1. Gold

Gold made some power play moves, no surprise to anyone led by former sophomore of the year Nate ”wow that guy looks good” Ripley and MVP caliber Antonio “meatball” Thomas. Both of these guys are dominant players who can take over a game. They complement each other well. Regardless we traded for a top 3 pick, Making a trade for the best sharpshooter in the league Jesse “no one can hit my derb” Fera. Not only does he bring star powered force to gold but he brings a fun guy along with it. Followed up by joe “everyone in my family is super hot beside me” lackner big body underneath and is always looking to make the extra pass. Also grabbing Ross “my best attribute is my dad refs the league” Petrone. Rebound machine and will give us some calls. Tim “I get way sloshed and over use Snapchat” dash was traded to us and we like his win or die mentality nothing but the best for Tim. Will “busman” Engal is a workhorse who can handle the ball with efficiency and pass to our shooters. Along the way we grabbed Tyler super who will prolly land some shots from deep. Lastly we grabbed cam “I only get head” Scott for a bag of beef Jerky and a pack of skittles. He’ll grab us a rebound or two and put up shots from the perimeter mostly missing all of them but will hit that lucky shot to win us the game. Gold has the highest ceiling in the league.

2.) Carolina Blue
Carolina Blue is kinda clean this year, led by Jason “maybe basketball season will go better” Sweeney and Matt “my dad sticks his fingers in grown men’s Arsenal’s” Goldman. First round they drafted Big Man Harvey “I think I’m good at everything” Rauch. A Big play for Carolina was grabbing Brandon “she wasn’t fully asleep” Shearer; he will make threes and will hit big time shots when needed. Surprising pick was Cyrus “there’s no camera in my bathroom” Khani. But I think Ryan “ have you met my dad” Junko is going to be big time this year. All in all these guys are the real deal.

3.) Navy
Navy had a top three pick so no surprise they’re high on this list. Led by captains Gabe “hey guys isn’t it cool I brought the same girl to freshman homecoming and senior homecoming” Riberi and Ryan “is Landy still dating Jordan?” Ghise. Both know how to ball, and I’m not scared of either em Ryan’s shot is hot and cold while Gabe’s is always cold. In the first round they grabbed Evan “I guess rec is better than sitting on the bench” Heilman who is a big time player; no doubt he’s cash from the three and only throws dimes to his teammates. Next they decided to get Brian “can you take me to the shop” McCombs who is a big guy, but won’t do all that much. Next they grabbed Ben “yes Gunnar had a kid” Lund who I think has the chance to be junior of the year. He’s a good athlete, and I know he’s a good guy. They also grabbed Danny “wait your girlfriend’s name is Dan too?” Dabulis, who is one of the best role players in the league. Great draft pick, and I expect a good season for navy.

4.) White
Wow, when you have the number 1 pick in the draft and don’t even make the top 3 in power ranking, you know your captains were fried. Captains Matt “there was only a little blood on the condom” Godwin and Riley “bro she was too drunk” Fitz are not going to do anything. For anyone who is on Matt’s line, they will not see or touch the ball unless they grab one of his bricks. No surprise they picked Colin “I can’t wait to go to the Medallion Ball” Mclinden who will put the clamps on anyone in the league, beside Ripley. Anyway, he’s only semi automatic from three, but he’s a very solid first pick. Next was Cooper “I’m not fried yet I need another” Phillips. I’d bet all my money he doesn’t make a single shot all season, but he’s too much fun not to draft, so great pick. Hunter “you need a derb” Halloween was such a good pick, sharpshooter and a guy who will give ya some derbs or chucks for nothing. Andrew “isn’t your sister dating Nate Ripley” Blodgett was an alright pick up, but, if he plays anything like his dad, then Gold will beat them. Big pick up was Gavin “hey bro come watch this” Wyland. No one thought he was allowed to play this year, but hey, it’s rec. Alright team at best, but because of Colin Mclinden, they are #4.

5.) Royal Blue
As much as I hate this team, the players aren’t bad. Captain Zach ”more people will come to my rec games than soccer” Ioli is as fast as they come, but can’t shoot for anything. Nate “I used to be good in 3rd grade” Murphy will do nothing but miss threes for his team, he is just Matt Godwin with less confidence from beyond. With their first pick, they got someone who would’ve been available in the last round: RJ “everyone in the league Hates me” White.  He won’t do anything expect have the most punchable face in the league. Next they got Danny “my brother isn’t that much taller than me” Harkelroad who will just call every foul even if it’s not a foul. Gavin “I haven’t been able to ride the phantom at Kennywood yet” Fitzpatrick is small and prolly bad at ball. Anyway, this team couldn’t have picked more complainers, and honestly this is like a WNBA team with all these players.

6.) Black
Welcome to temple, captains Dustin “I haven’t eaten a meal since 8th grade” Riberi and Kevin “she wasn’t that ugly” Krawczyk. Neither captain is a super star, but Kevin will get you rebounds and do the dirty work, plus he will grit his way for some good points down low. First round they drafted Ike “my prime was when I was in my chair” Tyger. He’s a big guy and will put points on the board, but a big ball hog. Next they handled Colin “ever veryone I’ve met is my eskimo brother” Sibley. I’ve never seen this kid ball, but I bet he’s aight. Also grabbing Nitesh “Stanford is my safe school” Nagpal, big body will get boards. Last Dom “big boi” Zottala will do anything it takes to get a rebound. Overall this is a big team and I think they will prosper for that.

7.) maroon
Captains James “how the fuck do you spell my last name” Deulius.. maybe? And josh “ there’s nothing bad to say about me” Krackoff are damn good captains. Both threats from deep, and I like them as competitors. They traded for CJ “not that tall anymore” Hess, and although his height is no longer a factor, his time on the travel A team did him well. They also have Wilson “300 pound court limit” Henderson who will body anyone in the league good pick up. They also secured Eli “everyone already knows what his name is gonna be” Shedd who is small both on and off the court, but has good ball handling and good shot selection. Lastly they were lucky enough to Jorge “where we goin to eat” Echra-something. Overall I expect maybe a 500 record.

8.) Red
Captains Danny “I hooked up with O’Conner outside the country” Berlin and Paarth “I wouldn’t let Ripley run for president bc he’d beat me” Shankar. Both very good ball players, except they sucked at drafting. With their first pick they got Sohum “my brother is Paarth” Shankar, which is surprising because he wouldn’t have been picked by the 4th round. Keith “I gave out ref shirts but everyone else took them” Kerber is not gonna have a good season. They also drafted Jeffery “I’m way too tall” Warmbine, who will have boards and not much else. Bad drafting by Red with a team that could’ve been good. Living up to Reds of the past.

9.) Teal
Captains Jake “Gold digger” Stevenson and Michael “my mom will write your detention slip” Orsino are both good basketball players and will do good things this year between the two of them. First round freshman Mateo “just call me Dom” Cepullio is a baller and will help this team win big time. Next they got Evan “can’t your brother dunk?” Vopal who is prolly nice but not that nice. They also got a special talent in Alex “I’m way too uncoordinated to play basketball” Mudry. Great guy, just not the best baller. Same deal with the red team, good captains, bad draft.

10.) Kush
Captains Jason “derbs for 20” Levy and Cary “I don’t smoke but I captain kush” Young are both pretty good players, but, from my personal experience, Cary doesn’t pass and neither does Jason. Tim “congrats you can dunk when you’re 6’3” Vopal is actually a very good player and a stand out man who will help this team win. Ryan “how did I get picked in the second round” Rauber is actually a standout player. Per usual, Kush has to draft some players that will help the team off the court: Hashim “down to rip” durrani, Hunter “does anyone have a Juul” Wallace and Sheryas “hat” Vivek. I like these guys, so I gave them the benefit of the doubt and they are #10.

11.)  Orange
Captains Jack “remember when I was good” Beggy and Mick “My videos are only funny when Ike is in them” Walsh did an awful job drafting. Made an awful trade with gold to move them out of top 3 picks. They drafted CJ Hess but traded for Nate “I’m pretty sure she likes me and not Sweeney” Hamel is tall but he’s a hella douche, also they got mark “check up from the neck up” krowlyzc they also got Sam “double steak” Berlin who will rip you off at chipotle and on the court. Great guy and great ball player but rumors are he is a ball hog but here to have fun. Also they have Conor “he’s in my English class I think” Jamison who will be knockdown from deep. Bad draft bad captains, better luck next year orange.

12.) purp
Captained by Dom “I think I’m way better than I actually am” Rodgers and Holden “I play basketball so I can rip before” Ford are both terrible basketball players and will have the worst season for purp to date. In the first round they got Antonio “I’d be better if I had my girlfriends height” Orsini who might be the biggest ball hog I’ve ever met. He won’t make his shots and plays iffy defense, great guy tho. Next they got Ethan “I have more inches than I will points this season” Rutowski is just as bad as Ors. He thinks he can make a floater but he can’t and he’s buns. Andrew “I always have a pen on me” Woomer will be playing hockey most night but is a bright spot on this dark team. Speaking of bright spots mic “you can come over just be quiet” stamm is very good and will knock down threes to try and keep his team in the game. Christian “nick” Courtney is tall and that’s it, and will be too ripped to play. Overall purp will lose every game and oydgas will owe me $20.