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Author |
TOPIC: The Carty Report |
| Whistle Blower
December 14, 2007
11:40:54 AM
Entry #: 2514553
| Unbeknownst to most, Tony Carty has been preparing his own Mitchell Report in order to seek out steroid users in the BPSL. His findings were both informative and very disturbing. Listed below are some excerpts from his yet to be released report.
- Richie Early was found to be using steriods in the 2005 season when he put up unusually strong power numbers. Roid rage also may explain any volatile events he was a part of.
- No actual proof was found in determining whether or not Gerry Rodman uses. But he hits the ball really really far. Come up with your own conclusion.
- A witness confirms that they saw Mike Heally (of B&C) inject himself with a substance just before he hit the ball out of the infield for the 1st time in his 10 year career.
- It has been reported that Danny Colleran uses some type of horse injectant, thus explaining why he very often reaches 2nd base when he hits the ball to the pitcher. Rumor also has it that he once raced Kentucky Derby winner Funny Cide and defeated the horse soundly.
- The entire 2004 Blarney team is under suspicion. No real proof but nevertheless, I have my suspicions.
- Mike Beehler started receiving steroids in 1992 but never lifted weights. Thus you now see an over-larged man.
- Several people who wish to remain nameless have confirmed that Timmy Stines mixes a substance in with his beers. We are yet to confirm whether that substance is an illegal steroid or cookie dough.
- All the Greens use steroids, except Tommy.
- Mike Naus rubs the "cream" all over his pitching arm, enabling him to throw the ball silly high. He also rubs it on other places but that is a whole other report.
All in all, many were found to be cheating. And many more names will come out in the full report expected to be released this May.
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| G.Rodman
December 16, 2007
10:53:46 AM
Entry #: 2516305
| At this time I would like to respond to my name coming up in the Carty report. I used a substance given to me by my trainer (Parisi)to help heal a severe paper cut I had. I had no idea what it was and I was only trying to get back onto the field as soon as possible and help my team. Who knew such a little cut would take 4 months to heal.
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| Rich Early
December 16, 2007
4:03:49 PM
Entry #: 2516542
| Word on Street is milt stines will be asking to become score keeper again after being unable to hack it in real world. Also milt little advice if u going to put a report up atleast have a sack and sign your name
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| Turncoat
December 18, 2007
9:50:47 PM
Entry #: 2519624
| The news gets even more disheartening as some additional names have been mentioned in the carty report. Newer, more advanced substances have been discovered in our leagues talented stars. These include:
HGH2- Human Growth Hormone 2"-Ray Hickey and Richie Leib were seen injecting eachother in the summer of 02. Side Effects are heavy drinking, and a handsome, girlish figure.
FGH- "Freckle growth hormone"-Matt Early admitted using this substance up until last year when he quit, realizing that he would never measure up to Blinky. Side Effects are towering home runs and freckles.
GGH- "Greasy Gindaloon Hormone"-Mike Parisi was seen rubbing this substance on his arms in a mirror every day last summer while making his pecks move back and forth to the Rocky soundtrack. Everyone thought it was olive oil, but it wasn't. Side effects are constant injuries and colorful tattoos.
BLT- "Bacon Lettuce and Tomato" sandwich- Timmy Stines get off the smack. Side effects are heavy drinking from styrofoam cups, followed by poor speech and loss of memory.
PFH-"Purple Faced Hormone"- While others thought he just held his breath all the time, Dennis Cook was seen injecting this substance in the mangina. It causes a person to have fun doing pretty much anything, and to have an uncanny resemblence to Rodney Dangerfield.
GHH-"Grey hair hormone"- Mike Lang was seen numerous times injecting himself with this substance since the summer of '81. It causes bottled up rage, awful hitting, and extreme good looks :)
If anyone has any more information on anyone using illegal drugs such as these please call-1-555-Raisin balls.
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| M BEEHLER
March 6, 2008
10:22:41 AM
Entry #: 2641059
| I take offense to those who say i never lifted weights. I lift 7oz 12oz 16oz 22oz weights all the time. I have even lifted a 40oz weight a couple of times, although i am not very proud of it. It was not in 92 that i started either it was more like 98 when i went to a party at Timmy Stines house, he introduced these steriods to me and said someday he would be as big as me! So i had no choice but to start to use the "juice". I am not proud of my actions but i take full responsibilty for them.
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