2011 Stats

To see the team, players, stats, schedule, and game results for the 2011 season, go to whatever link you're looking for on the left hand side of the home page and then make sure you choose the 2011 Darlington Co-Ed division (instead of the 2010 team). The 2011 division/team should be the default setting but you never know.

Time to kickoff the 2011 co-ed softball season with a preview of team FUPA. There are three new full time players this year: Ashley Stokes and Kevin Stokes, whom I know nothing about, and Zeke Crum, Crumbelievable's wife.

Last year I predicted this team would be the Miami Heat of the Darlington co-ed league, and that blew up in my face. This year I'm using the Indiana Pacers as an analogy. Both could surprise and be contending for a championship, or both could be competitive most games but struggle to reach a .500 record. So I'm predicting another 7-5 record and hoping for more.

Storylines to watch out for this year:

- Will I finally buy a new lawn chair with a cupholder?
- Will Brandon hit more than the record 9 home runs he posted last year?
- Will the team be able to consistently score more than 10 runs a game?
- Which girls will fill the two outfield positions?
- Will the team have a schedule before the end of September?

I can't hardly wait to find out.

Richard Smack
Darlington Review

Hey everybody, it's your favorite sports reporter back for another exciting year of Darlington coed softball! As many of you probably don't remember but I'm going to refresh your memory, I was with ESPN last year. Well, I have moved on to bigger and better things...I now cover sports for the local Crawfordsville Journal Review!! Amazing right?!? SMH

Well, game 1 of the season started out bad with a girl no showing for FUPA. The opponent was a really good team too, so not the best game for that to happen, but the good guys fought thru to earn themselves a loss! Nice job! hahahahaha j/k...that's the whiskey talking. Pitcher Jason Crum lost about 20 pounds running around "covering" second base and home plate all game. Mandy Simms played second base for the first time and didn't embarrass herself...well done! The shortstop couldn't say the same thing, but hey, it's just one game. Jay Simms attempted to be-head the opposing players pitcher...he was later quoted as saying "Just missed." Brandon Clore made a nice athletic, kangaroo like leaping catch to rob some toolbag of an extra base hit. Clore was later quoted as saying "I've never jumped that high before...I'm awesome." This reporter couldn't agree more!

The schedule has not yet been announced, so the coach of the team, Curt Simms, could not provide an exact time for Sunday's game 2. When asked for comment regarding the team's performance, he was quoted as saying "Who are you fatty? Get that cassette tape recorder out of my face beeyotch" Being the relentless, award winning journalist I am, I asked coach to clarify his comments. And I quote: "Your gay." There you have it everyone! Harry Mann is well on his way to reporter of the year. I did overhear coach saying he was proud of the effort his team gave and was hoping everyone would show up next time. Amen coach...amen. Later!

This wasn't a pretty game by any stretch of the imagination. After the umpire no showed the game finally started about half an hour after the original start time. Unfortunately, FUPA's third baseman was MIA as well (coincidence???) and forced multiple defensive switches. The unfamiliarity with playing defense was evident as the first three innings resulted in numerous errors and an 11-3 deficit that was too much to overcome.

Notes from the game:

- A strong wind blowing in from the south prevented any chance at a home run being hit, or of a napkin staying on your lap while eating.
- There was a nasty looking storm rolling in from the north just as the game was ending.
- Yeah I've got nothing else.

Hopefully the rust has been shaken off by everyone and FUPA will rebound nicely from this loss.

Richard Smack
Darlington Review

The co-ed team has announced that it's team name is being changed from Jay Simms to FUPA. The team name is the brainchild of Jay, and based on the group of players giggling like five year olds in the dugout while discussing the new name, it must stand for something inappropriate for print.

Richard Smack
Darlington Review

Game One:

Looking to redeem themselves after getting run ruled by Crawfordsville Outdoor the previous week, FUPA overcame the first inning 1-2-3 by the top of the order to score six runs in the second and never looked back in picking up a 16-1 victory in game one of the doubleheader against Second String. MVP of the game was probably Curt Simms who went 3 for 3 with 2 runs and 5 RBI (I'll overlook letting that line drive fall into the outfield on defense during the first inning). Overall 11 of the 12 players scored at least one run and 7 different players had an RBI as well, so it was a total team effort. Although Second String had some nice, jovial guys and girls, they were thin on talent and luck today.

Game Two:

FUPA continued the winning ways with a 6-1 victory over the GreenLawn Plus team in game two, but it wasn't a pretty hitting display. Only five players had more than two at bats, and there were five fielder's choices in this game, eliminating base runners that would have been needed against a better opponent such as Crawfordsville Outdoor. MVP of the game was Brandon Clore as he went 3 for 3 with his one run and two RBIs coming off an inside the park home run in the sixth inning. This reporter heard GreenLawn's bench coach (old guy who can barely play anymore) say right before Brandon's HR that there was too big of a gap between RF and RC, and sure enough, Brandon drove it right in the gap.

Notes from the games:

- Ashley appeared to hurt her leg during her first at bat of the first game, but played through it the best she could, EHing during the second game. Put some ice on it Stokes, FUPA needs you out there in LF next week!
- Mandy filled in admirably for Ashley in LF during game two, even stopping a line drive hit to her and making a nice cutoff throw to Brandon at short.
- During the first game, a ball was hit foul to RF past Angela, but Angela and Jay (backing her up, of course!) didn't hear everybody yelling foul, allowing the rather humorous sequence to occur of Angela overthrowing Jay standing 10 feet away, Jay scrambling to get it, and then preparing to throw it only to have an exasperated look on his face when he realized it was foul. Classic co-ed fun!
- The wind gods continue to hate on FUPA, bringing a pretty strong wind against the hitters during both games. All three games this year have been hitting into the wind, hurting Brandon's chances to hit 15 home runs over the fence. I say keep pounding it to right for some easy round trippers!
- Big thanks to Christy for filling in at third base today. She played great defense and scored four runs on the day.
- Kirk continues to be a menace to opposing players, this time breaking the glasses of St. Clare's baserunner while doubling him up off a throw from Jason Crum. I'm glad he's playing for FUPA instead of against them.
- Speaking of Crum, he lowered his ERA for the season to 4.67 with 11 innings pitched and only 2 earned runs allowed today. I don't remember many walks either.
- FUPA is now 2-1 on the season.

Richard Smack
Darlington Review

Harry Mann back this week and boy am I glad I was! Team FUPA (great name change by the way...Jay Simms was a terrible team name!) was back and better than ever. After winning two straight games last weekend, the FUPA dynasty kept rolling with a couple of close victories today at the Dtown fields. Despite another dim-witted umpire (more on that in a minute!) behind the plate, FUPA played good enough defense and good enough offense to score two more victories to improve their record to 4-1 on the season. Despite another no-show by a certain girl, Lita stepped up big time and played solid defense at third base. Despite Jay "Big Gun" Simms attempting to rip her arm off with a laser rocket throw in the second game, Lita survived that throw and made a big tag out to kill a rally the pink shirt team was attempting to make late in game 2. It wasn't a pretty defensive display today, but sometimes winners find a way to win and that is what FUPA did today. Kangaroo Clore made another appearance with a leaping grab at short to rob some guy of a line drive base hit. Ashley fought thru a leg injury to play solid left field defense, and of course Crum pitched two games today and questioned every single call and every miscue his teammates made! Angela made a solid stop in right field and flipped the ball to Big Gun...well done! Angela and Mandy did a great job playing catcher of course...Crum is lucky to have those two behind the plate! The coach of the team, Curt "Batman" Simms, was asked for his thoughts after the game: "I thought we played pretty well...I was less than impressed with Crum's fastball to Kirk's kneecap from 2 feet away, but besides that we were pretty awesome." Well said Batman. The opposing team's coaches were asked how it felt to lose to Team FUPA...here is their responses:

Coach of the losing team in the first game: "Honestly, we were just outclassed today. That team and their yellow shirts are intimidating man! Those guys and girls are champions fo sure."

Coach of the losing team in the second game: "Well, we wear pink shirts. Did you think we'd actually win?? What does Team FUPA stand for anyway?"

Good question loser 2, but that is one mystery this Oscar winning writer hasn't figured out yet. To wrap things up, this hard-hitting, world-class reporter asked the umpire for an interview after the games to clarify some reports that he was handing out un-solicited advice and moronic comments to certain players of Team FUPA. Here is that interview:

HM: The rumor is you told certain Team FUPA players they need to learn to hit and that they were grumpy. What makes you qualified to make those statements to fellow softball players?

Umpire: Well, that is a great question sir. I feel like I'm not qualified at all because on my men's league team in Cville I'm the worst player on our team! I do a great job at popping up to second base but I really provide nothing positive to my own team. So I'm thinking I'm just frustrated because I'm such a loser?

HM: Good enough. Sounds about right in this reporter's opinion. Second question...why was your throat hurting you today?

Umpire: Another great question Harry...your a real pro at this! To answer your question, my boyfriend was a little rough with me last night and...

HM: Okay then, next question! So what happened that caused you to miss that obvious tag Kangaroo Clore put on Tommy when he slid into second in game one but you called him safe? He was clearly out!

Umpire: Here's what happened...I'm dumb.

HM: Agreed! Last question...any chance of you retiring from umpiring any time soon?

Umpire: Probably not Harry. I like people paying attention to me...even when I do a terrible job. So I'm going to go ahead and keep pushing ahead...speaking of which, my boyfriend last night...

HM: Alrighty then! Thanks for your time Elton.

Until next time, have a great week and follow me on twitter @ Harry_Mann. Later!

Great job by FUPA in getting two victories today, even winning another game while scoring less than 10 runs. After going 1-4 in 5 games last year while scoring less than 10 runs, FUPA is already 2-1 in those type of games. Defense has been key for the team, making key plays when necessary.

Observations:

- Jason, apparently upset about Kirk taking his favorite parking spot, tried to get even with Kirk by firing a relay throw 50 mph to first from about 10 feet away. Kirk obviously didn't catch it, and then had to listen to Jason say "I put it in his glove" for the rest of the inning. Kirk then pimp slapped Jason and they called it even.
- Finally saw Coach Curt Simms walking around with a schedule and obtained a copy of it. In a scheduling oddity, FUPA plays Crawfordsville Outdoor three times and team Lou Cox zero times. Seriously it took me two minutes to figure that out; get it together Dick!
- Harry Mann covered the home plate umpire rather well. Also of note was the second base umpire that mysteriously showed up for the second half of game two. He couldn't keep track of the outs, twice saying the wrong number, and was clueless on what inning we were in. Are we paying these people????
- Angela scored her first real action in the outfield, stopping a fly ball hit to her in right and tossing it to Jay for the relay. What a tag team!
- Curt played out of his mind in the second game, mashing three cans of corn to the outfield and leaving approximately 10 people on base. Congratulations, that 0-3 day earns you the LVP award!
- Kevin raised his average to .500 for the year, helping to erase the .333 average through three games by hitting 4 for 5 today with 3 RBIs. I'm sure everyone has forgotten the first game of the year when you went 0-3 with two popouts to the catcher!
- Jason Crum gets the MVP award for game one, going 3 for 3 with two runs and two RBIs. He also struck out numerous batters and, other than the throw to Kirk, played good defense.
- Brandon gets the game two MVP, going 3 for 3 with two runs and four RBIs.
- 2011 Wind Crisis Update: once again the wind was blowing in on the hitters. Will we ever get a game with the wind blowing out??

Richard Smack
Darlington Review

After using three different girls at third through four games, FUPA welcomed the fourth, Leta Redman, as their new full time third baseman for the second game of their doubleheader on 8/21. She played really well on defense, tagging out runners and catching hard hit balls like it was nothing. Just showing up will make Leta a welcome addition to the team!

As you can see, an update to this site hasn't been made since the August 22nd games. Maybe it was my stint in rehab, or the difficulty in getting people to actually show up to play on Sunday, but whatever the reason I thought it would be good to wrap up the 2011 season with some final thoughts and awards based on what little I still remember from this past season.

FUPA played 11 games this year plus another one that was forfeited, producing a 7-5 record in 2011. This is the same record as last year and also the exact win-loss total projected by me in the season preview. I am not bragging too much though as I predicted a 7-5 but was hoping for more. FUPA for the year scored 110 runs (126 in 2010) and allowed 106 (98 in 2010). Hits were hard for the girls to come by this year as the girls batting average went from .374 in 2010 to .263 in 2011. The guys hit .650 in 2010 and .660 in 2011. The team average was .530 in 2010 and .471 in 2011.

What should we look forward to in 2012? "Finding a reliable ten man/woman lineup will be a focus for 2012" said Coach Batman when reached by mobile device after the forfeit in the last game of the season. "Scheduling a few more batting practices throughout the summer might help our average, too."

Here's a recap of the storylines to watch for, mentioned in the season preview, with a note on the result.

- Will I finally buy a new lawn chair with a cupholder?
Result: No, didn't happen. Maybe next year.
- Will Brandon hit more than the record 9 home runs he posted last year?
Result: No, he hit exactly the same number, 9.
- Will the team be able to consistently score more than 10 runs a game?
Result: Not really. In 2010 five of the eleven games played had the team scoring more than ten runs; in 2011 six of eleven had ten or more.
- Which girls will fill the two outfield positions?
Result: Ashley played well when she showed up for the first half of the season. The rest of the year was a mix between Christy, Mandy, Angela, and anyone else I'm forgetting!
- Will the team have a schedule before the end of September?
Result: Hahahaha NO

On to the awards:

MVP: Brandon Clore, SS
- .757 avg (1st on team)
- 19 runs (T-1st)
- 28 hits (1st)
- 9 hrs (1st)
- 34 rbi (1st)
- .784 obp (2nd)
- 1.676 slug (1st)

Gold Glove: Brandon Clore
- No defensive statistics were kept, but Brandon turned quite a few double plays and had numerous diving stops. Kevin also did a nice job showing how important a good shortstop is.

Coach of the Year: Curt Simms
- Big thanks to Jay and Kirk for helping round up fill-in players.

Fill-Ins of the Year: Tommy and Christy
- Christy ended up playing in five games this year while Tommy played in two. Without Christy FUPA would have had even bigger defensive holes to fill!

Looking forward to 2012!

Richard Smack
Darlington Review