 |
Author |
TOPIC: mad wife disease |
| wartsila
February 1, 2007
10:54:45 PM
Entry #: 1908260
| Here's a joke to make things a little brighter.
A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine.
"What was that for?" he asked.
"That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it," she replied.
"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on," he explained.
"Oh honey, I'm sorry," she said. "I should have known there was a good explanation."
Three days later he was watching a ball game on TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which knocked him out cold.
When he came to, he asked, "What in the world was that for?"
She replied, "Your horse called."
lol Wartsy
|
| Hale Bopp
February 2, 2007
8:46:29 AM
Entry #: 1908743
| Good one there Wartsy.
Here's another....
An ugly man walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face.
What are you so happy about?" Asked the barman?
"I'll tell you", replies the ugly man. "You know, I live by the railway.
Well, on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the movies. I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place. Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top, every position imaginable!"
"Fantastic!" exclaimed the barman. "You lucky bastard. Did you get a blowjob too?"
"No", says the ugly man, "I couldn't find the head!"
|
| cocky
February 2, 2007
4:03:24 PM
Entry #: 1909459
| heres a great one.
This guy from Calvert walks in to his house one day with a sheep under his arm!
he looks at his wife and says "this is the pig I used to fuck!" his wife replies "honey thats not a pig its a sheep"
The man says " I wasn't talking to you!"
HAHA
|
|
| Auditor General
February 2, 2007
5:17:08 PM
Entry #: 1909608
| Here's a good one
A young husband and wife were sunning on a nude beach when a wasp buzzed into the woman's vagina. The husband covered her with a coat, pulled on his shorts, carried her to the car and made a dash to the hospital.
After examining her, the doctor explained that the wasp was too far in to be reached with forceps. He suggested the husband try to entice it out by putting honey on his penis, penetrating her and withdrawing as soon as he felt the wasp.
The man agreed to try, but because he was so nervous, he couldn't rise to the occasion. "if neither of you objects," the medic said, "I could give it a try."
Under the circumstances, both agreed. The doctor quickly undressed, slathered on some honey and mounted the woman. The husband watched with increasing alarm as the doctor's thrust continued for several long minutes. "Hey, What the hell is happening?"
"Change of plans," The physician panted. " I'm going to drown the little bastard!."
|
|
| Auditor General
February 2, 2007
5:27:44 PM
Entry #: 1909631
| another one
The FBI is considering three men to be hired. They bring them in to speak with the interviewer separately. The first man comes in and sits down. The interviewer asks him "Do you love your wife?" so he replies "Yes I do, sir." "Do you love your country?" asks the interviewer. "Yes I do, sir.", interviewer continues, "What do you love more, your wife or your country?" he replies "My country, sir." The interviewer looks at the man, "Okay. We brought in your wife. Take this gun and go into the next room and kill her."
The man goes into the room, and all is silent for about 5 minutes. He comes back, with his tie loosened and he is all sweaty. He puts down the gun and leaves. The second guy comes in and sits down. The interviewer asks him the same questions, and the responses are the same. The interviewer gives him a gun, and tells him to go kill his wife. The guy puts the gun down and says "I can't do it..."
The third guy comes in, the same thing happens. The interviewer gives him a gun, and tells him to go kill his wife. The guy goes into the room, and BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! This is followed by a bunch of crashing sounds that end after a few minutes. The guy comes out of the room with his tie loosened, and puts the gun on the table. The interviewer looks at him and says "What happened?!?!", to which the guy replies, "The gun you gave me was filled with blanks so I had to strangle her!"
|
|
| Auditor General
February 2, 2007
5:30:54 PM
Entry #: 1909640
| one more
Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time. "The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis ... fifty times"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
| BIG PHIL
February 3, 2007
9:25:23 PM
Entry #: 1911664
|
A Newfie, a little man, was sitting at a bar in
>> Toronto
>>when this huge, burly American guy walks in. As he passes the Newfie, he
>>hits him on the neck knocking him to the floor. The big, burly Yank says,
>>"That's a karate chop from Korea ." Well, the little Newfie gets back on
>>his
>>barstool and resumes drinking his beer. The burly American then gets up to
>>go to the bathroom and, as he walks by the Newfie, he hits him on the
>>other
>>side of the neck and knocks him to the floor. That's a judo chop from
>> Japan ", he says. The little Newfie decides he's had enough and leaves. A
>>half hour later he comes back and sees the burly American sitting at the
>>bar. He walks up behind him and whacks him on the head, knocking him out
>>cold. The Newfie says to the bartender, "When he wakes up, tell him that
>>was
>>a fuckin' hockey stick from Canadian Tire."
|
|
