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TOPIC: COVE CUP SCANDAL |
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| SOO DOH NIM
July 26, 2007
7:16:01 AM
Entry #: 2282859
| WHO WILL TAKE HOME THE COVETED COVE CUP THIS YEAR?
THE SMART MONEY ISN'T RIDING ON TEAM DRS TO RETAIN THE SILVER SPITOON. RELIABLE SOURCES ARE NOISING IT AROUND THAT A FEW KEY TAXMEN ARE IN SOMEONE'S POCKET.
THIS KID MOSKITES, FOR INSTANCE, WHAT DO WE KNOW ABOUT HIM, ANYWAY? ONLY THAT HE IS MOST CERTAINLY RELATED TO ONE-TIME YANKEE JOE PEPITONE; AND THAT AIN'T NOTHING TO PUT ON YOUR RESUME. NO WONDER HE'S KEPT IT A SECRET; SORRY, KID, THE RESEMBLANCE CAN'T BE DENIED.
WHAT ABOUT THIS GUY, SANTOS; SURE HE'S PLAYED A GREAT OUTFIELD AND HE'S BATTING LIKE A CHAMP; BUT I'VE SEEN THAT SCAM IN THE COVE CUP BEFORE. HE'LL TAKE A BIGGER DIVE THAN LOUGANIS.
THEN THERE'S THIS CLEAN CUT ALL-AMERICAN TYPE, PHIL ISNER, UP 'TILL NOW, A REAL HOT PROSPECT; GOOD GLOVE AND GOOD BAT. ALL OF A SUDDEN, IN THE CUP TOURNEY, HE CAN'T HIT THE EXACTA IN A TWO HORSE RACE OR CATCH THE DRIFT OF A HENNY YOUNGMAN ONE-LINER.
EVEN THE VETERANS ARE SUSPECT.
MIKE MALONE HAS BEEN COMPLAINING OF ACHES AND PAINS, LATELY, PERHAPS AS A SET-UP FOR A COVE CUP NO SHOW. THAT MIGHT PLAY FOR MOST GUYS, BUT EVERYONE KNOWS THAT MALONE HAS PLAYED WITH MORE THAN ONE BROKEN BONE AT TIMES. THEY SAY MIKE LAYS DOWN THIS YEAR, THAT HE'S LOOKING FOR A NEST-EGG. SAY IT AIN'T SO, MIKE! SAY IT AIN'T SO!
THEN THERE'S DAVE CUSHMAN; WILL HE MAKE THE ANNUAL CLASSIC THIS YEAR, OR WON'T HE? RUMOR HAS IT THAT "CRUSHMAN" FOUND 4 OR 5 BOXES OF PERDOMO MILENARIO CIGARS ON HIS DOORSTEP, RECENTLY. HE CAN'T STOP SMOKING THEM AND IS NOW ONLY 4'10" TALL AND THAT SPEELS BIG TROUBLE FOR THE KNIGHTS OF THE TAX TABLE.
EVEN THE CHARACTER OF THE STAUNCH CAPTAIN OF THE TAX DODGERS HAS BEEN CALLED INTO QUESTION. IT SEEMS THAT INNOCENT TEAM PHOTOS ARE NOT ALL THAT JUNIOR CAPTURES ON HIS CAMCORDER, THE SKIPPER ALSO HAS HUNDREDS OF MINUTES OF UPSKIRT VIDEO STORED ON THE DEVICE'S MEMORY CHIP. THREATENED EXPOSURE OF CHAKULSKI'S UNSAVORY FETISH MAY KEEP ST. JAMES' A-GAME ON THE BENCH COME AUGUST 4TH.
THIS BRINGS ME TO PERHAPS THE MOST SHOCKING AND DISAPPOINTING REVELATION OF THEM ALL. COULD IT BE TRUE THAT THE HEART AND SOUL OF THE TEAM, THE LINCHPIN, THE GLUE, THE BLESSED AND BELOVED LUCA CAPRIGLIONE HAS BEEN COAXED TO THE DARK SIDE?
IT HAS BEEN REPORTED THAT THROUGH THE COMBINED EFFORTS OF THE THREE SIRENS OF THE DRS TEAM, AND UNDER ORDERS FROM THEIR DARK MISTRESSES, MADAMES SANDI "BEACHES" ISNER AND BIKER CHICK PEGGY "STRADDLER" JIANTONIO, HAVE SEDUCED LUCA WITH PROMISES OF LURID, UNBRIDLED LUST. THE BACCHANAL TO TAKE PLACE IN OF ALL PLACES, DISNEYWORLD, THIS COMING DECEMBER.
PROMISES OF SINGLE ROOM CO-HABITATION WITH WILD GOINGS-ON PROVED TOO MUCH FOR THE STALWART HERO OF THE DIAMOND. IT IS THOUGHT THAT HE HAS SUCCUMBED TO THE CHARMS OF THE TRIO OF DRS VIXENS. THE THREE SUDUCTRESSES HAVE BEEN PROMISED THE FULFILLMENT OF THEIR OWN FONDEST WISHES, OF COURSE.
FOR GLORIA "THE GREAT DIVIDE" AXIOTIS; A LIFETIME MEMBERSHIP TO THE "FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH" SPA WITH ON DEMAND MASSAGES BY TOP MASSEUSE "HANDS" BRINKER.
TO CHRYSTAL "CHAMPAGNE" URBANI; A SURE WIN IN THE SOX APPEAL CONTEST AND A DATE WITH ADULT FILM STAR "PANTS" DELEON.
FINALLY, TO CAROL "ROUND THE WORLD" ANDREWS; A SEAT ON THE SPACE SHUTTLE, PILOTED BY RENOWNED ASSTRONAUT, JIMMY THRUST.
WHEN I CONFRONTED LUCA WITH THESE FACTS, I WAS TOLD TO "GO TAKE MY SHOES FOR A WALK." WHEN I PRESSED HIM FURTHER, HE SAID "HEY, IT'S JUST A FRIGGIN' CUP. WHAT WOULD YOU DO, SPHINCTER PUSS"? I THOUGHT ABOUT IT AND FOUND THAT I COULDN'T ARGUE WITH HIM.
THERE'S MUCH MORE TO THIS STORY, MY FRIENDS, SO STAY TUNED.
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| The Geico Caveman
July 26, 2007
7:16:37 AM
Entry #: 2282860
| Response? Yeah, I have a response. Uhhh, what?!?!
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| so I wear tight baseball pants...bite me
July 28, 2007
3:44:14 PM
Entry #: 2287407
| GLORIA "THE GREAT DIVIDE" AXIOTIS??...what about "Rocky Mountain" Gloria Axiotis, much more fitting.
and what is this I hear about a threesome with my aunt, peggy and Luca? I don't know who's causing all this mischief, but I don't like it.
and as for scandal, rumors around the clubhouse have Tony "three bags" Santos using "the cream", with recent text messages showing up on his Verizon bill from Barry Bonds himself...now this new found display of power makes a little more sense
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