1. Maroon

2. Gold

3. Cardinal

4. Royal

5. Carolina

6. Charcoal

7. Orange

8. Scarlett

9. Purp

10. Kush

11. White

12. Navy

1. Maroon

We are easliy the best team in this league with the best captain duo Franco D’Amico and Triston Schaffer. First pick we took Gayj “Board man” Cuddy. Gayj is an animal in the paint and will get every board, while also playing lockdown defense. But look out, Gayj may try and tickle your pickle mid game, don't get caught lackin. Then we got Jake “tree man“ Howard who is a big man on the court and will contribute a lot to this team. Third pick we took Tyson “Swigdick“ Swigart, great player and is nice on defence, and in case you were wondering, he does in fact play varsity lacrosse. Jonny “Anna” Mcshane and Cole “Rona” Lang are two great picks that will ball out for us this year. Landon “Better only pass the ball” York and David “Madi” Goldberg were some solid late round picks that’ll pass us the ball. Last but definitely not least we got Tanav “BALL IS LIFE” Dandekar who was an absolute steal in the last round of the drift and will tear shit up on the court.

2. Gold

This team would be so much better if the two captains could quit blowing eachother off. Max “My mom is really  ” Mandler is a good player but he might be the biggest bitch in the league and doesn’t shut the fuck up. His mom is also really  Their other captan Jack “My parents pay for my gambling debt” Urban is also great player, so these two are a dangerous duo. First pick they took Alex “Huh? You talkin to me?” Jones is a solid player and good first pick if he can get his D up. They took Jackson “Who the fuck is this kid” Howe, who the fuck is this kid, maybe he’s a sleeper. Then they got Ethan “waste of height” Rocks, kid is tall but won’t do much. Then and I can’t tell you why but they picked Aaron “I got cut from travel basketball every year” Brody who will never pass the ball and only hurt this team. Last pick, Rohit “not THE Rohit” Sattuluri, no idea who this kid is but maybe he’ll bring some snacks for the boys idk. The rest of this team just alright, but overall gold is looking solid.

3. Cardinal

This team has is dangerous with captains Connor “unit” Schmitt and Jordan “I rode the bench so now i’m playing rec” Kweder. These two are great players and got a great first round pick with Kobe “I got good at basketball after travel” is a good shooter and will knockdown threes all game. They picked up Hunter “I’m on crack” Hanna, not sure if hes good at basketball but we’ll see. The rest of this team is ass, but they got some solid boys that can hopefully carry the rest.

4. Royal

Royal’s looking pretty good this year. Their captains Nikita “Mother Russia” Knobel and Tucker “Thick legs” Neal are pretty good, but they just drafted an interesting team. They have Eddie “nicest guy in the league” Albert who is a great guy and good player as well. Don’t really care about the rest of the team but their last two picks Dhruv Saggi and Wolfram have the coolest fucking names in the league. Although Dhruv’s could be cooler if it were Saggin but whatever.

5. Carolina

This team is so overhyped. They got a decent captain duo with Rob “Señor Cheeks” Henricks and Ridge “Dir Monkey” McClintock. These two can ball on occasion. Rob will be a tough player to stop in the paint and Ridge will knock down some threes on offense. Hopefully, no parting of the sea occurs, we don’t want that. Somehow they traded for Sohum “I live in my brother’s shadow” Shankar. I can’t even say that it’s so untrue, Paarth sucks. There’s really nothing bad you can say about this kid, he’s a great player and will probably carry this team. Ridge and Rob really picked a bunch of grass fairies and football boys, so we’ll see how that goes. Overall, this team’s lookin solid they would be higher but their captains will be too busy finding some cheeks and the Ten Commandments. 

6. Charcoal

Charcoal could have been a great team, but their drafting was horrible. They got the best player in the league Jake “how do I contact her next” Casey, but he’s paired with Josh “broke boy” Brufsky who is dogshit at basketball and won’t do anything for his team. He should probably just focus on his gambling rehab instead of going to his games. First pick they took Brandon “dude I grabbed so many cheeks last night” Liokareas. I heard he’s not very good at basketball but he is tall so maybe he can do something for this team (NOT). Matt “what the fuck is that haircut” Russel and Nick “Is your brother still alive?” Tanner. These two are ass at basketball and nick will never pass the ball. Drew “Can you guess where we’re going this weekend” Blodgett is a decent player and was a good trade for this team. The rest of this team is equally as ass, so hopefully jake can carry the whole team because they really need it. You boys should really hope Josh doesn’t bet on your team to win. We all know how that’ll go.

7. Orange

Orange’s captains are the best dudes in the league with Will “Best wing reviews” Engel and Brandon “I bench 500 pounds” Coe. These two may not be the best players in the league but their personalities make up for it. They did get one of the best players in the league with Nick “My girlfriend whips me” Derubeis who is a great player and will carry this team. Ben “Don’t piss me off” Bacdayan and Jesus “Did you know I lift” Segura are decent players, just don’t piss Ben off and you’ll be good. After these boys it just levels off and Wengel saved his little brother for the end, idk how good he is but we’ll see how this team can play.

8. Scarlett

This team has a very interesting captain duo with Ethan “I don’t talk in person” Hancock and Drew “I don’t shut the fuck up” Conwell. They got Mateo “Ween” Cepullio who is a great player, but is sadly on a terrible team. The rest of this team just gets even worse, so they’re not worth reviewing. Conwell really talks up a big game then drafts a shit team like this. Mateo request a trade.

9. Purp

Gavin “Fitzy Mama” Fitzpatrick and Ryan “Should I still come?” Mckeever are both good players, but drafted a shitty team. First pick they chose Charlie “I’ll get half the grade to beat your ass” Eberly, no idea how good he is at basketball, but look out he might come at you with some boys if you piss him off 🤣. I don’t care about the rest of this team, but they can all kinda play. Purp might win a few games, I’d hope they could beat navy at least.

10. Kush

What an interesting team here. Captains Gavin “Little Yev” Wyland and Cyrus “That’s a milky one” Khani are decent at ball, but will out smoke you all off the court. Honestly, it’s a miracle these two can function and play basketball. First pick they chose Billy “” who is a good player but I hope he can play well under cyrus’s magic. Liam “SkinnyP” Szajnecki is a tall man which will help him out, if he doesn’t quit after the first quarter. Last pick they took Mikey “I should’ve been last pick” Barbadick who wouldve been last pick if he werent accidentally picked by yev and cy, but you can’t blame the boys they had a long night.

11. White

White really contested with Navy on the worst team in the league and that’s saying a lot. Their captains Sam “I don’t know what a razor is” Phillips, honestly I really have no idea if its James or Sam with the beard, but either way one of you boys gotta shave. Their other captain Kristian “I might be the most unathletic kid in the league” Karadis is also terrible at basketball. Honestly, I don’t know who let these two be captains this is just a disgrace to the league. To make things even worse they traded the number one pick of the draft. It will be a miracle if this team can win a game, the only chance they got is against navy. What the fuck.

12. Navy

What the fuck am I looking at here. I can’t even begin to fathom how incredibly ass this team is. Navy is easily the worst team in this league and there shouldn't be a discussion. They got one of the worst captain duos with Dom “Mr. No Bitches'' and Aiden “4 ft tall” Moss. These two are absolutely terrible at basketball and will do nothing for their team. Dom will also be too busy all game trying and failing to get some bitches, maybe even some dudes. Dom for real needs to pick a disability, how can you be bad at basketball and get no bitches. Their first pick was Zack “I jump 8 feet in the air and brick every shot” Fairfull, who was a very questionable first-round pick. It just gets worse as it goes on so I won’t even waste your time and review them. I really don’t know what these boys were thinkin when they drafted. Maybe dom thought they’d help him get some bitches, who knows. Holy fuck this team is ass.