|
| Joey K
August 2, 2012
3:44:30 PM
Entry #: 3956509
| I guess since nobody wants to step up to the plate and do the honors of preseason rankings I’ll just have to take one for the league and put the target on my back. With that said…….
1) White: I told you all last season, rule #1 of the rankings is that the defending champs automatically get to open the following season as #1 (except in a full free agency/fresh draft season). And so White deservedly sits atop these preseason rankings. HOWEVER, their ranking won’t prevent some commentary and a little critiquing. With Joe Jonna under center and the proven trifecta of the Showstopper, Timmy “Inspector Gadget” Acho and Nick “the most underrated player in the CFL” Hermiz coming back for a final go and three peat attempt, they’ll definitely be in contention. While the aforementioned will keep white competitive, the Jordan Rassam, Esq. has began a new career path that likely will make his life less enjoyable and potentially less productive on the field, what dummy becomes an attorney? While I predict Timmy’s sharp decline will come next year (once the baby is roughly 9 months old) the old lady in her second and third trimester will take it’s toll and lead to some unfocused efforts. Hawk will be the man again. Another key for White will be whether the likes of Dani Jajou, Alvin Zetouna and Bob can fill the void left be previous White mainstays Mike Sesi, Lance Samona and JR Kizzy. Aside from the difference in hair, or lack thereof, and number of children conceived, Bob and JR cancel each other out for the most part (although JR will tell you he’s better and Bob won’t care one way or another). The key will be Zetouna and Jajou filling the defensive void left by Samona and the offensive void by Sesi. While I believe Jajou can get it done replacing Sesi, Samona’s know how and efficiency will be irreplaceable and that will result in the inevitable downfall of white. On a final note, Joey Jonna mysteriously picked a retired Dennis Sarafa as a reserve and immediately let it be known that “reserves can play as much as they want.” On second thought, I guess it wasn’t so mysterious given Jonna’s habitual cheating over the years. Bold Prediction: Dennis Sarafa finishes with more than 4.5 TDs this season (we have to have the .5 because pushing is no fun)
2) Black: With no pony tail, 15 lbs lighter (but still 25 overweight) T-Roc put together a nice little squad from top to bottom. There’s an awful lot of buzz around protected sophomore Andrew Shango and Jared Larenz, I mean Tarik, took a “we are family” approach to drafting when he took Tugboat and Earthquake, I mean Dylan and Derek Putrus, as the meat up front. He chose to let the defense of Derek Rabban go in free agency and instead opted to keep the solid route running of JP Namou while pairing him with little brother Peter on the defensive side of the ball. Was Peter’s 2011 monster season a fluke or a sign of what we can expect to see for years to come? Only time will tell, unfortunately time and patience aren’t a part of Team Tarik’s formula. He’s just a missed flag or block away from a “&%*%&$($& Peter, %O(&$(*&(*%(*& Peter, *$*$**%&#*&%& Peter). Don’t worry Karl, although there isn’t much to be said about you that hasn’t already been said, I know you’d get sensitive if I left you out of this post so there you have it shuck. Bold Prediction: I really can’t think of one, but I think JP will be traded by week 4 if Black is 2-2 or worse.
3) Red: With the preseason trade that netted Max “Gladiator” Sheker, AT started the season off with the gamble of hoping Chris Zeer would be available at the spot he wanted to draft him and, more importantly, that he can still sling it around. While the MO for Chris Zeer of late has been that a mosquito biting him would put him on IR, the risk was vastly outweighed by the potential reward with him under center. After solid Oakland Yard showings he’s got serious weapons at his disposal and a beefy front line giving him all the time in the world. Offensively, on the outside the league can expect to see a healthy dose of Anthony Acho (he followed suit with Chad Johnson and legally dropped the “Ocho Acho”) and Stefan while mixing a thirty something slot possession receiver in here and there. Max will serve the roll of Jordan Red and Fadi will serve the roll of Aaron Gibson (google “Aaron Gibson Wisconsin” if you didn’t get that) with Gronkowski –like hands and Pierre will anchor the other side. Because he’s our coach and the senior citizen of the league, we also have to let AT play center, thankfully he can still catch and knows how to get open. If red stays healthy and can gel, they’ll be a force to be reckoned with. Bold Prediction: Chris Zeer will play all 12 games, some both ways.
4) Yellow: It’s odd to see a Nate-led team ranked this low, but with the deflection of Sean “Bum” Mattia and the now-normal 4 missed games per year for my favorite CFLer of all time, Ray Dawood, even Nate can’t make this team championship caliber. While it looked like Tyson put down the dumbbells for some ding dongs this off season, him and Matt Shango will still be a formidable front duo. Nate added a nice route runner in Vinny Kejbou at center but reached for Mike Sesi thinking he could get the production Joey Jonna did out of him in 2010, or in Nate’s competitive nature maybe he thinks he can get more than Joey Jonna did out of him. I don’t know who Mike Sulaka is but his name sounds cool and I like Mark Hajjar so I have nothing bad to say about him. Scotty Acho will bring all heart at all times on the field and, who knows, maybe he’ll even reveal his name when he posts insults on others and praise on his brothers on the MB this season. John Kattoula is a model CFL citizen and it’s impossible to have a bad thing to say about him. While Nate looked even faster than years past during our softball adventure, lack of firepower on offense and no boyfriend Nick Ammori on defense = borderline playoff team. Too bad for Nolan, borderline playoffs for yellow = two less charity wins for blue. Bold Prediction: Mike Sesi has under 3.5 offensive TD’s on the season.
5) Green: In the ultimate move of selfishness, stat padding, stupidity and bad management, Tony traded Max for Russ in order to displace the same Justin Orow who single handedly carried his doo doo teams the last two years to the title game and playoffs. Tony, let me let you know what the rest of the league already knows….you didn’t suck the last two years because of Justin at QB, you sucked because of you. Anthony Yaldo remains one of my favorite players to watch, all heart, all the time and in the scrimmage he looked like a beast going up and getting the ball and getting YAC. Justin remains in a tie with Jordan as the best player in our league (not including captains), but how he transitions and, more importantly, accepts his demotion will be critical. While Tony was busy dreaming about Russ making him respectable again, he seemed to have forgot that Russ and his life will be a nightmare without an offensive or defensive line. I love Sinan, but at 33 even his heart can’t fill the hole Tony’s left on this team with his selfishness. Poor JR Kizzy, from the penthouse to the outhouse. Bold Prediction: Tony trades Russ to Blue for some package involving Aws and/or Norm when green goes into week 6 at 2-3 or worse. This may be the boldest prediction of all because it would require common sense, intelligence and selfLESSness by both Nolan and Tony.
6) Blue: Unquestionably the most athletic and fastest team this season. The speed is just sickening. It’s almost like Al Davis drafted this team. Let’s just start at the top…will Nolan be able to consistently run an offense as the QB? After last season’s debacle, odds are against that happening. Pat Kanai is a beast, but without the ball and some structure, he’s about as useful as Tony. Aws and Norm will make a dynamic and athletic rushing duo, but when they’re on defense 80% of the game, that is going to wear on them. Joe Haji can’t handle boxing out in bball much less getting hit by one of the animals we have in this league. Chris Sesi is sensitive and big brother-in-law will get upset so I’ll just skip to Brett “Featherstone” Sitto and Norm “(stuck here because I already used Featherstone for Brett)” Yono. At the end of the day, this team is scary fast and uber athletic, but there are way too many personality conflicts and ticking time bombs on this team for it to be a legit contender. Bold Prediction: See Green prediction above and by week 7 Nolan and Ramy Yousif are arguing on the sideline because Ramy asks to play QB.
As usual, this is all in fun, as the message board should be. For those of you who take it personally, please do yourself and the league a favor and refrain from participating in MB conversation. In closing, Tony sucks, Bob’s a pussy, AT’s real age is 51- I’ve seen his birth certificate, Nolan is crazy, Nate thinks Joey Jonna cheats, T-Rock is overweight and still fast, and Joey Jonna does cheat. Have a good remainder of the week, CFL starts SUNDAY an there’s no better place to be Sunday mornings.
|
