1. Cardinal
2. Charcoal
3. Gold
4. Carolina
5. Royal
6. Maroon
7. Purp
8. Orange
9. Kush 
10. Scarlett
11. White 
12. Navy

 1. Cardinal

Jordan “Middle school rec ball MVP” Kweder and Conr “big sexy” Schmitt could take the league by storm. We are an underrated duo with undeniable chemistry. With our first pick we somehow got Koby “Jewish Mamba” Markovitz. This man can get buckets and has a very high basketball IQ. Way better than the eight overall pick. Gordon “Gordo” Groniger is a good all around player and will annoy the shit out of anyone he’s guarding. Hunter “Absolute fucking animal” Hanna is another underrated pick. He reminds me of Rodman, he’ll get boards and leave it all on the court, but won’t do much of on offense. Hunter “the ogre” shroek is a beefy kid and hopefully he can score inside. Will “Seems solid” Haberman can most likely provide decent minutes. Josh “basically David” Ortiz is apparently a pretty good shooter but I know nothing about him. Cole “he’s gotta be a great guy if he’s related to Tyler” Super could possibly be decent. I don’t know who Kevin “seven eleven” Wearied is but who knows he could shock the league.  Overall, if we get our shit together, we’re making a title run. 

2. Charcoal

This team is looking scary. Jake “I was supposed to make a varsity comeback” Casey was a stud on the high school team and possibly the league’s best player. Josh “gambling addiction” Brufsky has a very ugly game but is aggressive. With the tenth overall pick they chose Brandon Liokaraes. I’ve heard mixed reviews on this kid but he’s tall and athletic so he should be a plus. With their second round pick they chose Josh “Fortnite ” Howard. This brings even more height to the table. Matt “Matty” Russell is another solid pick and, like his brother, he’s probably wet from deep. This team was also able to pick up Nick “Tick” Tanner who is a good athlete but we’ll have to see how that translates to the basketball court. I don’t know anything about Bennett Henderson and Nico Amatangelo so they will most likely be non factors. The most interesting pickup was Drew “the brew” Blodgett who they traded for and was picked very late. He could be the X factor for this team if he’s decent.

3. Gold

Led by the cockiest duo in the league Jack “Urbo Turbo” Urban and Max “female legs” Mandler. These two are both problems on offense and can absolutely light it up if they get hot.  They drafted Alex “how can you hate this kid” Jones who is a pretty good athlete and shooter. This is an interesting pick we’ll have to see if he works out. Jackson “freshman ball” Howe is a big body and somewhat decent at basketball. Ethan “princess” Rocks is another big fella but, as his nickname implies, does not like contact. Ryan “used to have a Mohawk” Higgs is a baller and a good pick. Aidan “really nice guy” Houck is a pretty good shooter but won’t do much else.  The last kid I know on this team is Aaron “low key baller” Brody. This kid isn’t bad and possibly a steal if he can make his shots. Overall this team is going to be a force and could be the number one in the league if all goes well.

4. Carolina

Rob “dump truck” Henricks and Ridge “average” McClintock are a solid duo and did an excellent job drafting. This team could legitimately make a run for the title. Their first pick was Brady “the worm” Bartusiak. He is a good athlete and an excellent defender but probably won’t do much at all on offense. Zach “big boy” Ehasz is a body and can get boards and score inside. Jack “heart over height” Myers was a steal for this team. He’s small but very quick and aggressive and loves to score inside. Baden “thank God it’s” Friday is pretty athletic but I’m not sure about his basketball skills. Jake “unit” lapinkski and Noah Gordley add even more size to this team. I have no idea who Marshall Howe or Ty Riemer are.

5. Royal

This team could have been higher if Nikita “The Russian” Knobel and Tucker “the fucker” Neal didn’t draft so poorly. Both of these captains are great players and might be the best offensive duo behind Urbo and Mandler, but damn they fucked themselves. Eddie “great kid” Albert was a very good pick and I was close to drafting him. Matt “haversack” Haverlack is a solid player and can get boards and score inside. He is also probably the best teammate you will find in this league. Nick “I’m on special teams” Chimento is a big body and possibly decent but would’ve been there in later rounds. Tyler “The legend” Super is one of my favorite people, but not on the court. I don’t know who anyone else on the team is and I don’t think they’ll contribute. Oh yeah and they got Mike “last round” Menard. 

6. Maroon

With JJ “I wear shorts and t shirts in 10 degree weather” Cuddy as their first pick I was ready to write this team off. I mean he’s a solid player and one of the better rebounders in the league but come on, this team had the sixth pick. The roster is actually decent though. Jake “better than my brother” Howard is tall and a beast down low. Tyson “varsity lacrosse” Swigart is a decent athlete I guess but I’m not sure if he’s good at basketball. Johnny “insane” McShane is apparently a decent player and can shoot. I have never seen Cole Lang play butI hear he’s not good.  I have no idea who anyone else in this team is but they most likely won’t do anything. Triston “lax bro” Shaffer is a good basketball player and can score. Franco “meatball” D’amico is a good shooter and steady ball handler. These two will have to play well if they wanna see any success

7. Purp

Led by Gavin “Team manager” Fitzpatrick and Ryan “Am i late?” McKeever, this team will be decent. Charlie “I need a ladder to kiss my girl” Eberle is a good athlete and probably a decent ball player. Jack “no legs” Sheaer apparently can shoot but can’t move because he’s always hurt. Joe “probably can’t read” Reeder and Maddox “I tried out for the high school team” Stamm are perfect assets to the kush bowl, but I don‘t think they’re any good. I have no idea who Peter “broski” Janowski is but he sounds decent. Chuck “Probably can’t even name any drugs” Stohl is a pretty good player but may be traumatized by the kush bowl. Quinn “I could easily body my brother” Fitzpatrick has some size and could probably score against the shitty freshman. Finally, this team has Jake “I lost to Sam 11-4 in a 1v1” Siagle who is just not good at basketball.

8. Orange

Will “Wing reviews” Engel and Brandon “thick af” Coe are two of the nicest guys in the league. Unfortunately this does not mean they are great basketball players. They finessed the draft by having Nick “cool dude” DeRubeis fake an injury to fall the the fourth pick. Smart move. He is one of the better players in this draft but not enough to take the team to the next level. Their next pick is Ben “smart ass” Bacdayan who is fast af but probably not a great ball player. Jesus “tik tok” Segura will play hard but just isn’t any good. Greyson “grizzly” Bayer could be decent but I’ve never seen this kid play so I’m not sure. Nate “club volleyball” Rising was good pick. This kid is a great shooter. Peter “probably better than his brother” Engel seems like a solid player. Bottom line, I really like this team but I just don’t see them having much success.

9. Kush 

Kush actually isn’t the worst team in the league this year. Gavin “yev” Wyland and Cyrus “Afro” Khani did a decent job drafting considering their condition. Billy “saucy” Salapow is a baller and wet from deep. Liam “Tacko Fall” Szanjecki is tall af and should grab every rebound. Donavan “the big D” Kholer has decent size and could maybe score inside. Bryan “Bryron” Scanlan is an excellent shooter and plays the game with heart. I was close to drafting him. I don’t really know who Nik “the prick” cagni is but I’m assuming he’s not much of a hooper. I don’t now who Braydon “I spell my name with a y in it” and Evan “Lawrence” Taylor are either but seem like decent role players. Finally, this team got Mike fucking B and this kid brings the team down a peg.

10. Scarlett

Drew “Pick 6” Conwell and Ethan “cockhands” Hancock are not looking good this year. They were able to snag Mateo “Diva” Cepullio because he flat out refused to play for Sam’s shitty team. Something tells me he’s not going to put in much effort either. I’ve heard good things about Connor “sadly not Shaquille” O’Neal but Conwell has a history of hyping of shitty players so we’ll have to see how this pick plays out. Marcus “waste of size” Fennell is massive but not a good player. Danny “rec specs” Murphy is actually a decent player and can shoot the deep ball. Simon “looks like a fuckboy” Andres is also not a bad pick. The rest of the draft goes to shit with Sammy “somehow smaller than Aedan” Moss, Jake “more athletic than my brother ” Zeh, and Jan “hilarious name” Sames will more than likely not do anything. This squad looks really bad but there are far worse teams.

11. Coke

The only reason this team isn’t last is because of Sohum “Curry man” Shankar. This kid is athletic, lengthy, can get to the rim. He will most likely have a broken back when the season is over from carrying this team. Zain “the drain” Aizooky is low key a good player and can score from anywhere. Kyle “possibly better than Keith” Kerber I hear can shoot but can’t do anything else. Andrew “Wiggins” Higgs is a good kid and decent ball player. The captains of this team, Sam “Broken jumper” Phillips and Kristian “at least I give effort” Karadis, are probably the worst captain duo in the league. All I can say is good luck Sohum, you’re gonna need it.

12. Navy

Oh lord this team. Dom “hype beast” Egizio and Aedan “bullshitter” Moss had the worst draft in the league. To start they chose Zach “clumsy” Fairfull who’s a pretty good player and big body but definitely not the third overall pick. Jake “the snake” Huffnagel is a pretty good player too and probably their best pick. I have no idea who  Drake “not Wrangler” Wangler is but sounds very average. Aaron “Slattner” Lattner can shoot but nothing else. Jacob “gamer” Lucas is great in the classroom but I’m sure about the hardwood. Daniel “blind” seewald,  David “double D” Dedes,  and Alex “good kid ig” Tindale are probably all non factors. This team is an absolute shit show.