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TOPIC: Pre Season Reports |
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| White10
July 25, 2014
6:25:48 PM
Entry #: 4137544
| IN advance, this ended up waaaaayyyyy longer than I anticipated, I just felt guilty leaving people out. I did not spell check or double check grammar. To those of you who have been known to be sensitive (Bahri, Mazen and most of you under 28 guys, perhaps you shouldn't read)
Pre season reports
Red: After a one year hiatus from coaching AT put together a hell of a draft. Not only is the team he put together looking good on paper, but it’s that much better because it made Tony cry like a little girl for the last four days about how he doesn’t have a quarterback and life’s not fair, wah wah wah, but we’ll get to Tony later. Speaking of crying like a little girl, Chris Zeer was able to finally dry his tears after his peers voted him out as coach but he ended up on red anyway. AT is the only person who has ever made Chris a winner (don’t catch feelings Chris), granted it took the greatest receiving core in history led by Joe Kejbou (wink wink stef and Pat) but he was a winner nonetheless. My personal opinion is Chris gives them the best chance to win and, despite Anthony Acho thinking he should be the quarterback and inevitably becoming a locker room distraction, Chris can succeed with the weapons he has been provided. On that note, there are still some major question marks with red, particularly with the personalities. Will Anthony Acho be ok not being the QB? Will Anthony Acho be ok not getting 37 targets per game? Will Anthony Toma be calling plays that result in 37 targets per game to him? Will Max be this year’s Pat Kinaya and earn my annual overrated award or will he be the one man wrecking crew that is a must for this team to have any success? Will Derek Putrus leave everybody wondering why the coaches ever had a pre-draft fight about who gets him? Will Derek Bahri realize being drafted in the second to last round means he is not in a position to talk trash and be a distraction (again, Derek you tend to get sensitive, please don’t catch feelings)? Will Lance Samona do something that AT does not agree with and get his defensive coaching duties taken away four minutes into the first game of the season? How long before Chuck tells AT he should be playing both ways and he’s better than Anthony Acho and Stefan? How long before Stefan realizes how good life was with Joey K and Pat K versus Anthony A and Anthony T? John Kattola, you’re the man. To all in the CFL, please don’t let AT win the Chai Cup this year, I’ve seen the replay of him throwing that pass over to Mazen over “DB the transparent DB” about 439 times at work since last season, it’s like he has it as his tv and computer screen saver replaying all day every day.
Preseason Ranking: #2
Black: T Rock decided to get who I believe is the league’s most dominant and valuable player not named Justin Orow, Jordan. Problem is, I think T-Rock tried this experiment one time before and ticking time bomb that is Jordan did go off. It’s only a matter of time before a) Jordan, without provocation, goes off on one of his tangents b) T Rock points his finger at Jordan and then Jordan goes off on one of his tangents c) any single member of black makes one mistake and both T Rock and Jordan go off on one of their tangents or d) all of the above. T Rock DOWNgraded by trading Timmy for Pat but the personality conflict may have made up for the value, so that was a good move. T Rock did put together a nice all underrated team that starts with Derek Rabban who has long been one of my “all underrated” players and holds down the corner as good as anybody in the league not named Joey K (wink wink). Peter Namou and John Sesi fit the mold too, although John word on the street is you got drafted waaaaayyyyyy too high, as a fan of yours I hope you prove them wrong against everybody except White. T Rock made what might have been his best move of the draft by getting Fadi “big brother” Gulli. The vital part of that move has little to do with the fact that Fadi will buy T Rock a much needed extra two seconds since T Rock is about 20 lbs over weight and 5 steps slower from years past, but more so important because Fadi might be the only personality not named Joey Jonna who can tame the showstopper. Completely unrelated to football, but can you guys imagine Jordan the lawyer talking to a judge after the judge denies his arguments? I was just now informed Emilio is the same Emilio who is uber athletic on the basketball court, the question is can that transition to the field, if history repeats itself the answer is no (Please see Joe Haji). In BREAKING NEWS, rumor is Joey Foumia has made the pre season announcement that this will be his farewell tour, there is likely to be floods of cameras and a mid season celebration before the primetime game in week 5. In other breaking news, the shell of Ernest Yeldo has got back into playing shape by shedding 87 lbs and brining his playing weight down to 234, he could turn heads and be the set a new trend for has beens to transition to linemen.
Preseason Ranking: #4
Team Doo Doo, I mean Green:
Let’s just get it out of the way, any team with Tony Attisha playing both ways has no chance. “Eastside Tony” has been nonexistent for going on 12 years now and we should all take notice that his captainship that gives him the authority to start himself both ways is essentially a lifetime achievement award for his past success in the league. Word is Sean Mattia will be playing quarterback after Tony decided he wanted to handicap his team even further by passing on Chuck and Chris Zeer. Sal Kesto has never before looked like such a good reserve option. Tony, or anybody else, have you seen Sean’s girly throws from right field in softball? Poor AY. In a move that sent “lol”’s through private chats across CFL nation Tony drafted Darko, I mean Niko Jonna, ahead of the likes of established vets like Ray Dawood (team white says thank you), Peter Namou, Nolan, and just about every other person who would have been drafted before Niko got drafted in his rightful 9th round position. Niko, I have faith in you and you have potential but Tony took you way too early because after last year’s performance Ethan and Tyler Jonna may have been drafted ahead of you. In another dumbfounded move, Tony convinced himself he can make pick up and drop off arrangements for a perennially hungover college kid in East Lansing…yup, I can see Jordan getting excited to drive home every week hungover to play for a non-contender, let me know how that works out for you Tony. Marcus is the nicest person in the entire league so I have nothing to say about him except that he is the brother of the overrated candidate for 2014. As an encore to the Niko Jonna pick Tony decided to draft our 2014 version of Tuney (whatever happened to that guy anyway) and took little Georgey Abro about 5 rounds too early (I can say whatever I want, he has been my little brother for about 25 years and I’ll spank him if he talks back). I don’t know Mike Hakim but good luck to you, you should have plenty of opportunity for PT on this lackluster team. Pierre Bacall is another of my personal favorites and he is the man. The Derek Dickow pick was purely a business decision….Derek was recently seen on Maple and Orchard raising money for Green’s jerseys this season, please visit Steward Media’s website and hit “Green Donations” in the bottom right corner. Word is Derek is not even charging his customary campaign fee, nice pick up Tony.
Ranking: needless to say #7.
(It’s 6:00 pm. On Friday, I’m still at the office ready to leave and I’ve already typed out far more than I intended so it’s gonna get short and sweet now)
Team Yellow:
Nate, you suck, not really, but really. You had a poor draft. Trading overrated 1B for overrated 1A was a decent move when you got Mike Sesi. The same Mike Sesi who can thank Justin for buying you 19 seconds to get open on every catch you had in the Chai Cup, you’re my boy and I’m out for revenge against you. Nick Hermiz, you’re soft and slow but you’re still protection worthy, you remind me of a stronger, fatter version of me. Matt Shango, you’re my boy but I still don’t know why Nate insists on protecting you when he can draft you after the first three rounds. Nolan was a nice pick up, have fun fighting each other again you lunatics, over under on which game he walks off the field mid-game is game 2. Chris Sesi, you need to stop thinking about how struck out in softball last night and just come to CFL prepared (I couldn’t even make that up if I wanted to, he really struck out in softball). My Cousin Vinny big hug, good pick Nate, one day the rest of you will give him the respect he deserves but he’ll always be the second best Kejbou to grace our field. Pat Kashat is on the all sleeper radar, gonna be a beast and quickly becoming one of my favorites, after watching him play he’s the poster boy for not judging a book by it’s cover. Jason Bakou may be the nicest person I’ve ever come across in this league so I will not say anything about him except good luck. Pat Sesi, good value in the last round.
Ranking: 5
Team White:
Joey Jonna did it again. He protected the best player in the league, me, which was a no brainer. I’m gonna make Andrew Shango look good again this year and I’m gonna let him bring Ray and JP along for the ride, too. On a serious note, how sick is that receiving core, it’s already been announced in our team chat that I will make the transition to center since being lined up on a slow linebacker like Nick Hermiz is the only opportunity I have to have a speed advantage, that and I’ll do anything to make my all time fave Ray happy. I’m not one to boast (blushing) but this quartet could possibly be the greatest combination of route runners the league has ever seen. Aws is gonna be a beast and may be the best value pick of the draft while Ray Jonna is going to be the breakout player of the year. Brian and Ramzy bring some more brains and brawn to the mix while Mark Hajjar will hold down the fort on the O line. Now, if only our old ass team can stay healthy….
White: #1 (yeah I said it, #1 with a fucking star- How big did that target just get….sorry JJ)
Blue:
Justin can take just about any cast of characters and make them contenders. In an attempt to challenge himself he downgraded his line by trading Dylan for Jordan, he protected Mazin because Anthony made him look like a star in the title game and he traded for an out of shape, getting fatter by the day Timmy Acho who still can’t get a catch against me (so I guess him and Pat or Mike woulda been the same thing). Timmy you want me to make the announcement like I did against white that year when I say “YOU HAVE NO NUMBER 1”? Tyson will be back just in time to cheap shot somebody again and get suspended so I guess drafting him in the fourth round to play 2 games was a good decision. Dani Jajou was a solid pick and Danny shaba is…what up bert?!?!?!?!?!? Cresto is underrated and so is Steve Sigmani but he’s soft. Scotty Acho still cant believe he ends up in the last round, great value (I really meant that).
Ranking: 3
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| hawk
July 26, 2014
6:09:27 PM
Entry #: 4137648
| all im saying is we play white 8/24, your playing center joey?? mannn this should be fun! nate pencil this bum in for an appointment 8/25. )
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| Mike Sesi
July 26, 2014
11:45:51 PM
Entry #: 4137683
| Hahaha overrated. That TD you unfortunately injured your groin on wasn't really like that. But here, for the record, thank you Justin for making those three TDs on Jidu Joey K lol. very easy. (There. Be happy Joey). Glad to have your old ass back and healthy. Keep the posts coming. See you out there.
Sincerely,
MS
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| AT
July 27, 2014
10:14:05 PM
Entry #: 4137832
| Great post for the league chat!
Note to the young fellas... Don't pitch the ball. Usually only bad things happen. I fell victim to trying to do too much and cost my team the game.
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| Jordan
July 28, 2014
7:31:37 PM
Entry #: 4138028
| Lmao great stuff as always Joe Joe!!!! Please keep it coming all year long!!! #youngbucksdontcatchfeelings
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