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Author |
TOPIC: Performance Enhancing Drugs |
| Senator FOY
December 20, 2007
9:34:09 AM
Entry #: 2521278
| By now, everyone has seen or heard the Mitchell report, but what was not released to the general public was the effect that it had right here at home, in the FOY. Nothing is proven at this time and players will be allowed to speak on their behalf at the league meeting, which will likely be on Valentine's Day again.
JOHNNY'S- heading the list, and really no surprise to anyone is the lefty/righty pitching duo of Mark Eccher and Darin Scott. Video shows the two of them working out, Eck blasting his quads and D shouting, "those are the money makers."
BULLS- Link Nelson suspected after a power surge and career high 1 HR last season, Paul Doder-this one is obvious, and Will Rogers. There is talk that his no hitter will be taken away or viewed with and asterisk.
PIRATES- Dan Kelly and Bo Tinker
CHIEFS- Dennis Gurkin's name shows up on the report 51 times between 2000 and 2007, though he claims that he was just using it to rehab from injury, which has been confirmed. Randy and Brian Leslie also appear and it is rumored that the entire league was supplied former Chief, Keith Kelly.
RED SOX- Dave Duckworth
GATORS- JD, though he claims he got it out of someone else's locker and surprisingly no checks have been found linking him to any transactions
CARDINALS- Grasle, how else do you think he could pitch into his 60's
CURLEYS- Dean Lyon and Craig Hansen
A'S- This one surprises nobody as CHUCK23A's has been found to be using performance enhancing drugs for the last 30 years, though it has nothing to do with his performance on the field.
This concludes the report and while this is not a confirmation of guilt, the league needs to do something about this.
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| T. Hart
December 20, 2007
10:31:04 AM
Entry #: 2521328
| I knew it! You cheatin' bastages!
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| D.Scott
December 21, 2007
7:33:14 AM
Entry #: 2522230
| The following statement is being released by the Agent for D.Scott...
"I did not have sexual relations with that intern...errr wrong denial...
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| arnold
December 21, 2007
5:54:36 PM
Entry #: 2522934
| what about sledge from the bulls. no average man can yield a sledgehammer in the manner that guy does.
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| ChiefLongstory
December 22, 2007
9:33:27 AM
Entry #: 2523293
| Steroids is bad!
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| Norm
December 23, 2007
10:19:32 PM
Entry #: 2524417
| This may explain Rock's "mound rage" moments. Just a thought. The Cardinals have no comment on any allegations made against any of our players. Refer to page 13 of our union contract.
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| The Professor
December 24, 2007
11:08:43 PM
Entry #: 2525198
| Just because I have "Dr." before my name does not mean that I supplied said substances... though I am not prepared to make such a statement under oath at this time. I can confirm, however, that Dennis Gurkin was in fact injured on countless occasions and did manage to rehab with considerable speed, given his increasing age (I just used Gurkin and "speed" in the same sentence). And, it might be noted that Dennis Gurkin did increase in girth over the same period (2000-2007). However, to the best of my knowledge FOY had no rules governing the use of performance enhancing drugs during the period in question.
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| BigBen25
December 27, 2007
10:41:17 AM
Entry #: 2526515
| Come on Keith, we know you are the only one that still has the chemistry set they got for Christmas when they were 10. We know you made and sampled them. We lived through the steroid rage when you knocked the lights out. Only someone with super-human strength could throw his glove that hard.
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| the benchwarmer
January 3, 2008
3:28:30 PM
Entry #: 2533074
| In light of the leaks that have emerged from the report there is something to be considered. A regime change. All of these acts have occurred under the present commissioner's watch. How could he not have known? Afterall one of his players was involved.
This has caused a black-eye for the league. This is the final straw in the "it's my way or the highway " administration.
Only the Pirates get a pass on this one. Everyone knows they use their performance enhancing drugs after the game.
Let the nominations begin.
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| The Professor
January 4, 2008
5:44:37 PM
Entry #: 2534774
| Hahaha... I forgot about knocking out the damn lights. That is certainly irrefutable evidence. OK, I am guilty--but I only used them to recover from injury.
And hey Ben, if you want to see a good-looking baseball team (and I know you get your rocks off that way) check out Hardball Magazine when the Yearbook edition comes out. The Berkshire Red Sox (in PA) should be in there as season champs. While they didn't let me play 1B (they already had 2 slow fat-asses who couldn't play anywhere else at 1B) I did play 2B and patrol the outfield.
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| Link
January 7, 2008
8:46:24 PM
Entry #: 2538320
| I will neither confirm nor deny these allegations. And I did not get the goods from Curley's Hoosier Monroe.
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| Haebs
January 10, 2008
7:02:52 AM
Entry #: 2541877
| Randy H., keep taking those growth hormones and performance enhancing drugs. I did notice last year how much muscle you put on and I believe your weight went up to 135 pounds.
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| Duck
January 10, 2008
7:42:22 AM
Entry #: 2541912
| The Commish has only injected me with B12!!
My agent is scheduling a press conference to be held at Johnny's later this month.
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| BigSug
January 10, 2008
10:54:05 AM
Entry #: 2542150
| What would you like in the background for your press conference?
Buckets of Beer?
Buckets of Wings?
Girls?
Trophy?
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| Eck
January 10, 2008
11:00:44 AM
Entry #: 2542160
| More importantly, what jersey number do you want?
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| Coach
January 10, 2008
9:03:07 PM
Entry #: 2543205
| I heard he wants one of those sweet new Budweiser jerseys!!!
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| Curleys44
January 10, 2008
10:53:04 PM
Entry #: 2543345
| What do you want me to do Link? You want me to go to jail for you?
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| Duck
January 11, 2008
11:10:40 AM
Entry #: 2543813
| I appreciate the jersey offers, but I will be wearing Red Sox #19 again this year. Besides, I enjoy the friendly competition against you guys.
BigSug, as for the press conference, ALL of the above. Especially the girls!! And a Roger Clemens back drop. Thanks!
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| T. Hart
January 14, 2008
3:46:36 PM
Entry #: 2547571
| I've seen Randy Hogenkamp drinking hot coffee before games in July and August. That may not be against league rules but it should be.
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| Forrest
January 14, 2008
10:03:00 PM
Entry #: 2548184
| And no more running in the outfield before the games, unless you're a pitcher. Even then, it's extremely questionable.
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| the benchwarmer
January 18, 2008
3:28:46 PM
Entry #: 2554115
| Sources close to the league are leaking that the legion is close to inking a deal with Sunshine Labs to set up a sattelite facility in the south concession stand behind behind the equipment shed. Negotiatons are being stalled because of an exhausted search to locate a dentist to run the operation. Start-up would have limited hours of operation. They would be open 1/2 hour prior to start of games and operate on a cash only basis to eliminate the paper trail. More details as they become available.
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| the commish
January 21, 2008
6:18:39 PM
Entry #: 2558143
| In light of the controversey surrounding the performance enhancing issue, I am announcing the formation of a select committee to study the issue. The committee will consist of Chairman Larry Paul, and two assistants Ted Daniels and Nick Buyoukis. Each of these men enjoyed a long and distinguished relationship with the F.O.Y. Larry Paul, a long-time player manager was well-known for his tedious attention to detail and historical mound conferences. Ted Daniels, the famous man in blue, never let the rules get in the way of doing what he thought fit [ see Kevin Mantz]. Nick Buyoukis, the fire-balling righthander with a vicious slider had a special skill for seeking out performance enhancing drugs, especially between doubleheaders. I will await the findings of this esteemed group. Once they have made their recomendations I WILL ACT!
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