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Author |
TOPIC: Joke of the day!!! |
| Hale Bopp
February 27, 2007
4:00:05 PM
Entry #: 1958767
| Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party.
After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids.
The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the President of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."
The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, and then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday."
The third man said: "Well, that’s terrific, too! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000-square-foot mansion."
The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the rest room and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?" One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons: What about your son?"
The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub."
The three friends said: "What a shame, what a disappointment that must be for you.
The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him.
And he hasn't done too badly either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000-square-foot mansion, a brand new jet, and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.
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| wartsila
March 4, 2007
8:54:50 PM
Entry #: 1970502
| The Wax Job...
Mike walks into a bar and sees Pat sitting at the end of the bar
with a great big smile on his face. Mike says, "Pat, what are you so
happy for?"
"Well Mike, I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat,
just waxin' my boat, and a redhead came up to me.. tits out to here,
Mike. Tits out to here! She says, 'Can I have a ride in your boat?'
I said 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out,Mike. I turned off the key and I said 'It's either screw or swim!'
She couldn't swim, Mike. She couldn't swim!"
The next day Mike walks into a bar and sees Pat sitting at the end
of the bar with a even bigger smile on his face. Mike says, "What
are you happy about today Pat?" "Well Mike.... I gotta tell ya...
Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat and a
BEAUTIFUL blond came up to me...tits out to here, Mike. Tits out to
here! She said 'Can I have a ride in your boat?' I told her 'Sure
you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out, Mike. Way
out much further than the last one. I turned off the key and I said,
'It's either screw or swim!' She couldn't swim, Mike! She couldn't
swim!"
A couple days pass and Mike walks into a bar and sees Pat down there
cryin' over a beer. Mike says, "Pat, what are you so sad for?" "Well
Mike, I gotta tell ya.... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just
waxin' my boat, and the most desirable brunette came up to me...
tits WAY out to here, Mike. Tits WAY out to here. She says, 'Can I
have a ride in your boat?' So I said, 'Sure you can have a ride in
my boat.' So I took her way out, Mike, way WAY out... much further
than the last two. I turned off the key, and looked at her tits and
said 'It's either screw or swim!' She pulled down her pants
and.....She had a pecker, Mike! She had this great BIG pecker! ...
and I can't swim Mike! I can't swim!"
Wartsy
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| Onlooker
March 5, 2007
4:35:13 PM
Entry #: 1972487
| What are two reasons why its so hard to solve a redneck murder?
1.All the DNA is the same.
2.There are no dental records.
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| wartsila
March 7, 2007
8:20:35 AM
Entry #: 1977164
| >There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession.
> >Upon entering the confessional, she said, "Forgive me, Father, for I
have
> >sinned."
> >
> >The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven."
> >
> >The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate > >love
to
> >me seven times."
> >
> >The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Squeeze seven lemons
into
> >a glass and then drink the juice."
> >
> >The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"
> >
> >The priest said, "No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face."
> >
> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >
> >A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife
was
> >sitting by his side.
> >His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful."
> >
> >Then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that
before,
so
> >she stayed by his side.
> >A few minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're > >cute."
> >
> >The wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful," it was now
> >"cute."
> >
> >She asked, "What happened to beautiful?"
> >
> >The man replied, "The drugs are wearing off."
> >
> >*******************************************************************
> >
> >Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for
> >company. One day the dog died, and
> >Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, my dog is dead.
> >Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?"
> >
> >Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for > >an
> >animal in the church.
> >But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what
they
> >believe.
> >Maybe they'll do something for the creature."
> >
> >Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya 'think $5,000 is > >enough
to
> >donate to them for the service?"
> >
> >Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya
tell
> >me the dog was Catholic?
> >
> >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >*******
> >An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation
> >ensues: Man: "I am 92 years old,
> >have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and
great
> >grandchildren.
> >Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking.
> >We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times."
> >
> >Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"
> >
> >Man: "What sins?"
> >
> >Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?"
> >
> >Man: "I'm Jewish."
> >
> >Priest: "Why are you telling me all this?"
> >
> >Man: "I'm 92 years old .... I'm telling everybody."
> >
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| wartsila
March 7, 2007
8:56:39 AM
Entry #: 1977202
| One morning, three Newfoundlanders and three Albertans were in a ticket counter line at a train station.
The three Albertans each bought a ticket and watched as the three Newfie bought just one ticket. "How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asked one of the Albertans.
"Watch and learn," answered one of the Newfies.
All six boarded the train where the three Albertans sat down, but the three Newfies crammed into a toilet together and closed the door.
Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around to collect tickets. He knocked on the toilet door and said,"Ticket, please."
The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The conductor took it and moved on.
The Albertans saw this happen and agreed it was quite a clever idea.
Indeed, so clever they decided to do the same thing on the return trip and save some money.
That afternoon when they got back to the station, they bought a single ticket for
the return trip and watched, while to their astonishment, the three Newfies didn't buy even one ticket!
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asked a perplexed Albertan.
"Watch and learn," answered the three Newfie boys in unison.
When they boarded the train, the three Albertans crammed themselves into a toilet and the three Newfies crammed into another toilet just down the way.
Shortly after the train began to move, one of the Newfies left their toilet and walked over to the toilet in which theAlbertans were hiding.
The Newfie knocked on the door and said, "Ticket please.
"GOTTA LOVE THOSE NEWFIES"
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