1. Carolina Blue

Wow. This team is stacked. It does not help that Jason “Ween” Sweeney and Matt “That’s Fucked” Goldman were the captains to start. They picked up Harvey “Denial” Rauch, Brandon “Gabe’s #1 customer” Shearer, Franco “Dad bod” Damico, and Ryan “Sara Steve” Junko. Plus, they drafted Cyrus “$20 for driving me” Khani, who might be able to pay the other team to let his team win. This team will maybe go down as one of the best, and I’d be surprised if they lost. However, with all these good players, sharing the ball will be a problem and this could ultimately cost them.

2. Navy

Gabe “Tradition” Riberi and Ryan “Maria” Ghise’s work before the draft paid off. With the second pic in the draft, they were able to get Evan “Pup” Heilman, who I believe is truly the best player in the league. They drafted two juniors in the following rounds, including Ben “Chewbacca” Lund, Brian “Little Delicarri” McCombs, and Heath “Psycho Dad” Erdos. This team has lots of depth and talent, thus I see them as the number two team in the league. One problem I see with this team is lack of leadership, since Ryan won’t make the games because he will be with Maria and Gabe will be at the Golden Corral all you can eat buffet.

3. Maroon

I was very impressed after seeing this team. I think that captain Josh “Crank Me” Krakoff is one of the most underrated players in the league, and he has been putting lots of work in at the rec. Not to say that James “I Use Ike” Deiuliis is a solid big man. They went with the junior draft approach, drafting Nate “what’s English?” Hamel, Mark “little Madson” Krolczyk, Advaya “Walmart Paarth” V, Wilson “my sisters hot” Henderson, and Eli “Captain Hook” Shedd. This biggest problem I see with this team is size, and communication considering Hamel is on the team.

4. Royal

Although this team wins the award for the most hated team in the league, they’re team is not that bad. Captains Nate “Im dating a man” Murphy and Zach “Officer” Ioli are both good basketball players. They had a strong draft, drafting RJ “Most Hated Player” White in the first round, Danny “Harkelchode” Harkelroad in the second, Robbie “Young Life” Hendricks in the third, and Cory “Mr, Rec Center” Horgan in the fourth. Drafting Gavin “3rd grader” Fitzpatrick in the 5th round officially made this team the most hated in the league, and I would not be surprised if kids opposing players got technicals against this team.

5. Orange

This team really wanted some big men. Led by Jack “I have a milf” Beggy and Mic “Pittsburgh Power” Walsh, this team was practically doomed from the start. But, their draft picks made up for it. Drafting CJ “I like Asians” Hess and Sam “my brother is better than me” Berlin in the first two rounds, this team was able to move up in the rankings. Plus, they drafted Max “I played Freshman Ball” Mandler, Ridge “Marly” McClintock, Nicky “Spank Me” Natoli, and Ethan “I have a funny last name” Hancock. This biggest flaw I see with this team is their guards. Beggy is the only decent guard they have and if you put a somewhat decent player on him, it’s game over.

6. Gold

This team I believe has the best set of captains behind Carolina Blue. Antonio “Party Monitor” Thomas and Nate “Wrong Hole” Ripley are both exceptional basketball players. I think their first round pick, Jesse “Ya Think?” Fera, is very overrated and never tries, and that they could’ve got a better player with the third pick. I believe that they had good picks later in the draft though, including Joe “Hot Sister” Lackner, Ross “My Dad Refs” Retrone, and Will “Jake Engel’s brother” Engel. The biggest problem with this team is Cam “I’m Jewish Now” Scott, who brings this team’s rating down. On the flip side, this team has got more hot sisters than Rob Kardashian.

7. Black

Although we are biased, we think our team is the 7th best in the league. Having the 7th pick in the draft, we were kind of in no man’s land. We decided to draft Herb “My Gf’s got an Ass” Gordon in the first round, who we believe has the best three point jumper in the league. Next, we drafted Ike “I Support a Family” Tyger in the second round, one of the best big men in the league in our opinion. We would go on to draft Colin “First of Four” Sibley, Nitesh “Trap House” Nagpal, and Basil “My Mom’s a Librarian” Despines. Our team’s biggest flaw is leadership, having Kevin “Inhaler Me” Krawczyk, who will not be there mentally for games, and Dustin “Mr. Snapchat” Riberi, who refuses to shoot.

8. Red

This team was set from the start, with captains Paarth “Barack Obama” Shankar and Danny “Marcelo” Berlin. However, they might have had the worst draft of all time. Drafting a freshman in the first round was bold. Sohom “Little Paarth” Shankar will have parties held in his head every game. Following Sohom was Jeff “Pizza Reviews” Warbein, Keith “My Dad runs the scoreboard” Kerber, Justin “Fellow Jew” Maglin, and Aidan “Walmart Jack” Gordey. These draft picks were very bad in my opinion, and Danny and Paarth are going to haver to carry. However, this team is definitely the team in the best shape and the team with the best lungs.

9. Teal

This team is awful. Although captains Michael “My Mom works at the HS” Orsino and Jake “Melody” Stevenson are both decent at basketball, their picks with provide no support. Drafting Mateo “I’m Dom’s little brother” Cepullio in the first round was BOLD. Although this kid is a freak athlete, he does not have any rec ball experience and has never faced any trash talking like rec balls. Second round pic Tyler “Blondie” Gleim is solid and has mad ups. The rest of the players on this team, including Evan “Little Tim” Vopal, Alex “I play baseball” Jones, and Alex “Erasers up my Nose” Mudry, are irrelevant and will contribute nothing to this team. As a result, I see them as the 9th best team in the league.

10. Coke White

To start off, the captains on the team are horrendous. Matt “Chicken Legs” Godwin and Riley “Izzy” Fitzsimmons are average at best ball players. They were fortunate enough to get the first pick in the draft and to snag Colin “Injury Prone” McClinden, who I believe is the 2nd best player in the draft. From there, their draft was awful. Drafting Cooper “Insulin” Phillips early in the draft was bold. The kid is horrible at ball but maybe the best trash talker in the league. Hunter “Mr. Carts” Halloway can shoot the ball but other than that can do nothing. This team is a one man wrecking crew, and I can’t see them winning many games.

11. Kush Green

This team actually has lots of talent. Captains Jason “Walmart Halloway” Levy and Cary “Old” Young drafted Tim “I can Dunk” Vopal in the first round. Tim is a great player but he hates to pass the ball. Second round pick Ryan “Massive Hands” Rauber can get boards, but is very average at every other aspect. Nikita “Synagogue League” Knobel and Josh “Man Whore” Brufsky are both decent basketball players. However, the drafting of Hashim “McDonald’s” Durrani, Shreyes “Lids” Vivek, and Hunter “Smoke Show” Wallace makes me question the sobriety of this team. Their biggest flaw is the mental state of this team.

12. Purp

Last but not least, I have Purp as the worst team in the league. This team has the worst set of captains by far, Dom “Oygas” Rodgers and Holden “Peach is Chinked” Ford. Drafting Antonio “Self-Proclaimed Best Player in the League” Orsini in the first round was bold. The kid is athletic but is not the best at basketball, at least not first round good. All the picks from there were horrendous. Ethan “In All Conversations” Rutowski can defend but that’s all. Andrew “Derby” Woomer and Michael “Lil Mic” Stamm are average at best. This team has little talent and I’d be shocked if they get one win this season.

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