WBWBL

Tony C and the Shadow of Teddy D

The Agawam Bullies and Springfield Senators are more familiar with one another than they are with themselves. They would meet today for what would be the first of many battles through this shortned season.

The Senators day started off with a bang. By “bang”, we of course mean Senator anchor and fellow nudist enthusiast “Monistat Kevin” Linnehan announcing he would be unable to play. Unable to specify why, its been assumed he would be unavailable due to a strained perineum. When pressed for further information, Senators skipper Brandon Seymour (now clothed) stated “Lord Farquad, I mean…Kevin…was unable to play today due to an inability to perform according to a source last night. As a team we kneel with him in solidarity. Battery mate Eeric “ED” David (irony noted but not intended) dedicated his first at bat to his limp friend. He would come through with a solid base knock. Its unknown at this time if had any result on Linnehans own dilemma. *Update: Later snap chats show that David’s base knock gave Linnehan the extra boost he needed.

Bullies Interim Manager and Interim league President Tony Consogilio in a very Mr. Vince MacMahon-esque manor confidently strutted out onto the field opposite his second in command, League Vice President and local nude art model Brandon Seymour. Tony was obviously nervous as he tried to carve his own path out from under the shadow….no, the eclipse, of former League President Teddy Davis. Local meteorologist Kelly Reardon, most famous for previously interviewing Senators helmsman Brandon Seymour predicted clear skies and breezy conditions. She was able to use her attractive smile to rope him in for an interview once which nearly earned her a Pulitzer. Trying to mirror her success, NWA (not the Easy E, Dr Dre one) Meteorologist Brian Lapis attempted to interview Coach Consiglio but he was denied by his private security. Coach Consiglio later said "If WWLP wants an interview, they better send Sy Becker or they get nothing".

Prior to the game while on his fishing boat “The Bobby V”, the President Emeritus Theodore Davis-Rockefeller honored the league and his disappointment of a predecessor with a brief 30 second Cameo message (paid for by the Barkers Beauties Only Outta Be Skirts aka The B.O.O.B.S. Foundation. BOOBS is a SuperPAC committee founded by Mr. Davis whose goal is to return the models of the Price is Right to an all female cast) Wearing an unbuttoned Tommy Bahama shirt, his majestic chest hair pouring out like the fountains at the Bellagio, white shorts which left nothing to the imagination, and his patented white Trilby hat, The President Emeritus had this to say:

“Tony C thinks he’s some kind of Mike Whatley. I knew Mike, and he is no Mike Whatley” Thinking the camera was off, he continued “Yeah I see him out there prancing around (does prancing impression, laughs), we all know he’s one of those liberals…NOT THAT THERES ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT!...I’m just saying, he looked like a screaming and crying 12 year girl at a Justin Bieber concert when he met Liz Warren. I mean, the guy has a friggin AOC motivational poster on his wall”. The Cameo appearance concluded with fellow Bullie Andre Conde, wearing a bow tie, nervously delivering Mr. Davis another high ball of Scotch before bowing and shuffling away. This unintentionally revealed why Conde would not be available for the Bullies today.

Under a beautifully blue summer sky the two teams took the field. The pre inning warmups nearly ended in fisticuffs with newly returning Senators south paw Pete Moulin purposely beaning the on deck batter during his warm up throws. Despite standing 25 feet away Moulin insisted it was not intentional but added “that (censored) little (censored) with his little limp (censored) is lucky I didn’t throw it between his (censored) and straight up his wide open (censored)”. Moulin was already in midseason form and a welcome return to the squad. He transferred his aggression into a solid 5 innings on the mound.

The Bullies would let their bats do the talking scattering bloop singles, seeing eye bleeders, and slow rollers across Moulin’s 5 innings while managing to score 5 runs. Third basemen Chris Hebert or “Hebes” as he’s called by his teammates had one of the few legitimate hits. Ironically, “Hebes” is the least offensive nickname now heard on the Bullies bench sense Mr. Davis handed down the team to “that (censored) ballerina” Tony. Gunner Genovese, sporting a beard that Blackbeard himself would be proud of and while controlling his disdain for his skipper stated after the 4th inning “yeah, Tony’s a good guy but he’s also an idiot. I mean, he’s not dumb enough to make me pitch later but if you took his brain and put it in a bird, the bird would fly backwards”. The Bullies would add one more run in the 6th that would later prove to be the game winner. Gunner, as predicted, would come in to pitch in the 5th inning and would successfully close the door on the Senators day.

The Senators offense would start hot and remain consistent throughout the day. Scott Cordis, energized by the appearance of the woman often called the Miss Elizabeth of the WMWBL, his mommy Ann Cordis, would get on base 3 times. His mother was seen leaving the game shaking her lowered head in shame after an outfield blunder by her little Scoot in the 7th. Despite this and a few infield miscues, everyone on the Senators roster contributed with at least one hit. The capacity crowd of 2 showed their appreciation with a sympathetic golf clap as the team left the field. The Senators however would fall short in the end losing 6-5. They look to rebound Tuesday night against Ludlow while the Bullies travel to Southwick Wednesday to face the Wolfhounds

Game Notes:
Tom “Boy Band” Eaton eventually found the correct field
Todd DaCuhna is unable to play Tuesday pending treatment for an undisclosed medical procedure for his reassignment

Date: July 26, 2020     Time: 10:00am      Venue: Spec Pond Field