
July 27, 2007
3:03:40 PM
Entry #: 2286125
| Free Agent
Name: Shawn Yesky
Height: 5'10"
Weight: 225 lbs
Reach: 29"
Known For: His insatiable banter for the visiting team
Scouts Inc. Report
"Yesky" is a man of mystery. His talents are unkown. Is a risky pick, but the merriment that surrounds him could warrant a roster spot if a team posesses 2 franchise players. Brings hilarity, jollity, and gaiety to any field of play. Never a question mark in the attendance column.
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| Novawk
August 1, 2007
4:03:58 PM
Entry #: 2294925
| FREE AGENT
Name:Brett"BJ"Atteln
Height:5'4"
Wehight:A slim 165(too heavy by jockey standards)
Reach:For the remote
Known For:His unique shotgunning tactics, and picking up girls in the Rice Lake Pizza Hut parking lot.
Scouts Inc. Report
Some call him a one trick pony, but there are none better at slaming a beverage with two holes in it. Will only be able to give you one or two good rounds, but they will be unmatchable. Might not be as focused in the Spring of the year due to the Kentucky Derby. Any other time can be a great reliever. Holds the 12 and 16oz. records for speed. Word Of Caution: has been known to fall alseep(pass out)on tavern floors and get kicked the f' out of places.
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| Dub$
August 2, 2007
2:28:41 PM
Entry #: 2296725
| When should we hold the draft? How many players and how could we score it?
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| Dub$
June 24, 2010
7:43:07 PM
Entry #: 3512592
| Free Agent
Name:Ben "Leif" La Fleur
Height: 6'3"
Weight: 172 lbs
Reach: 38"
Known For:His steady drinking improvement
Scouts Inc. Report
Ben has been around the circuit for quite some time now, but has never been drafted. One source reports that he "just doesn't have it". Through his feline like curiosity, "Leif" has stuck around and feverishly took notes on drinking strategy. "Leif" has shown steady improvement and his virgin-like liver should be in great shape as it has not seen the punishment of an entire season. Though is liver is not in game shape, could prove to be a late pick up and used in key situations.
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| Dub$
May 30, 2011
2:37:32 PM
Entry #: 3736220
| Free Agent
Name:Brandon Rude
Height:5'9"
Weight:a balmy 215
Known for:Making improbable claims of being able to drink people under the table
Scouts Inc. Report
Rude has been known to talk a big game and not back it up. Has shown up to games hung-over with no plausible story indicating he was actually drunk. May be of the sleeper variety as nobody actually sees him drink, yet he claims drunkenness. Will need to prove himself as the drinker he claims. Unknown if he can hang with the big boys yet.
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| Dub$
August 12, 2011
3:37:31 PM
Entry #: 3780466
| Free Agent
Name: Kevin "KB" Barth
Height: 6'0"
Weight: 204
Reach: 35" from shoulder to knuckle, 2" from knuckle to fingertip
Known for:Watching his "fig"
Scouts Inc. Report
Kevin is a Jersey Shore prodigy. He may not be the best drinker on the team, but he’s the prettiest. Kevin’s best position is sipper. He rarely finishes his beer, and will often end the night sipping on the same beer he got upon arrival. A source reports that he will drink anything put in front of him. Motivation may be a factor. Kevin will rarely finish a drink without being razzed to do so. Could make a good bench player for his banter.
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