League Meeting Update
3 inning exhibition vs. Fog
Opening Day Victory
Tough two weeks...
Diablos boil the Blue Claws
Diablos come up Aces against Artichoke Joes
10 o'clock News
- Dennis Richmond
Diablos extend Memorial Day Holiday thru game vs. Super Stars
Looooong day in Alameda..
Under the lights...
Diablos see victory thru the Fog
Playoffs? Are you talking Play-----Playoffs!?!!
Last 2 Games
The Great Debacle
Diablos weather the Storm
Eight Men Out
Diablos earn playoff berth
That's right folks. The Diablos are going to the dance. With a season ending forfeit win over the Sea Lions(Not cool guys) the Diablos qualified for the 2008 SFNABA playoffs. Word round the camp fire has us facing the Beavers in the 1st round on Sept 6th. So keep up the steady diet of booze and broads Diablos and we'll be in fine shape when game time rolls around....UPDATE: Diablos lose 1st round match-up with Beavers.
Hot Stove Report
Let's get it on
***Location change for season opener - Flood Park***
Diablos pound SuperStars 14-4 on Opening Day
Diablos edge Benders 3-2 in Alameda
R.I.P. Nick Adenhart
Two losses in a row put Diablos at .500
Schedule updated thru 7/11
Diablos drown in rare Hayward Tsunami
Baseball gods smite Diablos in 6-5 loss to AJ's
8 and counting...
Signs of the Apocalypse
Diablos piss off Gods one more time in 11-10 loss
Who knew ritual sacrifice worked so well
Diablos win despite fortune tellers warning
Win Beers Taste Way Better Than Tie Beers
11 Diablos - 7 Dirtbags - 2 Umpires - 1 Ice Cream Man
"Error free baseball wins games"...What a concept
Diablos come out FLAT and still beat Rebels 12-4
How on earth did we finish 10-10?
2009 Season : A reflection through BBQ smoke...
Diablos wrap up Winter Meeting
First order of business was to arrange a sit down with Tim Lincecum and see if the numbers could be worked out. After a few hours of listening to some Pink Floyd, staring at Timmy's collection of blacklight art and watching him polish his Cy Youngs it seemed that the only logical course of action was to pop in The Big Lebowski and enjoy. Unfortunately Diablo management noticed that the fabulous hookah we had been using during negotiations was autographed by none other than Barry Zito. Suddenly visions of a 7 year/$126 million nightmare filled our collective heads and negotiations stalled. The official statement put out by our PR group indicated we did NOT end negotiations because of his citation for marijuana possession and we are sticking to it despite the rumors to the contrary. (Between you and me I would take that kind of publicity with one our players much better than say having his wife beat him with a golf club after finding out he was putting from the rough if you know what I mean). Since those negotiations little has been cooking on the hot stove. A bid for Marco Scutaro was beaten out by the Red Sox(Damn you Theo Epstein!).
This past week the brain trust(using that term loosely) for the Diablos met up at a fine establishment in Westlake. Only a team of this caliber plans a meet @ a place located in a shopping mall during the holiday season. After tearing through a few sampler platters like wild hyenas and wetting our whistles the meeting was called to order. Everyone aired their thoughts on last season and what was needed to get over the hump in 2010. McFawn and Forrest picked up right where they left off and got back to their marital bliss. Nieves showed up late as usual and took care of the bill(Coach you will always be a champion). PR Sainz vowed to halt his nomadic existence and bring his glove on game days. AC Sanchez showed disappointment throughout the meeting since the weather and state law barred him from drinking shirtless.
The main topic of discussion turned to a serious allegation of poaching going on for the second year in a row. After two years in the league it is clear to all that play against the Diablos we enjoy the game AND post-game. A good team in our eyes enjoys giving it all between the lines and ripping each other a new one after it's all said and done. Nobody is on this team because they went to some try-out and had Lloyd from Entourage pat their ass and offer them a hand job. We certainly don't call players and disparage their current teams in an effort to lure them to our squad. This type of behavior is for guys who are still bitter about being picked last and/or having a strong resemblance to the above picture. This part of the update is for only one person so most of you out there don't need to read any further...Knock that shit off
1st adult beverage induced bet of the season
Guess who's coming to dinner
The picture accompanying today's update is a re-enactment of what should've been the final out of the game. Brooksy is showing excellent form for the flip to second. Kemo looks EXACTLY how he did during the play...minus the Bud Light.
Diablos dominate in 8-0 victory
This weeks picture is PR Sainz after a long day of signing prospects and telling people what to do.
Sunday Double Header scheduled for Balboa-Shit field
Diablos lose, win and create new dance to finish off April
Double Header sweep over Divisional opponent
Diablos shit the bed in Hayward
11 inning loss renews Diablo hatred for Hayward
Diablos get wood at West Sunset
R.I.P. Lou Brown
Diablos pimp slap the Isotopes
Can you believe douche is spelled with only three letters...LOU
Explanation of the picture above: We have titled this one "Deal with the Devil". From the drunken fog I believe the wager was that Lou couldn't strike out Alfredo. Can't remember what the stakes were(probably beer, reefer or gold bricks).
The thought bubbles from left to right:
Pacheco: "I can't believe you shook his hand...You know Lou doesn't wipe properly!"
Kemo: "Look at this dumb muthafucka right here. I will NEVER field another one of his grounders."
Alfredo: "I don't know if I'm excited about this bet or Raul's hand up my ass!"
Raul: "Hey Fredo wheres your wallet?"
Justin: "Should I steal Lou's soul through his mouth or eyes?"
Lou: "Oh Wow Fredo uses the same moisturizer as me."
Like all great works of art there may have been some things you missed in your first viewing of the picture.
1. Kemo is flipping Lou off from the table
2. Alfredo's neck vein is bulging which is usually a tell tale sign of ass play
3. Even the Birds of Paradise behind Lou are mocking him.
1st practice of the year
Picture above is untitled. We had to wait until Kemo started snoring to get him to pose with the A's Championship trophy. I am pretty sure he is still unaware of the assault.
This muthafucka won't shut up
Diablos lay Opening Day egg
Diablos salvage a split in DH with the Blazers
Diablos all Abbottabad it at Stenzel Park
Hecho En San Francisco
Diablos head butt Wood in 11-6 victory
Diablos slay Titans 8-1
Diablos take two from Red Giants
Record crowd witness Diablos (kind of) sweep Double Header
Diablos drop back to back games
Diablos split Double Header with offensively named Tsunami
Diablos edge Phitans in extra innings
Diablos play 9 against 11 and beat the Black Sox 10-0
“Rooftop” Gardella actually had to bat. Thanks Justin. It’s been about 12 years since I’ve seen someone swing at a pitch that hit ‘em. We were treated to that and a couple of dribblers that 3B couldn’t handle. His claims of OBP mastery actually made me throw up in my mouth a little. His 8-inning CG shutout victory was sprinkled with laser beam singles, but hey his mind was on hitting. Did I mention he swung at a pitch that hit him? His shotgunning of only 2 beers this week was appreciated most of all by Kemo's lighter.
“Aluminum Cans” Sanchez didn’t start any altercations with the other team this week. His Crystal Light was mixed with some bammer so he was a little less agitated. It still didn’t keep him from being warned for using the “F” word behind the plate too much. He also contributed to Junkyard getting ejected because he couldn’t throw the runner out HA. His post-game attire screamed “Is it cold in here?”
“PR” Sainz showed up with the energy of a thousand tweakers. His pre-game pep talk consisted of telling the guys to play like Diablos(multiple warnings from the umps, an ejection and no offense until the third trip through the order) and that’s just what happened. He seemed to be having an enjoyable afternoon until he crumbled to the ground after a breaking pitch squared up his elbow. His vow to never drop to the fetal position on a baseball diamond again will haunt him the rest of his playing days.
“Junkyard” McFawn totally dictated how his day would go when his first words to me in the dugout were “I’m in the mood to talk shit today”. True to his word he got himself ejected in the 2nd inning by an umpire who showed up looking for a fight. Unbelievable stat of the day: This is Justin’s 1st SFNABA ejection. Junkyard later was ejected from the stands and played “Where’s Waldo?” for the remainder of the day around Balboa Park.
“Squirrel Cheeks” Lary showed up hurting. I thought he was either dead or sleeping in his car when I arrived in the morning. He planned on having a nice easy day keeping book and strong arming walks. Instead he was called into service and performed the following feats in this order: K’d, missed a looping line drive by jumping like a white man and burned the CF ass with a bomb that cleared the bases. Not bad for an old guy who probably had every painkiller known to man coursing through his system.
Brooksy knew the Diablos were in for a long day when the umps didn’t even respond to his “Hello” in the parking lot. Assholes. He spent his first two at-bats plotting where he was going to bloop one when he came up with runners on base. Rooftop asked for a “Brooks Special” and he delivered by driving in the first run of the game with a double/triple/snowball fight texas leaguer.
“Brothers Love Child” Rodriguez made his papa proud by going the other way with runners on. He also decided to make the LF look good by hitting one just far enough for him to catch it. Muscle up Ho! His defense was solid except for when Rooftop yelled at him to catch a foul ball and he didn’t. The fact that the ball was only 13 ½ feet away from home plate is irrelevant.
“I only do that on vacation” Miller came back from his trip and immediately made an impact on the line-up. That impact was pushing Brooksy to the 3 hole and stealing his helmet every goddamn time he came up. He also sold a HBP by gazing in the umpires 4-eyes and saying with his mind “That grazed my jersey kind sir”. He scored the 1st and eventual winning run after that Jedi mind shit. His defense was tested not by any plays(not a single ball went his way), but by the man child who was using his beer can like a prisoner in a cell down the LF line.
“Coltrane” Reed made his triumphant return to the line-up after a little “vacation” provided by the NABA. I’d like to tell you he went 4 for 4 and had 8 rbi’s. That didn’t happen. His timing is a little better than it was last week and his presence at the top of the line-up had a strong effect on the rest of the squad. His CF lockdown defense was present as always. Do teams avoid hitting it to center much like teams don’t throw towards Revis island when he is playing? Survey says Yes.
“Where’s my taco?” Imbody was given the player of the week award by this website. It entitles him to a nasty case of the runs and a hangover provided by the postgame BBQ. Upon hearing the Yeti would not be in the line-up he decided to try and drive in as many Diablos as possible. The bullets he peppered throughout the yard were only matched by the Howitzer blast he unleashed from RF to nail the unsuspecting runner. His only misstep was the GI Joe tank top.
Today's picture is titled "Wears Alfredo's shit better than he does". This is Olive who is cute as a button and probably scarred for life after attending a Diablo post game.
Diablos get back to it
Sunday marked the first practice game of the 2012 season for your SF Diablos. The score of the game was not important(17-2 victory!)since Brother told us to "work on stuff" during his pre-game speech. Pacheco started on the mound and worked through some early arm stiffness. Typical Yeti. He also ripped the shit out of a couple balls so he looks ready to go. Nico climbed the hill for a three inning stint that could only be described as solid. The internment of his mentor seems to have not effected his game. Ivan made a triumphant return after spending 2011 on the shelf. His leaning into a 37mph fastball was the stuff of champions. His awkward bat toss and retrieval were not. Joe decided to rip a titty before he left early. Of course he used the handle to display his hitting prowess so the out was expected. Imbo came in determined to pick up where he left off last year. The swing looked good, but that pop up dropping to the infield left something to be desired. His FB status update should read "The infield is difficult and I shall never speak ill of it again." Alfredo showed up all Zen and shit. He then proceeded to hose a runner. No seriously. The guy had two legs and was of normal weight and mental capacity. The league has already begun the investigation into his off season arm procedure done in Europe. Kemo decided to stay this week instead of flipping a U-turn and getting back on the freeway. Thankfully he delighted us with a solid inning on the mound. The half swing with RISP was also entertaining. Lou was Lou. Whether it's stroking his own on base percentage or walking his first batter of the season he never fails to put on a show. The post-game vow of silence was broken within 3 minutes. Newcomer Bird was welcomed to the squad. His work behind the plate was impressive. His start-stop-start-stop swing for strike three....not so much. All in all a solid effort to open the 2012 season. I have been informed that we will not be heading to Napa this coming weekend. Details will be sent out this weekend.
Opening Day victory ends with a race for the ages
Welcome back Diablo faithful. The 2012 season has begun and your minions of the underworld are 1-0 after a 6-3 victory over Yucatan. Being kicked out of their last league by a group of whining bitches disguised as baseball players the Diablos entered this season ready for a fresh start. Returning to the friendly confines of Crocker Park offered the Diablos a chance at getting back to the basics of playing ball, battling old foes and having adult beverages without looking out for Narcs. Despite the 9am start time most Diablos found their way to the park on time. I'm looking at you Yeti! With the smells of grass, dirt and urine wafting through the dugout it was apparent the boys in red had found their way home. Toeing the slab was none other than Rooftop Gardella. His Spring Training boasts of striking out every person on Earth in his first three starts had built an anticipation that couldn't be matched. Of course his first inning went just the way you would expect. A shitload of walks and a 3-1 deficit that led to everyone including birthday boy Imbody telling him to "Forget about the damn bet!". This was obviously what the young lad needed since his final line read 9 innings, 5 walks, 1 laser beam hit and 17 strike outs. Sunday also marked the debut of several new Diablos. Bird Nielsen showed solid ball blocking skills in saving Rooftops ass on several occasions. He also chipped in a couple of hits, but is now guaranteed to get shit every time he gets on base after forgetting how many outs there were. Jeff "I haven't done anything stupid to earn a nickname YET" Ramirez manned shortstop and showed a slick glove. Luis "Banksy" Bermudez got his first official at-bat and roamed LF. Imbo showed up to let us know he would be celebrating his birthday later at the Doghouse. He also chipped in 3 RBI's and caught his only chance in RF. Olive Garden Hidalgo made his triumphant return to the Diablos after spending last season on the DL. In typical fashion he was beaned in his first AB and then went all Wild Horses and ran free when he should have froze on a line drive. Kemo drove in a run with situational hitting. He also spent the day writing in every K that Lou got. How screwed up is that? Pacheco worked hard behind the plate and also worked a walk...OH WAIT sorry that was the other teams Pacheco. Ours couldn't be risen from his hibernation. That'll cost ya big guy!
Today's picture is titled "Fat man race". After a few hours of shit talking and beer drinking the gathered Diablos decided on a race between Fed and Lou. Winner being deemed the slowest Diablo/person on Earth. The racers agreed that downhill would be easier and we secretly calculated the odds of a spectacular wipeout. This race had been held a few years back, but Fed had whined that the results were tainted due to him wearing Brooks Vans. We headed outside to clear traffic and put this baby to bed once and for all. I grabbed the toilet paper roll that would serve as the finish line and FANA Joe found an uncomfortable spot to film from. Cowboy Rodriguez served as our starting line judge. This was the photo finish results....TIE! A second race was run with Rooftop winning, but Fed was already having a heart attack so the results will always have an *asterisk* next to them. This was one of the most epic moments in Diablo history.
*Photo finish montage courtesy of "Take Out" Yuen-Shore
Pitching and Defense reign supreme in Diablo victory
Last Sunday your Diablos faced off against an old foe Mexico. It turned out to be a solid pitching match up. Rooftop Gardella always thinking about "The Bet" decided to use his defense in pitching a complete game shutout. Defensive gems were turned in by SS Jeff Ramirez, 2B Ryan Brooks and LF Alfredo "Cannon" Sainz. Not much to talk about regarding the offense in this one. With a total of four hits the Diablos weren't exactly raking the ball. The first run was driven in by Jeff after hitting the ball off the starting pitcher (actually it hit his glove, thanks Joe). The insurance run was scored on a sac fly by none other than Mad Hatter Bermudez. His signature moment in a Diablo uniform. Cowboy Rpdriguez finally awoke from his stupor and chipped in some stolen bases en route to scoring in the 7th inning.
This weeks photo is titled "Door Stop". Imbo is performing an impersonation of how we found Fed in the bathroom after a few adult beverages. Forrest Narveaz also added some recycled pizza to Brooksies backyard. Animale!
Diablos win the ugliest 13-3 game ever
This past weekend the Diablos offense finally came together(somewhat) in a 13-3 victory over Venados. I say somewhat because the unofficial count is 1,643 runners were left on base. Getting the start was Yeti Pacheco who graced us with his presence. His 5 innings of shutout ball was the first gem turned in this season by the Diablo staff (Right Rooftop?). Mad hatter Bermudez made his Diablo mound debut in relief pitching 2 solid innings and getting zero help from his defense. No joke. You couldn't throw a rock without hitting an offensive hero for the Diablos on Sunday. It all started with Marcus "Battleship" Reed lobbing balls anywhere the LF couldn't catch it. Including his glove! E9.....HIT! Imbo decided to rob an elderly person at an estate sale of their 1942 war club fashioned from a rare endangered species of Redwood tree. Seriously the handle on this thing is the size of a rhinoceros penis. Believe me I know. Obviously this theft was a wise move since it banged out 4 hits for him. Unfortunately the bat couldn't help him run the bases. At least that's what PR thinks. Jeff "Video room" Ramirez did some in game work on his swing and banged out a pair of doubles. Cowboy Rodriguez continued his march for the stolen base title with a pair of swipes. He also proved the theory that residents of Liberty Court can't tag up for shit. Nico made his debut at 1B for the Diablos this Sunday and immediately showed he is middle infielder. BUT when the moment presented itself to end the game early and send us to the parking lot he was more than ready. With the bases loaded and two outs he unleashed a game winning cue shot that absolutely ate the first baseman up. Dude tried to lay down in front of it and it still found a hole. Not sure if it counts as a "walk off", but it was definitely Diablo style.
Today's picture is titled "Don't mind if I do". Imbo was re-enacting his standard operating procedure for hiding items at an estate sale. Plus this looks like the natural home for the war club.
Diablos win streak at four
Several firsts happened this past week for the Diablos en route to a 5-2 victory over San Luis. We had our first warning from an umpire about not killing our own players. PR got his first stand up triple since the Clinton administration. There was an RBI Sac Fly to the second baseman, possibly a first in recorded history. We also had our first bat branding of the season. All in all an eventful week in the Diablo universe.
With Brother being out of town on a scouting trip (no doubt scouring the Far East for young talent) the managerial duties were left to Brooksy. Boy did he push all the right buttons. Not only did he nod yes when a crippled Rooftop said he wanted the ball, but he also had the foresight of batting PR Sainz in the 6 hole where he could do the most damage HA. PR did not disappoint by rapping extra base hit after extra base hit past the CF who obviously read his scouting report backwards. Joining him on the hit parade were Yeti Pacheco who had his first multi-hit game of the season(Yeti also passed his parents for games attended...insert golf clap) and PT Ramirez who will go down in history as the first Diablo with RBI SF-4 in the books. No I am not shitting you. Imbo branded his bat with a lightning bolt and then didn't get a hit with it. He was also unsuccessful in hitting any of his teammates near the on deck circle with it in the later innings. Mad hatter Bermudez continued to prove the nay sayers wrong with a pinch hit RBI single in the 9th inning. Whether it's running to the store mid game for a quick snack or showing the youngsters how to use athletic tape this guy always makes it interesting. Rooftop Gardella tossed his third complete game of the year. While tossing 12 strikeouts he crossed the 30k threshold and won his bet with Kemo. Asked for a quote after the game Kemo said "He did it, but it's Nieves fault for pumping him up last week." This victory puts your Diablos at 4-0 for the season.
Today's picture is titled "I'm not drinking."
Diablos slapdick Marlins
Diablos defeat the Marlins 16-1...
Hero dies during Diablos victory
I'm baaaaaaaaack. After a few weeks off your faithful scribe has returned from the rocky depths of hell(or was it just LA?). In my absence the Diablos have run their record to 7-0. A no-hitter(Couldn?t toss a perfecto) by Rooftop against the Nicoyas a few weeks back put the league on notice. What that notice said is a mystery to me since it was written in Spanish. This past week your minions of Satan faced off with the Black Sox. With boatloads of confidence and the usual cornucopia of pharmaceuticals a 14-2 victory was secured. Here are some of the days highlights:
- Mad Hatter Bermudez had a career day going 4 for 4. He also ripped the first homerun of the year for the Diablos. Not to be a one dimensional player he added a scoreless inning on the mound. Not sure if it was his pre-game routine or personal cheering section. Either way keep it up young man.
- Imbo murdered the war club. Not sure if the current district attorney opposes the death penalty, but there were plenty of witnesses to uphold a conviction. Also casting a shadow over the event was his use of a different bat his first time up which proves there was tension in the
relationship. The silver lining is the 2-RBI?s produced from her last gasp.
- Itunes Ivan provided a spark from the top of the order. Brother wasn?t sure who could fill Marcus shoes, but the I-man was up to the challenge. The only blemish on his day was letting that catchable ?laser beam? that Rooftop gave up get to the wall for a double. No seriously Imbo told me it was a can of corn HA
- Joltin Joe Chaika spent another week playing with only one hand which made his 7 hop base knock past the 3B all the more impressive. He also added some excitement while getting hosed trying to stretch a double. Unfortunately we don?t have any leg ailment to blame that one on.
- PT Ramirez had another solid day at the plate driving in a couple runs. He missed a grand salami by a few feet, but we?ll attribute that to his having to work at 5pm. Pussy. He also finished the game with a solid inning of relief.
- Cowboy Rodriguez didn?t field shit at third, but he did perform the highest form of flattery by getting hosed at 2B the exact same way as Joe. Sign your kids up for summer classes www.LibertyCourtBaserunning.com
- Kemo got his vintage ass around the bases for a couple of runs and found his way on the field for defense. Of course he had everyone on pins and needles playing 1B, but in the end we shouldn?t have worried. After all Jackie Robinson played there during his career. He also completed his duties as bag bitch according to ?The Bet?.
- Rooftop won another game. Although it wasn?t a CG so obviously the at-bats are starting to take their toll. I would mention his double he hit, but his loafing to 2B was rather cuntish.
- All in all it was a solid day for the offense with every starter joining the hit parade.
Diablos reach 10-0
Yeti smash runs Diablos record to 11-0
Alternate translations for this photo:
Yeti only drink malt liquor from hulk fist
Yeti enjoy bean bag chair
Amy loves cock shots
Diablos shit show improves to 12-0
Today's photo is of Fredo and Jager fresh off their work doing base running drills at the Liberty Court camp. Now being offered by the fine folks of Liberty Court is an introductory class on Equipment Management 101.
Win streak runs to 13
Judging by the Diablos record this must be what Lou looks like from the mound this year.
Walk off E6 propels Diablos to 11-10 victory over Mexico
Kemo dusts off the wing and goes the distance for Diablos 16th victory
Diablos family increases by one
Was this picture foreshadowing events to come?
Imbo doppelganger sighted at the Bulls game
Couldn't have been Imbo. This guy sprang for expensive seats near the glass.
2013 Diablos Spring Training
Welcome back! It's been a long offseason full of hangovers and Super Dome power outtages. The Diablos spent this past Sunday firming up their rather ample beer guts. A solid BP round followed what could only be described as an abortion of an infield. Brother was in fine mid-season form while rapid firing grounders at unsuspecting infielders. A lengthy meeting was held after practice (pictured above) where many offseason transactions were discussed. Coach has ordered immediate sensitivity training for any Diablo who doesn't APPRECIATE the efforts of his fellow teammates. This was met with a solid crotch grab and "That shits for the NABA". Key additions this season include a sick ass baby seat in the back of Fredo's jalopy, actual left overs at the post game spread and a Yellow Emperor twitter account. Key subtractions include any and all spray painted accessories and whiny turncoats. Today's picture is titled "All growns up" and features our fearless PR leader wearing protection after a flying bat incident. Don't laugh. He's got dependents to think about.
Also a Diablo shout out to Ms. Yeti who has been under the weather as of late. Get well soon girl! Without you in the stands are attendance is inthe low single digits.
Opening Day victory recap in photos
Holy shit that form should be taught to every child in America
Look at Imbo trying to be the Panda
I'm sure Lou tried to pimp this foul ball too
I looked at this pic and all I could come up with was What...The...Fuck
"I hope that thing is loaded." - Fredo
How hard is Jeff staring at my dick.....and why does he have hearts in his eyes?
Joe, a fake ring and Zitos crotch = Diablos victory
Diablos storm out of the gates 2-0
This past Sunday your Diablos got back to it under the bright blue skies at Balboa Park. The opponent was San Luis which meant the 13-2 mercy killing was inevitable. The tone of the game was set when Marcus was landed on by a first baseman with all the gracefulness of an ACME piano. That lead to every infielder for SL running there mouth and a 5 run 1st inning that effectively put the game on ice. Thanks for the motivation. Cheddar Gardella started the game, but only gave an abbreviated effort since he had other places to be later in the day. Liberty Court ended up bringing the offense with them on this day. Robbie Trejo chipped in a 4 for 4 day along with another web gem at 3B. Taking over the clean up spot was Imbo since Yeti (pictured above) was a little preoccupied. PT Ramirez dropped in a couple of doubles (luckily he didn't use the Matty Williams autographed bat this week) and finished the game on the mound without injuring any batters. Papi Sainz continued his streak of getting grass stains on his uniform. Brooksie continued his streak of stopping pitches with his body. Congratulations to newbies "Backstop" Jimenes and "Ultimate Warrior" Ayala who got their first hits as Diablos. We are actively seeking volunteers to roam 280 in search of any foul balls Marcus deposited there on Sunday. One was seen nestled on the on-ramp, but Joe wasn't willing to tuck and roll for it.
Diablos make it interesting in 12-6 victory
This past Sunday your Diablos sputtered to a 12-6 victory over Venados. With several players missing for various reasons the Diablos only had 8 players ready to step between the lines hours before first pitch. Then riding in from centerfield on a large white horse disguised as an electric wheelchair came Gabe “PPFM” Sanchez throwing aside retirement for one more day of baseball with the fellas. Rumors have it Diablo management caved in to his demand of having every aluminum can in the world crushed and delivered to his house. Climbing the bump for the bad guys this week was Yeti. With his new glove that he fashioned himself from a baby calf near his cave he tossed 5 solid innings only allowing 2 runs. After an offseason of studying local cave scratchings and watching Congo we knew that Yeti(tap chest) was finished(throat slash). Unfortunately his efforts would not lead to a victory since the bullpen promptly gave up the lead in the 6th inning. Luckily Imbo decided to stop fucking around and just throw it over the plate. He said it. He did it. He got the victory with 3.1 innings of relief. The offense took a while to warm up this weekend. Leading the charge once again was Imbo smacking doubles and triples all over the place and running his RBI total up to 962. Possible typo. Getting his first start of the season Danny Harper did not disappoint. With a solid opposite field approach he collected 4 hits and reached base all 5 times he stepped to the plate. The one blemish on his day was the fact that he wears a hat with the sticker still on the bill. C’mon kid! If you want to prove you bought it just show us the receipt. Speaking of kids Junior got his first taste of Diablo ball and didn’t disappoint making a fine defensive snag in the 9th inning. Now all we gotta do is draw some facial hair on him and nobody will know he’s 9 years old. Papi Sainz put on a clinic only Jack Nicklaus or Tiger could appreciate. He dropped in 3 of the ugliest lob wedge pop ups you’ll ever see. This was only mentioned because in the book it looks like he hit 3 line drives. Bird was back this week and hit a triple no less. Lovely Melissa was keeping book(Official grade B-, see me after class). Robbie Trejo made it back from his fishing trip at Brokeback Lake and kept up his hitting stroke. He also added his usual Liberty Court shenanigans on the base paths. Gabe did not disappoint in his triumphant return to the diamond. He hit a double, almost broke his hip while powering down on the base paths, fielded a grounder at second, botched a grounder at second, sported an amazing father Christmas beard, hit into a spectacular double play and drank shit beer after the game. This was all accomplished before the early bird special at Sizzler expired so that’s a bonus. Overall it was a solid victory for your local sinners. Also spotted in the stands was a local scout named Skippy(pictured below). He mainly looks for athletes. Oh hey does anyone know how the Black Sox did? UPDATE Nobody gives a fuck.
Diablos grind out 9-3 victory
Ugly. That is the only term that could describe the Diablo offense on Sunday. Yeah, yeah, yeah I know we won the game 9-3, but how would you describe leaving 16 runners on base(BARF)? Taking the bump for his first Diablo start was Danny Harper. An elaborate deal had been struck to have the umpire instruct him to remove the sticker from his hat before first pitch, but the more effective strategy of having Jeff say “Take that shit off your hat” worked just as well. Danny fixed the wardrobe malfunction and went forth tossing a complete game victory. He also continued his torrid hitting and Liberty Court base running clinic. All this earned him his first Diablo golden shower(pictured above). This weeks winner of “First one to the field” was Yeti. I was able to witness his warm up routine of running down gophers and scratching his back on a tree. This all lead to him flashing some serious leather at 1B. The other side effect was he swung at every first pitch thrown. I am almost positive he swung at one during my at-bat. Rumors of an early morning psych out text are completely false. Robbie Trejo made it on time this week and chipped in 3 RBI’s. He has now officially entered himself as the dark horse in the Diablo RBI challenge. He also let a ball get by him this week. When you are the coach’s son little facts like he was fully extended in a backhand dive don’t matter. Imbo dropped in a few more hits to bring his average up to a cool .684. Not a typo. He also air mailed the hell out of a throw home. Sometimes the steroids kick in at the wrong time. Papi Sainz continued performing his best impression of Brooksie by dropping in another bleeder. Watch yourself Bro. That shit is trademarked. He also had to cut out early for work so he rushed everyone to get one more at-bat. Nobody was surprised when he wore the first pitch HAHAHAHA. PT Ramirez decided to fill the void left by Kemo’s retirement and swing at a 3-0 pitch. The resulting pop out earned him the “3-0 Ho of the Day” award. He was also called the 3-zero Ho by the Diablo faithful so either way is acceptable for the remainder of the week. Overall it was a grind it out victory and we’ll take it.
Nieves shows he's "Still Got it, Brother!"
Nieves found a helmet that fit and showed the Diablos how to do it in their Mothers Day victory.
The last few weeks summed up in one picture
Diablos try to avoid their first losing streak in years. Crap.
Diablos enter Twilight Zone and leave with a 3 game losing streak
Black gatos crossing your path, using broken mirrors for lil bumps, walking under ladders, opening an umbrella indoors and dancing an irish jig on the foul line with spikes full of tails up pennies. All of these things MUST HAVE been done by the Diablos in the past month. Nothing else can explain the strange happenings that have befallen this snake bitten squad. Yesterdays 9-8 loss to USA's little biaatch Puerto Rico was as excruciating as a swift kick to the nuts. There are no words to describe the end of this game. This writer has been watching baseball for almost 3 decades and has never seen or been a part of an ending quite like it. Everything leading up to the 9th inning was standard for the past three games. Batters having zero approach at the plate, baserunning that would make a tee-baller puke and ridiculous mound antics from starting pitchers. With all this the Diablos were still in the game! Tied 3-3 in the top of the 9th your Diablos scored 5 runs capped by a HUGE 2-out 2-rbi double by Joltin' Joe Chaika(When found for comment after the game his only response was "The fuck just happened"...it was a sentiment shared by many). Looking up the entire history of baseball the odds of winning the game with a 5 run lead in the 9th inning are 99.999999999%. Well guess what side of that equation the Diablos ended up on yesterday? If you guessed win obviously you haven't been watching recently. Leading 8-3 going into the bottom of the 9th a mushroom cloud rose above Crocker 1 and when it had cleared the first 6 batters sent to the plate scored for Puerto Rico. Not a single out was recorded. A few errors were made. 1 grand slam was hit. That was longest any Diablo team has ever taken to clear out of a dugout. Heading into the All-Star break the Diablos sit at 6-3. Sacrifice has been suggested. Blah.
Offensive explosion ends 4 game slide
2013 SFLABL Champions
Title defense begins..
Welcome back Diablo faithful. The long dry winter is over and spring is ready to blossom. Some red tape held up our getting the permits for a Market street parade so the championship celebrations have yet to commence. Once the location is set please plan to attend if you have ever contributed to the Diablo "experience". Memories of your favortite plays or insults during the season NEED to be shared. This past weekend your Diablos got back to it with their first practice. Braving hamstring tweaks and beer gut pulls we made it through without any injuries. Any physical injuries that is. Lou's ego may be bruised after needing AAA assistance, but he'll get over it. Brother came in with a plan to burn grounders past anyone who dared to stand on his diamond. The tall grass had different plans and his usual 11mph "heaters" were cut down in their prime. It was a great practice for charging the ball. BP was solid with a few line drives sprayed here and there. Overall it was a success with no injuries and a few cobb webs wiped away. The offseason review had tales of living situations, new jobs and plenty of debauchery. Nieves' fresh recruits said all of 5 words the entire practice so they're already off on the right foot. Pacheco had a skateboarding session end with a new Yeti gameday shirt. Joltin' Joe brought the other half of the Eiffel Tower and damn if that isn't going to improve the roster on off-field skills alone. Notable absences were PR Sainz(Somebody has to run the Zoo), Nieves illegitmate son(Something about wedding plans) and PT Ramirez(directions to the field were hazey).
Diablos drop Season Opener to Mexico 3-1
Not much positive to say about this one. To say the Diablos lacked focus would be the gentle way to put it. Others might say they need to pull their fucking heads out. Bright spots were as follows: the bullpen gave 7 1/3 solid innings including Bird shedding the tools of ignorance and tossing five scroeless, Yeti smashed a nice opposite field double, Fredo put on a clinic with the bat even Tony Gwynn could be proud of and the crowd was energetic. Yep that was it. Defense was good at times and pure bollocks at others. Pretty sure the Diablos left 10+ runners on base. No book to confirm so at least I can keep my lunch down. We even let McNab make solid contact...WTF! Shout out to Melissa Romo for her efforts in documenting this atrocity of an opener. Hopefully we can put on a better effort for the paying crowd next week.
Diablos offensive sputters to 0-2 on the season
The headline says it all. We were crap. We couldn't get any offense going against a pitcher hurling 37mph. Yeti and Bird pitched well enough to win this game 1-0, but our defense crapped out at the exact right time. To make matters worse the SF Park Rangers decided to make it rain parking tickets. Bastards. Hopefully we can get it going next week against the Reds.
Diablos blank Reds 6-0 for their first win of the season
Happy Mothers day to all you mothers out there! This week your Diablos played like the team who hoisted the hardware in 2013. Solid pitching and defense....CHECK. Scored more than 1 run...YOU BETCHA. Turned the strangest triple play in Diablo history...OF COURSE. It all started with everyone's favorite mythical creature Yeti Pacheco tossing six shutout innings. His efficient pitch count led to a quicker exit to the parking lot which is always appreciated by the Diablo faithful. Bird Nielsen came in for relief and oh what a relief he was. Shutting down the Reds offense for the final three innings and preserving the shutout. Tweet, tweet muthafucka. The offense was ignited by 10 stolen bases! That is not a typo. Who knew these old, fat slobs could still motor around the bases when they needed to. Leading the way was Cowboy Rodriguez(expected)with 3 SB's and PR Sainz(totally unexpected) with 3 SB's. Of course Cowboy could have had more, but his leg was injured from a Saturday night brisket incident so he settled for three. PR channeled his gopher cousin to help him get a double in the 1st inning(Should we call you beastmaster?). Bird in addition to gunning down a would be base stealer and pitching his (non existent)ass off added an RBI double for good measure in the 8th inning. Now about that triple play. Let me set the stage for you. Yeti ran into a jam in the bottom of the 6th. He walked the leadoff batter and gave up singles to the next two to load the bases. The following batter hit a one hopper back to Yeti. In his infinite kindness he lobbed the ball to Bird at the plate fearing a stronger throw may hurt the poor chap. Bird quickly snatched it like a leftover garlic fry in the bleachers and hurled to PR waiting at 1B for the second out. After catching the ball PR forgot to use his "infield arm" and fired the ball into LF trying to get the runner going from first to second. Fortunately during this chain of events the runner on first had decided to not run to second(huh) and drop his head and walk off the field(double huh) eventhough there was only 2 outs. After the umpires inital shock and bewilderment at what the hell just happened the base runner was called out and the triple play was complete. As I pore over the scorebook the final official scoring for that play is 1-2-3-???. Beautfiul. Next week your Diablos try to continue their winning ways against the Black Sox 1230pm @ Crocker #2.
DIABLO PRACTICE THURSDAY 6PM @ BALBOA SUNDBERG(BY THE 5-0 STATION)
Diablos roll into Memorial Day break with 11-1 win
On Sunday your Diablos continued their winning ways beating the Black Sox 11-1. Bird Nielsen made his first career start for the Diablos and it turned out victorious. Inducing a double play in each of the first three innings on his way to five shutout innings. Yeti Pacheco fought through some arm stiffness (Doing the windmill with your throwing arm after each pitch usually gets the bullpen up......NOT WITH THE DIABLOS, PUSSY) and held the shutout in check thru the final four innings. The offense was led by Nick "I go to practice" Imbody knocking out three hits (Nieves said it was more like a romantic day in the park not practice). Rocking Robin Nielsen also continued his torried hitting adding three hits of his own. PR Sainz showed no mercy and took advantage of Precious on the infield for a 2 hit day of his own. New comers Mike "Greybush" DeLaCruz and Niko 'Ive got a batting average" Vukasin added their first hits as Diablos (They also donated their first funds to the Kangaroo Court). After the dust settled the Diablos had 17 total hits and the beers tasted better in the parking lot. It's a solid turn around from the crap these guys were producing to start the season. Following the Memorial Day break your Diablos get back to it with a 6/1/14 1230 game against Yucatan. See you at the yard.
Diablos crush Yucatan 11-0
This past weekend your Diablos won their third in a row with an 11-0 trouncing of Yucatan. Did Yucatan have 37 players suit up...YOU BET! Were the Diablos intimidated...NOT IN THE SLIGHTEST! The Diablos warm ups consisted of taking some hacks with Brother, Trying to avoid the three ring circus that was occuring on the other side of the field and watching Fredo (In honor of the World Cup) show his futbol skills with a sweet header in the on-deck circle. Yeti "Back end of the rotation" Pacheco continued his "decent" season on the mound by tossing five more shutout innings. Bird Nielsen went the rest of the way preserving the victory. Ivan "Breadsticks" Hidalgo had another solid showing behind the plate while adding a couple hits. He even gunned down a runner with a little flash of leather from Brooksy. Joltin Joe Chaika squared up a couple pitches and showed management he's still got it. Obviously the closed door meeting in the Crocker parking lot made all the difference. PR Sainz continued his assault on the leagues pitching. Treating every at-bat like it's last call at the Riptide. Jeff "Eyrie" Ramirez hit an absolute BOMB to cap the scoring in the 8th inning. Next week the Diablos get to it early 9AM at Crocker #1.
RIP Tony Gwynn
A great hitter. A better man.
2014 LABL All-Star Game MVP
Willie Mays, Carl Yastrzemski, Dave Parker, Bo Jackson, Kirby Puckett, Frank Robinson and Tim Raines. These are just some of the ball players that Marcus "Turn Back the Clock" Reed has etched his name along side while earning All-Star game MVP honors this past Sunday. Luckily he didn't waste any of his homeruns during the game. So give him a pat on the back the next time you see him.
Diablos steal win from the Reds
This past Sunday your Diablos choked out the Reds 13-3 in 7 innings. It was a day of firsts for the ball club and every one of them helped lead to victory. We had one of our newest Diablos earn his first victory. We had our first on field prayer to the baseball gods while making a catch. And last but not least we had the first steal of home in Diablos franchise history. Scooby Noyes got his first start of the season. He cruised for most of the day minus one crap inning. Along with earning his first victory as a Diablo he also earned the coveted "Elephant Bar/Trader Joes" shirt given to the batter with the most strikeouts for the game. HAVE A DAY, KID! The defense behind him was solid. Nick "Ginger Flash" imbody made a full out diving catch that included a bounce. Concussion tests were inconclusive. PR Sainz made the catch of the day out in LF. From where I was standing the geometry concluded that there was no way he was getting to the ball. All of a sudden "Like a Prayer" could be heard in the trees and he made a sliding/kneeling catch. "You're supposed to slide NOT stick" was the post game quote given by umpire Kemmith Lary on the effort. Either way the catch earned uproarious applause from the tens of people in attendance. On the other side of the ball the Diablos rapped out 14 hits. Hitters 1-4 scored 10 runs on the day. Finally the top of the order all produced in the same game. Many guys contributed, but all of that was forgotten when Ginger Flash Imbo stole home for the 13th and final run of the day. After lollygagging earlier in the game Imbo decided he had heard enough guff from the bench. He reached 3rd with 1 out in the 7th and tested the pitcher. He ran about half way down the line on the first two pitches and figured it was time. On the next pitch he broke for home. With his + speed and a sly "don't swing Ivan" he beat the catcher and slide through the Grand Canyon that was the RH batters box. The runners on 1st and 2nd were so shocked that they didnt even advance on the play. After taking a seat and receiving oxygen Imbo was able to bask in the glow of his accomplishment. Rod Carew, Jackie Robinson, Ty Cobb and now Nick Imbody. Many may attempt it again, but nobody will ever be the first Diablo to do it. Good on ya.
Diablos take Black Sox to the cleaner
If you were anywhere near Crocker park last Sunday you witnessed the ugliest 16-6 victory in the history of organized baseball. Did your Diablos get the win? Sure. Was it a slog of epic proportion? YOU BET! It was so ugly even Swami Fredo (pictured above) was short of any positives other than "Hey...ya know..a win is a win". On to the recap. Pre-game was as eventful as it gets. Red Dot Rob reminded Nieves not to leave him out of the lineup by peeling out the length of Geneva Avenue(Man his tires must hate him). Warm-up circle was treated to tasteful tales of coitus and debauchery. Nieves shelled out some bread for a new soft toss screen (sans huge flapping holes) and we still hit the fence behind it more than the screen. Bravo Diablos. Starting on the hill was Bird Nielsen. It was clear he left his good stuff in the bullpen while the 3-Run BIZZ-OMB soared over Fredo's head (Props for not injuring himself on a jack). Of course in true Diablo fashion his defense didn't help him one iota. After working his way thru 3 innings he gave way to Yeti Pacheco(To thunderous applause from the Pacheco cheering section, Happy Birthday Mama!). He routinely shut down the Black Sox bats like a true 5-starter. On offense the Diablos got off to a quick start scoring 7 runs in the first inning. But much like a teenager on prom night that didn't last long. Fortunately the Diablos gathered themselves and scored some runs in the late innings to end things early. Jeff "Meow-Meow" Ramirez found his stroke and slashed 4 hits on the day. Ginger Flash Imbody decided to put the running game on the shelf this week much to the fans disappointment. Ivan "Fuck that hurts!" Hidalgo survived another game and scored 3 times. He looks like Hector Sanchez more and more each week. Niko "Top spin" Vukasin had his best day as a Diablo showing off some warning track power. He also stole "The shirt" from Brooksy at the very last moment. A thousand thank you's. PR Sainz showed great patience at the plate walking 3 times and stole something like 200 bases. He also tried to make some magic happen on the bases, but it didn't happen. Save it for the bedroom my man. The Post-game was well attended and damn if the female to male ratio was almost even. The Diablos will play next Sunday 1230pm @ Crocker 1. As always bring a friend....Hell bring two of 'em.
Separated at birth?
Oh mercy, mercy me
Another Sunday in the city. Another mercy rule victory. A 10-0 win over Yucatan makes it four in a row for your Diablos. The boys definitely gave a team effort on a day when they were missing 2/3's of the starting outfield, the third baseman and the 1B/team pharmacist. With Brother confused during lineup creation this situation called for reinforcements. In stepped Yeti to declare himself starter at four different positions. No seriously. He was going to play LF, CF, 1B and 3B at the same time. After throwing him some tree bark to calm him down he settled on LF. That didn't stop Yeti from trying to hit the ball "clear over them mountains". With the opposing OF playing about 390' away the results were typical. Brooksy settled in to play the hot corner saying "If Red Dot can play here how hard can it actually be." He then proceeded to go out and flash more leather than the Exotic Erotic Ball. His agent is negotiating an extension as we speak. Making his infield debut at 2B was none other than Greybush DeLaCruz. Turning double plays...He can handle. Throwing around the horn....not so much. We'll work on it. He also contributed to the 5th inning rally that started the scoring. Making his Diablo debut in RF was Aasdin Mistry. He hit a screaming 8 hopper back to the pitcher AND attempted a Kevin Mitchell barehand play in the outfield. Lou "Porn Stache" Gardella climbed the hill and pitched to contact. The results were a quick, dominant shut-out that was masterful. Of course he added a few roid rage yells and a hit to "Up the OBP". Bird Nielsen rolled into Balboa doing his best Long Duck Dong impersonation. The over/under for pass balls was set at 10. He only had 3. Pretty sure Kemo wished he only had 2 since the last one broke whatever toe he still has left. Niko "You have no idea how to say it" Vukasin finished the game with a "laser beam" oppo hit. He also had a sweet pick at 1B which he immediately sat down to admire. Meow Meow Ramirez had a fine day at the plate until he decided to go up left handed. The results were exactly what Brooksy expected....shitty. His range up the middle showed shades of Omar Vizquel. That should come in handy during the playoffs. Somewhere around the 3rd inning Ivan Hidalgo Armstrong rolled up to the game. With his Schwinn in one hand and his pud in the other he wasted no time making a diving catch in CF. He also showed a little on offense scoring twice. Hopefully he doesn't get bit by a rattlesnake on the Oregon trail next week. Finally we get to Ginger Flash Imbody. This guy fought long and hard for CF only to be moved to RF in the 4th inning. Either way it wasn't his defense that all 16 fans will be talking about for years to come. It will be his SECOND steal of home this season. Was it a balk? TECHINICALLY. Was he still safe even though the other pitcher is a cheaterface? UMM HELL YEAH! Also if any of you know a good chiropractor please forward that information to Imbo. His body bounced in a most unnatural manor thru the RH batters box. The Diablos also broke a streak of three games without fines by collecting $5(Thanks Kemo). Next week the regular season wraps up with a 1230pm game @ Crocker Park. Come one, Come all.
RIP Robin Williams (1951-2014)
Diablos win UGLIEST game ever
Pictured above is a what not to do while putting a tarp on a field. The Diablos 11-10 victory on Sunday was just as ugly. A win is a win I guess, but hot damn it was ugly. It was Sloth from Goonies ugly. There were physical errors. There were mental errors. There were tons of runners left on base. At several points during the afternoon the Diablos didn't know the inning or how many outs there were. I mean Chelsea Clinton ugly. The good things from the game were....uhhhh....Nico hit his first jack as a Diablo.....annnnd......The 1-2 hitters scored seven runs between them.....annnnd.....let me think.......Joe got a million walks(possible exaggeration)......and finally nobody got hurt. Like I said ugly. The Diablos finished the season 11-3 in second place. As we all know second place is the first loser. This position has the Diablos playing this Sunday 1230pm at Balboa Park. They will face the winner of the morning game between somebody we just mercy ruled a few weeks back and a team we have yet to give up a run against in 2014. Come on out and support your Diablos as they continue their journey towards a repeat.
One game to decide it all...
...this Sunday is the final game of the season. A championship will be decided. Possibly by the players. Possibly by outside factors beyond our control. Find a way to make it out to Crocker Park @ 10am. It promises to be a spirited contest with lots of emotion.
Pictured above is Alan. No not the umpire who decided to take matters into his own hands last week. Surprisingly the Alan above is more competent. Yeah I know he drugs his friends, does bumps with Chow and kills giraffes. He is still a better umpire than what we had last week.
Diablos celebrate Ass 2 Ass championships in epic fashion
I really don't remember this part of the evening
Brother spouting wisdom and useful techniques for lineup creation
How this guy didn't get shot on Mission Street is beyond me
Brother covering all the times Imbo got out, Imbo not giving a damn and the trophy hovering above them
The recaps on these scorecards were the absolute best. Someday we'll have a reunion just to read those again.
The only word that comes to mind is sex
Marcus reminding us all why we play this game
Pacheco Bumgarner....nuff said
FACT: Never have so many balloons been used as make shift penises
I don't know how, but that hat made it home with Brooksy
Oldie but goodie titled Deal with the Devil
RIP Ernie Banks 1931-2015
We should all strive to have as much fun playing the game as he did.
Spring has sprung for the Diablos
This past Sunday your ass to ass defending champion Diablos got back to it. With cartilage cracking and hamstrings almost popping the boys attempted to knock the rust off. In most cases the score of an exhibition game does not matter and this time was no exception. As the calendar has flipped to a new year some things have stayed the same. Lou is still as prejudiced as ever when he climbs the hill, Yeti's battle cry is still "I'm cool if anyone wants to pitch in my place", and Ivan became the first Diablo EVER to create a kangaroo court fee and have to pay it on the same day. Bravo, sir. Welcome back Diablo faithful. Keep your eyes peeled for updates on our schedule and where Diablo public appearances will be this season.
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLets get ready to rumble!!! The word has come from the mountain top that the season starts this week. Sunday 9am your Diablos will face Mexico at Crocker Park. Bring your friends. Bring a neighbor. Bring some random hottie you met at the club. A good time will be had by all.
"I have firm penis can you use it?" This was a text response from our fearless leader to the question of someone needing a new arm. Yes we are already in mid-season form.
This past Sunday your Diablos began their title defense in the same fashion as the previous two seasons....With a loss. Was it ugly? Yes. Is the sky falling? Not likely! This squad is as battled scarred as any this scribe has ever followed. This loss will only stick with the team until Brooks' knee returns to regular size. Bastards! Toeing the slab for what felt like his 27th Opening Day start for the Diablos was none other than Lou "Quisenberry" Gardella. Believe me he tried to have someone else do it, but Yeti hadn't returned from his hibernation on the Matterhorn. Like death and taxes Lou tried his best to hit someone every 0-2 count he had. A little run support and solid defense could've helped him overcome that submarine delivery. On offense the Diablos had it all. Liberty Court base running...check. Shitty first pitch swings...check. A solo homerun from PR Sainz...che...Wait WTF! Yes the power stroke from our resident left hander seemed to have rolled out of bed with him. He says it was the shades. Meow-Meow says it was his pre at-bat advice. I think it was the fierce 3 mph wind blowing out to RF. All of this is unconfirmed. One thing I do know in 5 years (possibly 5 months) it will turn into an Opening Day Grand Salami that drove in 7 RBI's. The Diablos are off to observe the Easter holiday(Yeah right. These heathens) this weekend so look for an updated schedule to appear within the next week.
2015 schedule has been released
The new phone books are here! The new phone books are here! Well not really. The schedule has been brought down from the mountain top. Okay more like etched on a cocktail napkin. The road to glory has been set. Come join the Diablos on their quest for A2A2M. Oh and click on the schedule link to the left for the uh ya know schedule.
Diablos use long ball and hotter heat to beat the Angels
This past Sunday your Diablos took the field looking to break into the win column for the first time this season. Did they happen to bring their hitting sticks? You bet! Did any of their bombs happen to bring rain? Hell no. It is good to know that although the Diablos cannot end the drought they could definitely supply power to NorCal if rolling blackouts returned. Brother tweaked the lineup ever so slightly and the rout was on. This week featured the return of the Yeti Pacheco. After a spring sojourn to the highest peaks of Camelback mountain he found his way back to the cleanup spot and still hasn't made an out. His purchase of new lumber produced the first back breaking grand slam of the day. The presence of his mom probably didn't hurt(Thanks Mama!). He even managed to not tear anything after stretching at 1B. Next up we had Fredo extending his home run streak to two games. Vegas had his next longball coming somewhere in his late 40's. We were all pleasantly surprised. Only a left hander would attribute his new found power stroke to his sunglasses. I say it's the coffee his mom keeps bringing(Thanks Mama!). Capping off the laser show was a grand slam from Marcus. His power may come from his healthy diet and overall hotness. I believe he was just trying to show a little strength so that crane in the outfield wouldn't swallow him too(poor groundhog). Either way it was an impressive show of power. Meow Meow Ramirez overcame a spiking at second to chip in some loud contact and rap out four hits. Imbo survived a dangerous soft toss incident involving age and gravity to rip a few hits including a double thru the CF fence. Joltin Joe Chaika decided to use the sun ball to dropping a double. Hitting it over an outfielder is overrated as hell. Climbing the hill was Gluten Free Gardella. He got the W with incompetent field engineering and solid control. His heat was hotter. The Angels didn't really have a chance once he started letting out his Monica Seles grunts after every inning. The post game spread didn't really have a chance once he started eating luke warm hotdogs. Making their Diablo debuts were Andrew Pelzl and Michael Cereghino. Pez worked hard behind the plate and learned how to speak Lou in no time flat. Michael pinch hit and showed veteran poise moving a runner over. Come join us next week as the Diablos play their first afternoon game of the season.
Diablos beat scrappy Veracruz squad 11-5
This past Sunday your Diablos found themselves in a dog fight with Veracruz. In the end they triumphed with a 9th inning explosion that carried them to victory. Was it a pretty win? Umm no. Will we take it? YOU BET. Climbing the hill (a regulation mound this time) was none other than Lou "Workmans Comp" Gardella. His offseason plan of scaling back his innings workload is failing miserably. The union does not approve. He tossed his usual 9 innings of what we like to call Lou-ball. Dominate one inning. Start screwing around with his arm slot the next. Either way he would have had an easier day if it wasn't for a defense that resembled a wet fart. Bright spots on the day were Michael doing his best Smalls impression and locking down RF to start the game. Marcus told Father Time "No, No, No" and hosed a runner at home to help end a rally. Props to Pelzlzlzlzlz for using his face when his glove didn't work behind the dish. Concussion protocols weren't followed and he stayed in the game. On offense Meow Meow Ramirez and David Bobby continued to rip with four hits a piece. The two game home run streak for the Diablos ended on Sunday. Obviously the wind was blowing in. With the new uniforms touting our A2A championships the reasons for every team to hate us just keep piling up. Man I love this squad. Next up is a 9am game Sunday at the field of science aka Crocker 2.
Diablos claim victory over bush league Altegracia
This past Sunday your Diablos won their third game in a row. Did the game start out ugly? If you call 6 errors in the first 2 innings ugly than YES. Did they manage to rise above their opponents bush league tactics? YOU BET. Much like your older brothers 1972 Pontiac the Diablo offense took a while to warm up. The early offense was easily forgotten behind an absolute circus on defense. It's possible a secret blood pact was made to welcome Yeti's return to the hill with a bloopers reel for the ages. My calls to confirm have not been returned. We had awful throws to first. We had ill advised throws into the dugouts. We had grounders avoiding leather by all means possible. We had Rube Bakeresque throws back to the pitcher. We even had a warm-up ball grabbed and used during a play. Basically it would have been a bonanza if we had been playing error card bingo. Despite all that Yeti managed to claw his way thru two excruciating innings. Keeping his pitch count in the low 200's he was quoted as saying "Raawwrrr". Eloquent as always. Picking up where Yeti left off was "Bee Keeper" Gardella. His hotter heat was sweet as honey striking out the side in his first inning. A certain buzz grew in the opponents dugout when they realized they may not get another base runner. The sting of reality was that they did end up getting on base, but never scored another run. See what I did there. On offense the three stars were PR Sainz with his 3rd homer of the season, "Abby" Hidalgo knocking his first homerun since tee ball(and knocking Yeti into 4th place) and Marcus "It's a family affair" Reed continuing his march towards the 3000 hit club. The Diablos remain undefeated on the season when scoring double digits. Obviously Brother has done a fine job tinkering with the lineup. Your Diablos next game is Sunday @ 1230 and is guaranteed to have more fans in attendance than today's Orioles-White Sox game. Today's picture is titled "How to remove Ebola from your bat". It's a simple process that Yeti can explain in three grunts or less.
Diablos prove better than Batahola at snowball fight
Not much to say on this one. The Diablos pitched Johnny Wholestaff to get the win. MeowMeow hit a bomb for his mom. Bird continued his torrid hitting stretch(The move to San Mateo has paid dividends). The defense continues to throw and kick the ball all around the yard. Your Diablos are on pace for 276 errors for the season. Obviously Brother isn't burning enough peeps at practice.
Diablos beat Black Sox 13-2
This past Sunday your Diablos extended their winning streak to 5. Did they make former Diablos look like Superstars? Lou definitely obliged. Was it as dominant as the score indicated? Hell No. In keeping with the recent tradition of Knoblauching the ball all over the diamond the Diablos started their day off with multiple errors in the 1st inning. With Yeti's yoga skills tested and the Liberty Court connection not ya know connecting the Black Sox held the lead for the first three innings. Another strong pitching performance was turned in by the Bee Keeper. After giving up some "laser beams" in the first inning he settled down and locked it down for his 4th win of the season. Pez made his Diablo debut with 2 shutout innings. The offense was it's usual take your time, let the pills kick in self. I can only equate the 2015 Diablo offense to your uncle's 1984 Dodge Rampage. It took a while to warm up, but once it got going you were able to cruise the avenue for babes all night long. It started at the top with David Bobby Bering Straits continued his race to 200 hits. He also added a dive in the outfield(unsuccessful) and a superman sprawl(successful) on the infield. Thank you Myrow. Meow-Meow continued to prove he was "Championship MVP" by lacing the ball around the yard. Next time maybe you hit it over the fence and not to it. Yeti was able to make a few outs and not toss his bat into the Crocker 2 ooze so that's an improvement. Bird continued his white hot streak with the bat. Tweet tweet! Joltin' Joe was bent over by Kemo once again. It's almost becoming so regular I question their relationship status. Niko found out what it's like to bat for Brooksy when he wore a pitch in his first AB. The march to A2A2M continues next week with a 1230 game against the Titans.
Diablos extend win streak to 6.....Bee Keeper almost tosses No-No
This past Sunday your Diablos wrapped up the first half of the season with a 3-0 victory against the Titans. The weather was ugly and the offense was even uglier. Late scratches for a Yeti, a ginger and kid with two first names had Brother scrambling to re-create his ultimate lineup. No seriously he showed me the lineup he wrote the night before including all those guys. Was I concerned that his first lineup was written with no clothes on? Thats why I didn't touch it. Should every Diablo lineup be written this way? YOU BET! In scoring 3 WHOLE runs you can imagine their were many heroes on this day. Their was Brooksy trying to actual make solid contact resulting in outs every time. He will now return to hitting Brooksy specials just over the infield. You had Joltin Joe flashing his deceptive speed on the base paths which equaled zero runs scored. Marcus decided to bring the Trader Joes/Sexy Time/Oil change strikeout shirt back to the park and promptly made his claim to keep it. Abby then just as promptly "earned" the shirt from him while trying to impress a female. He would later drive in a run, but said female took her talents elsewhere. Niko padded the resume with a couple of knocks, but spent most of the day chasing errant snowballs at 1B. Meow-Meow got stolen bases 636 and 637 on the season. His blinding speed continued through the parking lot to his car and home that we couldn't get a post-game quote. If we had gotten one it would have gone like this "We've been pretty fortunate with our start times. The Earth is tilting downhill when I reach base so the catcher really has no chance. Science Fool!" Bird continued his assault on Dimaggio's hitting streak. The move to San Mateo is still proving to be the best type of batting practice. On the mound was Bee-Keeper Gardella. Making his final start at Crocker E=MC2 field he was planning on using it to his advantage. Boy did he. With the Diablos reaching their 2 error minimum early in the contest he battled through spreading out his HBP's and walks so no runners could cross the plate. Striking out 13 Titans definitely helped his cause. Also aiding his cause was hitting pre-game grounders to Brooksy. Through a field of acorns, used needles, secret ooze and pot holes that would make Mayor Lee proud he prepared his 2B for a game of anything but routine grounders. Reaching the 9th inning with a 3-0 lead only about 23% of the people in attendance not wearing Titans uniforms knew he was tossing a no-hitter. With 1 out the dream was shattered with a pinch hit single laced up the middle. In true Diablo fashion Marcus sandbagged the runner into attempting to stretch it into a double. After he hosed the runner I am positive I saw him holster his cannon. Much discussion was had in the parking lot as to what went wrong. The number of karmic flat tires Lou has performed led us to believe there was no way it was going to happen on this day. We have now reached the All-Star break so Diablo fans can recharge their batteries for what will surely be an epic second half push.
Diablos beat Mexico 6-5 on the old walk-off walk.
This past Sunday your Diablos returned from a ridiculously long All-Star break to defeat their old nemesis Mexico 6-5 in 10 innings. Did the layoff help recharge the Diablo offense? All signs point to no. Will the Diablos take the win despite looking like Little Caesers leftovers? YOU BETCHA! Bee Keeper Gardella kept his pitch count to the low 200's and tossed all 10 innings while resembling Captain America. Not the dude tearing up Nazi's and carrying a shield. More like Cap before he took the juice and got ripped. Seriously he's wasting away before our eyes. Yeti continued his assault on the 3rd base coaching box. He made Brother use that bionic hip more than he does in the tryout container at the Port of Oakland. Propping the fathead up when Yeti bats is not being taken off the table. David Bobby Bering Strait enjoyed another few firsts in his baseball career: 1)An actual shit show in the home team dugout and B)5-0 having to remove a hobo from the field. He also hosed a dude at 3B from RF. He actually only gets half an assist for that one because Brooksy whispering "Hose him" was the most important part of that play. He may have just come up and ate it without that fine piece of advice. Meow-Meow Ramirez showed all five tools on Sunday. The one that stood out was his speed. He didn't add to his planet leading stolen base total, but he did outrun the shit out of a pop up to the shallow outfield. I've only seen Superman do something like that. Truly awe inspiring. PR Sainz showed that the Tour of California and Bottle Rock didn't dull his hitting eye as management had feared. In fact I think the time off helped hone his BS skills because he had Mistry keeping book in his favor all damn day. Other than not being able to rob a homer ten feet over the fence he had a quality day. He also rocked the long sleeve that resembled something your aunt might wear to her work softball game. Finally we get to Robbie Trejo. I call him that only because the game ended with Nieves claiming him as his son for the 76th time. If he had gotten rung up by Brendan Farley then he would have been disowned. Robbie showed a solid game all around. He used the bat, his glove and his nogging. Seriously I hope Tiff didn't let him go to sleep after the post-game. Dude was concussed. Robbie ended up getting the routine bases loaded walk-off walk. It was a fitting end to a typical battle between these familiar foes. Next week the Diablos play a late game against the Angels. Like Matthews on top of the hill used to say "Bring a freind, get a bike!"
Diablos win streak snapped at 7
This weekend your Diablos win streak ended against the Angels in a 16-9 loss. Some good things happened and several bad things happened. Here is a recount of all the notable events...Abby the human caught, batted lead-off and didn't injure himself, well we haven't heard the results of his flag football game so we'll go with caught and batted lead-off...Yeti played the field without incident after graciously offering to DH...Imbo hit the cut-off TWICE...Niko made a beautiful diving catch in RF that was reminiscent of when the statue of Saddam Hussein was toppled in Iraq...PR Sainz walked almost every time he batted, He lobbied for hits on the other ones with no luck...Michael almost had his eyes pop out when told he was starting at 2B...He then proceeded to field more balls than he didn't and shit talked Brooksy all the way back to the dugout...Bee Keeper sucked it up and took the hit for all 9 innings on the bump...Mistry officially joined the Diablos with his first Kangaroo Court fine...All in all it was only super ugly at the end. The Diablos look to get back on the winning side next Sunday in their first game of the season at Balboa Park.
You get a home run and you get a home run...(almost)EVERYBODY gets a home run!
Where were you on 06/28/15? A question many Diablo fans will ask themselves in the coming decades. It is a date to be remembered much like the day Kennedy was assassinated or the first time you heard the Backstreet Boys. After a two game slide which saw your beloved Diablos start contemplating wearing lingerie (The rose goes in the front?) something had to be done. A statement needed to be made. Well the call to the baseball gods was answered in the form of a 15-2 shellacking of Altegracia. Did the game start out with errors and the Diablos falling behind? YOU BET. Could SCOTUS have stopped the Diablos offense? HELL NO. On a weekend where pride seemed to be the theme your Diablos dug deep and showed a little. Starting the laser show was none other than Abby "Where da white women at?" Hidalgo. He continued his power surge hitting a homer for the second consecutive game. Don't cut that hair! He also pulled into a tie for the team lead, but Fredo quickly took that back with a jack of his own. PR sprinkled in a triple as well. The week off from work really helped. We got a look at old skool Marcus when he flashed his muscle for a homer and showed his speed on the bases. In fact he was so fast he rounded third, laid down for a nap, went back to chat with Nieves and then scored after stealing 2B. Almost all of that last sentence is truth. The real power display was in the 4th inning when Niko, Robbie and Jeff went BACK to BACK to BACK. Niko padded his resume with a start behind the plate and was rewarded for his efforts. Robbie cowboy'd up by embarrassing the cut off man and ignoring Nieves at 3B. Meow Meow followed it all up by using the California drought to his advantage. Imbo missed the chance for a fourth jack in true Diablo fashion by hitting it directly at the winded and slightly defeated RF. All in all it was a great day for the bats. Nieves had pure gold flowing from his pen when he wrote the lineup. At least I think it was gold. Bird took the hill for his first start of the season and didn't disappoint. Obviously his getting to bed early and having a balanced nutritious breakfast before the game had him in fine form. His only blip was dropping a pop up on infield, but hey at least he didn't wear it off his forehead. Great job fellas. Let's get this train rolling so come playoff time we make a few more teams quit. Happy 4th of July!
Diablos impress random scout in 15-0 drubbing of Batahola
This past Sunday your Diablos showed up. No seriously they SHOWED UP. Whether it was the looseness brought on by completing warm ups before the other team even showed up or the dedication of the win to fighting sickle cell anemia. The 15-0 victory over Batahola was highlighted by the fact that it was over before anyone could wake up for the afternoon game. As one Diablo pointed out "We were 3 beers deep in the parking lot before anyone even showed up for the 12:30 games". Unofficially(Because that time we told homeboys team to step because he only had 8 in the playoffs is still a better story) this stands as the fastest game in Diablo history at 1 hour 25 minutes. Pitching the "chickenhawk" complete game was none other than the Bee Killer Gardella. Whether it's the biking through Guadalupe Canyon or hunger strikes for world peace it seems that Stella indeed has his groove back on the mound. Yeti added to his impressive 1.26667 batting average with a few more bloops into the outfield. He also has been named in a copyright lawsuit for hogging all the "Brooksy Specials". Dick move, bro. Joltin Joe Chaika showed up to the park not ready. In fact he wasn't ready when his ride fetched him from the gutter before the game. He still managed to knock in a run and get a part-time job at Trader Joe's. Enjoy the shirt. Imbo started off the game with a catch in RF only Sully Sullenberger could love. He was quoted after the game saying "Well it's easier than doing soft toss". Indeed. PR Sainz put some good wood on the ball AND showed how to put a lot of leather on the ball at 1B. I believe the Amazon Prime Day did have a solid sale on the Tom Emansky VHS collection. Hopefully Fredo made the wait list. Meow Meow Ramirez had himself a day. He had three hits on three pitched balls. Maybe it was two pitches. I don't know. The line drives he sprayed around the park were impressive. Afterwards in the parking lot it was like a scene out of Hollywood. A wayward scout was lost and his car broke down. He catches the ball game at Crocker and witnesses Meow Meows greatness. While in the parking lot he comes over and offers him a deal to play for the Rancho Cucamonga CrackaKillas. During the tense negotiations he overhears that Meow Meow's bats are using performance enhancers. The deal was pulled off the table and his car magically started up. Better luck next time.
Diablos grind out 14-11 win against Black Sox
This past Sunday your Diablos hung on to defeat the Black Sox 14-11. The game was played on the surface of the sun. This was the first time in Diablo history where the “Save the ice for the beer” rule came back to bite us in the ass. By the 5th inning or 17th hour of this game every water had either been consumed or heated to 97 degrees. On the field was a much different story. Neither team was what you would consider hot. Unless bleeders over the infielders heads are what you dig. Making his Diablo debut on the mound was Niko. He had prepared for this start by bashing Croatian rocks into the nearest lake. Not encouraged by Tom Emansky. His effort was futile as the defense continued it’s season long letdown. Meow Meow Ramirez did his best Yusmeiro Petit impression and hung on for the victory in relief. On the offense the usual suspects did their thing. David Bobby continued his march toward 200 hits spending most of the day on base. Meow Meow hit another jack(Pushing Yeti further down the leaderboard) and swiped his league leading 724th stolen base. Robbie moseyed around the bases scoring at will. Brooksy saw something like 63 pitches in his 4 at-bats. Showing the youngins how to work a count. Joltin’ Joe showed up ready this week and promptly had Kemo bend him over. This seems to be a weekly occurrence. The remainder of this recap will be dedicated to the memory of Imbo’s .998 Fielding%. It had a solid run. Imbo made sure to remind us of it semi-regularly and it was never seriously challenged UNTIL GreyBush stepped to the plate. The laser beam that he sent Imbo’s way had Uh-Oh written all over it. The swiftness with which it was played into a Little League Homerun (Single-3 base error) was in true Diablo fashion. It doesn’t have the same ring to it, but here’s to Imbo’s new shiny .910 fielding%. Congratulate him the next time you find yourself at the yard.
Diablos complete 2016 Winter Meeting
Well, well, well another season of Diablos baseball has begun. In true Diablo fashion the records are already being broken. This time it was attendance for a Winter Meeting. Pictured above you can see there were 1, 2, 3.....like 27 people there. The beer flowed, shots were poured and baseball was discussed. It's looking like the same cast of characters will be taking the field for Brother (Of course everyone and their mom has a guy who can pitch 200 innings or hit 20 homers with a gold glove if only they can get off the couch....HA friggin liars). The off-season saw many changes for your Diablos. Some got engaged, some joined pyramid schemes and some had kids. The most important news from the meeting is that a bounty has been raised for this seasons homerun leader. The pot is already up to $160. Can't wait to watch the overweight guys round 3rd with dollar signs in their eyes and irregular heartbeats in their chests. Spring training officially starts Feb 21st, 1pm at Balboa Park.
Final(only) practice game 4/3/16
Diablos first and only practice game of the season is this Sunday 4/3 at Tennyson park in Hayward. First pitch is at 1pm and we need to be in full uniform. Team picture and ID pictures will be taken. A prize will be awarded to gnarliest facial hair for the ID picture. Think serial killer or toothless hobo.
Diablos open new season with dominating victory
Field has been changed for this weeks game to Sunset High School. Directions have been added to the schedule. Now you can invite your loved ones to the game.
This past Sunday your Diablos ventured into new territory. Now playing in the Bay Area Bay Bridge Baysball league in Hayward/Fremont/Union City/Oakland they were forced with ceremonies and pageantry they hadn't seen in years. The above picture is how we presented ourselves. We put our best pair of youth pants forward(Thanks Fredo) and told the league we're here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. The breakdown of the day went like this...
The Opening Day ceremony:
The announcement was for teams to arrive 0830 SHARP. When the ceremony started promptly around 915ish all Diablos were present and accounted for. Unfortunately, what we had to stand through was an abomination highlighted by the desecration of the American Flag. Letting a child drag it through the dirt and essentially wipe his ass with it was enough to make this players blood boil. Everything else that transpired was on par with that. Luckily this only lasted 20-25 mins.
After traveling along 880 we arrived at McConnell field. Whomever McConnell pissed off in his life to have this placed named after him is still holding a grudge. I guess the only positive is that you can get a great deal on some Axe Body Spray from the locals. Yeti didn't make the purchase. With the faint pops of gunshots your Diablos put forth a textbook ass whoopin. Skinny Lou made the declaration he was "Going 9 today" and didn't disappoint. Tossing a 1-hit shutout en route to a 7-0 victory. He also swung the bat well enough to earn a (insert middle finger) OBP. The early leader for the Homerun bounty is the ageless wonder Marcus Reed. His 1st inning jack would be described by Jon Miller as "Soaring and Majestic" He also ran the bases like a madman so he definitely slept good last night. PR Sainz (and his aforementioned pants) was a Sac Fly machine. He also added a few knocks and was done dry by the base umpire. Fortunately he didn't have to field anything or else he would've wanted the league MVP trophy right then and there. Cowboy Robbie Rodriguez played some solid 3B and wore a pitch off his metal ass. Yes you had to be there. Brooksy flashed some leather like a stud and ran back to the dugout with his head down. They don't make them like this anymore ladies and gentlemen. The only thing missing was Brother telling him "You still got it, Brother!". All in all a solid debut which will get word around the league that we aren't messing around. PLUS we all made it home safe and didn't become "collateral damage". The Diablos play at the same park next week so fans please don't come.
Diablos win ugly affair over the Orioles
A win is a win is a win. This is what all Diablos players, fans and front office personnel went home muttering to themselves. After utter domination in Week 1 the baseball gods humbled the Diablos in countless ways. Whether it was making Brooksy do the Candlestick pop up dance (At Yeti's request) or the floating strike zone that ended more than a few players AB's. In the end it didn't matter because their intestinal fortitude and solid relief pitching sealed the 9-7 victory. Climbing the hill for his first start (in a decade?) was “Oil Can” Lary. With the confidence of Satchel Paige and the mechanics of Bartolo Colon he gutted his way thru 4 innings. Luckily he was well versed in the leagues hit batters policy so he kept his totals just under the ejection threshold. Another mound debut was made by Bird Nielsen. World leaders could take lessons from him on composure. The numerous pitches down the dick that were called balls would have made Ghandi start shooting. His patience paid off and his relief stint led to a chicken hawk victory. Coming in for the Bruce Sutter 3-inning save was Lou “95mph” Gardella. With his combination of 95mph fastballs and 95mph off speed pitches he made quick work of the Orioles. He also failed to mention his OBP even once during postgame. Breaking his own Ripkenesque streak. The offense was once again a solid team effort. What I’m most proud of his the SEVEN 2-out runs scored on Sunday. No inning was conceded. Starting things at the top was Marcus scoring 2 runs and showing the wheels. PR Sainz once again put on a clinic going the other way with authority and a lob wedge. One of his hits looked foul as a mutha, but the only person who mattered called it fair. He also skinned his knee. Jeff “Hunter Pance” Ramirez showed some hustle on the base paths taking anything the defense would give him. He also showed a fine ability to take the bat out of Niko’s hands and should never, ever be called out in the postgame circle. He no likey. Yeti Pacheco murdered a bat, but got 2 rbis in the process. He also had an impressive streak of calling out the wrong fielder every time a ball went in the air. He lives 10 miles away from Brooksy, but I’m positive I just heard Yeti call for him to grab the fork that is falling off his kitchen table. This was Yeti’s last game for a while. Too many stump removals and chasing hikers off the mountain has landed him on the DL. Good luck, Brother. Freddie Yadi Rodriguez Sierra got his first hit as a Diablo and promptly enrolled in the Liberty Court base runners skool. Well done. You may now have your own name. Imbo made his season debut in RF and didn’t disappoint at the plate. His stealing of Brooksy oppo hits was pre-approved and always enjoyed. Also getting into the action was Courtney and Ally from the bleachers. Homeboy from the Orioles was about an hour and half late on a pitch and fouled it directly at them. Like a cat Ally leaned 2 inches to her left and Courtney just screamed in the general direction of the field. All were ok, but we’ve petitioned the league to have extra netting put around all our fans. We’ll see what they say. Next week the Diablos have an early one against Veracruz. Bring a friend!
**Pictured below is Lou showing the proper Union posture for a 15 minute break**
Diablos drop first game of the season
This past Sunday your Diablos played their first morning game in Fremont. It was a rather forgettable 7-6 loss to Veracruz. Did they get out to an early 5-0 lead? Yes. Would they eventually cough it up in Buckneresque fashion? YOU BET! All in all there wasn’t much to write home about. 9-5 Gardella had a solid start, but the new bat may not be a great purchase. Imbo and Rob returned from their trip to Pleasure Cove ready to hit and talk about each others “ribs”. Yeah I think it was code too. Bird Nielsen continued his cycle of steroids and rapped three more hits. Nobody talk to him about it. Seriously you’ll get him out of the zone. Niko had his first Sac Fly of the season AND helped attend to an injured fan after the game. Another line added to his loaded resume. Atta boy. Huddy Brooks made his first appearance and got to see us puke all over ourselves. He felt right at home. Other than that it didn’t feel like Diablo baseball. Hopefully this first loss will be the wake up call these guys need. Let’s get back to backing each other up and playing for the name on the front of the jersey, not the name on the back.
Diablos get back to their winning ways
This Sunday your San Francisco Diablos returned to Northgate Park for a match with EL Rockies of
somewhere south of the border. “Oil Can” Lary took the start for the Diablos and proceeded to dart the
strike zone with a variety of pitches, all with sprinkles on top. The Diablo defense showed up ready to
field anything that came their way, including a grounder to Bird at second that took a Hayward hop off
his head, but with cat like reflexes David Bobby was there to scoop it, fling right past the rattled head of
Bird to get the runner at first. After which time was called to evaluate the endangered Bird through the
league’s concussion protocol, with a few simple nods & guesses he was cleared by the medical staff.
The Diablo offense came ready, from the 1 st inning baseballs were being peppered around the yard.
“Skeet Shooter” Robbie lined a couple hits, “Ageless” Marcus Reed performed a clinic on how to hit line drives
into the other team’s gloves, finally getting one to fall later in the game, “Herbal Joe”, continued to
show off his slim physique and swung the bat well. As the game progressed the Diablos continued to
steal bases, score runs and take full advantage of the snowball fights EL Rockies produced. “PR” Sainz
tossed his hat into the home run race with a towering blast down the right field line, which for once
didn’t hook foul. The Diablos cruised into the 7 th inning up 8-1, and then the CURSED inning reared its
ugly head. A couple of walks, grounders through the wickets and you know the rest… with body
sacrificing diving catch in left to save a potential base clearing play, the Diablos went to the pen and
called “Browns Hat” Boylan who came in and got the elusive final out. In the top of the 8 th , the
determined Diablos came out swinging, getting runners on 1 st & 2 nd , a timely double steal from David
Bobby and “Skeet Shooter” Robbie put runners in scoring position. For 2 nd game in a row, PR Sainz was
intentionally walked to bring up the Bird. The concussed Bird man made El Rockies pay for their
decision with a laser that scored 2 runs. With runners on 1 st & 3 rd , PR Sainz screwed Freddy Molina out
of an RBI with poor reflexes and bad tires on a fly to left. Downshifting and revving high, PR Sainz
scurried down to home on a pass ball and slid into home to add another run for the Diablos (the umpire
would later call a “perfect slide”). Bird climbed the hill in the 8 th and shut down EL Rockies, and in the
bottom of the 9th to close the game, Concussed Bird made bird feed out of EL Rockies line up. He got
some nice help from Nico in right on a line drive that required the big man to use all 14’ 3” of his wing
span to snatch it out of the sky. Hats off to the Diablos for playing hard all 9 innings and more
importantly, playing for the name on the front of the jersey. Honorable mention to the right side of the
defense for being stuck soooooo close the mariachi band that jammed all fucking game…
Diablos win nail biter in 11 innings
This past Sunday your Diablos played a game for the ages. All those in attendance saw a tense battle filled with excellent pitching and timely hitting. In the end the good guys pulled it out 3-2 in 11 innings. The heroics were too numerous to chronicle so I’m going to break down each players day. I guess the best place to start would be with Mullet Gardella. His 11 inning gem was a throwback to the days of Christy Matthewson, Juan Marichal and Jack Morris. He also showed super human speed when smelling a win on the base paths. It could’ve just been his arms were flailing faster than normal, but damn white boy was burning around the bases. He also rounded out his day by creating a new Kangaroo Court fine for being yelling across the diamond like a twat. Don’t do that. David Bobby flashed some leather in LF and left the Toros with a Berning sensation when he hit the game deciding rbi triple in the 11th inning. He also was able to navigate B2B traffic in under 6 hours. I still blame him for all traffic in the area. PR Sainz continued his torrid hitting gathering two more hits. He even legged out a double on his run flats. His day also included telling a knee brace to take a hike. Jeff allowed the 330’ sign to creep into his head until he came up with a clutch hit in the 9th inning. Robbie Trejo came up with a game tying hit in the 9th inning. He also scored the go ahead run by looking directly into the catchers eyes and glamouring the ball out of his glove. Seriously, he was out by 20 feet. He probably tries that on Tiff at home and she sees right thru his BS. Imbo broke his own personal record and possibly the world record for put outs by a RF. All that work out there probably affected him at the plate since he finally got the K-shirt. A shirt he said he would NEVER earn. This is a good lesson for the kiddies. Never say never. Marcus had a rare quiet day at the plate, but his outfield fundamentals were on full display. His angle and cut off of a ball in the gap turned a surefire double into a single. The degree of difficulty was high since the outfield didn’t have a flat spot anywhere. Freddie performed his usual magic blocking everything and handling the staff (Lou). He also worked a couple big walks that factored in the final score. His public relations game needed a little help since the home plate umpire decided to stick his hand down his pants instead of ring up homeboy for the final out. It’s not fair but that’s on you HA. Bird came in as a pinch runner for possibly the first time in his life. He didn’t disappoint. HerbaJoe came up with the game on the line and predictably ripped a double that started the 9th inning rally. It was a huge turning point and can only be chalked up to meal replacement. He also had his pants high and looks skinny as hell. Basically all the single ladies in the Bay Area have been served notice. Brooksy pulled off the amazing feat of not using his bat for 4 AB’s. Luckily he brought his leather and flashed it accordingly. He and Lou also picked off their 273rd runner off second base. Shit was surgical. Brother put together a lineup that found a way to win despite 14 strikeouts. He also showed us his “special” money. Next week the game is at 1pm so y’all have no excuse to miss it.
Diablos rip Nayarit 14-7
This past Sunday your Diablos clubbed Nayarit into submission with a 14-7 victory. Clubbed actually may be too light a word. How about pummeled? Yeah that seems right for a team that produced 19 hits. Some of them went far(Marcus and Imbo). Some went only a few feet(Brooksy). Either way they all added up to a convincing victory for the good guys. Leading the way was Cowboy Rodriguez and Super Mario Jeff with 4 hits apiece. Jeff didn’t lose his hat once on the field which was an amazing feat in itself. Marcus regained the lead for the homerun bounty with a 2-run bomb in the 5th. His bat and CF range almost make up for his allergic reaction to keeping book. Almost. Imbo decided to toss his hat in the ring for the bounty as well with 3-run tater in the 7th. It’s towering trajectory was lessened by his watching in from the batters box. His postgame comments of “I thought it was going foul” were quickly and correctly called bullshit. PR Sainz quietly kept his hitting streak going and also found another team willingly to pitch around him. His reputation spans both sides of the Bay. On the other side of the diamond the heroics were plentiful. You had DavidBobby making a great catch in LF while eating the fence. I believe they made plans to get drinks this week. You had Imbo wandering in from the cornfield to settle down the game from the mound. He gives enough pitching advice from out in RF that it was good to see him put it to good use. You had Freddy throwing out three runners trying to steal second. I believe he spent the final three innings with his nuts hanging out just because he could. You had Brooksy flashing leather and barehand all over 2B. If he had a scouting report it would definitely say “In lieu of athleticism he has a high motor”. The Diablos ended up using 4 pitchers on the day. Possibly a record since the original Diablo Constitution simply states that you ride the starting pitcher until he can't wipe his ass properly or he gives up 14 earned runs. Whichever comes first. Yeti made an appearance while still on the DL. He looked good other than the terrible backpack, but hey those severed heads of wayward hikers aren’t gonna carry themselves. He also provided the pictures of the game. Well done. Another notable occurrence was the lack of Kangaroo Court fines. Probably a good thing since this season has seen a record number of IOUs. Cough up your bucks ya cheap bastards. Postgame BBQ was well attended and well stocked. This week your Diablos are off for Memorial Day. We’ll be back on 6/5 @ 1pm.
Diablos rise to the Challenge in 5-1 victory
This past Sunday your Diablos were challenged and came out on top. It wasn't a yellow challenge flag. It wasn't a challenge call to New York. It wasn't even a Double Dare physical challenge. It was the challenge of not falling into a trap with the Bandits coach. More on that in a bit. It was the easiest lineup Brother has had to make all season. Nine showed up so nine names was all he had to write. The offense was led by Meow Meow Ramirez who got himself on the board for the Homerun bounty. He also showed off his cheetah speed in stealing bases at will. DavidBobby also showed some speed around the base paths until he tore his hose(pictured above with his train riding hobo hand). He also missed the post game festivities at the Diablo Den so he will be taking a wonderful whiff of Brooksy cup this week. Avoid the public hairs. Imbo knocked the ball around the yard and introduced Liberty Court base running to the new league. It's not often the CF can pick you off after the age of 10. Kemo knocked a couple hits and even showed off a grave digger while swiping second. He also took offense to his range being called out as "old" by the opposing coach. You know how this looks right? Fredo got a kneeoctomy south of the border and looked pretty much the same. HerbaJoe added a hit so the carpool wouldn't go 0-fer. Always the team player. Niko strapped on the tools of ignorance and didn't disappoint. He gunned down a would be base stealer AND scored a sweet Diablo smelling shirt for the week. Charlie Sheen would call that Winning. Pin Dropper Gardella took the mound after his "week off" and pitched a solid game. He kept his pitch count under 200 so he was able to notch another complete game. The only problem was he didn't challenge enough hitters or so the opposing coach chirped in the 9th inning. It was quite the exchange after Louseefus punched out the final batter of the game to hear a losing coach whine about the pitcher being good at what he does. I believe his philosophy falls in line with Donald Drumpf in that he wants to "Make everyone throw fastballs again". Pin Dropper later challenged my back fence and won so the day wasn't a total failure for him. Either way the better team won and the Diablos have pushed their record to 6-1. The first half of the season wraps up this Sunday and you should be there. Bring a friend or a complete stranger.
Forfeit victory finishes off strong first half for Diablos
Diablos start 2nd half with 9-1 victory
update to follow...
Diablos Walk-Off in Thrilling Fashion
This Sunday your Diablos won an extra inning thriller 5-4 over the Koras. Save your ticket stubs so you can tell your grand kids all about this one. There were numerous heroics and it seemed like everyone had a hand in the victory. It all started at the top with Brother putting pen to paper and constructing a line-up that would creak out just enough runs to win it. He also showed some eerie fortune telling skills when he called the bottom half getting the tie and top getting the win in the 10th inning. I would tell him to head to Vegas with his new found abilities but then who would bring the tequila. Gerald David Bobby Berning sensation showed up to the yard dressed like a beach bum. The sandals worked since the other team underestimated his hitting abilities and he got the walk-off hit. Let’s hope he saved some fireworks for his family visit next Sunday. Cowboy Rob finally returned from his hiatus and didn’t disappoint. He knocked the ball all over the yard. He also threw it all over the yard as well. He actually tested the fence height behind 1B so we all now know how high we can miss without giving the other team an extra base. Meow-Meow Ramirez showed up talking a big game and then he went out and backed it up. The list of his accomplishments is endless. He played solid D. He ripped a oppo homerun. He stole a base on a rifle armed catcher. He got in and out of a pickle while simultaneously arguing with the umpire. He popped his hip out/in on a pickoff attempt. He showed the kids on the bball court how to dunk. I’m almost positive I saw him on the drive home carrying people from a burning building. PR Sainz didn’t have his usual day at the plate. He fielded as many balls in LF(1) as times he dropped his bat at the plate(1 very sad time). Luckily he won’t go cutting his ear off just yet. He told the squad to “be impressive” and while it didn’t seem like it during the game it was evident after. The team was damn impressive in getting this victory. Marcus had his usual steady day on the diamond. Knocked a couple hits. Made his plays in CF. He also chewed out/comforted Meow Meow on one play and it was awesome. It was apparent he missed Imbo in RF to rap about Lou’s pitch selection. Hurry back, Nick. HerbaJoe is okay for all those concerned. His attempt at fielding a pop-up in the sun with nothing but his face ended exactly how you would expect it to. The chipped tooth will have zero effect on his love life. Brooksy did a little of everything on Sunday. He looked completely over matched at the plate until the team absolutely needed a hit, lost a pop up in the sun(Did not attempt the face catch)and shoulder shivered a bigger dude to the ground on a pickoff attempt. Bird showed up squawking about how the shoulder would perform. He then went out and caught a solid game and gunned down the only guy silly enough to attempt a steal. His oppo approach at the plate looked good and his hustle from home to first was appreciated. Pin Drop Gardella once again proved to be the Diablo horse. Still feeling the All-Star game sting he went the distance tossing 10 innings. It looked like he would be the tough luck loser, but the Diablos reached deep and pulled a win straight from their arse for him. He was also involved in 13 strikeouts on the day. Scooby Raul Noyes made his season debut and got to score the winning run. He also found out that giving your jersey to adoring fans does have a price. Finally we come to Kemo who was a sorcerer on Sunday. What he displayed in the 10th inning rally could only be described as Black Magic. Let me set the scene for you. Zero outs, runner on 1st, down by one. Kemo sneaks a single into RF and we’re now sitting 1st and 3rd. He creeps off first and breaks for 2nd. The pitcher shits his pants, steps off the mound and looks the runner on 3rd back. Kemo grave diggers into 2nd and the entire park can’t believe what they saw. Next Bird grounds to SS on a drawn in infield. Normally an easy 6-3 put out, but Kemo conjures up one more spell and the SS hears the footsteps. His little dance number caught the SS attention and he turned with no chance to make a play on Kemo. It was just enough for Bird to beat the throw to 1st. He would later score the winning run in true Al Bundy fashion on the walk off. That trip around the bases will be a story I tell my son someday. The fan turnout was excellent and everyone in the post game circle had not downloaded Pokemon Go so there is still hope for humanity.
Diablos mercifully beat Vacqueros 11-1
This past Sunday your Diablos busted out the hitting sticks and got themselves a mercy rule 11-1 victory over the Vacqueros.
Once again Lou dropped a pin in any discussions as to who the best pitcher in the league happens to be. Chicken hawking his 6th complete game did have a few speed bumps. Like beaning the same guy for the 73rd and 74th times in his career. What a dick.
Gerald David Bobby gave out VIP passes to Pa, Ma and Lil Sis Berning and didn’t disappoint. He played a slick short, got on base all day, scored the winning run and even cleaned his apartment(The second day!) for their visit. Afterwards the fam got to postgame with the squad and I’m pretty sure they’ll be back.
Niko padded the old resume with a three hit afternoon. Pre-game talk of the merits of West Sunset obviously got the juices flowing. He also scraped up the final remnants of last week’s black magic and turned a pickle into an extra base.
Marcus continued his torrid hitting driving in 3 runs and locking down CF. His punishment for his late arrival was parking in the danger zone by the field. He sweated out a few foul balls, but ultimately his whip was safe. Brother and Lou's vehicles weren't so lucky.
Joe Mac made his Diablo debut in RF and didn’t disappoint. He got on base all damn day and even had enough speed to carry Brooksy’s ass on a double steal. Brother even showed his excitement for his debut by leaving some stains on his jersey. Seriously, it looked like a crime scene.
Robbie didn’t have his usual day at the plate since his focus is more on veil purchasing and seating charts. You think Tiff would be on top of this, but she’s only planning which tux makes Rob’s ass pop.
Bird gunned down another runner and threw so well another guy tucked tail and ran back to first. PR ended his All Star hangover at the plate and sacrificed his wood to the Gods. Walk-off glory is the best glory.
All in all a solid day for the bad guys who now claim sole possession of first place. HA the league must hate us. Don’t forget to make it out next week when your favorite group of degenerates takes the diamond against the Rays. Another plus on the day was the number of Diablo faithful who wandered the park searching for Pokemon.....ZERO.
Today’s picture is titled “You know how this looks”. Kemo was replaying the game in his head while chatting up the league president. Good relations with league management is the hallmark of this classy bunch. He’s also showing what we did to the other team.
Diablos stretch win streak to 9
Where were you? Where the hell were you this past Sunday? Your Diablos slogged their way through the UGLIEST mercy win of all-time and you missed it. Want to know how I know it was the ugliest? Because it took nearly three hours to finish! Let me put this into perspective. It only took the jury 4(!) hours to find OJ Simpson not guilty. Now you can see what we were dealing with. Maybe if you had been there we wouldn’t have made 17 errors. Maybe your presence would’ve helped kick the offense into gear BEFORE the 6th inning. What I’m trying to say is you’re needed. So get out there this weekend and cheer on the greatest group of degenerates to carry around bats since the Baseball Furies(google it). On to the recap.
Making his season debut on the mound was Scooby Noyes “Rodriguez”, fresh off his pilgrimage of handing out jerseys to young children around the world. The time away luckily rested his arm since the defense was spotty at best behind him. The three infield fly rules called during the game has to be a record of some sort. Not sure we’ve seen that many called in a single season before. Either way he gutted it out for his first win of the season. Atta babe, Scoob. Bird swooped in to finish the game off and put the cherry on top. He created one of the nastiest pieces of firewood on a come backer to the mound. Said come backer also turned Bird into a grinning 6’ tall erection while throwing to 1B.
The Diablo offense decided to pull the 73’ Chevy routine and took a while to warm up. Gerald David Bobby was all over the place. Diving head first for everything (including the post game chip bag) and announcing his candidacy for the Home run Bounty. His dinger narrowly missed hitting a spectator relieving himself in RF. Meow Meow Jeff strapped on the catchers gear and also chipped in another fine day at the plate. His throws down to 2B were effectively wild since the Rays didn’t run much on the day. PR Sainz showed how to corral balls foul in LF and extended his team leading HBP total to 5. Brooksy has happily passed the HBP crown to him for the season. Speaking of Brooksy he hit his first triple since Bill Clinton was Prez. He wasn’t available for comment since he’s still taking oxygen. Imbo returned to the lineup with promises of beard sacrifice and RBI’s. At least one of those things happened. The beard sacrifice was a tad overblown. Yeti attempted to rip the ball clear over them mountains and the Rays LF had him played perfectly both times. His homecoming trip to Yosemite obviously didn’t help his power stroke. Marcus has made it a regular thing to drop in well timed Brooksy Special’s each week. For those that don’t know a “Brooksy Special” is a hit that usually drops just past the infield using anything but the sweet spot on the bat. It’s all skill and there is absolutely zero luck involved. Niko continued his hitting barrage. The mention of West Sunset has stirred some kind of beast inside him. HerbaJoe ended the game with a dirty ass pick at 1B. We would've made the ESPN highlight sound but who the hell watches ESPN anymore. Brother showed up with a red umbrella for the dugout. Besides providing wonderful shade it brought back memories of previous Diablo shenanigans that got someone fired. Celebrating previous employment mishaps is a great Diablo tradition.
This Sunday the Diablos play the Braves 1pm at Northgate Park. All signs point to this game being one of the better contests of the season. Come on out and support the Diablos. A BBQ/adult beverage social will immediately follow the game.
Diablos run win streak to 13
Hello friends. It’s been a while. Grab a seat because the Diablos have been busy. It’s been almost a month since the last update and so much has happened. Hudson has turned one, Donald Drumpf turned up naked on a corner in SF, Hillary still understands email security as well as your grandma, A Diablo contracted the kissing disease, Another Diablo tied the knot, And yet another Diablo blew up on GoFundMe and the Giants still can’t get out of their own way. One thing that hasn’t happened is a Diablos loss. 13 straight wins and counting. Just how you want to roll into the playoffs. This update will cover the past four games.
The first game was against the Braves. A game foreshadowed during the opening day ceremonies by having our teams stand next to each other. We were the new guys trying to show how disinterested we were in the festivities. They played the part of the team telling us they talk a lot of shit. Fast forward to game day and who knew these guys could get so flustered over dugout assignment. You can imagine how the game went after their representative had a hissy fit and called us bitches for taking the 1B dugout. Seriously the only thing missing was feet stomping. The Diablos put up 4 runs in the 1st inning and the game was never in doubt. Pretty shocking result considering they scouted almost every game we played up to the point. How they didn’t know what junk Lou was going to toss up there is mind blowing. A final score of 6-1 was properly celebrated by about 20 Diablos fans. Signs were made and adult beverages were consumed. The Diablos dominated on and off the field. The league has been put on notice.
The second game was against Rieleros. I will now sit back and let Hudson do the recap of that game…
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That about sums up the game. It turned out to be a forfeit win for the Diablos. Their second such victory of the season. Sure forfeits are the absolute worst, but the hangover count was considerably high so it wasn’t too upsetting for the team.
The third game was against the Tomateros. Not sure there is anything that pisses off the Diablos more than a team that warms up on the infield. On the friggin infield! Who does that? It’s like opening the cooler and only getting yourself a beer or masturbating on an airplane. You just don’t do it. Either way your Diablos turned that faux pas into the motivation needed for a 12-2 mercy win. Notable highlights from the game involved Imbo not talking shit to the pitcher from RF since he was the pitcher. Brooksy inventing a new hat trick (1B RBI, BB RBI, HBP RBI). The HBP happened to be a walk-off too. So lame. Kemo gave some amazing stank eye to Bird when he didn’t lay out for a jam shot. Veteran stank eye. The defense turned 5 double plays in 8 innings. Most definitely a Diablos record. The defense also had like 13 errors. Jeff showed no ill effects from saying “I Do” and kept his pre-marriage swing. Atta babe.
The fourth game was this past weekend against El Valle. On 5 previous occasions the Diablos have said “This is the team we played in preseason”. All those statements were false. THIS was the team we scrimmaged against and they looked surprisingly different. Not sure if it was their lack of albinoness (Thanks Imbo) or their pay for play team concept. Either way the game turned out to be real gem. Lou found a way to go all nine with less than his A stuff. Meow Meow Ramirez used his Buster bat and smacked the ball around the yard. Brother took his rare chance to ride Imbo about his glove in RF. HerbaJoe refused to take a walk. Bird found a way to keep the shirt. Fredo ripped a triple and didn’t need oxygen. Having his understudy in LF helped with that. All of these things added up to a solid 3-2 win that pushed the Diablos winning streak to 13. The Diablos wrap up the regular season this Sunday with a 10am game against the Indians. Clear your schedule and find a way to Northgate Park.
Diablos season ends without a trophy.
The Diablos playoff effort explained in four pictures...
1) Leftover post game beers. Sad.
2) Sad resting spot for the beers
3) Cooler magically flings itself across the yard
4) Kemo reflecting on our poor playoff showing
It's finally here! The baseball season has arrived to cleanse our souls. No more talk of the Falcons choking. Or about how the country is now run by a pint of orange sherbet. Just good ol' baseball talk. If you are somewhere that faintly smells of Ben-gay and cigarette smoke a Diablo must be near. Some new faces have been brought on board to try and lower the average age and up the athletic ability. Also PR got a wild hair up his nose so when you go looking for your favorite local squad they may look a little different. The word from headquarters is that Opening Day ceremonies will commence at 9am this Sunday 4/9/17 Northgate Park in Fremont. Brother has been assured we play a morning game after the festivities. Don't know who. Don't know where. Basically it's business as usual for this band of ruffians. So dust off your Diablo hat. Rinse the mold out of the coolers. Diablos baseball is back!
Diablos drop opener 3-2
This past Sunday your Diablos opened the season with an emphatic thud. You know the kind of thud I'm talking about. The one where you get quiet and ask someone in the other room "Everything okay in there?". Yeah that was the kind of day the Diablos had. Everyone's favorite abominable snowman got the Opening Day nod and didn't disappoint. Yeti tossed 5 solid innings and could've gotten a win. Of course he tried to tamp down everyone's expectations during pre-game by stating "Not sure how long I can go" and "Haven't done this in 3 years". Yeah we know Yeti. We heard all this last week. He also battled the slight hypothermia that comes with wintering in the Himalayas. Thankfully the foot can be saved. After that I'm not sure there was much to speak of. The lack of baseball awareness was in full effect. Hopefully it was just the fellas giving up their Baseball IQ's for Lent. From not remembering basic rules of the game to absolute garbage effort in running the bases. Even Buttermaker was rolling over in his grave watching the Liberty Court display. To the Diablos credit they were in position to win this game late, but the baseball gods usually have a way of evening out all things. Luckily the season is long and there is always next week.
The above picture accurately captures the scene on Easter Sunday. The only afternoon game that got started during a rain storm. Did we need to start the game? No. Was it old fashioned greed? YOU BET! Either way the umpires got paid and we now have a game to complete sometime between now and the day we all hang up our spikes. Shout out to the Sierra Clan for providing shelter during the deluge. Some things found out on Sunday were 1)Fredo's hamstring seems quite pliable for his advanced age 2)Rain or shine Lou is a straight dick with his HBP's 3)Any situation can be immediately improved by yelling "Hey Bobby" with your hands cupped around your mouth. Tune in next week as the Diablos triumphantly return to Balboa Park. Roxie's anyone?
Diablos drop home opener
This past Sunday your Diablos returned to their old stomping grounds at Balboa Park. Visions of a conquering army returning to parades and adoring women danced through the players heads. It was not a warm welcome home. The offensive struggles continued and they lost in walk-off fashion 4-3 to Los Rojos. Even with an intimidating 27 players suited up for the Diablos they couldn't muster any momentum. PR Sainz did his best Lou Brown impression, but he may have gone one too many times to the "Stay Loose" well. Not many highlights can be recalled from the game. David "Hey Bobbo" Berning did his best Tsuyoshi Shinjo impression in the outfield. Every catch had a hop, prance or dive. it was a sight to behold. Newest Diablo Kyle Say Hay spent most of the day on base and even gave Brooksy room to make a play in the field. Atta babe. Other than that the day on the field can only be described as a shart. The Diablos now stand at 0-2 and I can't recall if that's every happened. This Sunday they get back at it in Hayward at 1pm. Bring a friend and possibly some runs.
Diablos finally get a win
This past Sunday your Diablos FINALLY got their first win of the season with a 14-4 victory over Piaxtla. Did it take too long for them to break into the win column? Yes. Was Fredo’s threat of loss nudity the main factor? YOU BET!
Climbing the hill for his first start of the season was Bird Nielsen. This guy was in control from the minute he pulled up in his mom mobile. Whether it was hitting the outside corner so many times the umpire had to call it a strike or pitching through the circus tent extravaganza that was the Diablos 3rd inning defense(Hey Bobby!). He showed up with ice water in his veins and earned the victory. His only false move was pulling a Lou after the game and trying to search the book for his K stats. Bad Bird!
Even with such a stellar start from the starter the day belonged to the offense. 8-run first innings tend to overshadow everything. Especially since that eclipsed the Diablos season total of runs scored by a comfortable margin. Brother called in a few favors and had PR Jim Leyland help out with coaching. Through his cloud of Newport smoke good ol’ Jim declared “This is best lineup we’ve ever put together.” Not sure that was the truth, but the offensive explosion couldn’t have come at a better time. Kyle Say Hay continued his solid hitting, but we here at Diablos headquarters are more worried about his keister. An errant throw was a bullseye on the brown eye. His postgame football form wasn’t effected so the prognosis seems ok. David Gerald Bobby III had himself one helluva day. He smacked the ball around the yard from the box and kicked it around from the diamond. It all made sense once we found out he had a fellow San Diegan in the stands. Quit showing off. Imbo made his triumphant return from saying yes to the dress. His fashion choices and swing are still in top form. Kemo tried like hell to strong arm walks from the umpire all day. This no doubt led to his first official earning of the K-shirt. Mauna Abby Maui Hidalgo, who is an official Lyft driver, spent the morning trying to hitch a ride. The fact that he drove himself didn’t hinder his ability to get on base. His postgame make out session/wrestling match with Leyland was as sexy as it sounds. Welcome back buddy. All in all a solid day for the squad. Your Diablos attempt to make it two in a row next Sunday. Come out and enjoy an adult beverage. Bring a friend.
Diablos crawl back to .500
This past Sunday your Diablos finally found their way back to .500 with a 12-3 win over the Rockies. Today’s recap will go over each player’s contribution to the victory. The battery of Lou and Bird did a fine job limiting the Rockies death by a thousand bunts offense. What I’m most proud of is their recognition that fastballs with any pop made the umpire blink and call it a ball. They sloooooooooowed the pitches down to a crawl and began getting the calls. David Bobby Gerald Berning III continued his assault on the all-time OBP record. His unofficially OBP stands at 1.257. Someone check the math. He also earned the Imbo player of the week award(pictured above). As we expected Rob took Tiff’s name last year and his jersey now says Rodriruez. The change has not been kind to his batting eye. When asked Brother will file the paperwork to get your name back. Just gotta ask. Kyle Say Hay found himself owing his first kangaroo court fee for a called 3rd strike. He would’ve been the lucky recipient of the K-shirt, but Niko stepped in and saved the day in 9th getting his own backwards K. That's teamwork. Niko later had some trouble with the cooler, but win beers taste the same whether they’ve been shaken or stirred. Mr Sarabia continued his streak of HBP’s. Only 10 more to break the Diablos record. He also signed autographs for the kids and told them all they too could be Diablos someday. Their mother shook her head accordingly. PR Sainz pulled double duty as player/coach ala Frank Robinson. The intentional walks are where the similarities end between those two. Imbo brought his hitting stick, a huge American flag and his CF cleats. All three were helpful. Abby Mauna Maui Hidalgo got the start in LF and didn’t disappoint. He caught nothing with two hands and even pulled the old “Knock my hat off while I chase a ball so I look fast AF, but tell everyone it’s because I needed to try and make an over the shoulder catch.” That endeavor ended exactly how you would expect…….A 2B for the Rockies. Nick Lee made his Diablo debut by trying on several uniforms much like Goldilocks until he found one that was JUUUUUST RIGHT. Kemo did it all on Sunday. He marked the RBI’s in the book like a vet, worked a count to get an RBI FC and even pimped a slow baby bouncer to second. Nobody makes it look more effortless when a grounder slowly nestles itself in the bread basket than Kemo. Most importantly Brooksy was the ATM that got the umpires to stay and try their hardest. At 2-2 the Diablos have been very underwhelming this season, but all signs are pointing up. Tell yo wife, tell yo kids the Diablos playin’ Toros Gold this Sunday.
Diablos win one for Mama
The Diablos defeated Toros Gold 8-3 this past Sunday. Yours truly was "on assignment" so I got the news over the wire. Will add details as they come in.
No I will not give you a recap of what happened! Poor lineup card management, trying to impress a chick and man periods all summarize the garbage that was on Sunday. If you were there I apologize for what you had to see. Refunds will be offered at a future date. A few fans were willing to go on record and this is what they had to say "I've never seen so many men on the rag before." Obviously these guys have been in close contact so much lately they are all on the same cycle. The roller coaster season continues for the Diablos who now sit at 3-3. Enjoy Memorial Day weekend.
Diablos dominate Black Sox
This past Sunday your Diablos played their most complete game of the season in beating the Black Sox 4-0. Did they leave a small village of runners on base? You know it. Did it still feel like they won 17-0? YOU BET! The contributions were far and wide. It honestly felt like the first “team” win in a while. It all started with Brooksy dropping a “Miracle” inspired speech about who the Diablos are and exactly what they can do. If this game were made into a movie that speech would be delivered by a bald eagle clutching a war torn American flag while the ghost of James Brown belted out “Living In America” just off to the side. Yeah you missed some shit. Louis G took the words to heart and pitched one his most efficient games in a Diablos uniform. He pitched to contact and let his defense work for him. He also had 5 less hit batters than last week. Yeti made an appearance and had an immediate impact. His launch angle left something to be desired but damn if he isn’t embracing the millennial lifestyle and counting his steps to and from the OF. Somewhere Clint Eastwood just grumbled “Get off my lawn”. Tomahawk Jesse showed some veteran poise in psyching out a baserunner for a double play. It was some David Blaine Street Magic shit. Honestly he may be part vampire. Yeah he put on a laser show from the batters box, but defense makes me go from 6 to 12. Bird had himself a day behind the plate and at it. Called a solid game despite having an umpire who couldn’t call a strike within 30 seconds of seeing it hit the glove. I’ve seen people come to terms with the infield fly rule faster than this guy could call a pitch. Kemo graced us with his presence after first pitch. His tale of phone battery life, white people in Brisbane and scared housewives was truly worth the price of admission. His “senior moment” on a double play grounder can be overlooked after his whirlwind adventure getting to the ball park. Brother unveiled a new tequila bag and all was right with the world for one Sunday afternoon. Join the Diablos next week as they take the field at Balboa Park. Bring a friend. Bring a stranger.
Diablos reach All-Star Break
Hello friends. It’s been a minute since our last Diablos update and I apologize. I was on assignment covering pygmy races in the Philippines. During my absence the Diablos have put together a nice little 3 game winning streak.
Two weeks back the Diablos defeated the TJ Bandits 3-1. Louis G had the quietest 18 strikeout game ever. No seriously nobody knew it happened. The number of K’s was so stealth Lou didn’t even mention them during the postgame festivities. I actually had to count the scorebook thrice because my recollection of the game did not match what I was reading. The offense was led by Marcus “Watch and learn” Reed scorching a double and triple. Did he feel all that running the next day? I’ll never ask. Is it pretty watching him float around the bases? YOU BET! Also adding a 2-out RBI was PR Sainz. He went the other way(Something he excels at on and off the field) with 2 strikes and added a much needed insurance run. Matt “1 to 10” Lewis got his first RBI as a Diablo. His pop-up dance left something to be desired but I believe management will get him on the correct PED regimen before he fields another ball. Yeti Pacheco spent his birthday manning 1B and getting himself an On Base Percentage. His launch angle is still garbage but I’m sure he isn’t sweating it while he gets ripped off on a Gondola in Venice. Lucky bastard! Overall it was a solid win over a much improved opponent.
This past Sunday your Diablos played a Father’s Day game on the surface of the sun. I’m not kidding. We had several players look like they were going to toss their cookies. One even got snitched out by a kid on a bike when he did. A huge shout out to all the fans who made an appearance. On to the recap.
The numbers weren’t looking too good for Jarochos about 30 mins before game time. That didn’t deter the Diablos from putting in a half assed stretching session while awaiting a clown car full of players to show up. Alas no clown car appearance and the game went on as scheduled. Robbie Pardilla put together a complete game with the bat and glove. His diving snag of a line drive wasn’t enough to get Tiff to look up from her Fabio romance novel, but it sure got my juices flowing. Bird was ready to start breaking in the new catcher’s glove and then work called. Can’t believe someone needed AC work when it was 1000 degrees outside. HerbaJoe Chaika strapped on the tools of ignorance and added a solid RBI single. His day went downhill from there as Louis G hit every spot in front of home plate with a pitch. Dick move, Bro. Speaking of Louis G he tossed another complete game gem. Naturally he was upset because his OBP went down. David Gerald Bobby Berning III came back after a week off with tales of finding himself in the wilderness. The time off must of charged his batteries. Seriously I was worn out just watching this guy run around like a wild man. Kyle Say Hay must’ve mistaken Father’s Day for Halloween because damn if he didn’t look exactly like Patrick Bateman. The perfect hair and Raybans were a nice touch. All he needed was a Walkman and a knife. Brooksy hosed a dude at first from Right Field. Naturally he’ll be challenging Marcus for Centerfield next game HA. The final score was 4-1 which pushed the Diablos to 6-3 at the All-Star break.
Diablos blank Pericos, Move to 7-3
This past Sunday your Diablos returned from the All-Star break and picked up right where they left off. The 5-0 victory over Pericos was the typical effort the sons of Satan have given this season. Just enough offense while Louis G shuts that ass down. Before we get to the recap a few league notes must be passed on. In order to participate in the playoffs you must have played in a minimum of 8 games during the season. Since the league is more concerned with its rule book than finding decent fields to play on please make every effort to get out to the yard. On to the game…
It started like any other Sunday for the Diablos. Brother got lost trying to find the field, Cigarettes were lit after the tape was applied and footballs were used to warm up instead of baseballs. Team attendance was unusually high for a 4th of July weekend game. One of the quotes during postgame was “You can only fish so many weekends in a row”. Also adding to the holiday weekend were the random fellas enjoying a couple of 10am 40’s in the park. To say the Diablos felt at home would be an understatement.
Brother made the announcement before the game he was going with his 10th different lineup in 10 games. We didn’t have the heart to tell him he just couldn’t remember the previous weeks lineups. Either way it was a winner. Robbie continues to hold off the inevitable decline in play caused by marriage. He stroked a solid triple that his better half witnessed this week. No Sudoku for you, Tiff! David Gerald Bobby Berning III showed up with a friggin surfboard riding shotgun. I shit you not. He may or may not believe it helps with getting access to the carpool lane. Ivan Lyftdalgo complained about nobody responding to his late night booty call texts. Obviously we won’t answer him this week either because he knocked the ball all around the yard. Imbo performed his usual pregame banter with the umpire. He even held back a few zingers which is really unlike him. What he didn’t hold back on was RBI’s and telling people to use two hands on pop ups. I haven’t heard how Brooksy is doing after being bent over TWICE in the batters box by Liberty Court base running. I guess it hurts less when it’s done by a loved one(s). Kemo earned the shirt, once again, by trying to strong arm another walk. One of these days he’ll learn not to trust Mark McGwire’s dad when he umps our games.
On the other side of the field we had another stellar start from Louis G. He is approaching Orel Hershiser territory with his current streak he’s on. I won’t jinx it here so look it up. It didn’t hurt that the one guy who kept getting on base has a strange desire to get picked off and thrown out regularly. Freddie Cox-Sierra coming off his first ejection from a little league game came out firing. He hosed two runners with the same heat he gave that shitty ump who was screwing up his kids softball game. You tell ‘em! Overall the Diablos looked strong coming off the break and now sit at 7-3.
Diablos win 10-1 one of the worst fields ever
This past Sunday your Diablos defeated Los Orioles 10-1. Was the infield covered in evil vines from The Ruins? The jury is still out. Did the Diablos offense take as long as your uncles ’87 Iroc to warm up? YOU BET! Brother announced it was his 12th different lineup on the season. Since it was only our 11th game the early confused AB’s can be blamed on the Diablos trying to do math.
This week we’ll list notable accomplishments in order. Louis G kept his streak alive on the mound. You would be wrong if you guessed it’s the streak for most batters hit before getting ejected. He also trended his OBP in the right direction. Freddie Cox Sierra absolutely embarrassed the O’s running game. Two attempts with nobody getting close enough to slide….Ouch. He also found the best possible right fielder to hit a triple past. Coach Sainz spent most of his day running around the bases and knocking in runs. He also tried to argue that he wasn’t hit by a pitch. The ump and his ass hairs beg to differ. Mr Sarabia had the unique chance to get RBI’s with his bat and his body. Team player I tell ya. Ivan Lyftdalgo got his first start at SS and only disappointed Imbo. He also consulted Jobu for his final few AB’s and laid off the curveball. Bird had himself a day by Diablos standards. He used the Bermuda triangle infield to get a hit, He pitched a solid inning of relief and he snatched the K shirt from Imbo at the last possible moment. What a guy. Imbo finally tied Brooksy in outfield assists for the season. He also danced an amazing irish jig to try and avoid a pitch at the plate. It didn’t work.
Your Diablos now sit at 8-3 and can’t wait to see the field conditions for their next contest. Check the schedule and come out to cheer on your favorite local baseball club.
Diablos win 11-6 behind spot start from good ol' Oil Can Lary
"...And tonight I think he might be able to use that aching old arm one more time to push the sun back up in the sky and give us one more day of summer."
- Vin Scully
This past Sunday your Diablos earned a hard fought victory over the Rays 11-6. Did Brother use his 13th different lineup in 12 games? Yes. Did it include using the oldest starting pitcher in Diablos history? YOU BET! With summer in full swing and players out of town Kemmith “Oil Can” Lary answered the bell and toed the slab. Read below to find out how the Diablos backed him for his first victory since the invention of the wheel.
There were many contributions up and down the lineup. David Gerald Bobby IV came back from his SoCal sabbatical rested and ready to scoot around the bases. His usual tweaker style of play got a few runs scored, but the question remains…Where is the pink bat bag? Answer the question! HerbaJoe Chaika exploited a start by bringing his stud nephew JJ to the game. He then went and stroked the ball all around the park. He also manned the hot corner and never got a single bullet while Ol’ number 11 was pitching. PR Sainz continued his second half surge and also pleaded with the book keepers on a coupe questionable calls. Obviously Louis G’s stat whoring is rubbing off. Ya know they have pills for that. Mr Sarabia had a 5-hit game all lined up and then got a pitch square off his foot. He also covered both 1B and 2B and looked damn good doin’ it. Nick Lee got the start in CF and it lasted all of 3 innings before he made a dive for a fly ball that ended up popping his shoulder out. The bright side is he did it before President Drumpf found a way to charge him $50k for an ER visit. Get well soon. Kyle Say Hay made his triumphant return from the birth of his daughter(picture below) and swung the bat like the father of a new born. Tired, tired, tired. Luckily he consulted Brooksy and dropped in a texas leaguer for 2 RBI’s. Imbo had a fine day with the bat. He squared everything up. Even his outs were loud. Then he dropped in some Liberty Court baserunning to even everything out. His day got even worse when Bird knocked him down the outfield assist leaderboard with 9-3 putout. Not to be outdone Brooksy hosed a runner at first in the 9th inning and reclaimed his team lead in outfield assists. Imbo now unofficially sits in 6th place for assists. Ivan Lyftdalgo donned the tools of ignorance and scored three runs. He didn’t disappoint hosing opposing baserunners and blocking ball in the dirt.
The real hero of the day was Kemo. His veteran presence is always there to calm any of these kids who need it. He’s always ready to ask someone “Why you talkin’ bout old shit?” when their head gets a little big. His extensive knowledge of medicinal remedies from years of watching Greys Anatomy is always appreciated by the creaking joints of the over 30 players. All of these factors helped him toss 5 needed innings on Sunday. Never getting too high or low during his start enabled him to get the decision. You could almost see him actually smelling a “W” while pitching thru the 5th. He also strong armed a walk and added another hit at the plate. Saying that he was Doin’ it all on Sunday is an understatement. Enjoy the win, kid. You earned it.
Diablos win 13-3 over Veracruz
This past Sunday your Diablos beat Veracruz 13-3. Making his 1st start of the season was Nick Imbody. Did Imbo make it past his self-imposed 3 inning limit? Blew right by it. Did Imbo upset yet another umpire in 2017 season? YOU BET! The pregame stretch circle produced some interesting nuggets. Fredo now has an OSHA recordable on his permanent record. Niko got a new helmet and goddamn if it didn’t have some big hits in it. After Kemo’s gutsy start last week he has been recruited to join a tournament team. Of course he is holding out for more per diem. Oil Can was once ranked out for not being drafted, but after witnessing this take place I now believe it’s more impressive. On to the game.
Brother has now stuck with a constant top of the lineup and it is paying dividends. Robbie Trejo is finding his stroke and getting on base at an impressive clip. Ivan Lyftdalgo has settled into the 2-spot and has obviously found his hook. Mr. Sarabia made his Diablos debut on the mound and immediately got called John Rocker. No he didn’t spew ignorant comments about BART passengers. He isn’t even left-handed. It’s solely based on the fact that TBS sucked him in when he was younger and he enjoys the tomahawk chop. Either way his 2 innings of relief impressive. Kyle Say Hay showed he got a little more sleep this week and rambled around the bases for his team leading third triple of the season. Marcus called down the baseball gods and was immediately reminded that is not a good idea. Ask him what he did. Niko got his aforementioned helmet and knocked the ball around the yard. He had a couple of YUGE 2-out RBI’s when the game wasn’t a laugher and then showed mercy with the final hit of the day. Brother has now put a new helmet on order for the remainder of the season. Freddie had the toughest job of the day, but he earned his “Ginger Whisperer” merit badge. His work in keeping Imbo in the game to pitch 6 innings was nothing short of miraculous. Also not losing his mind while dealing with the floating strike zone was impressive considering his track record of not being able to finish his kid’s softball games. He also dropped in a few hits, but those paled in comparison.
The gold star goes to Imbo on this day. After being scolded for his social media habits during the week he came out and showed his appreciation for knowing the remainder of the schedule. Yeah he was kind of a pusspuss saying he only had 3 innings in him. With all his pitching advice from RF during the season (Believe me it all goes over my head towards the mound) he had to climb the bump and show us all how to do it. Imbo didn’t compromise at all. He still showed the umpire his dissatisfaction with every close call that was missed and even got the threat of ejection. After the past two weeks the Diablos rotation is a three headed monster and it’s not clear who is number 1.
Diablos win longest, ugliest game in team history
This past Sunday your Diablos won a game in the Twilight Zone. Seriously. All normal rules were subject to possible enforcement at any given time. The pace of play was a total slog. Ask anyone that was there. Umpires had committee meetings as often as possible. Both teams yapped way too much from the dugout. The contest reached peak surrealism when Brother took over in RF and ended the day with a .500 OBP. To say you missed a lot is an understatement.
We’re just going to wing it with the game notes. Too much crazy shit happened to go in order. We had an umpire call a strike from behind the plate and then ask for help which turned out to be the field ump saying no swing. It was reminiscent of the replacement refs fouling up the hail mary in Green Bay a few years back. We had our own catcher call time to try and help the umpire give the other team a HBP. We had Kyle Say Hay get his team leading 153rd triple taken away because he hit it too far. Yeti returned from asking big questions in other countries and got himself a batting average. Niko continued his torrid love affair with his new batting helmet. Like the stock market his average is going up, up, up. David Gerald Bobby III made a YUGE diving grab to kill a rally and knocked in three runs on the day. It almost makes up for him not bringing his pink bag for the past month. Marcus had the spring in his step for stealing bases. Unfortunately he didn’t tell anyone so he kept having to walk back after foul balls. Sorry Dude. Mr Sarabia started his day off with a hit and then spent the remainder of the day with his pants half down on the bench. His lovely wife Amy was in the stands making sure no funny business happened without approval. Kemo returned to the diamond and showed the after effects of his losing battle vs Guacamole last week. I believe management has ordered him the complete set of Tae Bo w/ Billy Blanks DVD’s to get him back in shape, but for the time being he can play 2B because anyone can do that. Louis G returned from his various skiing trips and didn’t have his good stuff. His 46-inning streak of not giving up an earned run ended because of a leadoff walk. Shocking.
The real hero on the day was Nieves “Brother” Trejo. I’ve had the pleasure of spending the past 15 years playing baseball on Sundays with this guy. Does he have two working hips? Debatable. Does he still got it after all these years? YOU BET! He stepped in to man RF when injuries and work schedules left him the only body left on the bench. His first AB he battled off some tough pitches, but ultimately struck out. His wisdom to the bench after was stuff of legend. Something about playing alongside Cy Young and coaching with Connie Mack. He also blamed these new-fangled balls for being made from leather instead of the tobacco juice and human skin like the olden days. After working a walk in his second AB he proceeded to show true Liberty Court base running skills. Although during postgame he cleared up the confusion that when he learned it they called it the road base running skills because they only had one in his town. Out in RF he showed all the range of a broken sprinkler head. What he lacked in range he made up in pure instincts to know when a ball is fair or foul off the bat. Either way the effort was amazing and I’m sure getting out of bed on Monday was a challenge. I love this man and you should too.
Diablos sweep wild Doubleheader at Crocker Park
Hello old friends. It’s been a while since we chatted and a lot has happened. Nuclear war has been threatened, Hurricane Harvey has been a real dicknose and your Diablos limped into the playoffs. It wasn’t one of those” Damn I stepped on a Lego” 2 minute limps either. It was a full on “Who put that curb there?” fell into the street and narrowly avoided being hit by a bus job. Somehow after all the shenanigans the Diablos pulled this year they still ended up as the #3 seed in the league (Also gave up the least amount of runs as pointed out by our resident stat whore). The threat of a Division II playoff birth woke these guys up just in time to win their final game of the season and finish 12-5. This led to a first round, best of 3 series against the Vaqueros. You remember those guys, right? They couldn’t show an ounce of sportsmanship and let us finish our regular season game way back in May. Well like a group of degenerate elephants the Diablos never forget. This led to one epic doubleheader this past Sunday.
The smell of hobo piss and broken glass in the parking lot only meant one thing….The Diablos were home. Playing their first games at Crocker Park in a while conjured up Diablos memories of yesteryear. Pictures of Kemo and Marcus tearing shit up in the dead ball era and Fredo being called a “Cholo” by past league commissioners couldn’t help but set a tone that would carry the squad to victory. Also watching the other squad warm up on the dragged and lined infield like a bunch of beer league softball players helped focus the Diablos. Taking the mound for Game 1 was none other than Yeti Pacheco. Did he sell himself short and call a 3 inning performance? Of course. Did he nut up like an engaged wildebeest and give a savage performance? YOU BET! After a first inning hiccup..(cough) 5 runs(cough) he righted the ship and found his way thru seven strong. He also motored around the bases and was the only player to find a pile of elk shit to slide head first through. Impressive. David Gerald Bobby Berning III knocked in some key runs and also attempted rearrange his face via the Crocker hop at SS. Checking in with him on Monday he said he felt fine and still had all his teeth. No doubt he’s a spitting image of Al Pacino in Cliffhanger. Kyle Say Hay showed up doing his best Monkey from Outbreak impression and still couldn’t keep himself from hitting. I’m positive this dude could rip with both hands tied behind his back. In keeping with the left handed theme PR Sainz kept up his end of the bargain and drove in a couple runs. He also kept the team up from the bench and has finally changed up his chatter from the bench. Bird Nielsen was true to his name and chickenhawked the W with some stellar late inning relief. He was nails in shutting down the Vaqueros long enough for old #19 to walk it off. Let’s talk about Brooksy for a minute. I have been told he has submitted a legal document to change the name of the Tom Emanski instructional videos to Brooksy shows you how it’s done. Backhanded diving plays to save a run. CHECK. Not getting doubled off while running the bases. CHECK. Dropping in bleeders for hits in front of the outfield. CHECK. Laying down bunts on a field with more potholes than 101 after a rainstorm. CHECK. Walking shit off after the other squad intentionally walks the batter in front of you for the 3rd time. CHECK. Game……blouses.
After winning in comeback fashion you figure the second game is money in the bank. We had LOUIS G on the hill and that spelled bad news for the Vaqueros. It all went that way for 3.5 innings. The Diablos spotted themselves a 12-0 lead. Mr Sarabia heard the final bell, locked the door and gave a lesson on driving in runs. It’s the same curriculum he’s taught all year, but it never gets old. Freddie laced balls all over the yard for both games and was able to speak Yeti, tweet tweet and Lou all in one day. All impressive feats only topped by his Scorsese/Duane Kuiper skills behind the camera. Mama Sierra has been quoted as saying “F that! Get him back behind the dish.” Will do! After several changes from Brother the tide turned and the Diablos found themselves tied up 12-12 and entering extra innings. Was it the pizza grease from Bravo? Did the entire Diablos squad walk under a ladder between games? Nobody knows for sure. What did happen was LOUIS G righted his ship and found a way to have the best 12-run outing any pitcher has had since the 1890’s and the Diablos didn’t join the “Blew a 12 run lead” club. Niko didn’t allow his glaucoma to write off his entire Sunday and he drove in the final run of the day to finish on a good note. If his day didn’t show you how baseball can giveth and taketh away then I suggest you stop watching and take up golf or something.
As for the Diablos they have earned a Labor Day bye week and will be back at it on 091017 in Union City against Aztecas. A pregame exorcism will be performed to remove the bad juju from Kitiyama field. Bring a friend and enjoy some good to mediocre baseball.