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Subscribe to our Newsletter2018 Preseason Predictions
March 28, 2018
An annual ritual from a simpler time, it’s time for the 2018 preseason predictions, which means we are close to another season of “ignoring family and significant others”. We're doing this a little earlier than usual because the snow this year is brutal and we think our scorching hot takes might melt some of it.
- Easton sticks around for one post-game beer the entire summer. Drinks half of it.
- Sid comes close to Carp’s 2014 record of longest written email.
- Guy files a sexual harassment suit against Jared.
- 🔥 Hot Take Alert 🔥 Matt Wenham leads all Matts on the Cardinals in Dingers.
- Evan breaks Mitch from the White Sox’s pink bat. #cutters
- Prof. X Hersch uses his telepathic powers to hit above .400 again
- Chico plays precisely 1 - ⅔ innings at 100% health. Injures himself throwing a helmet.
- Forno gives the team tickets to one of his comedy acts so that he can tell us about the deal with airline food.
- Kaleb drops a flyball in RF then throws out the hitter at 2nd, at least 3 times throughout the year.
- Hans outdrinks 90% of the players in the FMBA
- Dave Kelly pulls a ball for the first time in his baseball career. Probably mopes about it.
- Peter bumps up his career fielding percentage to a respectable .600, after only 7 throwing errors on the year.
- For the 19th season in a row, rumors of the FMBA redoing the diamond lead to nothing happening.
- The team has an intervention for Shane about him not starting himself at catcher in the playoffs, or ever. This is unrelated to his shortstop intervention of 2017
- At the Red Deer Riggers tournament, the Red Deer Riggers start a pitcher from Calgary against us.
- Breen finishes ahead of Bach in the Cards Fantasy Baseball League.
- Graydon misses a weekend game to go hiking with his girlfriend.
- Alumni Jeff Burlo is seen sitting at a mall food court wearing his Cardinals gear, waiting for a call-up that never comes.
- Cody leads all FMBA players in bangbus related internet searches.
- The Cards do something they didn’t in 2017: finish above .500 in the FMBA.