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May 10, 2017
10:17:29 PM
Entry #: 4220558
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The Dutch are a proud people even though their history holds no athletic achievements to speak of. Their first Dutch athlete in history tried to use his highly trained fingers to stop a Dyke from leaking – we all know how that story ends.
Then, the Dutch tried their hand at Soccer – or Futbol as the World calls it. It didn’t go well there, either. The Dutch failed to earn that elusive Championship on the pitch, too. In fact, the Dutch hold the record for playing the most World Cup finals without ever winning the tournament. They finished second in 1974, 1978 and 2010.
But despite defeat after defeat, Dutch sports fans never give up hope. They believe in an ancient legend of a noble warrior who would lead the people of the Netherlands to its first athletic championship.
They believed in a Chosen One.
The legend goes that this warrior is marked in battle with a scar the shape of a lightning bolt. The scar was burned into his forehead, just above his left eye by Thor himself. This warrior’s limbs are covered in wounds from mythical clashes of wood on bone. The prophecy passed down generation after generation, spoke of the lighting bolt, blond hair warrior who would one day defeat the Mighty Black Bear. Every Dutch child knows the tale.
Little did the Dutch know their warrior – the Chosen One – lived in Huntersville, North Carolina. His name is Art Vanwingerden and he sells daisies for a living. When word got out that there was a man of Dutch heritage who won back-to-back championships the Netherlands went crazy. The Dutch traveled in droves to Huntersville to meet the Chosen One. Even Lars Ulrich from Metallica was there. When they found Art, he was holding a press conference after winning the 2017 Spring BBL Champions.
“Mr. Vanwingerden, this is Jan Van Dijk from the Dutch newspaper De Telegraaf,” said a Dutch reporter in broken English. “Is it true you are first Dutch athlete to win championship? Is it true you lead your BVM team to back to back titles?”
“Why yes, Mr. Van Dijk,” said Art as the lightning bolt scar twinkled under the flashing light bulbs. “I sacrificed my body for this Championship. I threw it to the ground over and over again for this Championship. I bled from the face for this Championship. I gave everything I had to bring this Championship back to my people.”
“Mr Vanwingerden, Janssen Smit, CNN Netherlands,” said another Dutch reporter. “The Dutch people said you slayed the Black Bear. A gigantic Black Bear that terrorized the league for years. Is it true?”
“Well, if the Black Bear is those Russians Surv Cowboys, then the rumors are true,” said Art with a confident smile. “We smoked them by the score 78-65. They never had a chance.”
Seated next to Art at the podium was BVM captain Bob Dontino, Tony Montenari and Art’s brother Michael Vanwingerden. They were rolling their eyes.
“Can you believe this guy?” whispered Dontino to Tony. “I was 4-for-5 from three and scored 21 points and he’s getting all the credit?”
“I know!” answered Tony under his breath. “I carried this team for three straight playoff games. It’s not like that geriatric Harry Potter was 5-for-8 from behind the arc in the finals.”
“I’m sick of covering up for his defense,” added Michael. “He gets beat, and it’s like, ‘Michael, block his shot,’ or Michael, ‘go get the rebound.’ I’m Dutch, too!!!! Would it kill him to mention he has a brother that – oh by the way – is 6-foot-5 and averages a double-double every season?!?!??!”
The cameras flashed. The Dutch chanted his name.
Art! Art! Art!
“Art! Art! Wake Up, Art! Lowe Home Improvement is on line 2!”
Art jumps out of a deep sleep. He’s in his office. He looks at line 2 as it blinks. Art sighs dejectedly.
“Oh well, back to the grind,” said Art.
Ok, so that’s not how the 2017 BBL Championship ended. If anyone was leading the Championship press conference it was Bob Dontino. He entered the BBL Championship game hitting just 3-of-his-18 3-point attempts this season, but when Surv defenders left Dontino to double Michael, he made the Communists pay. Dontino delivered perhaps the best BBL game of his life with 21 points. He only missed one shot in 9 attempts. He didn’t even have a turnover.
If anyone could share the podium with Dontino it wasn’t Art. It was Montanari who finished with 21 points. In fact, Montanari’s final three games of the season were so spectacular, the BBL media forgot about his horrid regular season and awarded Montanari the 2017 spring MVP award. When Montanari played poorly this season, BVM was 2-4. When he played well, BVM torched the playoffs. He averaged over 21 ppg in the postseason and sank 14-of-his-29 shots from deep.
Even White Curry can’t say that.
Kenneth finished with 30 points but he was 4-14 from the 3-point line. BVM’s version of Willis Reed – Vince Zwadyk – had a lot to do with that. After pulling a calf muscle last week, Vince rehabbed like Kobe Bryant, pulled up two Copperfit calf sleeves and hounded Kenneth like the IRS on a corporate investor with a Swedish Bank account. Everyone better learn how to spell Vince’s name correctly after Monday night.
Z-Y-A-D-E-K
Surv Cowboys was the No. 1 seed entering the 2017 playoffs, but relied too much on Kenneth and Michael O’Rourke, who had 18 points and 8 rebounds against BVM. But both players combined to take 47 shots in the finals. The rest of the team took just 14 points.
That reeks of Capitalism not Socialism.
The bottom line is Dontino raised eyebrows when he passed on Kenneth to take Vanwingerden’s monster with the first pick of the draft. He then put his money where his mouth is by beating Kenneth’s team in the finals. Dontino was so emotional after the game he told everyone to keep their BVM jerseys for good. After all, he didn’t pay for them anyway. The news only gets worse now that this lucky son-of-an-Italian gets the first pick in the draft next season.
So what will the defending champion do at next fall’s draft?
Will he take the Vanwingerdens again? Some say he just followed Kocher’s blue print to his first title. Maybe he wants to prove his champion mettle on his own. Then, again, Dontino likes to zig when others think he will zag. He did so this season and it brought him the first BBL Championship in BVM franchise this season.
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