Rankings:

1. Charcoal

2. Gold 

3. Cardinal 

4. Carolina 

5. Royal 

6. Scarlet 

7. White 

8. Maroon 

9. Orange 

10. Navy 

11. Kush 

12. Purp

1. Charcoal 

This team is by far the most talented team in the league. To start it off we have, Jake Casey. Not only is he a freak on the diamond and in the batter's box, but also on the court. He’s a combination of KD, LeBron, and Jordan. Next, we have the co-captain Josh “if it hits tho” Brufsky. He is the type of guy you want on the court. He is physical and not scared to get dirty if he has to. Now we have our number one pick Brandon “I swear I’m different in the games” Liokareas. He played a pretty solid first game and we’d love to see more of that this season. Josh “I play LAX” Howard, is a very solid player and a steal in this draft. Now our steal second rounder, Matt Russell. Very solid player who takes good quality shots and is a good aset on this team. Now we got Nick “spawner” Tanner. He’s gonna be very good on this team, solid 2nd PG that moves well and can handle the ball with ease. Drew “I do have a dad” Blodgett. He really knows the game and also knows how to play. Now Bennet “shooter” Henderson. He puts up nice shots and can put points up on the board when we need them. Last but not least we have Nico “buckets” Amatangelo. He’s mainly known for his sister but he’ll come in clutch in big situations. 

2. Gold 

The two spot belongs to the Gold team. Starting it off we have Max “doesn’t know when to shut up” Mandler. Overall a really good player but is an idiot. At the end of the season I can’t wait to see him go ginger. Now we got Jack “but I can’t break up with her” Urban. Another solid player but then I remember that he’s on the golf team so he’s not a threat. Next, we got Alex “didn’t do enough for Ellie” Jones. The only reason why he hits some of his shots is because he needs to make up for all of the missed shots that he has with the ladies. Ethan “I never got curved” Rocks. Here's another golfer, at least Jack doesn’t get hurt while doing it unlike this kid. Absolutely no threat on the court. Ryan Higgs. I don’t have much to say about him, he can hit some shots, but, from seeing what his brother does on the court, this kid is no threat. The rest of the team doesn’t matter because Max and Jack are going to score all their points and probably get with each other after every game. But, either way Max and Jack will never both be on their game. One is always gonna brick at least 5 of their shots.

3. Cardinal

               Most underrated team in the league no doubt. First we got Jordan “solid JV player but couldn’t make varsity” Kweder, don’t let this dude fool you, he can shoot, that’s all. Next we got Connor “quicksand” Schmidt, I think a normal human being can crawl faster than this dude can run. Solid player tho, he will give u buckets for sure. Next we got Koby Markovitz, he is the steal of the draft for sure. This dude is a lights out shooter, probably better than John Sukernukif we are being honest. Next we got Gordon Groniger, I have no idea who this dude is, all I know is that his sister has a wagon. Another good pick this team had was Hunter Hannah, this dudes a fckin spaz, he is a good athlete, but this dude won’t average more than 4 points a game. Next we got Connor O’Neil, I heard this guy can play, but in reality he probably sucks. Another solid pick from these guys was Marcus Fennel, this dudes a Unit, I’d love to see him and Schmitt race, I think we’d all pay to watch that one. Next Simon Andreas, he’s aight, but irrelevant to this team in so many ways. Then we got Sammy “mouse” Moss, if u never met this kid and had to guess what grade we was in, you’d probably say 3rd grade. When is this dude gonna hit puberty, for real, he’s very far behind. Then we got Jake Zeh, nothing to say about him, I guess we will see what this bum does on the court. If Kweder and Koby hit their shots, this team is almost unbeatable. 

4. Carolina

Arguably the best looking team on paper, but once u see them hit the court, you’ll see that they are dogshit. The captains on this team are Rob and Ridge. First, Rob “balding” Henricks. There’s a lot I can say about this kid, but I won’t take it too far. On top of that, he just isn’t good at the game of basketball whatsoever, he will be lucky to score more than 10 points a game. Ridge “I do as I’m told” Mclintock. One of the captains has some game… He doesn’t. All I have to say is one word. Lexi. Next, we got Sohum “Indian KD” Shankar. Honestly I don’t know why this kid didn’t try out for the HS team. He's a straight baller and there is no guarding him.Now for, Zach “I’m not related to Chase” Ehaz. When I first saw this kid I thought it was Chase Rosenberry and I thought to myself, this kid's good, but I was wrong, this kid is not a threat whatsoever. This team has a lot of depth but it doesn’t matter because most of the team will never step foot on the court. 

5. Royal

            This team really ain’t all that bad, we got a very underrated captain duo with Tucker and Nikita. These dudes can ball, Tucker “Melon Head” Neal, this kid can play basketball, but once you get someone good to guard him, he won’t do shit. Next we got Nikita, this dudes got one hell of an ugly jumper, but he’s a great guy and he can flat out play the game of basketball. This man lowkey has some bunnies, watch out. Next we got Eddie “Baby Face” Albert, probably the most average basketball player I’ve ever seen, but he gets it done. Another decent draft pick they got was Matt “finished growing in 6th grade” Haverlack, this guy probably won’t do much besides snag a couple rebounds and turn the ball over. Next, Nick Chimento, how is someone so big and tall, yet so unathletic? I guess we’ll never know the answer to that question. Next pick was Tyler “not so super” Super, all I heard is about this kid is that he’s very bad, so that’s all I have to say, great dude though. Next, Dhruv Saggi, who tf is this dude? After this Nikita and Tucker drafted a few more no name sophomores, then lastly we got Mike Menard, whenever this dude touches the ball, it’s like he got just electrocuted, his body doesn’t know how to react, pretty much an automatic turnover. I don’t understand how a human can be so bad at something.

6. Scarlet

    Man don’t even get me started on this team. We start it off with Drew “certified scrub” Conwell. If this dude says the words “certified scrub” again, I think we all might jump off a bridge . If we are being honest, he sucks. He claims he averaged 12 rebounds last year but he can barely jump higher than a piece of paper, dude can barely touch the net and he’s 6’2. Now we got Mateo “All I do is run” Cepullio. Overall really like this kid, very athletic and congrats on your first D1 offer for baseball. It’s too bad that Akron is absolute dog shit and they’ll ruin your career like Jacksonville will do to Trevor Lawrences’. Now for Danny “waterboy” Murphy. He’s the waterboy for the HS team because he knows that's the closest he’ll get to real basketball. Not much more to say about these bums, ranking them at 6 is the best thing that’ll happen to them all year. I’d be surprised if they won more than 1 game. 

7. White 

    Surprisingly this team isn’t last in our rankings, and tbh I don’t know how you can be worse than this team. To start it off we have Sam “looks homeless” Phillips. I see this kid all the time in the gym during school putting up shots trying to get better. Lets just say that he needs to try a lot harder because his jump shot is worse than Travis Scotts. Now we got Kristian “I do belong in horny jail” Karidis. Honestly I do like this kid but he just doesn’t know when to stop. And I don’t know how any chick finds him attractive cuz he looks exactly like slenderman. I don’t know anyone else on this team but it really doesn’t matter because they’re not gonna help this team win any games this season. 

8. Maroon

    Oh where to start where to start. Honestly, this team could’ve been way lower on our rankings but I’m being very generous right now. These are two captains that we have the most questions about, with no answers to. Will they shock the league? Or will they be a huge disappointment? We’ll find out at the end of the season I guess. First we got Triston “biggest simp known to man” Schaffer. This dude chases 10s when we all know he can’t pull anything better than a 6, but when it comes to basketball, he’s pretty good. He will most likely brick at least 5 shots a game, but he gets buckets. Next Frank “cock” Damico, this dude doesn’t care about basketball and probably won’t do anything, but I respect the hell out of the guy. Their first pick was JJ Cuddy, if I had the nickname Gayj, I’d probably wanna die, but I guess this guy likes it (and men too apparently). This dude gets boards though and he will be the X factor on this team. Next, we have Jake “I swear I’m better than my brother” Howard. This kid could go either way. He has some talent from his parents, but most of it went to his brother. He can either score and get boards or just be absolute dog shit. We’ll never know. All I know is that his rec team won’t do nearly as good as his fantasy football team. Now we got Tyson “irrelevant” Swigart. Me and the gold team don’t usually agree on things but we do about this kid. If you have to put varsity lacrosse in your IG bio then we know that you’re nothing but a benchwarmer. Absolutely don’t like this kid. And I’m sure when I actually see him I’ll hate him more because there’s no way you look good with a name like that. Don’t really know what to say about the other kids, not like they’re gonna make this team any better anyway. Might make them worse but who knows. 

9. Orange 

    Orange has some potential this year but for the most part they’re one of the worst teams in the league. To start it off we have Brandon “Meathead” Coe. He’s a great kid and a great athlete on the football field of course. But once he steps on the court he looks like a chicken with his head cut off. Also, someon e needs to drug test this guy because he’s definitely on roids. The other captain is Will “Wings Review” Engel. Now Will is a great guy and there is nothing bad to say about him. He’s a great athlete and might be pretty underrated but damn we need more wing reviews. Now we got Nick “she doesn’t leave me alone” Derubeis. He has a decent shot but people only know this kid for his smoke show of a girl friend. Next we got Jesus “my ego is bigger than I am” Segura. Jesus’s only contribution to this team will be his ability to talk shit even though he will never be able to back it up. Now for Nate “my sister’s the GOAT” Rising. Lets see if he can go back to back like he’s Jordan ‘96 - ‘97 too... The rest of the team is irrelevant so I won’t even waste my time on them. 

10.) Navy

This team is awful. How did the league even let these retards Dom and Aedan be captains together. First we got Dom “I swear I get bitches” Egizio, he's a 6’1” light skin with a perm and still manages to be one of the worst athletes I’ve ever seen. Dont let this man fool you, he gets negative play.Next we got Aedan “shorty” Moss. Don’t really know much about him but all I know is that he’s small and unathletic. Usually a small guy works well with a pretty decent tall guy, it just sucks that both of these guys are absolute trash. You know, this team should be lower on our ranks but the other two teams are just too bad to put anyone lower than them. I heard that Drake Wangler and Zach Fairfull are the best players on this team. Shit, maybe they should’ve been captains I bet they would’ve had a better draft than these 2 bums. But for the other kids, it doesn’t matter they’re just as bad as all the other kids and won’t make a difference for this team. 

11.) Kush

    This team really proves they are worthy of the Kush name. Possibly the worst captain duo in the league. First we got Cyrus “who?” Khani. I haven't seen this kid since he stopped throwing parties freshman year. Then we got Gavin “Perma-fried” Wyland. Yev is a great guy but that doesn’t make up for his below average skills. Next we got Billy “Dude I swear Iz is hot” Salapow. Billy is probably the best player on this team but will never be able to prove it because of the kush…. Jersey, but hell it can’t make this team worse. After that we got Donovan “___” Kohler, I know nothing about this guy other than he won’t do shit for this team. Now we got Bryan “SKEEGS” Scanlan, who will throw up a few points in the game but not enough to have this team win a game. After that we got Nik “I wish that was a typo” Cagni. This kid will be too busy hiding his sesh from Blart and (damn this seems to be a trend) won’t do shit for his team. Next we got Brayden “Why is this kid on Kush” Lucas, he’s a nice guy and might throw up a few buckets but probably not. Now up we got Evan “No we can’t lower the rims” Taylor. I’ve heard this kid is an athlete and pretty fast which is definitely a change for this team but after finding this kids old Ig account he should feel lucky this is all I’m saying about him. Finally we got Micky B, this kid might be the most hated kid on the court and won’t do shit for his team. His only attribute is his shit talking, which might be the only words said by this team because the majority of them will be on mars the whole game. All I can say boys is remember to put the eye drops in before the games and make sure you know what basket you're supposed to shoot on.

12.) Purp

    You can’t get any worse than this team. This is the worst of the worst. To start it off we got Ryan “Freshman year celeb” Mckeever. Ryan is a good player with a lot of size and can definitely have a good season. Too bad he had a shitty draft and drafted a horrible team. The second half of this shitty duo is Gavin “holy shit when did this guy grow” Fitz. Standing at a little over 6 foot and still 92 pounds this kid will have a problem with the wind from all the airballs this team will put up. Now we got Charlie “tuff guy” Eberly. Ever wonder how he became so “strong”? Ask Grace, she’ll tell you, he’s basically her bitch. Now up, Jack “Lives in Brandons shadow” Shearer. He wants to hit a parlay so badly just like Bruf so he doesn’t have to drive around that shitty minivan of his any longer. Next we have Dexter “rec legend” Stamm. This kid bleeds, sweats, and crys rec basketball. All he does is look forward to the rec season. Too bad he will never be over 5’7” and be a threat on the court. The other kids don’t even matter because they’re not gonna have a positive nor negative impact on this team. They are T-R-A-S-H, trash trash trash!