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TOPIC: A letter to a volunteer coach |
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| sbparent
April 17, 2011
1:01:18 PM
Entry #: 3703911
| Can't say it any better than this. . . just substitute "softball" for "soccer".
Dear Coach,
A couple of my friends have made unflattering comments about you lately. They said they were worried when they found out that Clara was put on your team. They told me you scream at the girls and make them feel really bad during the games. They had all specifically requested not to have you as their child’s coach. These aren’t just gossips from the PTA, these are parents who I know and respect. I don’t know you at all. I do know that Clara came home from her first soccer practice overjoyed. She wished she could practice every day. I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and hope you prove those other parents wrong, but there are a few things I want to point out - just in case what they said happens to be even the slightest bit true.
First of all, Clara is 8 years-old. Let me say that a different way just to make sure you get my point. Clara has had eight short years to figure out how this world works. That means walking, talking, reading, sharing, standing up for herself, learning how to make friends. Everything. Eight years. She behaves in the perfectly imperfect way that a girl of her age should. So, challenge her, make her stretch her understanding of what she is capable of, send her home tired at the end of practice. Please do not make her feel like she should be anything other than 8 years-old.
I understand that you volunteer your time to coach this team. I am thankful for that because, believe me, I couldn’t do it. But, you signed up for it and when you did, you became responsible for the physical and emotional safety of your team. Did you get that part about the emotional safety? Because, you may not know this, but for some of us words hurt worse than fists. A raised voice in the heat of a loud game is one thing, belittling or demeaning a child who is learning and trying their best is a whole different story. I trust you know the difference.
Social pressure is a really big deal to these girls, for some it has already been a part of their life for years. Clara has wanted to play soccer since she was four. Every year when sign-up time would come she would say “I’ll be ready next year.” She was seven before she found the confidence and said it was time. She tried on her new pink soccer shorts and her “Girls Have Goals in Life” t-shirt a million times in the weeks leading up to her first practice. Then, when we arrived at the park that first day, she sat paralyzed in the car. All the other kids had on long sports pants, not shiny pink shorts. She curled up in a ball of tears and made me drive her home. Luckily, my husband got her to try again and things got much better. Please remember that the little things make a BIG difference to these girls. If your words sound more like disappointment than constructive criticism, and if those words are overheard by teammates, do not think I am over exaggerating to say it could have a long lasting impact. Would you like me to quote a few examples from my own youth?
I am all for competition. It feels good when I win something and it feels even better when my kids win. But this is not a competitive league. No one keeps track of who is leading the divisions. Everyone gets a trophy. This is a community soccer league that attracts a huge range of abilities. Every team has a mix of kids - some who have played since they were three and others who are trying it out for the first time. If you want your daughter to be on a more competitive team or if you feel the need to focus more on winning instead of skill development, go some place else.
I think that should just about cover it. Like I said, I am keeping my mind open. So far you haven’t done anything that causes me concern. My daughter seems to really like you and I can already tell your approval means a lot to her. She has so many years of soccer playing ahead of her and, when she’s old enough, she can decide if she has what it takes to play in more competitive leagues. For now, look into her eyes, and the eyes of her two team mates with asthma, and the eyes of the one who runs kind of funny, and realize that you have an amazing opportunity to teach them how to be better human beings by being one yourself.
I’ll see you Saturday at 10.
Clara’s Mom
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| Lefty90
April 17, 2011
10:09:14 PM
Entry #: 3704231
| I really hope you could say it better than Clara's mom. That was horrible. It would be a great letter if she hadn't started by ripping the coach based - not on her own observations - but by others. I have no beef with the meat of the letter as it is great information that applies for kids of ALL ages. However, leave out the gossip and drama and just say what you mean.
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| sbparent
April 18, 2011
7:23:40 PM
Entry #: 3705144
| Point taken. Here's what I wanted to say: find a way to balance the winning and the developmental "faces" of the league, and that may take some additional rules for coaches. My kids have always loved to play ball and at the end of the season, I still want them to love playing ball, and having learned some new skills as well.
Look at how thin the leagues are the higher up they play. What is happening to all those kids? Not all are playing select ball. Most just give up because they know they don't want to sit the bench every game.
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