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March 15, 2019
1) Kyle Szatkowski: Kyle has been in the captain's seat several times before. His first chance came 13 years ago (yes, you read that right, Kyle has been in the league for 13 years). He went from laying bricks as a member of the RBC boys varsity team straight to laying bricks in the FH Men's League. Former Commissioner Bob Carr made Kyle a captain during Kyle's first year in the league in exchange for a few free lawn cuts. Kyle's first time as a captain has been well chronicled. He stunned the league by taking a 55 year old Mike Kranis with his first pick and then proceeding to win the championship. 13 years later it's still hard to believe. Anyway, who will Kyle select first? Maybe he goes with some size and picks Eric "The Mikan Drill" Brendel, who inadvertently pads his rebounding stats by continually rebounding his own missed layups.
2) Jon Nichols: poor Jon is still in search of his first league championship. Maybe the opportunity to pick his own team will be the difference this time. So who will he pick first? You have to think he goes with a guard. Brian Wong? But the Wong brothers seem to travel in a pack, so maybe Jon doesn't want the package deal. Mark Jerz and his high arcing shot? The only thing higher than Jerz's jumpshot is Barnett on a Friday night.
3) Matt Dobish: best known as the only guy in Little Silver who wears a Kangol and listens to hip hop, this is Dobish's first turn as a captain. Who does Dobish go with first? I'm thinking he goes with John Iovino. They both play with the same motor, like they just shared an 8 ball in the bathroom before taking the court.
4) Brian O'Hagen: another neophyte captain, Brian has been a steady player since entering the league a few years ago. I'm thinking he goes with a youngster with some scoring punch. Maybe Phil Conover. Phil also comes with the added bonus of providing hair care tips for his teammates.
5) Brendan Boyle: Brendan ascends to the captain's chair in only his second year in the league, so maybe he goes with a league vet like Joe McGarvey to help him navigate the draft. While it's true that McGarvey is older than dirt and he was ready to retire after last year and only came back because Navid inexplicably tied him for the most league titles, Joe still has a little gas left in the tank and is out to prove it. Speaking of Navid, his good buddy Steve Rumph is back in the league after a long hiatus. Steve fell off the map 5 or 6 years ago. One week he was snagging cougars at Buona Sera and the next week he was gone like Frank & Anita's Hair Salon. Where the hell did he go exactly? Was he serving time? Was he devastated after a bad breakup with Navid? Steve wasn't exactly a model of success during his time in the league. In fact, he has no championships to his name and his only claim to fame is that his ex-girlfriend was the league's first season ticket holder.
6) Marc Raffffeennspergerburgerpergerburger: listen, I know my last name isn't easy to spell, but Marc's is ridiculous. Calm and cool off the court, Marc is firey and feisty on it. So maybe he can use a calming veteran presence like Joe Reedy. Only problem is that you're more likely to see a customer go into Kind Burger, then one of Reedy's jump shots go in the basket.
