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Senators Conspiracy Cloud Grows

The Senators came into Saturday nights game looking to rebound after a 2 game skid. The earth however would not be the only thing that was flat as were the Senators bats. Nothing could seem to fuel the Senators offense however plenty of fuel would be given to conspiracy theorists.

Sexual Juggernaut and all around nice guy Scott Cordis would miss his second straight game after mysteriously injuring his ankle. Conspiracy theorist, commie hunter, and shortstop Tom Burzynski would look into Putin's involvement into Cordis's ankle injury as the current explanation of "dog walking" is about as believable as "Epstein killed himself". Cordis would be trading his glove for the scorebook for the evening. Would his palpable masculinity spread to the rest of the team? Only time would tell. (Spoiler Alert: It would not)

Rookie LJ Denette would start the game on the hill. He successfully kept the team within striking distance allowing only 9 runs over the first two innings. This strategy has come under intense scrutiny lately by both Governor Baker and his 11 year old son Maura Healey. Both have repeatedly called for Coach Seymour's resignation however the noted polygamist consistently refuses stating his believes in his team just as much as he believes Carol Baskins killed her husband.

Wolfhounds starting pitcher and local Brazilian Jiu Jitsu sensation Mike Fortier would keep the Senators bats quiet for most of the night. Utilizing an overpowering fastball, knee buckling curve, and his patented heart fluttering smile, he held the Senators to just 4 runs. The rest of the team did stuff too, but to be honest I just wasn't paying attention.

Mike Lord and Josh DeSouza together pitched the final 4 innings. The duo combined to strikeout 7 and keep the Wolfhounds scoreless from the 6th inning on. The lone defensive highlight came in the 8th inning off the bat of Guittierez when Senators rookie Tom Eaton made a spectacular play in left center field robbing what surely would've been extra bases. Advanced analytics showed Eaton covered 143' over 3.2 seconds before launching into a 12' ultimate frisbee style leap to make the catch. This made up for an 0-3 performance at the plate. Eaton of course was given the starting job in the outfield after would be starter Eeric David had to go make boom boom in the potty. David would later tweet "I was turtling, I had no choice. It was either miss the first inning or crap my pants in the outfield. I promised myself after last season I would never crap my pants in the outfield again"

In other news, first baseman Bennie "and the Jets" Burnette suffered and ankle injury in the 5th inning after what appeared to be an EMP detonation of Russian origin. Tom B and his father are investigating Putin's involvement. They have not ruled out a correlation to the assassination of JFK or time travel.

Also of note, Senators Historian Kevin Linnehan cut his hair thus confirming there would be not return of the opening day sumo style man bun. Comparisons were made to both AJ Styles and Matilda both of which Linnehan refuted. He did however leave the game wearing his batting helmet after being informed by the Burzynski clan that the Lizard People (including Queen Elizabeth) could read his thoughts.

The Senators look to rebound Wednesday against the Sultans.

Date: July 18, 2020     Time: 7:00pm      Venue: Spec Pond Field