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2017 FMBA CHAMPIONS
2019 2/3 Season Report
Well we missed the Preseason predictions, and our social media presence has withered. Apologies to all the fan(s) out there hungry for Calgary Cardinals content. Here is what’s happened so far:
- Bach hit his first bomb since the 2009 Saskatoon tournament. Maybe if he would hit the gym more instead of kicking everyone’s ass at fantasy baseball he would have more.
- Sid had his 2nd kid and is busy at work. This has not taken away from his long email writing abilities about TPS reports
- We lost Easton Tetz, John Juan Forno, and Cody Bangen to retirement. Peter Werth has search parties looking for his whereabouts and we may require police assistance. Nelly took a 2/3 season sabbatical but finally made an appearance.
- “The Duke” Matt Wenham no longer works at Earl on 8th and is embarrassed that he ever did.
- Graydon is either getting married or already is married I can’t remember. There is still no word on if his girl prefers him hiking or playing baseball.
- Shawn Scott needs to stop taking shirtless selfies on Facebook. Frankly it is embarrassing.
- Shane is having a renaissance as the ace of our staff, he’s thrown a few gems so far at the age of 46. Our team ERA is above 6.00 though.
- Chico’s beard is getting grayer and grayer, and he has not charged the mound this year to my knowledge.
- Having not been out to a single league game, I can safely say we have the most errors in the league.
- We are the oldest team in the league again. If you are under the age of 30 and have played baseball before, please contact team management.
One year ago we won the FMBA title on August 20th. This year we got dethroned in the 1st round on the same date. Baseball is funny, in a cruel, terrible, gut punching, getting a 2 when you double down on 11 at Blackjack, sort of way. Sometimes it just doesn't go your way.
Here are five things I learned from the 2018 season.
1) Matt Wenham is Baseball Hulk. When he gets mad, he starts mashing, but no longer posses Bruce Banner's intelligence.
2) Juan Forno needs to learn more about his family members, specifically his cousins.
3) Nelly needs better coping skills
4) Matt John has had glasses this entire time
5) Literally anyone from the stands could umpire a baseball game in our league, and do as good a job. (Exceptions are Marcel, and Pierre as base ump only).
Next up for the team is the FMBA Cup whenever the season ends. Then our wind up party.
2018 Preseason Predictions
An annual ritual from a simpler time, it’s time for the 2018 preseason predictions, which means we are close to another season of “ignoring family and significant others”. We're doing this a little earlier than usual because the snow this year is brutal and we think our scorching hot takes might melt some of it.
- Easton sticks around for one post-game beer the entire summer. Drinks half of it.
- Sid comes close to Carp’s 2014 record of longest written email.
- Guy files a sexual harassment suit against Jared.
- 🔥 Hot Take Alert 🔥 Matt Wenham leads all Matts on the Cardinals in Dingers.
- Evan breaks Mitch from the White Sox’s pink bat. #cutters
- Prof. X Hersch uses his telepathic powers to hit above .400 again
- Chico plays precisely 1 - ⅔ innings at 100% health. Injures himself throwing a helmet.
- Forno gives the team tickets to one of his comedy acts so that he can tell us about the deal with airline food.
- Kaleb drops a flyball in RF then throws out the hitter at 2nd, at least 3 times throughout the year.
- Hans outdrinks 90% of the players in the FMBA
- Dave Kelly pulls a ball for the first time in his baseball career. Probably mopes about it.
- Peter bumps up his career fielding percentage to a respectable .600, after only 7 throwing errors on the year.
- For the 19th season in a row, rumors of the FMBA redoing the diamond lead to nothing happening.
- The team has an intervention for Shane about him not starting himself at catcher in the playoffs, or ever. This is unrelated to his shortstop intervention of 2017
- At the Red Deer Riggers tournament, the Red Deer Riggers start a pitcher from Calgary against us.
- Breen finishes ahead of Bach in the Cards Fantasy Baseball League.
- Graydon misses a weekend game to go hiking with his girlfriend.
- Alumni Jeff Burlo is seen sitting at a mall food court wearing his Cardinals gear, waiting for a call-up that never comes.
- Cody leads all FMBA players in bangbus related internet searches.
- The Cards do something they didn’t in 2017: finish above .500 in the FMBA.
After being a staple in our lineup the past seven seasons, Fallsy has hung up the cleats and replaced them for full time Dad slippers. No better time to go out then on top.
He is the only Cardinal player that I know of to have a baseball-reference.com page. (https://www.baseball-reference.com/bullpen/Chris_Falls).
My favorite Falls memory was watching him on Sportsnet when he played for Team Great Britain as they were playing Team Canada in the 2012 WBC qualifiers. Fallsy pinch ran at second base, and took an aggresive secondary after each pitch, something I hadn't seen him do before in the FMBA. (and really why would you). He ended up getting stranded, but it isn't often a player from your men's league team is on National TV.
The search for a semi-pro replacement player has begun.