1.)Royal

      Anyone with a brain can recognize this is the best team in the league. We got the league’s most talented captains of Tucker “too easy” Neal and Nikita “layups only” Knobel. Both have a great offensive and defensive presence and will lead this team to a chip. We got Eddie “nice guy” Albert who brings amazing energy inside the paint and on the perimeter. Then we got Matt “incredibly unselfish” Haverlack who is a great defender and playmaker on offense. Then, with a surprising pick we got Nick “yells a lot” Chimento. You already know what he’s capable of. Next we got a very solid Tyler “sup!! :D” Super who is a brick wall on defense. Durv “got him for his name” Saggi is actually a decent player we hear and are excited to see what he bring to the team. Drew “poop” Popp is a good contributor on this team and also a very nice kid. Wolfram “we drafted him for his name too” Schmiddt is a tall player with a very KD like shot. Lastly we got Mike “biggest head in the league” Menard who is a solid defender but that’s it. Overall this team is great defensively and will be tough to stop on offense.

2.)Cardinal 

Love this team. Starting off with the captains, Connor “big” Schmitt is as solid as they come but has a low ceiling. Jordan “water fountain” Kweder is excellent at getting to the rim, but its a good thing we’re wearing masks because this kid will spit all the way to the hoop. Koby “silent killer” Marko will go 10/10 from 3 and not say a word about it. Excellent pickup for this squad. Next is Gordon Groninger, I do not know this kid but he probably doesn’t suck. Hunter “Spike” Hanna is uncontrollable to say the least, but can be a very good defensive presence if he calms down. Don’t know pretty much anyone else on this team, but they have some good basketball players and will play some great team basketball.

3.)Gold

      This team has a very solid captain duo with Max “doesn’t pass the ball” Mandler and Jack “looks at his hand every time he misses” Urban. Max is very talented on offense and is going to be a top scorer this year. If Jack uses his long ass arms he should be able to get some buckets. Alex “never quits” Jones is a good perimeter shooter. Jackson “who knows who this kid is” Howe must be good if he was taken in the second round. Then they got Ethan “anger issues” Rocks who is tall and will hopefully use that to his advantage. Aiden “knuckles” Houck is a decent basketball player and will bring good value to this team. Ryan “dribbles too much” Higgs has a good shot but won’t benefit this team all too much. Aaron “possibly brokest shot in the league” Brody is a wildcard. This kid either sucks or hits every shot. Nobody knows the last two picks. Nobody on this team besides Max and Jack is going to touch the ball.

4.)Charcoal 

Jake “The only reason this team is third” Casey is a great athlete that will cause a lot of problems for defenders this year. Unfortunately, his other captain is Josh “B team role player” Brufsky who looks very uncoordinated with a basketball. Brandon “baseball” Liokareas might be good, and will be able to get some rebounds and play solid defense. Now this team goes really downhill. Josh “mobile gamer” Howard has some decent size for the defensive end but will not score. Nick “Pepperoni sandwich” Tanner is pretty decent for this team if he plays his role. The rest of this team should not shoot the ball under any circumstances, pass it to Jake.

5.)Carolina 

      This team has very good hustle players and could be very board dominant. We start off with Rob “has no cardio” Hendricks who has a decent three point shot. The second captain is Ridge “trying to prove he’s not average” McClintock who is very fundamentally stable and can shoot the ball very well. Brady “is this kid really white?” Bartusiak who has tremendous hustle and is going to be a problem in the paint. Jack “Walmart Ben” Meyers is great at defense. No idea who the next two picks areas we’ll see how they turn out. Bayden “Thursday” Friday is an athletic kid and could possibly bring something good to this team. Noah “Big softy” Goardly is a decent player but could be better if he used his size. No idea who the last two picks are. Although half this team has nobody’s, they aren’t looking bad and that’s why they in the top 5.

6.)Maroon

This team is as average as they come, and will probably go exactly .500. Starting with Franco “Quit last year” Damico, I watched him play last year and he sucked so bad he stopped showing up, so we will see how it turns out this year. Triston “Look at my back diaper” Schaffer is a good kid and a solid player with good size. JJ “sup dude” Cuddy is not a good first round pick, but he is a decent player nonetheless and will leave it all on the court. Jake “always looks tired” Howard may contribute to this team if he does not fall asleep on the court. I don’t know Tyson Swigart but he has varsity lacrosse in his instagram bio so I don’t expect much. Johnny “John” McShane doesn’t just go by John which is a bold move, he might be decent. Cole “On this team to make Bri happy” is not asian guys. Last 3 picks, I don’t know. 

7.)Purple

        Purple, like every year is not good again. Ryan “people think I’m good just cause I’m tall” McKeever is a solid defender and good point scorer. Gavin “G. Unit” Fitzpatrick is a good playmaking point guard but sucks at everything else. Charlie “My Gf is way taller than me” Eberlie who is a very solid defender but sucks at everything else. Jack “always hurt” Shearer is a decent shooter but his defense is just not there at all. Dex “people only know because of rec” Stamm who is a good shooter but brings nothing else to the the table. Charlie “Mike Menard lookalike” Stohl who plays football. This kid probably won’t do much. Quinn “bigger than Gavin” Fitzpatrick is as good as a freshman gets but that doesn’t matter as he won’t do a lot with the ball. This team looks decent on paper but are just not contenders at all.

8.)Orange 

This is a likable team. Will “trench coat” Engel looked like someone I wouldn’t want to mess with at the draft, and that may set the tone for the year with this team. Brandon “deadlift” Coe is will be a force inside the paint this year, and with his coach Markovitz mechanics he may knock down a few threes as well. I hear Nick “brick” Derubeis is pretty good but I gotta see it to believe it. Ben “only cardio” Bacdayan is a good pick, he will run around and probably get some sneaky rebounds. Same here with Jesus “runs around the court until you’re tired” Segura, the name explains it all. Greyson is decent, nothing special. Nate “Ellie” Rising, tell your sister how well I played after our game. Last three picks I don’t know, Will’s Brother might make a layup a game. 

9.)Kush

      Where do I even start with Kush. Their first captain, Cyrus “hair like Abdul-Jabar” Khani is a quick player and got a decent shot. Their second captain Gavin “Yev” Wyland is expected to carry this team and will most likely have a double double every night. They got Billy “simp” Salapow who is a great shooter and will help this team a lot. Then they have Liam “giraffe” Szajnecki who is god awful at basketball but his height makes up for it a little. Donovan “black belt” Kholer who could be a big threat, especially if he plays like he fought Aaron Brody 👀. They also have Bryron “eats Italian sausages all day” Scanlan who can shoot the ball but that’s pretty much it. Nobody knows who their next three picks are. Lastly, they got the worst and most hated player in the league Micheal “Gloria the hippo” barbarita. Kid’s just so bad, I’ll leave it at that. This team is not that bad considering the conditions they drafted under.

10.)Scarlet 

Not a great team here, but not in the same category as the next two. Drew “can only beat Jesus” Conwell is only good when he plays Jesus. I will be shocked if he can average more than 8 points a game. Ethan “handcock” Hancock will leave the talking to Conwell, but will could end up being a solid player. Mateo Cepullio is a great player and will have to carry this team very hard in order for them to be competitive. Connor “private school” O’Neil is pretty good, I like this pick but it may have been a little high. Marcus “big” Fennel is large and in charge. Sammy “small” Moss is not large and not in charge. Danny “Bubbles” Murphy is always wearing his rec specs, maybe they will help him knock down a few much needed shots for this team. Not much else to say about anyone else besides Jake “traded 5 minutes after the draft” Zeh who will certainly catch an elbow from Aedan Moss when they play navy.

11.)White 

        This team is just bad. Sam “can build a house of his bricks” Philips doesn’t bring much to the team besides good spirit. The second captain Kristian “twiggy” Karidis who’s only weapon is his sharp elbows. They drafted Sohum “lefty reaper” Shank who is a top player in the league and is probably going to score the only points. Kyle “never hit puberty” Kerber brings a good perimeter presence. They have Zain “ZAINOO DRAINOO” Aizooky who can really shoot the ball. Then they got Joey Lucca and Jadon Kithcary who probably suck. Andrew “weirdest ig page in uschs” Higgs is a great late rounder and will bring value to the team but won’t get the ball because he’s a band kid. Lastly, they got Noah Wagner and Jack Dietrich who most likely don’t know how to play. This team is just not good.

12.)Navy

         By far the worst team in the league, no question. Their captains are Dom “yo you gotta cart” Egizio and Aedan “Most annoying kid in the league” Moss. Dom can shoot the ball occasionally but is still very bad at the game. Aedan can’t do anything but foul and will not help this team at all. They got Zach “no body control” Fairfull who is a good low post presence and can grab a lot of rebounds. He is going to be the number one guy. Then their team just gets bad. Jake “people know me cause my dad” Hufnagel who is athletic but doesn’t bring any value to the team. Aaron “got kicked out freshman ball tryouts” Lattner could be decent or just bad for this team. Only time will tell. They traded for Jacob “super nice guy” Lucas who I don’t really think ever touched a basketball in his life. Their last two picks cannot play basketball to save their lives. This team starts off with the worst captain duo on the league and just got worse from there.